Friday, October 02, 2009

My Gad! Mentreal 4 - Leef of Mepel 3 (more of the time for more time)

He’s a Stempniak, STEM-PNI-AK on the floor, and he dancing like he never dance before! So good song!

Helo to the Erth of welrd. It’s me! Jaro! Sesoon start lest nite and we Cenediens teem pley greatest teem in werld Taranto Leef of Mepel. So hepy we start to pley. Sesoon of stop was sooo long, my gad!

I bisy like bee that very bisy at work becase secreteri bee quit her jab becase problems at home too dificul to live and husbande bee just stay home and drink honee brown ale, so not enough staf at the work where only bees work. So busy.

But sumer was good so mach!

I take meny Engleesh lesons this summer. Helo I am Jaro and I borne in haspital bed! So much good when compare to last yeer! Now I talk inglish so wel good and so strong not like stupide Cari who so fat but talk like he borne not in haspital like me Jaro but in country called Watyousayyousofatcaria. Oh Cari you so wale!

Coch Carbonner gone! So good for me Jaro becase he only want to invertiew me on tv now on Canada Night of Hockey. No, no, Carbo sey, don’t invertiew Gianta, he talk like Cari, so low, take Jaro movistar.

Cari pley so scare last nite, like he know Carbonner no take him for tv talk. Koumisarek pley so good joke to us, he come on ice in sweter of Mepel leef!!! Oh Koumi so crazy, I laf so hard on bench!!!! Ok Ok Koumi! Me too I pley with Bafalo sweter! We make leefs crazy together! It’s so fanny but I think Koumi make too mach acting when he shoot on fat Cari. It’s dangerus joke no? Nobady laf on bench, not even me Jaro. Then he hit Gianta too very hard. I want to tell Koumi in room at periods but he never come. I think he shy becase he know maybe joke too far. Its ok Koumi, you are kepten, we ok if you make joke.

Taranta such great teem. They prabably win cup and Norris cap and medels at olimpics. Me too I win medel in venkuver. Coch of Slouvakia came to my house and tell me Jaro they make naked gold statue of you, so now you make us Slouvakia gold medel for hang to the necks. I tell new coch Martoon, I hev to be rest for vankuver, maybe I sleep during game for get rest. I sey to coch Martoon make Cari to put in nets.

But I no pley to the net for coch Martoon becase yesterday my favorite show Bevreli 91012B on tv and I so lav the show! Oh my gad I lav the show! Coch ask me to pley and I sey no wey coch! I prepare for venkuver! Then I hide in litel closett in Canada Airplane Center and watch 91012b on smal screeen and big smile. Blond actress look like my summer girlfriend who never come to visit me Jaro to the jail. Oh I forgot to tell you! So long sumer stori!!!! Oh Jaro! you so bad remember memori!!!! I go back to bench at commercials and see Koumi make his jokes so funny! Also I see coch Martoon tell Kevorkian Muler we need Courtis Sunford. What is that? I think coch Martoon want new Ford car for drive in summer.

First game so easy for teem becase Tranta pley like half. So many new pleyers on us Mentreal, we no pass well becase many time Mentreal pleyer will have pack and stop and sey “ Hey I mentreal pleyer, what your name and do you pley for the Mentreals so I can pass to you the pack?, No? you leef, ok sorri, yes? you mentreal? ok take the pack.” Then mentreal pleyer lose pack and mepels score to the net of fat Cari. So mani shats Cari! You so bad golie becase they shoot so many shats to you!

So hard! I dont know nobady! But everynobady know me Jaro so its so more easy for them. Best pleyer of teem, my brather Jaro Spacek. He mom Sissy so good I big fan and I sey this to brather Jaro! He punch me for pley!

Teem have so no cemistri. Like when I yang and my famly tell me you dont pley with children outside. They from Moravia. We no have nathing in cammon with peple from Moravia so you no pley with them Jaro! Dad so serius! Oh dadi! So ya, mentreal teem pley like Moravia and Slouvakia. Same same thing. So I no talk to Moravia pleyers. I have nathing in cammon with them. I think Cari reely from Moravia and he no sey to me. I tell him last nite, “Cari you from Moravia hey? Hey Cari?” Cari call me dooche.

Teem so all new but nat me! Teem know they cant make me Jaro to go becase me so fentestic to teem! Coch Martoon probably sey, take hole teem out from mentreal, but no Jaro. Jaro stey. So meny change, but teem pley same – like we are teem of tredmeals. But in end of time of more time, new treadmeal Camalama (he name like 2 animals that look same!). Helo I Jaro Goldfishfish! Ok so Camalama make crexy pley and Gerges put pack behind Vesa ass. We win and 91012b amazing show so Jaro win too!

36 comments:

Hadulf said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you...and so on...

Camalama (he name like 2 animals that look same!). Helo I Jaro Goldfishfish!

WV : hable. As in, Jaro is hable to make pack not go to back of ass.

capper said...

Jaro, you the crexiest creximan. I love you!!1


WV: instrous. Come up with something funny, anybody?

HabsFan29 said...

I hate to be the Debbie Downer in a killer Jaro post ("Coach Martoon", heh), but you all should know Markov is out for 2-3 months

CivilizedWorm said...

The season is over as soon as it started.

/prepares noose.

/hangs self.

lawyergirl77 said...

@29 - RDS is reporting more like 4 months.

4 - seriously, brilliant as always!! [i]"“ Hey I mentreal pleyer, what your name and do you pley for the Mentreals so I can pass to you the pack?, No? you leef, ok sorri, yes? you mentreal? ok take the pack.” [/i]

I'm laughing through my tears.

too close to toronto said...

seriously 4, this might be the best one yet. the only thing missing is references to ryder eating "pupcorn". best. joke. ever.

rutbut said...

In the words of Jaro, we're facked.

Moey said...

Hilarious.

On the Markov front, this will be an interesting test to see what this team is made of.

moeom said...

Is it me or are Taranta fans boring fack? FOr two periods the only noise i heard were old fuckers eating popcorn and sipping on their beer.

@ Markov news: We are facked! You cant say other wise. Did you see how unorganized we are when he isnt on the ice? Someone has to step up.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Hey I mentreal pleyer, what your name and do you pley for the Mentreals so I can pass to you the pack?

@LG
I highlighted as I was reading and I fell off the floor at the same line. Sadly other than the sweater color (and the Naked Twister that brought them together at camp) they probably aren't totally sure who to pass to. When I think back to Souray and Streit on the blue line.... Oy. Hey, maybe Odelein wants to sign up. He's still considered a free agent.

@4
I truly enjoy the twisted way you think. Maybe it was all the dafina growing up. There's nothing better than a brown egg, a ton of heart burn and some hallucinogens to get the creative juices flowing.

moeman said...

Get well Vodkov.

On the bright side, we'll get a 3-4 month reprieve from the always annoying maguire saying that #79 will be getting a facefull of Dou$harek's fibreglass.

Ben Dugas said...

Koumisarek pley so good joke to us, he come on ice in sweter of Mepel leef!!! Oh Koumi so crazy, I laf so hard on bench!!!! Ok Ok Koumi! Me too I pley with Bafalo sweter!
-my favourite

moeman said...

Al$o.

Baseball said...

I'm crying...either because this is so goddamn funny or because Markov is out for ??? months... or all of the above.

Laszlo said...

hahahaaha! Best shit I've read in months!

Habsfan10 said...

Wow. The guys over at PPP are calling Markov's injury karmic payback for Greek Lightning cheapshotting Van Ryn.

Yeah, because a potentially career altering injury to Montreal's best player and MVP is absolutely the proper karmic punishment for an admittedly stupid hit on Toronto's made-of-glass-before-Greek-Lightning-ever-touched-him fifth d-man.

Fuck me. That might be the fucking dumbest thing those guys have ever convinced themselves of.

Boob Gainey said...

The PPP are pricks.

Always have been.

fezworth said...

Wow... That's it... Where's FTC? The collapse has begun.

moeman said...

Boob knows.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

The star Russian defenceman and powerplay QB is injured for 4 months on the first game of the season, and the team struggles out of the gate. They come together around February, just as the star D-man returns and starts lighting it up, and jump from 10th place to 6th in the East and into the playoffs. Once in the playoffs, the inspired play of a young goalie determined to prove that he wasn't a draft bust, combined with a surprisingly strong defence that somehow includes Hal Gill, and a handful of gritty Quebecois third-liners leads the team to their first Stanley Cup in 17 years.


Delusion? Nope - the 2008-2009 Pittsburgh Penguins.

Plan the Parade!

/unwarranted optimism

HabsFan29 said...

@SSHF - thank you. thank you. thank you. you have made my weekend much better.

moeman said...

@HF29>SSHF, let's go kidnap Sid Le Kid.

moeman said...

Breezer unretires!
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Of course I keed.

Olivier said...

Moeman: of course, of course

Grrrreg said...

I hope that's just la Presse stirring shit.

And thank you for that halak post, we all needed something like that today!

Anonymous said...

its gonna be alright

Anonymous said...

@SSHF
brilliant.

Sonia said...

"Watyousayyousofatcaria"

...is now my password at work.

@SSHF - The Pens also replaced their coach along the way. Shall we start speculating?

GoldenGirl11 said...

How 'bout blowing up the Bell and just moving The Coyotes here for a REAL fresh start. They can play at Beaver Lake.

Number31 said...

My brother reminded me that Chelibot is still a free agent. I nearly choked on my dinner. Call up Weber!

On the bright side, this is happening NOW and not in April, and we won't have to worry about him going to Venkuver I guess.

Oh and Kovy is stalking us.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@31
I don't think Kovy is stalking us, I think he's putting his return plan into motion. Kind of like asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage only he hasn't proposed yet. This is the ultimate "why Mrs. Cleaver, don't you look lovely today!". Kovy is kissing up to the ones who run this hockey city. The French media. Hey, French media. a moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips! And you weren't home earlier so your roses were delivered to you neighbor. Nice move Kovy.

Anonymous said...

How about Litle Tit and either Weber or Suppan to the rebuilding Isles for Streit back?

Jaredoflondon said...

I love Jaro

HF10 - It's no dumber than Habs fans saying it was VanRyans fault he got hit from behind and had his skull driven into the boards because he knew Kostopalous was behind him.

Boob Gainy - Sounds like a case of the trouser needle calling the prick pointy to me

Habsfan10 said...

@ Jared:

So we agree, it was an incredibly stupid thing to say? Excellent.

les_glorieux said...

Thank you for brightening up this dreary Saturday morning. I had dream of an injured Markov and Brisebois running the powerplay and lining up against the Malkins and Ovechkins of the league. Now I'm laughing.

Thank you!

Jaredoflondon said...

@HF10 - I agree it wasn't the most tactful thing to say, but it's not as though the Leafs went out and targeted Markov for injury to take out their best defenseman.
It does seem a little Karmic because last year when VanRyan was felled, he was the Leafs best defenseman, and now Markov goes down with a fluke injury in a game against the Leafs I can't fault anyone who would say the hockey gods are at least a bit Karma induced.