Thursday, April 10, 2008

Ten Things I Hate About ... the Boston Bruins

My God this thing is ugly.

[Ed.'s note: this post was written by HF10, who is too busy getting drunk in prep for tonight to post himself. I also just noticed there are two #8's - I guess HF10 wanted 11 things. He really hates the Bruins.]

While every week is technically Bruins Hate Week at FHF Headquarters, the almost annual playoff showdown rachets up the hate quotient to another level. So in the fine tradition of apparently hating the rest of the Eastern seaboard...

10. 1979. Too many men on the ice. You had a collective tightening of the sphincter when leading the champs late in game 7, took the most inexcusable penalty in the book because of someone's brain cramp, and lost in overtime. It's over. Quit fucking whining about it, for fuck's sake (Harry Sinden, we are looking in your direction!) You probably would have lost to the fucking Rangers in the final anyway.

9. Swindled the Canucks by handing them injured, overrated, one-career-year Barry Pederson for noted Habs Killer Cam Fucking Neely AND the 3rd overall pick in the draft (Glen Wesley). Jesus. Manhattan for a string of beads and some firewater was less of a robbery. (Incidentally, this trade is going to rank number 2 on the "Ten Things I Hate About the Canucks" right below "Choose a fucking colour scheme and logo and fucking stick to it!")

8. Hey, speaking of Cam Neely ... nobody, and I mean nobody terrified me more as a Habs fan than Cam Neely. But if I hear one more goddamn Boston fan tell me how he was the greatest power forward ever it will be time for a killing spree across New England. Neely had a five year run that featured three very good seasons and two outstanding seasons receiving passes from uber-set up man Craig Janney, then had 50 goals in 44 games after returning from a terrible thigh injury. What Boston fans neglect to mention was Neely took every second game off that year to protect his injured thigh and had assist machine Adam Oates feeding him pucks. Devastating player? Sure. Habs killer? No doubt. Greatest ever? Fuck that. A Mr. Gordon Howe on line one, morons.

8. The Bruins retired Terry O'Reilly's jersey. Terry O'Reilly? It's like the Habs deciding to retire Mario Tremblay's jersey. (Well, not exactly. Tremblay won five Cups. O'Reilly? Zero.)

7. Gillies Gilbert. Gerry Cheevers. Reggie Lemelin. Pete Peeters. Andy Moog. How many damn times has a middling goalie with a spoked B on his jersey given the Habs fits? Here's hoping Tim Thomas never joins the party. (I know, Cheevers is in the Hall of Fame. I still never liked the fat little bastard.)

6. Ray Bourque leaves the Bruins after 20 years in search of a Cup. He wins it in Colorado. The city of Boston organizes and pays for a celebration where Bourque parades the Cup in front of wildly cheering Bruins fans. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!!?!?! If the Habs ever go 25 years without a Cup, trade their captain away so he can win one, and he brings it back to the city wearing his new jersey on the mayor's dime, I hope to hell he dies in a hail of gunfire on stage and city hall gets burned to the ground. Bruins fans should be ashamed.

5. Zdeno Chara is a big, dumb, jackass. That is all.

4. Actually, the Bruins have cornered the market on jackasses for years. O'Reilly. Mad Mike Milbury. Stan Jonathan. John Wensink. Derek Sanderson. Wayne Cashman. Don Cherry. 21st century jackasses like Chara, Shawn Thornton and rookie shit disturber Milan Lucic. What the hell is in the water in Boston?

3. Most evil man in the history of hockey? It might be Bruins legend Eddie Shore. A 4-time Hart trophy winner as a defencman, Shore might be better known as a tyrannical AHL coach and owner or as a frequently suspended cheap shot artist. His most notorious transgression ended the career of Leafs star and former scoring champ Ace Bailey. After being decked with a clean hit from Toronto's Red Horner, Shore charged up ice and levelled the first Leaf he saw (Bailey) from behind. Bailey fractured his skull, went into a coma, and never played again. Shore played seven more years and is revered as part of the Bruins defensive Holy Trinity with Orr and Bourque. Classy.

2. 24-7. That's the Habs current all-time playoff series record against the Bruins. 5 of 7 Boston wins have occurred in the last twenty years. That fucking pisses me off.

1. The Bruins are the anti-Habs; Dirty, lunch-bucket toting, grinding, defensive and thuggish in equal measures for most of their existence. Their fans are loud, boorish, and proud of their heritage of hostility and rats the size of dogs roaming the halls of the dump that was the Boston Garden. The Bruins clutch, and grab, and start scrums after whistles, and are the black-hearted, black and gold wearing brutes of the NHL.

The Canadiens are Les Glorieux; the Flying Frenchmen. The bleu-blanc-et-rouge standard bearers of speed, talent and passion for 100 years. For 80 years these two polar opposites have waged war; are you to tell me that there is an enemy we can hate more? There is not.


HabsFan29 said...

my God i forgot how one-sided that Neel trade was. ye gads

well done 10! my hate is ratcheted up, let's drop the motherfucking puck!

Shmee said...

Fucking bruins. I hope the Habs sweep and then someone kicks Lucic in the groin after game 4.

hockeyzombie said...

Ise hates those Broons. Die Broon die. Go Habs!

I need a drink... this day is dragging.

The hockeyzombie needs his fix of brains, beer and hockey.

where is our pre game thread? And is DOOM playing tonight?

panger76 said...

DOOM will be int eh lineup according to TSN, taking Rhino's place. I assume Swiss Mister, and not Breezer, will be there too.

Anonymous said...

Nice list. Next year you'll have to add how the B's caused crazy Habs fans to burn down montreal in a fit of rage after the B's took out the Cup bound Habs in the first round of the 2008 playoffs.

PS: I prefer to be "anti-Habs; Dirty, lunch-bucket toting, grinding, defensive and thuggish" to Euro trash wannabe sallies singing old soccer chants in a freakin hockey rink.

PPS: I do agree on the jersey however. It's awful.

Bruins Fan for Life

hockeyzombie said...

shut it Broons fan.

HabsFan29 said...

*NeelY trade. yeesh.

Warmest welcome, Bruins fan

too close to toronto said...

@anonymous: 23-7

@10: i too used to fear cam neely. and that "dumb and dumber" is one hell of a movie. seabass.

man, i love this rivalry.

broons fans, you can have your celebrated mediocrity. "lunch-bucket toting" is code for "i'm no better than average, but i'll gladly hide behind the affected persona of a working-man's hero so nobody notices my lack of talent."

i'll take the euro trash, thank-you-very-much. call them pussies all you want, but you can only hit them if you can catch them. oh, and watch out for the one wearing 74... he's a scrappy little fucker.

Anonymous said...

"Euro trash wannabe" hum, cuz we speak french ?

Go have a fucking tea party. You just wish you were a Habs fan so you could chant our glorious "OLÉ".

Les glorieux !

les_glorieux said...

Let's show these bums how to play hockey. I demand a sweep so they can't say shit. And I want Savard and Bergeron to be playing so their fans don't give that bullshit "our stars were injured" excuse. Our fucking captain is out, and we still finished off the season better than any other team, except for the MVP and whoever else he's playing with. I want shutouts, I want domination, I want embarrassment, I want a week off before we play our next round so our captain doesn't even need to play against these bums and can focus on beating a team worthy of playing against us!


Montréaliste1 said...

@ tct: That's what I'm talking about ! Last time someone tried to catch Kovy, it was Mother Tucker two years ago. The fucker got it in the face. Litteraly.

B's Fan for Life said...

No. My Pepe spoke French. I am 3/4 french Canadian. I appreciate most that is French heritage. The Euro Trash comment applies more to the fact that men wear capri pants and white sunglasses...among other things. And the soccer chant. I just can't let that go. It's a hockey game for Christ's sake, not a match between Liverpool and Manchester United. Until I see Koivu bend it like beckham, keep that Ole nonsense where it belongs, at a soccer field.

And I really do love all you Canadien fans. I am actually marrying one soon. Helps light my fire for the B's. Everything I hate about the Canadiens you love, and everything I love about the Bruins you hate. What a delicious rilvalry.

And though I disagree with 110% of the content of this blog; well done. Wish a B's fan would start one as well kept as this.

Habsfan10 said...

@b's fan for life:

C'mon, you had to agree with what we said about the Rangers. According to those idiots, they're your biggest rivals.

As for the OLE, it's all in good fun. We don't take Bruins fans to task over the constant playing/singing of Dropkick Murphys covers.

Anonymous said...

God, I'm loving this! Trash talk, beer, playoffs, strippers, brooms, flags, no Leafs, no talent Bruins, the Play You Tits Off - The FHF Round One Preview: Intro pic, the longest week in Chara's miserable life! Makes me want to touch myself.


HabsFan29 said...

Well said B's fan for life. Now I like you guys. this won't work.

And I'm happy I wasn't crazy when I spent the whole season looking for a regularly updated decent Bruins blog. there really isn't one. it's weird. there are like 10 Washington Caps one for gods sake!

HabsFan29 said...

The open thread is up kids. You are welcome to take your trash talking over there

B's fan for Life said...

Unfortuntely, I not aware of what you said about the Rangers. I would hope you said they suck at life, because they do. But I try not to think too much about them, as I have no time to think about a waste of space such as the Rangers. A rival to the B's? Hardly.

Nothing beats the Murphy's. They wrote a damn song for the B's.

Loser Domi said...

I for one like the Ole chant, simply because at my university, we change the words to "MORE BEER! more beer, more beer more beer, more beer, more beer!"

Anonymous said...

Re: #4 - Add that fucker Ken Linesman to the list for me, please.

Jeff J said...

"A Mr. Gordon Howe on line one, morons."

Um... Rocket?

What is this, Four Red Wings Fans??

Habsfan10 said...

Jeff, some Boston fans claim Neely as greatest ever POWER FORWARD. Gordie Howe is that. Rocket was no power forward. Besides, even though Rocket was more electrifying and a better goal scorer, Gordie was a better hockey player. Rocket himself said so. You don't have to be a Red Wings fan to admit it.

Doobie said...

Oh, you whining French-speaking cheese eating surrender monkeys...waaahhh, the Bruins play dirty....wahhhhhh, we still hold a gripe against Eddie Shore even though we only know about him from history books. You effers should be happy that the Bruins goons haven't been able to beat your foofy-style of hockey all year. You know, the kind where everyone in red and blue jerseys dances around the ice with one leg up in the air behind them making little fancy gestures with their hands. Once the Bruins players figure out how to catch up to you, they'll pummel you into the ground. We're going to win a game sometime this season, dammit! [shakes fist angrily]

Anonymous said...

Looks like the lunch bucket crew figured out how to tie the series. Oh, and didn't Lucic send one by the precious Price. Wasn't your Captain playing this time?

Our boys have heart. That's what you don't understand.

Sorry about the idiot Bruins fan that beat up the Habs fan. Seriously. That's bullshit.

I love this rivalry, nothing boils my blood more. I really hope we beat your asses in your building.

James said...

The Canadiens are the biggest bunch of classless divers in the game. It was also great to see all their fans look defeated Saturday night at the game!!

Bourque said...

I hope the Bruins win on Monday it would be payback for all the other series in the past. Pressure is on Montreal, would love to see the french canadien fans cry!!!

Anonymous said...

2 drunken white trash bruins fans from boston sat beside us in game 7 and called my girlfriend a slut and a whore and wouldnt shut up about baseball. what does baseball have to do with anything at a hockey game? sure, we can't beat the red sox cause we dont have a ball team anymore. you're a genius. congratulations. do you want a nobel prize? who chants 'usa' 'usa' at an NHL game? you're not at the olympics. well i'm glad you wasted all your money to come to canada and see a 5-0 pounding of your team. i've never hated the bruins more. go habs go.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you're right we're not at the olympics, so then tell me, why did i see multiple habs fans at the Garden wearing Canadian flags as capes? and why did you boo our national anthem in 2002 AND 2004?? And as for the baseball comments.. don't be jealous that when the B's lose we have 3, yes, 3 glorious other teams too cheer on!! (Yes we're probably the best sports city right now in North America) So, our B's are on the way up (taking your precious Habs to 7 games causing you to destroy your own city hahaha) and will be a contender for the division next year. So when the canadiens lose to either the flyers or the pens, it's gonna be a long summer..:) What a great rivalry.. -Titletown

Anonymous said...

Ha, it's funny that the 5th posting down from the top says "Next year you'll have to add how the B's caused crazy Habs fans to burn down montreal in a fit of rage after the B's took out the Cup bound Habs in the first round of the 2008 playoffs" written on April 10 !! and then you guys actually did it!!!!! hahahahahaha, after a win too which makes it even weirder, hahahahaha, way to celebrate beating an 8 seed in 7 games in the first round! cretons!...

Anonymous said...

The Canadian anthem has been booed in the US also. (Detroit, NBA playoffs) So people destroyed a few cop cars. Someone gets murdered in a major US city every single night of the week. It's still a million times safer up here. Coming up here and making abusive remarks at french people is equally bad (personally witnessed that), and in fact worse than disrespecting a national anthem. Because we speak two languages instead of one, obviously we're more stupid. Yeah, OK. Titletown? Well at least after 80+ years of losing everything you're winning something. And ya know what, when the Red Sox finally won, most people up here felt really good for you - but now you just look like a bunch of assholes.

Steve said...

You forgot about Ken Hodge, and now we have the hunchback, is it mean to call him that, well he has one.