Tuesday, April 27, 2010

WHO SHAKING NOW OLIVECHKIN!!! Game 6 Review: Habs 4 - Caps 1


Helo to everyonebady! It's me again, Jaro. I so hapy to see you again, but for now, I want to talke to my gret and very nice friend, Alexendre Olivechkin.

Alex, last week, after my Cenedien teem play game number 2 and lose, I was taking spa in lacker room with bubles and eulicalitucus oil for good smell to water and I watch jurnalist media press conference that Olivechkin say to media journal peeple. And Alex, he talke about me!!! Si I listen to it on iphone with my slinbbox pleyer on iphone that help me to control my digital rsvpr box at home and watch my tv on my iphone and sell more itunas. Itunas is gret beesiness.

So I pleying with my bubles and I hear Olivechkin sey. "Ya, I see Jaro and he drink water after gols we scrore to behind his net and his hand was shaking, so we think Jaro is very scare".

Olivechkin. I have this to sey to you, my friend.

There is nathing cooler than shake. Its all about the to shake.

My favorit music is the shakedancing from when we were litel children in Bratislava. My mather would tell to us, "hey kids, go make maney on the streets for to us and dance for femily!" So we bot a gret record by Herbi Handcock. My brather think this was audio tutorial for learn to mastourb but he put record on pleyer and we here this fentestic shake dance beets! We make such good shake dence and meke gret many that summer of 84 in Bratislava! Oh, Handcock!

Of course the shake music is so good. Olivechkin that you have to be looser to not love the best song in world today, with gret inspiration words: "My milkshake bring the boys to yard and the boys like they better than your and the boys like they beter then yours, my milkshake it bring the girls to..." Oh, milkshake song! Best song to sing at karayokidoki while I pley my sakudoku. Even gret Peter Gabriel have Shaking the Tree. Thank gad I buy tickets for thursday concert in Mentreal and not tomorrow becase then I cant play game 7! Ouf! So lacky!

But gret shaking not end there, Mr. Olivechkin. There is more to shake, you fat mammal.

Gret shaking movies, like most smart and teling movie in a post-war era involoving countries that tear by difficult conflict that doucimates the econamic leyer of these fragile societies. Yes, Shake Hands with the Devil, the Martoun Bradeur and Romeo and Juliette Dallaire stori is good to make me cry all the time i watch everytime.

But no, Mr. Mister so taf and macho Olivechkin, you no show your teers becase you so man.

Shaking is the best. Even peeple that shake sametime are gret peeple like my amazing frend Andrei Kastoutsin who sametime shake in the bum becase of his poopilepsie. We go out for drinks with his brather Sergei and the friend Pasquale and Andrei tell me "Oh, no Jaro, my but hurt so mach I have to go to toilet!" And he run to toilet and me and Sergei and Don Pasquale (he want me to call him Don, but he name not Donald!!! So funy!! Ok ok Don, call me Bob Jaro - Bob Jaro and Don Pasquale friends for the life!!!). So, ya, Andrei run to toilet for bum poop, so I sey to the boys, look Andrei and his poopilepsie again! And we all laf hard and Sergei give Don Pasquale litel envelope wth Cenedien logo on it and number of his bank acount.

Shaking make love amazing fentestic Alex. But you not know this.

My blond byeautiful girlfrend who sey bye to Cari during Oulympics tel me to be in bed with her becase she love when I make bed shake so mach. She sey Cari never make bed shake like this, only Jaro do this. My girlfriend sey that one time, Cari try to fool her becase she was upset bed dont shake enough and Cari took her to motel and he said bed would shake and he asked her to close eyes and so she only close one and she see Cari put coin in machine next to bed. Cari only know to make machine robot shake love!!! Me Jaro, my bed shake man made love shake!

You know wat I eat yesterdey before game Alex when I make 32 saves on you? I eat chicken, shake and bake chicken. You know what my favorite temprature is Alex Olivechkin? Earthquake temprature. I want to build my house on san andrea fault, but I sad for san andreas becase poor san andreas, its not his fault! I speek to Mike Richter about this, but he hang up on my face.

Alex Olivechkin, hear me now. I can tell you all this but it not matter. The most important shake in my life will happen in 36 hours, when I shake your hand at centre ice. You will see how my hand shake then. Too bad for your game yesterdey. Try to shake it off.

32 comments:

RiRi said...

DEAD.

BEST JARO POST EVER.


wv: propsti to HF4!

HabsFan29 said...

I can't type because my hand is shaking with laughter

Tyg said...

I can't get enough of these posts!

poopilepsie? Genius!

OMG I'm dying! I'm dying!

J.T. said...

Jaro! What's shakin'?

I hev big love for you!

nu said...

Squee. (Stay on that acid, Jaro...shake shake shake. And what a long strange trip it's been from the beginning of these to now.)

No Jaro is a Burgeoning Cult Hero?

ps: czech the date on the gut feeling...

Bill 101 said...

@4 Bravo!!

but no mention of grate seenger Neil Young? shucks - I mean...

Anonymous said...

You so fanny, me laugh long time, babee.

Going Habs, Going!

lawyergirl77 said...

OMG - MY DAY IS COMPLETE!! A JARO POST!!!

moeman said...

CHocolate milk out the nose fanny!

moeman said...

Sweet handshakin' GG!

habsss said...

"you fat mammal"

love it

Kmaxx said...

I really have missed the Jaro posts. Outstanding effort - as Usual. Thank you 4 - you have made my evening!

Habsfan10 said...

Moeman needs to do a Jaro/Beatles song.

Heppy Heppy Shake.

"Shake eet to da laff, shake eet til you write, Jaro do da heppy shake shake with all of da night ..."

kazmmmooooo!!!!!! said...

Shaking with laughter here. And then I go and read Sonia's prediction from the last post ("Lapierre will get called for diving as he stretches in the pre-game warmup.") and I just about lost all bodily functions...

Bill 101 said...

@10

you men Dev Clark 5 mebbe?

moeman said...

Happy Heppy CHake

For goodness sake,
Jaro's got da happy heppy CHake.
OV's a fucking snake,
Oh the happy heppy CHake.

Oo Halak can kep still
With da happy heppy CHake.
Humpty Dumpty get his fill
With that happy heppy CHake.
Oo Caps crybabies,
Suck on da happy heppy CHake.

Well now Jaro CHake it to da laft,
Jaro CHake it all night.
Do the heppy CHake CHake
With all your Habs might.
4 you CHake.
GG you CHake.
Oo just add and stir,
CHoco in the heppy milkCHake.

Well Squid CHaked two into the net,
Laps CHaked to put it out of sight.
PFK did the heppy CHake CHake
With all of his rookie might.
And WE CHake.
Yes WE CHake.
Oo FHFers.
Do the happy heppy CHake.
Pants! the happy heppy CHake.
Yeah the happy heppy CHake.
Oh Yeah!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Best song to sing at karayokidoki while I pley my sakudoku
it was worth winning game 6 for that

Habsfan10 said...

@moeman:

Now that is service! Awesome.

@ bill 101: Always thought it was a Beatles song since I heard them do it first. Either way, I'm now hearing Jaro sing and it's hilarious.

Bill 101 said...

@10

pleez forgive - today Jaro makes brain excited - and not quite right.

Robbie said...

A Classic 4. ''eulicalitucus oil'' to fucking funny. This was brilliant.

kevincrumbs said...

Jaro getting a bit cocky, eh?

+100 cocktails to HF4. Uh, I mean Jaro. Yeah.

Baroque said...

Wonderful. It's been too long since the last Jaro post. :)

bea.habs.fan said...

I hope Jaro can tell where in ituna I can find his favorite songs by handcock and the heppy shake song.

WV betweem chocolate milk and fideened, Jaro gets a full compliment of non-steroidal supplements (unlike Caps)

Anonymous said...

Again showing why Habs fans are the best on earth!!!!

Habs fans are the greatest

kevincrumbs said...

@Anon: The funniest part was all the people to the left of the girl completely ignoring what was going on.

Number31 said...

Shake it!

Number31 said...

And in addition to that, THROW THE SNAKE! C'mon Yotes. Do something with your lives before they ship your asses back to Winnipeg. (Trade you MAB for Schneider? Please?)

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Oh my God...TEARS! Tears I tell ya!

"Poopilepsie". Holy shit, I am going to be DAYS getting over that one.

Go Pants!

ezzeloharr said...

That was amazing, HF4. Thank you so mach.

nu said...

This damn song has now been in my head since yesterday.

"Everybody, get on the rink...let's dance."

"You can, you can do it very well...you're the best, in the world, I can tell..."

wv: ingbande. Jaro may or may not need an ingbande to back him up...

Anonymous said...

Way to go son! This was simply BRILLIANT!!!

HockeyBroad said...

Those were beautiful handshakes indeed. Great game, Habs - do it again to the Pens!