Friday, April 30, 2010

Little People Can Do Big Things Like Bullet Point Previews When Timing is of the Essence (Thanks, NBC and Point Park University Commencement)

So the original title of the preview was "Little People can do big things, but they're on a deadline because of the stupid schedule and the Igloo's dumbass decision to rent the rink to some fourth-rate Pittsburgh trade school for their graduation while their defending Cup champs/main tenants are defending their title so it's all bullet points and quick thoughts preview," but that was just a wee bit too long for Blogger. But the point is made, we had no time to think thanks to the schedule. Hey, bullet points are quick! Let's do bullet points! Herewith, our team effort series preview, all thanks to Point Park University. Fuck them and their convocation Saturday and their most famous alumnus, that used-to-be-funny-now-right-wing-asshole Dennis Miller.

The Goalies bullets by Panger:
  • Halak needs to channel the ghosts of Vezina and Hainsworth and Durnan and Worsley and Plante and Dryden and Roy for the Habs to have a chance. He could steal a couple - but 4 is asking a lot.
  • JM better not give another start to the Fat Whale, even if Halak gives up 5 and gets the hook 2 minutes into the first. Even if Halak's appendix bursts. Even in the event Jaro needs a limb amputated. Should he actually pass out on the ice due to sheer exhaustion, JM better strap him to the posts a la Milhouse.
  • Fleury, like Theodore before him, just needs not to self destruct. Like if he went back to those hideous yellow pads.

The Defense bullets by HF29:
  • Hal Gill;
  • Hal Gill;
  • Hal Gill;
  • Did we mention Hal Gill? Talk about a story. Not re-signed after winning the Cup with the Pens last year. Played like a MONSTER the whole Caps series, blocking every shot he could see and basically being 1.5 players on the PK;
  • Along with his partner Josh Gorges, USS Gill helped shut down the Caps offense. Can they do the same to Sid, Malkin, et al? Won't be easy. Sid plays a much grittier game than Ovie, down low and against the boards and behind the net, always a bull with the puck. You can't just get in front of him as he comes down the wing and block his shots like they did with Ovie;
  • Is something wrong with Markov? Played a lot of minutes against the Caps but didn't really dominate in any way. We would love to see a return of the Markov we saw just after he came back from the injury;
  • Habs D wildcards: PFK, The Urologist, and Jaro 2.0's mysterious infection of death;
  • The Pens D is not the Caps D. They can't be as easily exploited. Gonchar is not as bad a defensive liability as Mike Green was. Like Gonchar, Goligoski and Letang also get points;
  • Then they have some shutdown D your average joe sports fan never heard of - Eaton, McKee and Orpik. All of them were positive +/- against the Sens;
  • I'm out of D bullets. What am I, a hockey expert?

The Forwards bullets by HF10:
  • Someone needs Andrei to spread the goals out a little. Three in a seven game series good; all three in one game less helpful.
  • Chicken sure can skate better than Gui. He got replaced by Travis Moen on the top line. Enough said.
  • Giant! Mexican! MoeMan! Played some inspired hockey versus Ovie. The ante just got upped.
  • JagrPleks was fairly quiet after Game 1's heroics, wasn't he? But Cammy is full value right now, getting goals early and often.
  • Habs got fantastic work from the ditch-diggers. Mad Max is ready to re-annoy Sid. Dominic Moore scored that goal. I wouldn't trade throw-in Tommy Pyatt for Chris Higgins straight-up right now. Metro needs to get back to full-strength but he's almost there.
  • Jaro's crease just got more crowded, because unlike the Caps, Pens are coming full speed towards the blue paint. Jordan Staal, Bill Guerin, Max Talbot, Chris Kunitz, Pascal Dupuis and Tyler Kennedy won't have any issue with getting ugly goals.
  • Matt Cooke: Still a cheapshotting ass.
  • Here's hoping Malkin stays asleep. Deadline addition of Alex Ponikarovsky didn't help as much as the Pens hoped. Ruslan Fedetenko always seems to score one back-breaking playoff goal.
  • Looming over everything is the FACE OF THE LEAGUE (Bettman's fantasy) himself. With Malkin sleepwalking most of the year, Crosby has single-handedly dragged this team whereever it needs to go. 14 points in the first round. 14. 51 goals in the regular season. An Olympic gold. Impossible to knock off the puck down low. Not too get too McSploogy, but Sid the Kid is a hockey-playing terminator right now and far and away the best player on the planet (in my opinion.) Fun fact: He has 25 career points in 18 games versus his childhood favourites. He's 22 fucking years old. We could be writing this paragraph for another 15 years.

Some closing random bullets:
  • Game tonight is at 7 PM, on the See Bee See. We're getting Bob Cole according to Stubbs. Great, now I'll be slitting my wrists watching Benny Brunet;
  • Pens won 3 of 4 from the Habs this year. Meh. But it's a whole new season!
  • Here's The Pensblog's excellent take on the Habs and the series. Honest and accurate (and funny as always). What's wrong with them today? We expected way more hating;
  • Chris Lee is one of the refs tonight. Fuck Chris Lee and Fuck the NHL. Seriously, Fuck;
  • Fleury, Talbot, Dupuis, Letang are all "playing in front of friends and family" as they say. That smells trouble;
  • Special teams are important;
  • When you start writing ridiculous obvious tripe like "special teams are important," you are officially out of bullet points.
So that's it. The pants are off, the beer is poured and the puck will be dropping soon. This is your open thread in case that wasn't clear or you're drunk already. Go you fucking Habs!!! Go you fucking Pants!!!

206 comments:

1 – 200 of 206   Newer›   Newest»
B B said...

GYFH!

Don't write off TFS, he's gonna pull ours out of the fire yet.

Habsfan10 said...

Crosby lives in Mario's basement. Hee hee hee.

Yeah, I don't hate the Pens nearly enough yet. Buncha tank-master bankruptcy avoiding Iron City drinking Big Ben Rapelesburger enabling Yinzers.

Well, that felt better already.

boob gainey said...

Mrs Lemieux pours Sid's corn flakes into a bowl for him every morning.

The little bitch.

Jaybird said...

I have to diagree about Jaro being given a game off. It was by far the best thing for everyone! He was destroyed after game 2 and 3. You could see it in his gait. It really was a brilliant decision and gave God time to refocus while Jesus took the hits for a game.

GO YOU FUCKING PANTSHABS!

Jaybird said...

Oh and:

Four Original six teams left, first BOS PHILLY series since '78, Possible Canadian Stanley cup matchup. This is a playoffs I can actually watch!

b said...

The friends and family thing goes away in the playoffs. Can you imagine going home and telling your neighbors that you were routing for the Pens? Unless your friends with Mom Boucher, I wouldn't do it. And I don't think Mom would be too happy either. No this is where your stuff gets you a free agency contract in a few years, Mr. Letang. If only Sid weren't such a team player.

L Dude said...

Random thoughts.

The over/under for Gill's shot blocks tonight is 5 1/2. I'm going under with 5.

When the series gets back to the Bell Centre, I was thinking a "Little Red Engine That Could" theme might be in order, thinking of how everybody likes to remind us of the size of the team with McSplooge's "the little three", Boob McKenzie referred to "little Josh Gorges" and how "Halak's size makes him an easy target for opposing forwards".

Still the underdogs. Excellent I say. Fuck you Armpittsburgh!
The 'Crosby draft' was fixed by.....drumrol......BETTMAN! Nearly bankrupt and SURPRISE - first overall pick - such good fortune!

Gomez will be the offensive hero in this series.

46DD was seen going in here (possibly NSFW)to get a push-up bra for his saggy tits. He didn't feel it was right to play in Mellon Arena with the aforementioned saggy tits. So expect some perkiness from Andrei.

Anonymous said...

It's Friday! Where's the adult entertainment section?

Mr Trivia said...

@ L Dude

I'm going under. Gill gets 0 shot blocks tonight.

Instead, he gets a goal.

wv: screaku

"We're playing on Friday and getting shitty ice on Sunday because of nerd-douches from Screak U."

Baruch said...

Excellent pre-series bullet points. Pens have a formidable team. Kope Kirk and Perry had time to parse the videos like they did for the Wash series, that was some excellent weak-point targeting. The only weak points I think the Pens might have is Fleury, though he has the wherewithall to suck and still win, and, maybe Bylsma, I hope the Puckprospectus guys were as right about him as they were wrong about Lemaire

gyfhg
GHG
GHG!!!!!!!!!!!

moeman said...

Great bullets, sweet graphic. Nice to see someone punCH Sid in the nutsack, from behind. NTTIAWWT.

Still not wearing Pants! Call me moenaturel.

Moey said...

This is a win win matchup for me. I love Sid and I love the Habs.

But fuck you Sid, at least for the duration of this series.

GO YOU FUCKING HABS GO!!!

PANTIES ARE OFF!!! (shivering in my bathing suit, for fuck sake, weather is awful here.)

L Dude said...

Moey said:

"fuck you Sid" and "PANTIES ARE OFF!!!"

Quick Moey - get your shivering ass to Pittsburgh, sneak into Mario's basement, take one for the team and do Sid til he can't walk and has rubber legs for the game! GO GO GO - there's not much time!

dwgs said...

@LDude Sheer Genius man! Moey, I'm willing to donate my air miles to the cause.

moeman said...

I agree with LDude but do we even know if Sid likes girls? NTTIAWWT.

Habsfan10 said...

@ moey: Panties are off? Hey now, Sexy Friday is starting to pick up!

Man, it's dead around here. This series caught us all sleeping off the Ovie triumph. Here's hoping the Habs are still on an adrenalin high or the first 20 minutes might be ugly. Detroit got punched in the mouth early last night by a well-rested Sharks and didn't have enough time to recover.

HabsFan29 said...

i'll chip in my air miles and even a cab from the airport for Moey's cause. fuck it, limo from the airport. this is important

Mr Trivia said...

the guy at tim horton's said we'd win 3-2 tonight. he's been pretty bang on so far. i'm feeling pretty good.

gillis said...

meh

GoldenGirl11 said...

I think we need a medal-winning-goal voodoo dettachment ceremony so we can hate sid with the passion that will propel the Habs to the next round.

Habsfan10 said...

@GG11:

We will hate him plenty after he blitzes Jaro for 4 goals tonight. Patience.

Bill 101 said...

Series still tied! Anything possible!

glug glug glug... whoa....

Price gets bombed in Game 2 - Sergei gets another chance and delivers, but somebody important goes down with freak injury - reffing is universally acknowledged to be the fairest in NHL history - Milbury admits sexual attraction to Markov - Jaro ups his save percentage and history is made yet again -

think I'm gonna lie down now.

Have fun

GO HABS GO!!!

Dan said...

Go you F***ing Habs.

Our hate for Pittsburgh is bigger than our bitterness from losing to your guys...so Red White & Blue rooting for bleu, blanc et rouge!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@10
Do I have to come over there and smack you because I will you know. Can I bring you some bagels?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Dan
Dan, Dan, Dan. Poor, depressed, delusional Dan. First off, please don't use asterisks here. Most of us are already drunk and the think time on what you mean to say is painful. Second, you don't root for another team. Ever. Even if you hate Crosby et al you don't wish another team luck! You silently pray that there will be a worldwide power outage or that global warming causes all arena ice around the world to turn to mush or that you're Pam Ewing and you're going to wake up from your nightmare to find an autographed picture next to your bed of Ovie holding the cup over his head (chas v'challila poo poo poo) but you never cheer another team on. The playoffs are done for you this year. The only reason why you watch is to hope that every other team implodes before your very eyes. That said, thanks for the support.

Gerg said...

lol, I give you guys a little piece of info and it makes the main "bullet points" of the blog. I enjoyed coming here this afternoon and seeing this. you guys made my day! I sorta kinda hoped that my comments would just be read and thought nothing of, but once Golden Girl and HF29 got a hold of it, I thought...oh shit...this might not be good.

Part of me would have like a little cred for giving you such valuable info but then again I don't want on thepensblog shit list.

Good luck to you guys in this series it should be a good one. GO PENS!!!

HFF33 aka Panger said...

I said it about Ovie and I'll say it about Sid: he's fun to watch. I'd rather watch him than any of the goons on either Philly or Boston.

GO HABS GO

GO PANTS

GO PANTIES

Tyg said...

I'm in hell. I live in Halifax, Sid's hometown is across the bridge, and my very own mamma loves the Pens, along with most of the province.

I'm apparently a heathen traitor because I keep telling everyone HABS IN 6!

Go you FUCKING PANTS KILL THE BIRDIES! KILL ALL THE STUPID FANCY BIRDIES!

Time to start drinking excessively. Can I stay here to watch the game? I might get lynched if I go upstairs in my own fucking house - I shit you not.

Hoiles said...

From a Montrealer who literally lives down the street from Mellon Arena:

please please please please BEAT THE PENGUINS!!!

HabsFan29 said...

The entire preview is hereby dedicated to Gerg. Hear that Pensblog? ;)

Good luck to you too Gerg. Not really, but you're nice so it feels like the right thing to do

Tyg we're all drinking with you here. And most of us without pants. We're friendly that way.

GODDAMN GO YOU FUCKING PANTS!!!

/four scotches in. game hasn't started. im in trouble

GoldenGirl11 said...

15 year old swore to become observant if we beat the caps. DrGG is making him go to synagogue.

moeman said...

Sultans of Shake and sCHwing

Guitar God version

WE got a shiver, in Round 1
WE were CHeering, our Habs, but meantime
South of our Pants!lines, WE stopped and WE held everything
TSN was blowing, OV double four time
WE felt alright when WE heard Jaro's goalpost ping

You step inside the room, you don't see, too many sad faces
Coming in out of Game 7, to hear the Olé song go down
Too muCH competition, Caps pack, their suitcaces
But not too many horns can make that winning sound
Way on downsouth, Green's got a big mouth, in Washingtown

You check out Josh Georges he knows all the CHords
Man he's strictly Dee'in', doesn't it want you to make him 'C'ing
And an old Gilltard is all WE can afford
When he gets up under the playoff lights he does his thing!

And Carey doesn't mind if he doesn't make the scene
He's got a daytime job he's doing alright
He can play honky tonk just like anything
Saving Jaro for Friday night
He's the Sultan, the Sultan of Shake

And a crowd of dumb boys they're fooling around in coach's corner
Drunk and dressed in their best CotU skivvies and their Habs hate role
They don't give a damn about any Montreal playing man
It's what I call cock and cole
And the Habs' Sultan shut the 5-ole!

And the FHFman he steps right up to the miCHrophone
And says at last just as the Pants!cast bell rings
'Thank you goodnight now it's time to drop the puck'
and he makes it fast with one more thing
'WE are the Sultans of sCHwing!'

HabsFan29 said...

Since when is Aaron Ward on a TSN panel?

moeman said...

29, when MacTavish left to coach the World tourney.

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK YEAH MOE

One of my fave tunes ever (and fave bands). Still recall sitting 10th row floor at the Forum in like '86 or so and Mark LOOKED RIGHT AT ME. or so I thought. either way, I am pumped now

and drunk

HabsFan29 said...

ps moe check out the Sydney '86 version on YouTube. solo kills

Tyg said...

Moeman, just a bitchin' tune, man. I salute you.

@HabsFan29 - your pantlessness is scary and exciting at the same time.

moeman said...

29, saw Dire Straits that same year, same tour. Easily Top 5 concert ever attended.

Here in Ottawa, they had Chalk Circle open up for them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chalk_Circle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XJGNNgRiuM

lehab said...

mo brilliance moe!

moeman said...

Thnx Tyg, great avatar.

~~~

Ya think cbc/hnic would spend a few of our hard-earned shekels and do a fucking pre-game show? Fuckers.

HabsFan29 said...

nice jacket Cherry

moeman said...

narcissism thy name is cherry.

HabsFan29 said...

Grapes just called Jaro "Havlak"

boob gainey said...

Mack Knopfler is coming to Montreal next month I think.

moeman said...

'havlak', nice try you old fucking bigot.

HabsFan29 said...

Pitt does a whiteout? Embarrassing.

Massive Tits said...

I never thought I'd say it, but I'm a lil unsettled that McSplooge isn't announcing. ONLY BECAUSE OF SUPERSTITION.
What in the holy cock is with Pen's epic (fail) song?

Tyg said...

Not to be a drag, but wouldn't a live chatroom be easier than the incessant posting and WV? Gametime is fast...

HabsFan29 said...

bob cole is annoying already

HabsFan29 said...

Tyg we're old school around here

Tyg said...

Fak you Sidknee Crawsby! Fak you!

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK YEAH PUCK DROP GO YOU FUCKING PANTS

Orangeman said...

ooooooooooh, I'm all anticipating and stuff.

Tyg said...

Slower pace than Crapitals. Is that good?

HabsFan29 said...

crush that gold medal-winning punk

Tits looks lively

HabsFan29 said...

PFK!!!

moeman said...

PFK!

Massive Tits said...

Does Bob Cole know you don't need to CONSTANTLY talk? A little silence is okay once and a while.
I think I'll be watching NBC on Sunday. Didn't think I'd ever say that!

PFK!!!!!!!!!!

Orangeman said...

wOOt!!!

Tyg said...

The fucking rookie!

moeman said...

cole thinks he's doing radio.

Tyg said...

Took all of what - 7 mins to ruffle Malkin? Nice one Moore.

Massive Tits said...

I feel an excellent Vodkov series. More heart karma.

Orangeman said...

Cole sounds downright depressed since that goal.

Tyg said...

Shit power play by MTL. WTF kind of passing is that?

Massive Tits said...

@moeman
I've used that exact line before too. Bravo. He's just garbage, he ended up being 10 seconds behind the play when it's fast paced because he'd trying to vividly describe High Definition.

Orangeman said...

Cole: "That better be a penalty".

Thanks Bob.

HabsFan29 said...

Bob's much more excited about the Pens PK coming up

Orangeman said...

I think they're trying the same strategy as against the Caps. Get the first goal and then surround their own goal for the rest of the game and pray Halak is God.

Orangeman said...

@29: and by PK you of course mean PP.

HabsFan29 said...

crap. could see that coming

Tyg said...

And you knew that was coming. Fucking stupid birds.

Orangeman said...

shit fuck damn.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Love Knopfler. Nicely done. See Knuble? K is silent!!!

moeman said...

cbc'er says Habs 'panic'. GFYHNIC!

HabsFan29 said...

@orangeman- whoops, indeed i did mean PP. was updating the Glossary of the Day and got confused. you know, by the meth

Q said...

fuck off cole.
why does he hate mtl so much?
why does cbc put him in?
just let him jizz all over the leafs and play golf and the end of the regular season.

die cole die!

ok feeling better now

moeman said...

Not looking good for Vodkov.

HabsFan29 said...

trainer on the ice is never good. markov NOOOOOO

Orangeman said...

OH GOD NO!

Tyg said...

Nice move by Cooke. With Markov gone, Habs are dead dead dead. At least Gomer tried to fuck Cookie up. Someone needs to lay a serious hurt on that fucktard.

Goddamned cheating Penguins. Just have Matt Cooke hurt everyone. Yeah, there's the way to win a series.

Orangeman said...

29: I was just being tongue in cheekly anal, but as I typed it the Pens scored so it'll never happen again.

HabsFan29 said...

clean hit TO THE FACE

moeman said...

heely making cracks about the Habs. Go figure.

Tyg said...

So not only do we lose Markov, we take a penalty? Yeah, not hard to tell it's Chris (I hate the fucking Habs) motherfucking Lee.

Orangeman said...

I love that CBC makes it clear that it was a clean hit before we get to see the replay.

Oh, MTL gets the extra penalty. Should I act surprised or would that be insulting?

moeman said...

Neanderstall with the gaping maw.

Habsfan10 said...

Well, Matt Cooke just made it easy to fucking hate the Pens. Gloves off. Beat these fucking bankruptcy loving, number 1 pick tanking fucksticks and their frontrunning fans into the fucking dust.

I hope Cooke has a meeting with O'Byrne's fists later tonight. Fucking piece of shit.

FUCK. JUST AS I WAS WRITING. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK

and FUCK COOKE AND FUCK CHRIS LEE

Tyg said...

And now we get to have MAB on D instead of Markov. Just fucking shoot me, please God.

Naturally. Fucking Stahl.

Yeah, this is a fair matchup, what with the Pens being underdogs and all, just like Kris fucktard Letang said.

Who's next? Why don't they just send Cooke into Jaro and break his fucking knees?

Tyg said...

Habs need to light up Cooke and Crosby and Malkin. Run them into the boards and break their fucking shoulders.

Orangeman said...

The best part of the Cooke hit was the Pens fans in the seats pointing to Markov on the ground and screaming at the ref, like he deserved a penalty for being hit in the face and being injured. That's what happens when your fans come straight from the monster truck rally.

HabsFan29 said...

fuck off cbc reminding us about the stupid fucking schedule

Habsfan10 said...

I hope Bergeron's next slapper goes right into Matt Cooke's fucking teeth.

I'm not going to last listening to fucking Cole and Healy. Pair of Leaf blowing dickheads. Cole hasn't been a good play-by-play man for a decade.

gillis said...

pens fans are fucking dweebs

Tyg said...

Seriously, if that was Crosby rolling around on the ice, you think MTL would have been on the powerplay? I hope someone takes out Cooke. MTL needs to start throwing their big boys at their superstars, since MTL is going to take a goddamned penalty for pretty much everything.

Classless fucking fans, man. Totally classless. I suppose it would have been more fair for them if Markov got suspended for taking a hit to the face? Unfucking real.

I didn't like the Pens before, because I live in a town where I get Crosby shoved down my fucking throat. Now it's onto full on hate, and the Pens fans can fuck themselves.

Massive Tits said...

@10
I demand a Top 10 list of why I hate the Pens. I also demand a link to Evander Kane knocking Cooke silly.

..and maybe Jagr's mullet.
Thanks in advance.

HabsFan29 said...

FHF is angry tonight

any word on Markov?

Massive Tits said...

@29
Nothing yet. It's the only reason I haven't muted Cole yet. I'm worried shitless. I know I caused it too with my new heart karma.

habsss said...

Why the fuck did the Habs get a penalty on that Cooke hit? What did Gomez do? Vs. is shit so I have no idea. I hope he ran Cooke.

Honestly, the hit looked all right to me but I have a problem with it being Cooke and it being Markov. Very fishy.

Orangeman said...

Man, I accidentally turned back to Cherry et al. They're blaming Markov and jizzing all over Cooke "What a player!!!".

Oh, and now Cherry is calling Halak "Havlak".

Morons.

Tyg said...

Questions - So are the Habs going to skate around looking tired all night or what? Is OB going to check Crosby into the boards like he did Backstrom? Is anyone besides Gomez going to stand up for Markov? Are the Habs actually going to try to shoot on the Pens nets, or continue to look scattered? Is this series over before it starts? Will I have to move out of this fucking city to avoid murdering people I actually do love, but who fucking insist on worshipping at the altar of that pansy-faced twerp? Is it possible Montreal will ever see another PP, will actually score, and then stay out of the fucking box or kill off the Pens PP?

The drinking isn't helping.

Orangeman said...

Tits: I think I remember a top 10 hate for the Pens here. Look it up.

Number31 said...

Oh. I know what to do. Hey Chocula, put Price out there. Maybe he'll just eat Matt Cooke. No one would notice or care but we'll all feel mysteriously happier. (It wasn't the Cooke hit that hurt Markov, looks more like it triggered his old injury from before the Olympics).

Havlak! Is Jaro a goose?

habsss said...

I think someone might have mentioned this but I wouldn't have minded seeing Price in nets. It would have given Halak a break and everyone expects the Habs to lose this one anyway

Tyg said...

I actually did NOT expect the Habs to lose tonight, but it seems they are going to prove me wrong again, because I did not expect them to win against the Caps.

habsss said...

By everyone I meant everyone except for the people on this blog.

Tyg said...

Markov lower body according to twitter. Out tonight.

Fak you Gonchar - your name looks and sounds like a VD.

Massive Tits said...

@orangeman
Thank you, sir. Just read it, laughed my ass off - Florida Marlins of hockey - and it had hair jokes/links. Love it.

No Vodkov for the rest of the game. That dreaded 'lower body' injury.

Tyg said...

Sorry habsss. I misunderstood. My bad.

That said, I don't want Price in nets. I like Price, but you dance with the gal that brought you IMO.

Number31 said...

Gonchar. His name is like a pokemon.

"Gonchar, use Flamethrower!" "Char Char!!!!"

OK back to RDS before Bob Cole kills me.

moeman said...

Kidz,

The cbc/hnic'ers will rip our Habs incessantly . Its what they do.

Also, its only Game 1.

Tyg said...

Kirk Muller saying they just lost their best player. Why thank you Mr. Obvious.

Fak you Bob Cole asshole.

Tyg said...

So the Pens will score every single fucking power play? They're 100% on the power play. Why not just pull Halak and let them take the shots then?

Unfucking real.

HabsFan29 said...

this is not going well

Number31 said...

Sad thing is Fleury is kind of shaky but we wouldn't really notice because they've been in our end of the ice for most of the game now.

Um...they're winning and it's fucking quiet in there. Is this the playoffs?

Massive Tits said...

One of the players needs to give an Al Pacino 'Any Given Sunday' speech right now. You can see Markov's exit sucked the life outta them. They really just need one solid offensive shift cause they have been non-exsistent past Pitt's blue line.

Orangeman said...

It's early yet and this is only Game 1. Patience, grasshoppers.

Orangeman said...

OMG, CBC. Ok, it was a missed highstick call, but according to you that would have ended the game for MTL. Relax fuckers. Crosby et al will be with you for a while.

HabsFan29 said...

"the Canadiens need a goal badly". thanks Bob for the insight

Orangeman said...

heh 29. It's like listening to my grandfather talk about the ducks in the park. And my grandfather is a drunk. And dead.

HabsFan29 said...

bob cole misses a call as always

CMON CASH ONE

good, Staal hurt. bob seems much more concerned about him than vodkov

Habsfan10 said...

Bergeron and PK together on the PP? That's a little terrifying for Jaro.

Tyg said...

Even if it is only game ones, this has shades of the Bruins where they were out in 4.

Glad they missed the high stick on the pasty-faced brat. But I don't think it would make much difference regardless. We're getting owned.

Tyg said...

Fak you Staal. Why the fuck you need 2 A's anyway? Double asshole?

Feeling the full on hate right now.

Yo Cammy, Gio and Gomer - for what - $18 million on the cap per year, maybe you could score once in a while, yeah?

Habsfan10 said...

Bob Cole just called PK "Gill". He confused the ONLY BLACK PLAYER IN THE GAME with a 6'7" white dude. Fuck me.

moeman said...

Squid!

HabsFan29 said...

Squid!

Attaway boys

Habsfan10 said...

Yes! Cammy!!

Give PK Markov's minutes. He looks just fine out there.

Orangeman said...

I have no idea what happened! But I'll take it!

Now wait for a Pens PP.

Tyg said...

Thank you Cammy. Gio? Gomer? I was addressing you as well.

FUCKING GET IT DONE YOU PANTS GODDAMN YOU!

Baruch said...

mexican squidzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Massive Tits said...

I'm telling you: someone did it!

Habsfan10 said...

Fleury does not look on. Keep shooting, boys.

Tyg said...

For crissakes don't leave it until the 3rd to tie it up.

HabsFan29 said...

Cole just called Rhino "Byrne" or burn i guess

HabsFan29 said...

OH FUCK

Orangeman said...

That was some lazy, lazy D. Way to ruin the goal.

Habsfan10 said...

Fucking terrible. Why are PK and Bergeron playing together at even strength?? Fucking Christ Pearn.

Massive Tits said...

Good defense MAB.

Habsfan10 said...

Jesus fucking Christ they're still out there together.

moeman said...

Oh boy, the intelligent hotstovers next.

Anonymous said...

jaro looks off tonight, but no chance on that goal. i blame that goal solely on big tits. get the fucking puck in deep when you're going off on a line change. guys were scrambled coming off the bench.


wv: digging - i hope the boys are not digging another 1-3 series start.

habsss said...

Meh I'm not too surprised. It could easily be 6-2 right now and considering the Habs only had a day's rest and lost their best defenceman in the beginning of the first...well it could be worst. How long were the Pens relaxing before this series?

I still want the Habs to kick their ass though so it's still disappointing.

Tyg said...

So, wondering if Kris Letang is still thinking they're the underdogs? If so, can I please have some of whatever the fuck it is he's shoving up his goddamned nose?

Baruch said...

what are they thinking PK and MAB defensive duo?

That was a terrible line change, Gazongers feebly tapping it into the zone before curling right to the bench. In the Wash series last games one forward always pursued during changes...that's the way to change!

Unprepared. Get on the job Pearn!

GO HABS GO!!

Baruch said...

I agree anon...off night for Jaro, it happens, Price for the third?

Number31 said...

Fear it. Slippy back on D = we'll get scored on.

Orangeman said...

a penalty? What?

moeman said...

Hey iGG;

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/nhl-ice-time-playoffs-edition/id369690232?mt=8

Orangeman said...

They're up by 2 in the 3rd and get a PP. Yet I could take a nap in that place.

HabsFan29 said...

Carey for mop up duty

Hadulf said...

Is it me or that building is dead? I mean, besides when they score (mainly on PP)...That building is dead!!!

Hadulf said...

@Orangeman

I guess we are hearing the same thing!

moeman said...

When the only people in the igloo that are hootin' and a hollerin' are the cbc/hnic'ers, I'm gonna CHannel meh some gillis, oh wait its TFS™!!!!!!

Orangeman said...

Crosby gives Gill a nice crosscheck to the face after the whistle in front of the ref. Classy.

moeman said...

Babs!!!!!

Hadulf said...

TFS!!!

Number31 said...

@Halduf
Well...it's not the Bell Center.

I noticed that in a few cities. I mean the Hawks PACK the building with 22k people (standing room gives the extra bodies) and it's pretty quiet even when they're winning.

Oh now they bring out Price. McMoustache seems friendly with him.

Hadulf said...

Ok, I'm going to jinx this...

At least Chris Lee is not handing out penalties out the wazoo!

Big Tits, can we name him ZombieTits for now?

Orangeman said...

Well, this is pretty much the game I expected. Habs had no chance coming off a 7 game series less than 48 hours earlier. They look tired out there and I don't blame them. They hung around longer than I thought, actually.

Orangeman said...

Love it. CBC says Gomez is being dumb by roughing it up. Then on replay it shows Ruff (sp?) started it all and it becomes "I don't mind this by Ruff, very smart!". Starting to think they would have excused the holocaust if the Nazis wore little penguins on their chests.

Too far?

Habsfan10 said...

Andrei needs to sit. He's totally out of it. Pouliot is at least involved. Sorta.

We all knew it was going to be tough tonight. No surprise, especially after Markov went down.

Massive Tits said...

@oman
Nope, never too far. Cheering for a Habs game to be shown on CBC is like cheering for the house in black jack...

Number31 said...

ZombieTits wants his little brother. Bring back his little brother!

Habsfan10 said...

Nice beard, Super Mario. He looks like a cast member of the musical version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Habsfan10 said...

Gio! Hanging around!

Number31 said...

Subban > Slippy

AT LEAST HE HOLDS THE LINE!

WOO Gio! Points for the pool!

Hadulf said...

GIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!11!!!11!!

moeman said...

Hang in there baby.

Orangeman said...

Yay! Respectability!

WV: pressur. The Habs had some good pressur on that PP.

Cole: The Habs were 0/3 on the PP tonight until that goal!

Errr, besides the first one, you moron. Also, try to sound less depressed. Seriously, how does this guy still have a job.

Hadulf said...

Bad timing for Gill to go in the box!

Number31 said...

Markov was apparently seen leaving the Igloo on crutches. To quote Christian Bale: OH WONDERFUL.

*dies*

Habsfan10 said...

Healy, you've seen that face many times because you couldn't stop a fucking beach ball, you runty fucking sieve.

Orangeman said...

Just to throw out more paranoid perceived anti-Habs propoganda out there, the Toronto Star has a front page story on their website (near the bottom) titled High costs trip up sports charities. It has a Habs logo as the pic. Then you read the first few paragraphs and it says sports charities spend too much on administrative costs. Finally in the 7th paragraph it states that the Habs are the only organization below the acceptable 20% line.

Obviously I have too much time on my hands as I wait for this game to end.

moeman said...

PFK is so smooth we may have to nickname him The Ladies Man.

Hadulf said...

@moeman

I would call him Velvet, yes, that's it...

Number31 said...

Price moving the puck really helps more. Shame Jaro really sucks at puckhandling. You'd think he'd have picked up some pointers by now?

And maybe Subban can teach MAB how to play D.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
He's the Barry white of hockey.

Orangeman said...

oops, my bad. The first Habs goal wasn't a PP. I remember it as a PPG though. I guess I owe Cole an apology.

Nah.

Habsfan10 said...

And game. Tough one for a lot of reasons. Bounce back Sunday and get the split.

Habsfan10 said...

Okay, Pens fans doing the Ole is pretty funny.

Orangeman said...

You know, whatever we might have said about the Caps fans, at least they gave a shit. I think I felt the collective shrug at that empty netter.

Habsfan10 said...

Somewhere, Ted Leonisis is really, really pissed at his vaunted powerplay.

Hadulf said...

You know what.

All we need is more shots. Fleury is weak and not playing his best hockey right now. Wait, avoid penalties, that would help.

WV : worstise

Meh, I've seen worstise this.

Orangeman said...

Well, it's not like they were going to sweep them. Considering the ridiculous short break, I'm satisfied with the way they played. They actually outshot them, which is probably a first this playoffs. Halak wasn't great and hopefully Markov will be ok.

Not time to panic. Yet.

moeman said...

Game 1.

Let the cbc/hnic'ers wet themselves silly. Its in their fucking contracts.

See y'all Sunday FHFkidz.

Enjoy a pants~panties-less evening,
Saturday morn, lawn-mowing sunny afternoon,
friendly Canucks game get together, Sunday AM CHurCH gathering
(no priests allowed!),
brunCH and McSploogian NBC adventure ...

Go
You
Fucking
Habs!

Number31 said...

Wait, what? We OUTSHOT them?! HOW?!

Baruch said...

tough game... Price the Madman start Sunday, he looks fresh. Why the fuck not? We did salvage some honour, 3 goals. Fleury looks beatable, just a question of grinding down their D. I guess that's why CHicken is out there so much, though he looks so soft...

I heard on Versus that it was Muller's idea to shorten the bench in the 3 last Wash games? How did they know that?

I think Metro needs to rest. He's not 100% Bring Small Tits back? Is Maxwell just riding the pressbox all this time?

Well... it will be interesting, see you guys on the wraparound.

Pants!!

Number31 said...

@Baruch
Kirk has taken over when they needed actual coaching. Martin just does the press conferences for him.

moeman said...

cbc/hnic just called Jaro 'Red Light'. Need more proof of their Habs hate?

Jaybird said...

Well I am a habs fan and a Don Cherry fan and if anyone saw what he just said it was amazing.

Two cock holes came on I don't even want to remember their scum names and started reading off nasty "tweets" about Halak and the Habs. One was a "dedicated" Habs fan who said he was glad he didn't take the price tag off his new jersey so he could return it tomorrow. Please return that jersey you ultimate douche...you don't come close to earning the right to wear it. Dedicated? I would slap the bandwaggoner's mouth off if he claimed to be a dedicated Habs fan to me.

Anyways Cherry said "is this what CBC has come too is reading off emails from jerks saying Red Light Halak". Good for him.

As for the people who shit on the Habs after one exhausted game where we lost our defensive leader and Assistant Captain? Suck it Fuckers. We're not done yet. And we saw the potential of our young prospect too... NEWSFLASH: It's only Game 1!

Go Habs Go from a real dedicated fan. Genius move pulling Halak for a bit of rest. Give 'er Game 2 boys.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
WHAT??? He called him Red Light Halak????? That deserves a nasty letter!!! I pay that old fart's pay cheque? How rude. And uninformed. And STUPID!!!!

moeman said...

@GG11, see Jaybird above for a clarification.

cbc/hnic even allowing such garbage to be 'aired' is a total fucktard move and reflects on them. They produce this Habs hating bile for a reason. Fuckers.

dwgs said...

Christ but I'm coming to hate the CBC. When Grapes is the voice of reason...

Tire Goly Jaro said...

I here Don Cheery say about me red light. But I don red light like Don Cheery say, in Bratislava we have red light club boss look like Don Cheery. But I don red light like Mr Party Cari, whole worl no I true my Miss Slovakia biootiful.

chris nilan said...

@gg it was the fuckheads at the "chevrolet idesk" who somehow got jobs on HNIC for looking at the internet who read an internet comment by a random person saying red light halak. cherry, as much as i don't like him , called out the ridiculousness of those fools even reading internet comments on HNIC

moeman said...

cbc/hnic's mawreck and moronson get paid to search the web for approved comments that will make it to air. Google is free.

moeman said...

NB - Al Strachcan was 'removed' from cbc/hnic for writing (negatively according to them and the MLSE) a book about the cbc/hnic's leaf.

moeman said...

. . .

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