Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Wait, Atlanta's good now? Fuck me. Thrashers game preview and open thread

You'll imagine my shock when I started writing this preview and discovered that the Thrash is 4-1 to start the season. You can imagine my non-shock to see the Habs are 2-5. On with the recriminations...

Waiting in line details - 7:30 post meridium at the House of Suck I, and it's on TSN. Habs on a five-game losing streak. If they lose tonight, it will be their worst start in 68 years. Woohoo! There's something to get excited about!

Pay your cover charge to - Check out The Blueland Chronicle. Currently features photos of Bob and Doug Mackenzie, light-sabre fighting squirrels, and a moose fucking a miniature statue of a buffalo. My kind of humour.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - credit where credit is due; this year, the former ZombiePleks is your leading point getter and seems to come to play every night. Squid finally got off the schneid Saturday night with his first tally.

Skanky Habs to watch - Anyone on the 3rd or 4th line, most of the defense corps, and the goalies. Anyone else?

Hot sexy Thrashers to watch - Kovy has 7 goals, 2nd in the league after Ovie. Rich Peverly has 7 points, and Atlanta goalies are playing well (especially Ondrej Pavelec), even with main man Kari Lehtonen out with a hip injury. Evander Kane is the Thrashers' star 18 year-old. Thrashers PP best in the league at an astonishing 37.5%.

Skanky Thrashers to watch - no one really. Like I said, they're 4-1.

On the main stage - welcome the next D stopgap measure, Marc-André Bergeron, paired with Mara and working the point on the PP. Metro practiced this week but still isn't ready to go. No other lineup notes as of this writing.

In the VIP Room - and it's finally time to let the expletives fly! Fucking fuck this goddamn fucking piece of shit cocksucking team is sucking a big bag of dicks.

OK that felt good. But truly, my heart isn't in it. The reason that's so is 'cause we really haven't played that badly over the last couple of games. We've outshot our opponents, and haven't looked that terrible except for the final scores. TFS hasn't come up big since games 1 and 2, so I suppose I could complain about that. And Hal Gillis can be a disgrace. But even though Jack Todd says that this whole "blowing up the team" thing is a miserable failure, I'm nowhere near the "fire Bob" camp. Yet.

Post-game adult entertainment establishment - Kamasutra inspires our graphic today. It was the site of HF4's bachelor party and the subsequent immortal lesson, "if you take two girls to the VIP Room with you for a lesbian show, get a firm price in advance."

Let the expletives fly in the comments

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

man i love those kamasutra girls

Tally said...

Jack Todd is the biggest bandwagon douche in the gazette. i was happy when he retired, now, he seems to want to give his bandwagon opinion every bloody day, and loves to bash the habs when they are sucking. Im pretty sure hes like 1/18th french, because he sounds exactly like all the frenchies saying the habs need more francophone players. but hey, when they win 3 straight, hes the first to jump back on. someone punch him in the throat for me

HabsFan4 said...

Is this another night where a Kovy lights it up against us?

WV: lygiss: i.e lygiss get this season over with.

Moey said...

If the game is on TSN does that mean we get the hockey "expert" McGuire?

Check out his head coaching stint stats on Wiki:

leading the Hartford Whalers to a 23-37-7 record in 1993–94 before being replaced by Paul Holmgren in the mid-season.

Awesome!

But this is my personal favorite on Wiki:

Despite all of his experience in the world of hockey, Pierre never actually learned how to tie his own skates.

HabsFan4 said...

"Kamasutra inspires our graphic today. It was the site of HF4's bachelor party and the subsequent immortal lesson, "if you take two girls to the VIP Room with you for a lesbian show, get a firm price in advance."

600$ later, I realize that would have been a wise move.

Also, never let a drunken bachelor dictate the terms of the contract, for he will cost his friends 600$.

L Dude said...

Wow. 6 bills eh? I was wondering about that cost. Scratches 'lesbians in VIP room at Kamasutra' off of Xmas list.

I can just hear Pierre McSplooge tonight: "This team is clearly missing the services of Mike Komisarek."
But you have to imagine him saying that with Komisarek's dick in his mouth.

L Dude said...

Cari the fat whale and his new mask what looks like dreemed up by peemple faced, underpant jizzing teenage boy, get to seet on bench on watch my mastery over the other Kovy tonight.

Unfinished Business said...

Jack Todd is still writing? What a fucking hack. I couldn't have been happier when I saw that the Tabloid moron had taken a buyout from the Gaz.

And I was always quite partial to Gentleman's Choice during my tenure in Montreal.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@4
So does that mean if there were two of me I could charge you $600?

GoldenGirl11 said...

Correction....
....does that mean I could charge you?

northern_sooner said...

"I can just hear Pierre McSplooge tonight: "This team is clearly missing the services of Mike Komisarek."
But you have to imagine him saying that with Komisarek's dick in his mouth."


ROFLMAO

Hey, you're talking about the next GM don't ya know, at least according to Tony and Mitch on the T990. Speaking of Tony and Mitch, how much do think it would cost to see them do a lesbian duo at Kamasutra? Ugh

Mortimer Peacock said...

Thank you for the kind words, sir. I've always enjoyed this here blog. Keep up your fine work.

True story: the Canadiens are my favorite Eastern Canadian team.

HabsFan29 said...

thx for poping in Mortimer. good luck tonight! well, not really.

jaro make golie thees game

Speaking of Tony and Mitch, how much do think it would cost to see them do a lesbian duo at Kamasutra?

northern_sooner you are hereby banned for one afternoon for making me sick

Habsfan10 said...

This blog needs more squirrels with fucking lightsabers. Also, the Canadiens better fucking start winning or Imma gonna rant all over this fucking place.

GoldenGirl11 said...

So there it is. I guess squid strippers and midgets had to run their course eventually. I guess I'll trash tomorrow's full frontal nudity and get working on those "fucking lightsabers".

HabsFan29 said...

I'd like to combine the lightsabers and the strippers please

Habsfan10 said...

My bad. It should be fucking lightsabres, not lightsabers. But still. FUCKING SQUIRRELS WITH FUCKING LIGHTSABRES? THAT'S FUCKING BRILLIANT!

Although, strippers also work.

HabsFan4 said...

Fucking 10 and his way with words. You had me at squirrels.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Done. From here on in, it'll be stripping squirrels. I'm always up for the challenge and I was starting to feel bad for the girls. Just keep BGL away from me.

moeman said...

Pleks, take off your turtleneck…real slow
Pleks, take off your skates…here, I'll take your skates
Pleks, you've taken off your dress
Yes, yes, yes
You can leave your helmet on
You can leave your helmet on
You can leave your helmet on

Goal on over there and turn on the red light…no, many red lights
Now come back here and skate to this 1st star spot…that's right
Raise your stick up in to the air...shake 'it
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live

Media minds are talking
Trying to tear the CH apart
They say that our Habs love is wrong
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
We know what love is

Moey said...

@GG11,

Stripping bunnies are good too.

Anonymous said...

awww fuck...runs downstairs to change the PVR to record the game on RDS instead...

lawyergirl77 said...

Moeman - ah, the quintessential stripper song. Well done!

Pleky, pleky, you so sexy...

(Actually, he's not, but it just worked with the song)

Random factoid - it's Halak's pic on today's tix in the season tickets package. Nice that he gets to start... even if his smile on these things is seriously creeping me out.

moeman said...

@lg77, merci, hopefully our Habs don't need 9 1/2 weeks to get things going.

moeman said...

Wow, on the whole 'disscrimiNation' hype, Joel Bouchard just made the most sense, so far. His best line was for those that rip Team Canada Jrs. for not having enough Québecois. His comment was simply, they, are, winning, Gold(s). He also suggested that the navel gazing should stop and serious mirror gazing should be done. +1

HabsFan29 said...

Joel Bouchard just made the most sense

my head just 'sploded

moeman said...

@HF29, "my head just 'sploded"

I agree, that Kamasutra site is quite, erm, inspiring.

HabsFan29 said...

heh

cottoneye said...

@lawyergirl77:

Pleky, pleky, you so sexy...

(Actually, he's not, but it just worked with the song)


I totally just read that to the tune of Notirious Big's Hypnotize, as in:

Pleky, Pleky, Pleky, can't you see, sometimes your moves just hypnotize me...

By the way, I find that Plekanec's sexiness is underrated. He is damn fine.

matt - ftc said...

In the spirit of discrimination...who has won the most amount of stanley cups as coach of the Canadiens? A man from Northern Ontario names Toe Blake.

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

Did anyone else notice that they updated the graphics for the méchants mardis intro? On the first one of the season, they were still using little Koivu and Komisarek look-a-likes, and-- i just bored myself talking about this. can we start winning soon?

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

also: where's coach? please tell me he didn't just get replaced by marc denis

lehab said...

finally some giant mexican squid action!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Thrasher coach looks like Kramer when he roasted himself like a BBQ chicken.

moeman said...

@GG11, good observation on that. That Seinfeld Kenny Rogers chicken episode is classic. Pass the butter.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Kenny?... Kenny?... Kenny?...
Kills me every time.

moeman said...

MAB is wobbly but he don't fall down.

Matt D said...

Colby Armstrong looks 12 years old.

moeman said...

Too bad one can't punCH peeair in the face via the toob. mcFucktard.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Bergeron, the PP specialist (aka the urologist) seems to be giving them a little confidence.

moeman said...

Not sure who the ATL player is but sportsmanship shown to Bergeron by asking how he is was nice to see. Put that into the Québecois non-discrimination column (for the pure woolers, they know who they are).

bea.habs.fan said...

two good periods with players busting their ass.
I wont say anything else, too afraid

Moey said...

A little bit of nostalgia, Armstrong's hit on Koivu, Shelly pounding the living shit out of Armstrong. Those were the days. *snif*.

Moey said...

Oops, s/b *sniff*. I'm beside myself, can't spell.

Moey said...

Does anyone remember Peeair's take on when the Pens traded for Hossa to take a run at the 2008 cup? "That terrible move will haunt them for years to come."


Yup, haunted them all the way to the Stanley Cup. He's just so darn insightful.

moeman said...

eesh

Lukestar said...

Ugh...it had to b army too...pass the rye

Matt D said...

Here's a reason to freak the fuck out: this team isn't playing that badly, but they're still a shitty Hall Gill turnover away from a 6 game losing streak (a turnover I expect will happen in about 7 minutes, with the 4th line on the ice for no good reason). Imagine what things will be like when they start playing like shit.

moeman said...

1 fucking point, 1 to go.

Matt D said...

Pleks isn't wearing the turtleneck anymore!

kevincrumbs said...

Woohoo! A point!

Why won't the puck go into their net?

moeman said...

@Matt D, I sang that upthread.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Hard work but these guys can't score more than 1 goal a game and haven't won a game in regulation. Not good.

lehab said...

noticed Gord Miller's comment about the GMS line.." for lack of a better name we will call them "the little three"".. WTF they already have a great name, he just has lack of brains for not following FHF. We need to let him know.

moeman said...

@lehab, the chinless wonder does his usual Habs bash. Its tsn.

moeman said...

Not gonna fault em if the SO is fucked.

lehab said...

besides little plays for thrashers. his line can be the little three

moeman said...

The Giant part of the Mexican Squid bags the 2nd point.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Mazel tov

lehab said...

too bad for squid but at least the giant mexican duo put it away!

Cowboyatheart said...

Just got back from the game, and wow, I didn't realize laraque actually skated that badly. I'm remembering the drooling idiot that skated on his ankles that every team had throughout minor hockey.

Good job from the boys though. It should have been at least 4-1. I know I saw 2 solid posts hit and about 10 other really solid chances they didn't bury.

Van Hab said...

One time I almost got my ass kicked at Kamasutra for asking various patrons for cocaine.

My mom wasn't allowed to take me to work anymore after that.

Number31 said...

OK so um, we're only going to get OT victories this year I think...

boob gainey said...

We're back baby!

Plan the fucking parade!

kevincrumbs said...

Good sporting week for Slovakia. They qualify for the World Cup while the Czechs miss out and Jaro beats Ondrej the Czech.

I'm sure they're dancing on the streets of Bratislava.