Time to Get Up in the Middle of the Night and Pace Feverishly in Search of Answers: Oil 3 - Gas 102.3/l

Get used to the idea

It's not going to get any better than this.

One or two decent periods of hockey in the last 5 games. Two wins that don't belong and three losses that do.

So here's a little list of what's wrong and will never change, to make us all feel much much better.

1. Kyle Chipchura is always out of position and has a habit of making the other team like it's loaded with players named Scott Stevens. How many thunderous hits is one meant to be on the receiving end of? How many, Eric Lindros?
2. Remember Bob Gainey's press conference last season? The one at the end of the Habs' cameo appearance when Bob came to his goaltender's rescue. Where he said' "Man! Look at that guy, man he can play". It should sound more like, "Man! Look at that guy, man he can play when he doesn't suck. Man!"
3. Remember when Carey told the press like, 20 days ago, that he was going to be more mature, less erratic and not carried away by the ups and downs of a season? His third game of the season he punches a fist through a wall, potentially having an enormous impact on his catching abilities and on the ease of his masturbation.
4. The boys will go through punishing drills the day after a night off and will often lose the following game, thus enticing the coach to resort to older tactics employed by previous coaches such as taking the guys to movie night and allowing them several play dates.
5. The Giant Mexican Squid line will remain the best of the bunch but will soon come to terms with the futility of their efforts and scale their productivity back the likes of which we haven't seen since GM revamped its auto line.
6. Andrei Kostitsyn will make the disappearance of all tits complete when his unbelievably ineffective ass is shipped out of town, leaving us all with the taste of Danius Zubrus in our mouths.
7. The team will continue to languish in the bottom echelons of the standings (in the NHL) and promotional ads about the playoffs the team will nevertheless be forced to run in the spring will be met with sarcasm and mockery.
8. Carey Price will no longer be able to masturbate at all.
9. Alex Kovalev will feel a mix of regret and satisfaction the bittersweet moments of the Habs' six losses against the Senators this season.
10. This blog will buy out Facebook.

Massive overhaul, but plus ça change, plus c'est pareil - hasn't this already been tried?...

5 days off and we all need them. Not you, Hall Gill.