Friday, April 09, 2010

The Morning Skate for Friday, April 9th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of being a fan of an actual hockey team...
  • Look, we've run out of expletives. If our rant yesterday didn't work and a naked Marisa Miller didn't work, we don't know what to do anymore. When the headline of the 5-2 loss to the Canes includes the word "rout" and not in a good way, well, uh, we're speechless this morning;
  • We're sure other shit happened yesterday, right now we can't process it.


Kmaxx said...


orangeman said...

Not to defend these losers, but I think 'rout' is a bit much. Wasn't it a one goal game till the last 2 minutes? I mean, it's semantics, but I hate it when I read the review of a hockey game and it's presented totally unrealistically.

orangeman said...

Having said that, fuck these fucktards (I haven't run out of expletives). I hope the Rangers win in OT tonight. If the Habs lose on Saturday to the worst team in the East then they don't deserve to make the playoffs (not that they do even if they win). If they can't scratch together 3 fucking points in their last 3 fucking games against 3 non-playoff teams in the last week then fuck 'em. Habs have had the easiest last 2 weeks of the season and they haven't been able to do anthing with it. I actually do believe they can beat the Caps and the Sabres, but knowing them they'll screw it up and face Brodeur, if anyone at all.

I'd rather lose all the games with Moore and Darche than scrape in with Gio, Squid and the Mexican at this point.

matt - fuck this team said...

Does Jacques really have a 4 year contract? How about Gauthier? How many years left on him? Please tell me he will be dropped after the collapse in complete. He has been helping put this complete sham of a team together for far too long, in many ways he is more to blame than Martin. Anyway, both need to go along with the entire scouting staff.

Howard said...

I hope they lose and the Molsons' will be forced to sack the evil Count Chokula. Talk about a stiff! Is it too much to ask to have your players ready to play the most important two games of the season? If they would've pressured those moops playing D for Carolina we wouldn't be having this discussion. They play the passive Chokulian system and lo and behold we're 0-2. They come out like it's skating with the fans day. I hope the weather is nice for golfing on Monday. Do I sound negative? Hell yes!!!

wv Send Count Chokula back to crika where he came from!

habsss said...

I wasted 170$ and 13 hours of my life driving to and watching that shit happen. Of the 5 times Ive seen the Habs play live not once have they won. They're going to have to win a cup for me to fucking show up again.

orangeman: They were absolutely terrible all night long even if they were only behind a goal most of the time.

Chester said...

I am sick of Jacques Martin hockey. He reminds me of Yoda without the power of The Force.

We are all going to die.

matt - ftc said...

Miss the playoffs and tank, tank, tank next year...complete front office overhaul, and start rebuilding. Come on Molsons, no way you paid $600M to watch this shit.

L Dude said...

So many expletives, so little space to fit them in. So how about just one great big FUCK!

I feel for ya habsss. I felt ripped off just watching on TV. Can't imagine going through that expense for that poor excuse of a hockey game.

I mostly don't understand how a team can play with no apparent passion at this point of the season, while needing ONE FUCKING POINT to get in the playoffs.

I'm not jumping off the bandwagon, but I won't be surprised or even disappointed (much) if all the stars align and they miss the playoffs. Like somebody said before, just to watch 4 more games like that? What's the point?

matt - ftc said...

Just want to thank Bob again for the fantastic job he did. So happy that we get to see the remnants of his legacy for years to come!

Kmaxx said...

I just have one small thing to add here...last night, there was a very fleeting moment when two Habs crossed the Canes Blueline. One passed to another. That one (MAB) shot the fuckin' puck ON THE NET and whaddya know - they scored a fuckin' goal. The rest of the night they would cross the blueline, fire the pu7ck into the corner and then go fuck around for 10 minutes and produced exactly fuck all. In a game like that, to produce less than 10 shots a period is a complete embarassment. We do not deserve to be in the playoffs and we must get rid of Martin and start over. Wait until next year...OMG! I'm sounding like a Laffs fan - someone shoot me now!

matt - ftc said...

The once beloved Candiens organization. This truly is a 'franchise' of the original version. This is the Gas Station Tim Horton's Express, or the Calvin Klein sweater on sale at Wal-Mart, or the Wolfgang Puck Frozen Pizza available at PriceChopper.

I know, 30 team league now, harder to compete, etc. The point is that over the last decade this 'franchise' version of the Canadiens has lost a lot of the dignity, class (see fans booing the US anthem) and respect that it once had.

L Dude said...

After the game, McSplooge was interviewing McBain, who was overheard saying "Let my muscles hug you."

the Maritimer said...

I feel for you. Many times this season I have contemplated driving up to Montreal to take in a game. However, everytime I see a shit performance like that, I save myself 10 hours of driving (one way) and hundreds of dollars.
You are correct, this proud franchise has indeed fallen on it's face in the last decade if not longer. No amount of centennial celebrations or rolling out the old time heroes can cover up the stench that has been hovering over this team.

If the god-awful 29th place maple lumps boot the Habs sorry arses out of the playoffs this Saturday, consider it a mercy killing.

WV = lately the Habs make me sick to my stermic.

matt - ftc said...

It could be argued that the Habs have less going for them than any other team in the league (expect for maybe Calgary). Maybe one solid prospect...old, mediocre to leaning on the shitty side (Spacek)players signed to expensive multi-year untradeable contracts...already paying a coach they fired, they signed another run-of-the-mill coach to a long-term deal that everyone wants to get rid of after one year...The GM resigns after signing overpaid stiffs, a useless coach and appoints his spitting image as his replacement...they are not bad enough to get a high draft pick, or good enough to win 2 games of a playoff series...they are not getting better, they are going to get worse over the next 3-4 years but probably not enough to start bringing in young guys that we can get excited about. This team is stagnant...plain and simple

matt - ftc said...

What a sorry bunch of chokers. If this team had even a shade of the 'character' that Gainey was trying to manufacture when he put this team together, this wouldn't be happening.

lawyergirl77 said...

Okay, that's fucking it. I can't take the whining anymore.

I'm as depressed as the next hockey obsessed chick, but it's not a question of the PLAYERS lacking character as a whole.

When an entire team sucks the bag and is incapable of getting their poop in a group, it's not the players it's the fucking "system".

It's the lack of defined leadership by not having named a captain.

It's the antiquated fucking defensive system that is sucking the life (and scoring touch) out of our formerly creative and fast forwards. Don't believe me? Did you see how Squid almost shattered his stick into a zillion pieces last night after Ward made a save on a beautiful shot. Don't tell me he doesn't give a shit.

It's the shite way that we are clutching our sticks so tightly that the pucks go bouncing off our sticks when we try to take passes... when then leads to bounces for the other teams.

It's the Vengeful Midget/Retribution bullshit that Martin pulls on players who don't do every little thing exactly the way he wants (this was Carbo's downfall).

LET THEM FUCKING SKATE, JACQUES. Open the taps for the last game, our forwards may surprise you by putting the puck in the net WITH THEIR SKILLS as opposed to following some kind of fucked up Kindergarten Checkers Xs-and-Os you're having them follow.

The men themselves are not chokers, with a few exceptions. I'll let you fill in the names but they are NOT: Gio, Metro, Moen, Moore, Pyatt, Darche (when he gets to play), Squid, Pleky, Halak, and Gorges.

So please, for the love of God, stop whining and kvetching about how gutless/toothless/crotchless this team is. You're starting to sound like the morons up in the nosebleeds.

When a team is collectively in the shitter, there is only one person to blame. And that little Troll with the Dumbo Ears had better fucking stand up and explain his sorry ass when the season is done.

The biggest problem with this? Since Lemaire, this is the Habs' system - defence first, offence second.

If Lindy Ruff can go to coaching school in the off-season and learn that offence wins games (as opposed to relying on defence not to lose them), then why the fuck can't you, JACQUES?

I will be at the game on Saturday, in spite of my better judgment. Throw your fucking system out and let the lads play, Jacques. That is your only hope at this point you stupid old fart.

lawyergirl77 said...

^^ Sorry that's so long, guys. Been a while since I've gotten my rant on like that.

Moey said...


Awesome and Amen. We've seen them play some good games when they open it up offensively. These guys are small and speedy, the system should be designed to capitalize on that. Get with the program Jacques.

Anonymous said...

bravo, LG - i agree with your roster of players actually demonstrating heart and work ethic.

this all can and should be dumped wholly on Chocula's weak shoulders. Fuck this "system"

lawyergirl77 said...

(Might as well comment about everything seeing as my concentration at work is well and truly shot)

Orangeman - I totally agree with you. It wasn't a "rout" last night. WTF is it with web copy editors who look at the final score of a sports game and make up what happened instead of, you know, doing some actual reporting?

Jumping to conclusions and making bullshit sweeping generalizations should remain on blogs, where it belongs. *cough*

lawyergirl77 said...

Many thanks Moey and Anon. Always good to know I'm not ranting into the void...

moeman said...

I love lg77.

Bill 101 said...


I love koolaid. We'll take the Caps in six.

But The King didn't work. How about Beatles on Saturday?


matt - ftc said...

Agreed that the coach is beyond brutal, but the Habs have gone through at least 5 coaches in the last 10 years, and pretty much every one of them had the same results...battling for 8th.

Of course, Moen, Pyatt, Moore are trying but their effort still doesn't bring enough results.
I am not sold on Pleks not being a choker (remember the 'playing like a little girl' comments in the series against Boston). Squid I have more hope for, and Gio but I wish there was a 90 point a season stud (yes I know these are rare, but in over a decade we haven't seen one) on this team getting paid the kind of money these guys are getting, particularly Gomez.

lawyergirl77 said...

@moe - feelin' is entirely mutual, hon! :)

@matt - because we keep hiring coaches who worship at the defence shrine, fuck up our players/prospects and then flame out of town when the crowd starts bringing pitchforks and torches to the Bell Centre.

The efinition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result... Yes, defence and crazy good goaltending got our last two Cups. But the NHL has evolved since then... Sadly, our coaching philosophies when it comes to new hires have not.

And I don't loathe Gomez. He should never have gotten that kind of a contract, but I'm not holding that against him. What was he supposed to do, refuse?

L Dude said...


My fuck. The make-be-leaf fans are walking around here as if they've just made the finals and tomorrow night is Game 7. It's so sad and pathetic that I don't bother putting up a fight or defend the Habs. Hopefully they will do that all by themselves on the ice tomorrow night.

moeman, maybe a little Billy Talent - Fallen Leaves for tomorrow?

moeman said...

B101, not a big Beatles fan but their lyrics are so good that I should be able to knock one off.

Last game before the playoffs contest.

Pick the parody;

1. A Hard Day's Night
2. Can't Buy Me Love
3. Come Together
4. Eight Days a Week
5. Good Day Sunshine
6. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
7. Taxman
8. When I'm Sixty-Four
9. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
10. With a Little Help from My Friends

WV = frign

RiRi said...

I agree with everything you said, LG.

When you look at the players on the team, you think small, fast and skilled forwards. That is the last thing we actually see in a game except in small flashes.

For an alleged defensive system, they sure give up the blue-line easily and give up so many odd-man rushes... It's ridiculous. I don't know if it's the language thing, but why the fuck would Gainey hire JM? His system is too antiquated to work post-lockout.

Look at what Guy Boucher has done in Hamilton. They are by far a super-talented bunch but he makes it work by preaching one thing: ATTACK, ATTACK AND ATTACK SOME MORE, yet they still give up very few goals.

Also, Boone's About Last Night was pretty much spot on too.

P.S. Anyone hear Lats' bullshit comments? Fuck you, Gui, you classless fucktard.

Howard said...

@moeman Tough to choose, I'd have to go with Hard Days Night, a Ringoism.

Anonymous said...

I was with Lawyergirl at this shitty diner once in Orillia and she like stabs the waiter with a butter knife cause the coffee was cold OK fair enough then she went out and pissed all over this guys car like squatting on the hood of this Chevy Malibu. Bouncing up and down in the parking lot on the hood. Pissing.
I don’t know why she did that but it was wicked.
She had big hair then sort of that flash dance look but with more education. Anyway. Really fucking tasty and smart too.
Whatever Lawyergirl did all that shit cause the Habs lost to like Winnipeg or something so watch out for you Malibu.

HabsFan29 said...

Even the worst day can be brightened up with an appearance by JeffHK

moe i vote Come Together. for irony's sake

L Dude said...

Halak would probably prefer
With Help From my Little Friends

kevincrumbs said...

@moeman: I vote for "While My Guitar Gently Weeps". Should be easy to parody as there's plenty of weeping in Habsland during this past week.

I joined the "Fire Jacques Martin" group on Facebook last night. Amazed that there's only 33 people on it.!/group.php?gid=288644210507&ref=mf

kevincrumbs said...

Anyone else think it's odd that both La Presse and the scabby Le Journal ran "Le CH joue avec le feu" today?

Anonymous said...

Fire JM...even if they lose on Sat and back in, they should fire him b4 the playoffs start and let Muller take over.

RiRi said...

"Jacques Martin" was trending on Twitter last night.

b said...

LG -
Let me join with an Amicus brief.
You nailed it!

Carbo's still under contract.
Carbo will be in training camp next year.
Count Chocula will be scouting Ungava where a former Hab who didn't play junior and who has a master's degree in aeronautical engineering is developing prospects. Juneau will teach Chocula about how you "teach them to fly." cf. Hans speaking to that lawyer coach in Mighty Ducks. If Count Chocula refuses to learn he will be forced to face the wall of an igloo and stick handle until 1) spring or 2) He gets boarded by a Polar Bear, or maybe a Seal.

soperman said...

I wish that I liked baseball or something other than hockey.....

Who am I kidding? Baseball is a Fucktard sport. It's not even a sport, but a "pastime". Like watching TV.

Down to one game against the Leafs. Auuugh!

RiRi said...

Doesn't anyone find it strange that whenever JM calls a timeout, he lets Muller do all the talking/motivating on the bench while he just stands back and squints?

GoldenGirl11 said...

Way to go LG!

What I don't understand is why bob signed speedy forwards and then a defensive minded coach. The ying and yang is all off. I can't imagine JM giving an inspirational speech either. He looks like he's having trouble breathing half the time and can't even concentrate on the game. Almost like he's thinking "is the game almost over because I need to get to a hospital". LG said it. They have the heart but the system is killing them.

Beatles were the greatest. How about Fixing A Five Hole or The End.

Anonymous said...

Almost everyone in the hockey world laughed at the Habs when JM was appears the hockey world was right. What was Gainey thinking?

GoldenGirl11 said...

I want what you're on.

FireGainey said...

@ matt - ftc

"Just want to thank Bob again for the fantastic job he did. So happy that we get to see the remnants of his legacy for years to come!"


Finally, we have another realist.

However Matt, be careful when saying anything negative about Bob Gainey on this forum. Unfortunately there are a lot of people who seem to care more about Bob Gainey’s past than with the mess he’s left this franchise in for years to come.

Eat shit Bob.

GoldenGirl11 said...

shouldn't you change your name to FireGaurhier? Or HireFireGainey?

FireGauthier_FuckGainey said...


Edfoot McKrunchy said...

Maybe JM's too busy thinking about having a Tiger run 'o' chicks. I hear that people with poor defensive planning are like that.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Now you need to work on your anger management. Time to let go and love again.

matt - ftc said...

Definitely Gauthier needs to go, along with JM and Timmins.

FireGauthier_FuckGainey said...

@ matt- ftc



My anger will dissipate once they fire the circus animals that are running this franchise.

b said...

I just did some checking. Is it true that Gui and Pouliot are both restricted free agents on July 1?

Gui is also capable of doing what the urologist did last night.

Funny what happens when you make a transversal pass and you are attacking with speed instead of looking at the boards and playing stop and pivot. The origin of the stop and pivot systme is ... those rod operated hockey games with the spinning players. I bet Count Chocula was really good. I bet he also wasn't a really good skater so they made him a goalie. Another interesting tidbit- it seems the players most desired at one point were the stars of a certain National Junior Team. It seems to me that a good scouting staff finds guys out in the woods, not in a select camp. In a select camp pretty much everybody can see what got selected. You can also almost guarantee that unless its a goaltender the players in the select camp are not from Québec and don't speak French. There have to be some players that got missed. What if somebody ran a show like that one Mike Keenan did, but this time for guys in the LNAH. There are some guys who go undrafted who have potential. There is a certain Alexandre Burrows, and Yannick Riendeau has climbed up to Providence from the ECHL, if only he learns how to skate.

GoldenGirl11 said...

and you'll be happy with the new crew? Really. Really? (my face is all scrunched up and I'm speaking in a really high pitched whine. I suspect you'll change your name
again within a few months of new management. Why not mix it up and be FireLafleur. His contract is up this year.

L Dude said...

Yep. Clean house. Worked last year.

Stevie Y for GM.
Pat Roy for coach.

Gomez, Price and the itty bitty titty committee (that's the collective name of Andrei and Sergei) to the Flames for Iginla and Kipper. That's just the start.

Oh, wait, maybe we should wait until the Habs are out of the playoffs before re-orging the team.

lawyergirl77 said...

@Fire: Not just Gainey. He fucked up, large, but it's a legacy of suck that has been going for some time now.

Honestly - it's the franchise's culture that has to chance. They're so fucking conservative it kills me. They keep hiring conservative, defensive coaches, GMs etc. etc.

It's not all BG's fault - he/his hiring/his choices were absolutely a part of the problem but are NOWHERE NEAR the source.

I won't touch your flame bait about "commenting around here" only to say that I'm very sorry that you feel the need to engage in something you find so distasteful.

lawyergirl77 said...

@JHK - that was one fucking AWESOME night. Did you destroy the evidence? I kept a piece of rubber from the tires we slashed for old time's sake. Can't bear to part with that last remnant of you.

lawyergirl77 said...

@Moe - I pick "Come Together" too. If only because I think it would make for a great parody. Ob-la-di would be my second pick.

lawyergirl77 said...

Many thanks to LDude, RiRi, b, and GG11 for the kind words.

But @b - I'm not sure Carbo's the answer. I want Guy Boucher, now, dammit!

kevincrumbs said...

In regards to Guy Boucher, I think it's better for him to stay in Hamilton awhile, lest we fuck him his development in the same way we fuck up our young players' development.

People who think JM is going to be fired over the weekend or during the summer can dream on. Sadly, the earlier I see it happening is if the team starts off next season poorly.

Prove me wrong, Geoff Molson, prove me wrong.

(Also, if we get to 100 comments in a TMS post, I think we deserve 40s to help dull the pain of this shitty team. Fuck ice cream.)

FireGauthier_FuckGainey said...


Your ignorance baffles me.

I want change. And as a fan I expect change. I would rather watch our team suffer defeat with positive direction in mind than support the regression of over paid mediocrity.

As for your FireLafleur comment, he has not managed or coached our team in to disarray. Instead, he has been publicly critical of everything that is wrong with this franchise. So with the exception of being charged with obstruction of justice for helping his son break curfew to bang his underage girlfriend, id say he’s awesome in my books.


L Dude said...

I'm just wondering if we aren't adding to the Habs' curse by displaying the four silver penis heads on the FHF banner. Olympics are well passed. Those dildos are Olympic related, no?

Remember that night in December that was really awesome with the celebration with all the old timers. You remember? The 'C' word. Don't say it out loud or type it. It cursed us for far too long also. Anyway, that was a magical night. Didn't Squid get a hat trick that night? Anyway, I'm thinking maybe we should put the original owners of those four sweaters in the banner. It worked having them in the building on that night in December.

lawyergirl77 said...

KC - a sure sign that the "playoffs" may (or may not) be approaching? 100+ comments in a TMS thread. :)

And I know you're right about Boucher, but I really don't want you to be right.

FireGauthier_FuckGainey said...


It is not the forum I find distasteful, it is the pathetic optimism of some of our fellow Habs fans that bothers me.

An overhaul of 'the franchise's culture' would be welcomed with 12 pints of Ex and a tray full of Steamies.

FireGauthier_FuckGainey said...


Your ignorance baffles me.

I want change. And as a fan I expect change. I would rather watch our team suffer defeat with positive direction in mind than support the regression of over paid mediocrity.

As for your FireLafleur comment, he has not managed or coached our team in to disarray. Instead, he has been publicly critical of everything that is wrong with this franchise. So with the exception of being charged with obstruction of justice for helping his son break curfew to bang his underage girlfriend, id say he’s awesome in my books.


lawyergirl77 said...

@Fire - Takes all kinds. But, I'm puzzled - since when is this the bastion of blind optimism?

In any event, I fail to see the point on pissing on someone (or a group of someones, for that matter) for being optimistic. Why does it bother you - let them live in a bubble, if they so choose. They don't want/need your enlightenment. That kind of behaviour reminds me of people who have such crazy self-esteem issues that they have to insult/harangue/denigrate others in order to make themselves feel better, but I digress...

You're on for the steamies and beer if this organization's culture ever changes, but they're making money. Oodles of it. Why bother changing?

Frankly, the Habs' managment is no different than certain law firms around the city - making comments about welcoming women (or in the Habs' case, new management/coach/owners/players) into the profession, but refusing to change the little things that make change impossible. And so the cycle continues.

lawyergirl77 said...

Oh, and @Fire - you would absolutely live to regret calling my friend GG11 ignorant one more time.

Calling people ignorant does nothing to either rally people to your side or to elevate the discourse around here.

Cease and desist, please and thank you!

JT UTAH said...

Et vlan dans les dents.

Remembering April 7, 2007.

You know, when Halak was on a hot streak but Huet was the starter after an injury.

Hope Martin doesn't put Mister Price for this one

lawyergirl77 said...

@JT UTAH - that's part of my "Jesus Fuck, it's 2007 all over again" fear.

I have no desire for that day to become my own personal Groundhog Day.

GoldenGirl11 said...

it must really baffle you! I didn't say that this management has done anything that great but it goes way back well before Bob. He was hired to fix things not continue any current success. And his five year plan almost worked. Remember carbo, coach of the year nominee? Conference finalist? Tell me you were bob bashing then? No flag on your car? Drive for 25? Something happened last year that sunk the ship. Bob stuck around to finish a job he started but he knew after he fired carbo that he was leaving when his contract was up. Or maybe I'm just ignorant.

matt - ftc said...

Definitely that conference championship was a pleasant surprise, even to Bob I am sure. Especially when the D included Breezer.
The trading of Huet at the deadline was definitely a head scratcher though.

I guess his name (he had won a cup as a GM, former Hab great, in Bob we trust mantra, etc) helped sell more hope when he was hired...especially after the complete and utter buffoons before him. Therefore more ticket sales, renewed interest, media coverage, etc.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Btw, this whole problem began when they traded Leclaire and then captain after captain after captain. Muller, damphousse, Kean... Racicot backing up Roy, backing up Tremblay instead of Patrick. This franchise starting their downfall in '95. Bob was still in Dallas at the time.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Bob had success and he had a name in Montreal and he spoke French and everyone was waiting for him to come home. If he had taken a job as GM somewhere else - like Dryden did in Toronto - we would been furious. As a female it's very tough to separate Bob's personal life from his job, though, and so for what he gave to the Habs overall I could never bash him. I still think he was on track to do more than some of his predecessors but life got in the way. That said I think they should blow up the Bell Centre, move back to the Forum and get back to their roots of being a high scoring, exciting team. Enough with this defensive crap.

David Wilkie's Ghost said...

Hear Hear! They're supposed to be the Flying Frenchmen, not the Plodding Minnesotans. This problem dates back to Bob Berry, who seems to have left a legacy of turning junior scoring stars into disgruntled third-liners.

That said, I wouldn't mind a stifling defensive system if it actually resulted in the team giving up fewer than 40 shots per game or being able to hold a third period lead.