I'm pretty sure I wrote this preview last Thursday.Waiting in line details -7.5 hours after noon at the Centre of Bell. Habs riding the 3-game winning streak, looking to close out the homestand at 4-2. That'd be nice. Isles coming off a 3-2 OT loss to the Caps Saturday night where by all accounts they played pretty well, only to blow it after 60 minutes like they always do (2 OT and 2 SO losses so far).
Pay your cover charge to - Lighthouse Hockey is certainly your main source for all things Isles, but check out A View from Section 317 for uh, another view.
Hot sexy Habs to watch - Giant. Mexican. Squid. (© FHF) With a little lemon and maybe some garlic sauce on the side. TurtlePleks (© FHF) continues to be solid without any wingers. The Urologist (© FHF) on the PP.
Skanky Habs to watch - Big Tits (© FHF) continues to befuddle. Would he be happier with Little Tits (© FHF) here? Maybe. Also, Gui! (© FHF) pointless in 7 games, but he played hard, especially in the 3rd period, in the Rangers game. The Urologist (© FHF) in the defensive zone.
Hot sexy Isles to watch - D Andy Sutton has a 3-game point streak, but the Isles are not scoring a lot generally.
Skanky Isles to watch - Okposo pointless in 3, Swiss Mister I (© FHF) pointless in 5.
On the main stage - RDS reports that the morning skate had Gui! as a winger on the 2nd line with Pleks and Dagger (© FHF), with Big Tits getting demoted to the fourth line with CHips (© FHF) and Stewie. Mad Max (© FHF) is back to centering the 3rd line between Patches and MOEmaN (© FHF). Métro is out because of the flu, BGL is injured after not playing in several games, and Jaro will get another start.
"That's why you're the judge and I'm the law... talking... guy" - lap dance to Manny B. for pointing us to Jack Todd's MMQB this morning. First off, kudos to Todd for admitting he may have been wrong. Not that he had much choice, given how we ripped him, and so did others (not that we believe anything bloggers do have any influence on him). But then we read this further down:
"We know Andrei Kostitsyn likes to be called AK-46, although most nights he plays more like a popgun. But we found nicknames at pucku.ca that suit the Brothers Kostitsyn far better: Big Tits and Little Tits."
GAH! Urge to kill... rising! And thus the © FHF you may or may not have noticed throughout this preview. Goddamn it, I don't even know who I'm mad at. No doubt I'm mad at Pucku.ca for taking credit for our nicknames. No doubt I'm mad at Todd for not recognizing where those names come from. Or Todd for purposely ignoring the source of those names (not that I have any proof of that). Face it, I'm just mad.
Copyright violation, trademark violation, exemplary damages. We're preparing the lawsuits as we speak.
Post-game adult entertainment - we're angry, not horny. We need to punch something. Oooh, how about some foxy boxing?
Please list all of your copyrighted materials in the comments, lest anyone steal them. Furthermore, the FHF acknowledges the contribution of our commentors in developing the great nicknames we use. Your share of the lawsuit winnings will get put into the "strippers 'n meth" fund, to be used by all of us collectively.
113 comments:
OMG! the end of the world is coming.
not only did Todd have something nice to say about the habs AND Gainey but he also mentions FHF nickname Big tits and Lil tits (not that he gives the site credit, but still)
Simple, yet effective. Could be parodied better. But you know...I'm working. Fans of the TPB know. If you don't know google the original "Liquor and Whores". It's worth it.
strippers 'n meth
strippers 'n meth
Smoked meat on rye and bagels and poutine and
strippers 'n meth
I went down
to do some drinkin' at Stogies
I met a girl she was nice
And she was willing to blow me
She said "Hey boy
How 'bout do some marrying"
I said sure but before we do
There's something you should know about me
I like
strippers 'n meth,
strippers 'n meth
Smoked meat on rye and bagels and poutine and
strippers aaaaa-aaand meth...
Todds an American and writes the American way. Just like Farber.
You just better make sure that the giant metal penis doesn't end up on some other blog without full FHF credit!
I think you guys should provide a list of all the nicknames and the player they belong to so cunts like todd wont tresspass on any further wonderful nicknames born on this site.
Also fuck the leafbears
After hearing your ordeal I think you I should trademark Cameltoe Larry before its too late.
Man, AK46 on the fourth line? How the not-quite-mighty-but-somewhat-good have fallen.
Thanks to todays pic we now all know Moen's faverite past time.
Boone posted an interesting stat on HI/O: Mike Cammalleri has as many points (11) as Alex Kovalev (4), Saku Koivu (3), Christopher Higgins (2) and Alex Tanguay (2) combined.
@Jimmy
It's neat but kinda irrelevant. Who knows what those guys would've done somewhere else. Too many factors to be accurate. It's like I tell my kids when they insist that we "shoulda won the game if that puck didn't hit the post". If there's a face off it's a whole other game. Ya never know... although it's nice that the Habs are on the winning side of the useless info.
@Jimmy: NICE!
That also means that Gomez has as many points as Koivu, Higgins and Tanguay and Gionta as many as Kovalev and Tanguay.
@GG11: I know you already know this, but you've got some mad photoshopping skillz! Isn't that how the kids talk these days? I'd love a poster sized print of that Rangers pic for my rec room. I'm pretty sure Mrs. LD and Ms. LD (2 hockey hating femenists - wonders where it all went wrong) wouldn't go for it though. Props! Is that last decade?
WV: chestsho, as in "I enjoy a good chestsho like the one in the Habs/Rangers preview pic."
@L Dude
Thanks. As for the poster, I may photoshop them but they would never hang in my house. At 44 3/4 I would hate to see those perfect boobs everyday. I can't be sure but I doubt she's holding them up because they sag from having children.
GG11: I understand. Being in the same 'age group' though, you can trust me when I say any boobs are good boobs. Mostly.
@29: But... where can you find a lawyer that specializes in Internet law?
I don't get "The Urologist"(tm)...
AK46 on the fourth line... ouch!
Hey...new to the blog, was told by another Habs fan.
Reading past blogs and trying to catch up, but some of the player nick names are beyond me (ie. big tits).
Any insight or direction would be fantastic!!
Cheers to the Buds and their solid 0'fer record this season!!
From Elliott Friedman's column at CBC:
"In denying he had an off-ice fistfight with Sergei Kostitsyn, Scott Gomez claimed to be responsible for Andrei Markov’s injury. “He was at my house and I knifed him.”"
Shit, if you guys get any more popular you'll need an f.a.q., or should I say fack?
I didn't get the urologist at first until someone else pointed out that Bergeron is our pp specialist.
I'm not even gonna answer the big tits question except to say that there's also a little tits and if you can't figure it out with that clue...
Hey - what gives with the two deleted comments? People having second thoughts? I would like to pass on my only nickname to you to add to the lawsuit. I would like credit for calling him Gary "I hate everything about Canadians and hockey in general but I'm a complete waste of space so if someone shoots me in the face - no big deal" Bettman.
wv - aphstsne - as in If the strippers and meth don't do it, try shooting some aphstsne
@GG11
I agree it's mostly meaningless, but it's a nice response to the "experts" who questioned the impact the new top three and say Bob is a fool for letting them all go. I felt the offence improved in the off season. Aside from the odd game from Kovy, we haven't had a line move the puck around like this in ages.
It's also nice to see players leave and remain marginal rather than rip it up à la John LeClaire.
@Jimmy
Agreed. It is nice that the upswing favors us for the first time.
@Kmaxx
I hate spelling mistakes.
@Montrealiste1,
Michael Geist, on of my Profs and probably one of the most informed on the planet.
http://www.michaelgeist.ca/
No relation to hockey, but this mix of Talking Heads and American Psycho is fucking brilliant.
Not to be a party pooper somebody I know thought of the nickname turtleplek, I guess around the same time you guys thought of it. He has never been on this site before. But I do give you guys credit for ZombiePlek, even though he isn't alive right now.
Down with the flu kidz, parodyless for tonight. Here's some Virtual Zep. A bientôt.
Go Habs!
get better moeman!
I hope it's not H1N1
Explaining "Squid" to people who have no idea what hockey is just leads to awkward silence and an increased drinking rate.
I'm really glad there are no stupid first name/last name abbreviations as nicknames, like A-Rod or D-Wade. I blame America for those.
@Moe
Feel better and if you're anything like DrGG, good luck to Mrs. Moe.
alright, let's go! im excited for a change. go pants!!!
/ is totally waiting for the collapse. where is matt ftc anyway?
SWEEP THE LEG max. jeez
Man, Pleks is wasted on Laps and Lats... at least give him D'Ags to feed.
Jaro ... 2.0!!
Metro is fucking awesome. How is he a career 3rd liner?
metro did everything on that goal
good solid check dagger. dont let anyone tell you otherwise
oh, pleks
@29
Metro is good, huh? I agree.
alright it got better as the period went on. i have high expectations now
if they continue skating this hard we may have to call them "the flying immigrants"©
Gui is the biggest waste of space, EVER. This coming from a guy who owns a Gui jersey name/number t-shirt.
Also, roommate has public radio on while I'm watching the game on silence. It's a bit odd and disorienting, to be honest.
@kc, its Gui!™ and yes he isn't the '!'
@kc, its Gui!™ and yes he isn't worth the '!'
Blame the flu.
Gu:(™ (pending, like Gui!'s career)
Hm, I think I like Tavares. I figured he had to be overrated, but he's been putting up points, he sounds like an intelligent guy, and he ended the interview with 'Merci'.
It's too bad he'll have to waste the next 5 years of his life in futility.
Knock knock... Who's there... Owen... Owen Who? O & 8.
~~~
Also, my Gramma use to have a warm gin to ward off the rhume. Where the fuck is that Tanqueray?
@moeman: You're even creative when you're sick! Must be the Nyquil (or Canadian equivalent) talking.
I like Gu:( and we can also use it for Carbo.
@SSHF, agree on the Tavares comment. He could be doing worse, in Toronto.
@kc, until Carbo shows a bit more CH class he is Carboo™ in my books.
Way to turn on the goal lamp there!
@moeman: I think Carbo is giving you the middle finger right now.
vw: sawswaki: Mariusz Sawswaki was a crappy player for the Habs.
jebus there's a penalty imbalance
woohoo! make up penalty
Do you think that Squid shops in the junior department? Just curious.
@GG11, Squid isn't lacking in the $$$, methinks his tiny garb is custom made. That or Mrs. Squid washed everything in really hot water, then cranks the drier to the HELL! setting.
Off topic: anyone heard from bob sirois in a while?
No?
Good.
@Moe
That's gotta be embarrassing. Just picturing Squid walking into the same custom tailor as Shaq and Yao.
The hell setting. I like that.
Whenever we come up with a drinking game, mentioning Moen is from Saskatchewan needs to warrant a shot. So should the other team's announcers mangling "Kostitsyn"
a few, uh, too many men on the ice there
To MSG guys ragging on the crowd wanting penalties: FUCK OFF. At least we have fans. Have fun in Kansas City, assholes.
Until he pops out for an eyeful of goals AK46 should be renamed Saggy Tits™.
Btw, anyone wondering what Carey must be thinking? Probably a little frustrated given that he hasn't played since, what, last year?
CLEAR THE FUCKING PUCK.
FUCK
ouCH
Beautiful goal... too bad it was scored by the other team.
@GG11: I'm sure Cari the Fat Whale is just smoking even more than he usually does.
Saggy Tits.... I laughed out loud until I remembered how old I am.
ooh Gui you almost had your "!" back there
"latendresse tire... et cest completement raté!"
what a complete waste of space!
Jon from Jon&Kate+8 scores more than tonight's Habs, discuss.
i was going to make a witty comment about how we can't score tonight, but even with swine flu moeman is more clever than me
ok PP. cmon, urologist
that PP was not, uh, good
Gui on the PP? WTF.
AGAIN!?
tomorrow's practice - counting to 6 exercises
2-1
Go Ducks!
good fucking work
Moen for Moeman! There's the tonic you need for your flu.
My namesake MOEmaN™ is the game star so far.
BTW, do we have an official nickname™ for Metropolit?
Remember when Bob sent Rivet out West for Gorges and a pick that turned out to be Patches?
That was a good trade.
@moeman: I always go with the boring and standard "Metro".
Gu:( looks like he's skating in sand. How is it that the purewoolers think he's playing a good game?
@kc, yup remember it well because rivet laughed at us poor fuckers that had to shovel snow all fucking winter whilst he beached himself in Cali, then he was traded to Buffalo. Last laugh fucker.
@Moe
Whatever you're taking for the flu, I want some.
Metro has so many possibilities. How bout STM?
i dont know matt. Gui is slow like my brain on meth, but he seems to be giving the effort tonight
@Matt D, its only 'j'ai pas d'problème avec ça' brunet (needs a nickname kidz) that is picking the corn out of Gu:('s shit.
@GG11: Or we could go the other way and go along the lines of the supermarket.
Boo-urns. Another fucking PP!? Way to fuck up the clearance.
@GG11, gin.
disaster
Fuck me. Fucking fishstick motherfuckers.
Come on. Go Habs Go.
Fucking refs, always cheating.
i dont know. a point seems about right
@HF29-- oh, don't get me wrong-- 'le gros bonhomme' is trying hard, and he's good for 3 or 4 failed wraparounds and missed, late, check-finishes a game. It's not his effort. He just can't skate. And wingers that can't skate had better shoot like Brett Hull.
HAMMMMEEERRRR!!!!
Pleks!!!!
i may cry
HAMR! PLEKY!
We need more little girls on this team.
Pleks second OT assist in two games
Deserved win... could finish better but overall, great effort.
Cari the Fat Whale has got to start on Wednesday.
Why doesn't rds show the 3 Stars? ever.
Can we play 4 on 4 all the time?
@moeman
What and cut into the vital "Angry French people shouting at each other" AC timeslot??
That pass was artwork.
@ HabScot, trudat.
Well, its been fun kidz, off to get some needed zzzz.
RDS three stars
1 Moen
2 Tambellini
3 Hammer
You just have to stick around until after the commercial break.
Freakin beauty pass from Pleks on the winner, way to go eh.
Moen is what Gui! is supposed to be
This team needs a two goal lead to avoid overtime. Seriously, we've only had one two goal lead this season.
Leafs may actually win. Fuck.
Ah well, it just means Boston's draft picks get a little worse.
Anaheim hit the post three separate times during the 9 minutes I watched the game. Oh and Saku got called for a really dubious goalie interference penalty.
Where could Zombiepleks be hiding? Let's hope that he does not find his way back to the Bell Center! He's been playing some great hockey so far this year.
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