Sunday, October 11, 2009

Time to Get Up in the Middle of the Night and Pace Feverishly in Search of Answers: Oil 3 - Gas 102.3/l

Get used to the idea

It's not going to get any better than this.

One or two decent periods of hockey in the last 5 games. Two wins that don't belong and three losses that do.

So here's a little list of what's wrong and will never change, to make us all feel much much better.

  1. Kyle Chipchura is always out of position and has a habit of making the other team like it's loaded with players named Scott Stevens. How many thunderous hits is one meant to be on the receiving end of? How many, Eric Lindros?
  2. Remember Bob Gainey's press conference last season? The one at the end of the Habs' cameo appearance when Bob came to his goaltender's rescue. Where he said' "Man! Look at that guy, man he can play". It should sound more like, "Man! Look at that guy, man he can play when he doesn't suck. Man!"
  3. Remember when Carey told the press like, 20 days ago, that he was going to be more mature, less erratic and not carried away by the ups and downs of a season? His third game of the season he punches a fist through a wall, potentially having an enormous impact on his catching abilities and on the ease of his masturbation.
  4. The boys will go through punishing drills the day after a night off and will often lose the following game, thus enticing the coach to resort to older tactics employed by previous coaches such as taking the guys to movie night and allowing them several play dates.
  5. The Giant Mexican Squid line will remain the best of the bunch but will soon come to terms with the futility of their efforts and scale their productivity back the likes of which we haven't seen since GM revamped its auto line.
  6. Andrei Kostitsyn will make the disappearance of all tits complete when his unbelievably ineffective ass is shipped out of town, leaving us all with the taste of Danius Zubrus in our mouths.
  7. The team will continue to languish in the bottom echelons of the standings (in the NHL) and promotional ads about the playoffs the team will nevertheless be forced to run in the spring will be met with sarcasm and mockery.
  8. Carey Price will no longer be able to masturbate at all.
  9. Alex Kovalev will feel a mix of regret and satisfaction the bittersweet moments of the Habs' six losses against the Senators this season.
  10. This blog will buy out Facebook.
Massive overhaul, but plus ça change, plus c'est pareil - hasn't this already been tried?...

5 days off and we all need them. Not you, Hall Gill.


GoldenGirl11 said...

Hey 4, look at the bright side. The Molsons never have to worry about where the team will play. If anything ever happens to the Bell, they can just move into Hal Gill.

I say shave them all!

Gino Tomac said...

We obviously suck.
trade almost all of it.
There are only 6 players I'd consider keeping...

That's 6 of a 23 man roster.
Fuck this....I don't think I have the stomach for another 5 year building plan.

And finally, Why the fuck didn't we offer Gomez money for Gaborik???

This is the first season in Habs history that I actually don't like the team.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.....

Anonymous said...

First off, I was at that game last night and Edmonton fans are the least knowledgeable hockey `fans` in the history of shitty fans. My list of what went wrong:
1)Hal Gill thinks he`s transparent and that is why he stands his big ass in front of Carey all night long.
2)Hal Gill couldn`t have possibly been the best option out there in the offseason. You really need to see him in person to understand his lack of speed.
3)How many times does a team have to try a stretch pass before you defend against it?! Waaay to let Mr Hilary Duff get away with it with only 90 seconds left in the first!
4)Ass tap to Paul Mara for trying to get the team going WHEN THEY'RE DOWN BY THREE by retaliating and receiving a 2, 5, and 10. Awesome, way to pick your spots!
5)Okay, the giveaway for the Oiler's 3rd goal was brutal, but what about the defensemen just watching O'Sullivan drive to the net and shoot?
6)Also with the turnover; is it really necessary to sit Big Tits for the entire 3rd in a one goal game when the home team is reeling? Maybe. BUT DOES THAT MEAN PUTTING GEORGE LARAQUE OUT WITH 2 MINUTES LEFT?! His hands aren't made for scoring.
7)Is it a requirement to have a shitty defenseman on the team at all times? Breezer finally left and we get Hal Gill.

Gino Tomac said...

Fuck Hal Gill indeed...
Fuck anything or anyone that reminds me of Brisebois.

Number31 said...

Well. I'd say it could be worse. 'Cause yes, it could. Hello Dallas Stars with all their usual players now 3 games going to overtime and all 3 going to a big fat L. (The win for them in Calgary is absolutely meaningless 'cause McElhinney ain't gonna steal any games for them like Kipper).

Let us be thankful Price stole those first two games (though should have played Calgary), and let us be thankful this damn road trip is over... They're suffering enough without Markov, giving up on them after 5 games isn't going to help.

Anonymous said...

there are five things i hate in this world;the yankees, the blue jays, the leafs, bob cole and expensive hookers. no relevance to the blog...just thought i should put it out there...go habs

Sherloq said...

Hi guys, followed this blog for awhile now, one of the best around.

Couple of points:

1. @ Anonymous: Oiler fans are some of the least knowledgeable? What specifically are you basing this on? I grew up there and saw 100's of games at Northlands over the years. Pretty solid hockey history in E-Town (Flyers,Oil Kings,Golden Bears, OIlers). People are very knowledgable (if a little prone to eating their young)

2. Habs outplayed the Oil for the most part Sat. night, just didn't capitalize on their chances. You're missing some pretty big pieces of your team right now AND there were wholesale changes to the line up this year,,be patient, you'll be fine.

Anyhow, that's all I got right now. Keep up the great work.


Olivier said...

I think we won't look this bad once Jacques stops giving Squid's spot to Moeman for two periods.

Jeebus, why would someone mention publicly they tasted Danius Zubrus in their mouth is beyond me...

Behold, the MAB era is upon us!