Thursday, October 15, 2009

Welcome to the comforts of home boys - Avs game preview and open thread

Home sweet home. Let's hope it fucking counts for something, as this is the first of 6 straight at home for the Habs.. All the comforts of home are just up Stanley Street. Let's get to it.

Waiting in line details -19h30 start at Chez Bell. Actual puck drop will probably be much later. I would write that the Habs have lost 3 straight but the Western road trip never happened. Avs are actually leading the Western Conference with a 4-1-1 record. Believe it.

Pay your cover charge to - Disgruntled Avalanche Blogger is undoubtedly less disgruntled considering the Avs' start.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - I'm happy to say that Pleks has started off the season seemingly on a mission to prove his critics wrong. If only he had some wingers. Gionta leads the team with 3 goals. MOEmaN's good play is earning him a spot on the top line with Gionta and Gomez.

Skanky Habs to watch - Everyone else?

Hot sexy Avs to watch - Career backup Craig Anderson has started the season on fire for the Avs, playing every game and having a sub-2 GAA. Some Polack named Wojtek Wolski leads the Avs with 7 points. Darcy Tucker and David "Bowie" Jones were the stars of the Avs win over the Leafs. Hejduk and Stastny always worth watching.

Skanky Avs to watch - not too many considering their record. Adam Foote is pointless.

Line up du jour - welcome to the next stopgap D plan, Shawn Belle. He's supposed to be a defensive D, and will be paired with Mara. Metro still out injured, so according to RDS' Twitter feed, the 4th line is Dagger-CHips-BGL. TFS set to start.

In the VIP Room - I said four days ago that the Habs get a week before the expletives fly in this space and I'm sticking to it. Over / under on the Bell Centre crowd letting the expletives fly is 6 minutes into the second period. On another note, does anyone even think of the Avs as the Nords anymore? I usually forget.

Post-game adult entertainment establishment - The granddaddy of them all and in the spirit of our graphic today, Chez Parée. Rumour has it you can get contact dances there now. Can anyone confirm this? I may have to reconsider my personal boycott.

Real life got in the way of HF4's promised piece from TMS this morning. Sorry about that. Direct your dirty thoughts in the comments at him.

79 comments:

Chester said...

What's "an erotic bed" ???

GoldenGirl11 said...

@33
Please enlighten Chester. Keep in mind that there are women on this site which might interfere with your bro code.

Chester said...

When you go to the Chez Paree site they offer, among other things, Erotic Beds ...
So please ... enlighten me

Olivier said...

I still think of them as the Nordiques. Peter's son (the talented one) is playing for them, dammit!

And he scored his first career goal against the habs. In Montréal. On the first night he got to wear his father #26.

Hopefully the Nords come back. If we are lucky, Quebecor is the owner, so we not only get a hockey, but also a corporate rivalry. Just like in the Molson vs Labatt days. Except this time they have rival 24/7 sports networks to go at each others.

Would certainly beat this pansy-ass "rivalry" we supposedly have with the leafs. Feh.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Olivier
Love the "feh".

kevincrumbs said...

Any chance of Hal Gill being booed during the player introductions? If not, how many minutes into the game does he get booed?

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

@kevincrumbs

I don't know, but he already gets booed in Boston a ton. I wonder if it's possible to get booed more.

Poor guy can't catch a break :(

(unless you count the stanley cup)

moeman said...

@ Chest, "What's "an erotic bed" ???"

~~~

I'll answer this one using my best Blues Brother's impression;

An erotic bed is a kinda bed where you have two danseueses and you wish you had some meat, if you don't have any meat, you go hungry.

Bow bow bow...

Hearr odda henunomme hithuipha
Huoy momma hommamomma shupabobba
Baerr odda Heyynomma kithuopha
Daire odda himmonomma shipowubba
Kool odda Heyynomma jiggowazzah
Hiire odda henunomma jiggowah
Haar odda hinunimme hithuipha
Bayr odda henunomme hithuiph
Shove bubba bom bubbashuppa bom

Mike Schwartz said...

Foote isn't totally pointless.. he's the only player in the world with a foot on his sleeve and a Foote on his back.

If the NHL were run either by idiots (wait...) or Youppi!, he'd just have a large version of their shoulder patch on the back of his sweater.

lawyergirl77 said...

Moeman - that surpassed your usual brilliance. I'm still laughing!!

Chester said...

@ Moeman

OK .. that clears everything up.
Then ... what's a Rubber Biscuit?

Ron Jeremy said...

Did someone say erotic bed?

moeman said...

MOEmaN
influenced by the Bourbon'd Blues Blanc Rouge Brothers, innuendo'd by me

Comin' to Montréal on a losing streak
But with your good lovin' we are gonna peak
Now I'm on the first line and it'll be somethin'
So don't worry Habs fans cause I'm comin'

I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN

Got what I got the Gainey way
And I'll make eaCH game better every play
So Four Habs Fans don't you fret
Cause you ain't seen nothin' yet

I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN
Play it Giant Mexican Squid!
I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN

Écoutez
I was brought up on a side street
I learned how to score before I could eat
I am educated, I'm no PJ Stock
When I start scorin' I just can't stop

I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN

We'll grab your heart and pull you in
On the erotic bed, we'll make you spin
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN
You're all MOEmaNs
I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN
I'm a MOEmaN

Habsfan10 said...

Moeman's on a mission from God.

Go Irish! Beat Trojans! Wait, wrong blog. Ah fuck it. GO YOU FUCKING HABS AND GO YOU FUCKING IRISH!

moeman said...

CAN NOT WAIT FOR THIS GUY!

moeman said...

@HF10, now dat is a funny ref.

lehab said...

should be a fun night. my son the avs fan ( since st.patrick was traded) wants to bet.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
I found it! Give this address to MrLG's friend

http://skepacabra.wordpress.com/2009/05/29/further-proof-that-women-are-evil/

moeman said...

Not to get to aHEAD of tonight's game but word is the cbc's early evening Saturday 'national' Eastern game won't be the Habs v. Sens but the way the fuck out west VAN v. leaf tilt, ensuring that the dumbfuck dodgeball-loving leaf fan at the CotU gets their ugly sleep.

hnic; 'sucking flaccid leaf fan cock despite how putrid the 43 year old rice-pudding textured cum tastes'. Swallow hard ron and don, swallow hard.

Also, GO you fucking Canucks!

~~~

WV - dermi, as in tie dermi is the 8th best battle of the stars guy out of 8. Also, the gal on that show are freakin' hot.

moeman said...

gal = gals

HabsFan29 said...

alright 730 START THIS FUCKING GAME

HA. we're looking at 20 minutes before i see a puck. time for another meth hit

JM looks nervous

kevincrumbs said...

Hurrah! Colorado feed in standard definition tonight! Fuck you NHL Center Ice!

GoldenGirl11 said...

JE SUIS GROSSED OUT!!!

moeman said...

Fuck the CH does this shit well.

Nice fucking try Big Tits.

GoldenGirl11 said...

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! It's like a 10 year old's birthday !!!!!

moeman said...

@GG11, the 'je suis' isn't that gross and I think its also a shot across the bow of the pure wool media fucktards. Je suis MOEmaN!

kevincrumbs said...

What'd I miss with the player intros? Hopefully someone posts it to YouTube later.

MrBigTime said...

Je suis... fucking pumped!!!

PS - Everyone managed the "Je suis..." except BigTits screwed it up...go figure

Moey said...

Is it just me or did Jacques Martin looked all teary eyed?

HabsFan29 said...

only 15 minutes. not bad. let's do this thing

moeman said...

Great 1st minute.

kevincrumbs said...

Great, I get a whole night of the announcers calling AK46 "Kon-so-nyn". Also, there's only one beer in the house.

moeman said...

@kc, nurse it.

kevincrumbs said...

@moeman: My rate of drinking depends on how poorly the Habs play.

moeman said...

kc's been on a multi-year bender.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Yes. That's what grossed me out. The media kiss up as of to fool them into thinking that they're all immersed in french 101 at the local high school. I would have liked it better if they all spoke in their native tongue first and then french... better yet, I'd rather be the Montreal Canadiens and not the Tampa Bay lightening. Every person in that place has read 5,000 "meet the new Habs" articles (and 5,000 Red Fisher "meet the really old Habs" articles) and know the guys inside and out. After the "Je suis" stuff I was expecting a quick review of hockey rules... "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the game of hockey. Each team has to get that little puck into the opposing team's net."

moeman said...

Je suis 1-0 !

South Shore Habs Fan said...

HAMR! B'awww, he thinks he's a Markov <3

kevincrumbs said...

Hamr! Good job!

Ron Jeremy said...

The Hammer!

moeman said...

@GG11, I agree with you 100% but the CH marketing kids pulled off a sweet, simple, short and souvienish coup. It'll make the réjeans and bertrands clenCH up until they get 'their' nords, whenever that is.

kevincrumbs said...

Any chance that we'll see our first two goal lead of the season?

HabsFan29 said...

sorry i was just zoned out hallucinating there that the Habs had a 1-0 lead

HabsFan29 said...

we're wasting this opportunity BIG TIME

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Agreed but I still hate being the Tampa Bay Habs.

It seems that puck possession IS a good system. It goes with my favorite hockey analysis "the more we shoot on the net the better chance we have of scoring".

kevincrumbs said...

FUCK. When the fuck did Anderson morph into Patrick Roy? I have a feeling they'll tie it on some bullshit garbage goal and then win it in the shootout.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

How the hell has Anderson never been the #1 goalie anywhere?

kevincrumbs said...

@SSHF: I don't think anybody watches Panthers games.

moeman said...

Trudat GG11 but methinks the Habs org is/are girding their loins for the Quebec media nords orgy.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Quebec Nords orgy. I think there's a song AND a photoshop in there somewhere.

HabsFan29 said...

alright that's a decent period by the boys. like about 200 more and you'll have a good season

moeman said...

@GG11, we should go the road and do a parody and photoshop slide show extravaganza. Would we have to pay FHF royalty fees?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Would I have to take my children? Might be worth the royalties.

moeman said...

The Canada Post multi-hologramed Habs 500 goals! (Rocket, Le Gros Bill, Le Démon Blond) stamp revealed this coming Saturday is supposed to be pretty fucking cool.

moeman said...

@GG11, nope kids can stay at home with Mr. GG11 as there will be expected vulgarity in the parody portion and I hope even more in the graphical presentation(s). After-all, we are going cross-la-Belle-Province kicking the Nords in the nut. (off to create Sundin punCHing clown)

moeman said...

Wow, did renaud lavoie look tall in that interview.

HabsFan29 said...

pinball!

fuck

kevincrumbs said...

FUCK. Here we go...

HabsFan29 said...

Belle tir au but!

HabsFan29 said...

crowd seems testy

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK FUCK FUCK

nice bounces

kevincrumbs said...

See? This is the shit that happens when you can't take a fucking two goal lead.

moeman said...

ack!

kevincrumbs said...

Bell Centre sounds like a library. Surprised to not hear boos.

HabsFan29 said...

ooh look, Simpsons Hallowe'en specials on Comedy network. much more entertaining

moeman said...

Have faith in the team kids. Even joel bouchard said the team has to be 'sharp, comme on dit au hockey'. Calisse!

Moey said...

They're puckteasers. They give us good foreplay and then can't finish the job, drop some Viagra in their water bottles for fuck sake.

kevincrumbs said...

Come on, let's cash in on this PP. This game has been a snoozefest since the 1st.

kevincrumbs said...

Jesus, can we play a goalie who's not playing out of his skin for once?

kevincrumbs said...

A lot of whining on the Avs broadcast. I'll take the goal, though.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Squid twitching in the box. I bet he's freaking at the idea that they could lose game one on his account. The news guys must think that there are lynch mobs waiting outside the Bell after a bad game.

kevincrumbs said...

Fuck this fucking team.

This is what happens when you try to get revenge on someone. Fucking idiots.

copyranter said...

Great own-zone work that was.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Stupid play by Gomez and whoever the other Hab was.

That said, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK REFS.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Fucking bullshit.

kevincrumbs said...

This team pisses me off so much.

lehab said...

his tits are too fucking big!

lehab said...

if big tits was flat that puck would have gone straight in. flat like komi's head. would have gone in off little tits!

Gino Tomac said...

So for the first time in many years, I decided not to buy the Center Ice package and watch the Canadiens year round because of this year's roster.
And after reading the posts, I think i made the right decision.


All these new players, new coach, new system, new management, I feel no connection to any of them. To me, this year's Habs are just a fucking expansion team. There's no history or pride or CH memories in any of them.

We have 4 good players earning elite salaries, a ton of overpaid extras, and obviously a goalie that will never play in an All-Star game outside of Montreal.

We shouldn't have busted apart the team after one sub par season following a 1st place finish.

I still think most fault comes from Gainey's unwillingness to negotiate contracts during the regular season. We could have kept Streit and Souray for much less than what they eventually received on their respective July 1sts.

Our D might have been
Markov - Komi
Souray - Streit
Gorges - O'Byrne

It's obvious that some of our younger talent is not going to develop, so instead of getting rid of our stars, we should have traded our youth that didn't fit for actual NHL players that would (Instead of Grabovski for Pateryn or Ribiero for Ninnima)

I'm sure we could have gotten some interesting nibbles if Latendresse, D'Agostini, AK, SK, and others were available. Price is not TFS. I wish he was, but something happened when we got rid of Huet (another bone-headed move, because we got nothing in return)

Now, we're stuck with some serious overhead. We have 10 players that are signed to over 45 Million next season. And with the cap dropping, that means we'll have to plug those 13 other holes with under 7 million remaining dollars and that includes Goaltending.

We're fucked for a while...welcome back Habs circa '97 - '04.