Saturday, October 31, 2009

Jaro speek to Talke to Jaro: Choocago 3 - Mentreal 2


Jaro: Jaro! Oh Jaro we so bad to pley when we come to city withe the wind in the air! I so heppy to have brather like you hoo understande to me and speek like me! Oh Jaro, wat we do?! We pley like litel peece of dust to get blow by big manster wind in city of wind in the air.

Jaro 2.0: Look not pale, Jaro, thy coach shall not frown.

Jaro: Wat? Jaro you crazy!

Jaro 2.0: Jaro, dear countryman, you have been an able host and have afforded me your kindness, but you shall trust that thy coach shall not frown.

Jaro: Jaro you speek in Slovak now? Dont you kno we break country meny year ago and now we have own lenguege and you can speek to me in our lenguege?

Jaro 2.0: I bid you to come to your senses, my friend.

Jaro: JARO, YOU SCARE ME! Speek to me like normal! Cam on! We pley so bad in city of wind in air and Cari lose AGEN! Agen Cari lose! He have win amnesouisa. He forget how ween! He like "helo I'm fat Cari, I borne in Britieesh Coolumbia but have no spanish accsent, and I remember everryting in world but not how ween. I dont kno how ween".

Jaro 2.0: Nay, Jaro, I will impart on thee the path to glory.

Jaro: Partonthee? Jaro is this city in Slovakia! JARO YOU TRETOR SPY FROM SLOVAKIA!!! YOU SCARE ME!!!!

Jaro 2.0: You may never be with me, Jaro, if I be afeared.

Jaro: I want cry, Jaro were are you? Helooooo, Jarooo!

Jaro 2.0: Carey, our young tender of goal was once in fact a glorious tender. He is no half a man. And if he were a half, I would be the other half, for to share in the glory of such brilliance is to be a better half. You see, Jaro, I once said, I'll have no halves. I'll bear it all myself. How foolish of me to say. While Chicago commanded us to kneel before them, he shunned their proposal and stood in bold defiance, that Carey. And it became worse and worse. 1-0. 2-0. Yet Carey would not come.

Jaro: Cari is a big fat wale and he no come to Choocago becase he no swim in the wind! And also, I don't speek Slovakian Jaroooo!

Jaro 2.0: Wrong you are, Jaro, he could swim in the wind if it were the path of his choosing. In fact, I heard a Patrick Kane ask young Carey, "Carey, you must come to me forthwith". But Carey declined.

Jaro: Jaro I so tired to leessen to this slovakia proupagandhi. Oh look at me, I so Jaro, I write poems, I have hats with fethers and dvd of balley. Fak you Jaro! You no brather to me. You no even check repoublican! You samboady else! I tell bab ganey to get my brather Jaro away from Bafala becase pooor Jaro alone in Bafala and get fat with chiken weengs. Help my brather came to Mentreal were he can be to bed with meny Mentreal woemen like me Jaro. But no! You Jaro kiss the ass of wale and speeek impassible slouvakian speek!

Jaro 2.0:
The horn on your head reveals the mule in you. Roundly replied, young Jaro, roundly replied, but bare in substance. Your team played a better game than you bring them credit for. You measure your team's sorrows by your blind hatred, and yet now, fair befall thee good Jaro and you have been given your chance and this has become your team. Yet you still spit blood on the fouler fortunes of your mate Carey.

Jaro: there is two words in balley Jaro. Balls and gay.

Jaro 2.0:
Nay, it is intolerable to hear such words. Not to be endured.

Jaro:
De do do do, de da da da, is all I want to sey to you, Jaro! I never been so scare of slovakian since my mam show me slouvakian dracula vampire movie in slouvakian. Wow, good Jaro! You make slouvalikan vampire on halloouweeen! Good Jaro! I pley against Taranto tonight and coch Martoon will love me Jaro and Cari will never pley to the net agen. NEVER AGEN!

Jaro 2.0: Jaro, you will, one day, understand the proper way, and in time you will smell less and less of dirty cabbage, but for now, I will live in regret of my decision to share a room with you on the road, and should this kinship be mended, very well mended then I will lose the regret conceived by me. But anger hits me now. Carey is a soldier. I can thee for the perils he stands in the way of, for the sake of his team. His bravery is magnificent. 'Tis ten to one now, Jaro, it'd maim you outright. Away now, Jaro, away. I've been shot to the heart, and you're to blame, you give Jaro a bad name.

23 comments:

GoldenGirl11 said...

@4
That even made the 401 seem fun for a few minutes. Thank you.

kevincrumbs said...

Wow. Just wow. Absolutely the best Jaro post, especially the Jaro 2.0 curveball.

Go Habs Go! Go Ducks (non-hockey version)!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Kev
Non hockey version ducks? So you're cheering on actual ducks?

kevincrumbs said...

@GG11: Yeah, I love it when they eat up all of the bread crumbs. I mean, who cheers for bread crumbs?

I mean the Oregon Ducks. College football. I'll be switching channels frantically during tonight's games.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Kev
I wasn't judging. I've cheer for rabbits... but right before they were turned into a jacket. Try screen in screen.

L Dude said...

GO CRUMBS! Friggin' ducks (shakes fist).

L Dude said...

I'm giving it 3 minutes into the pre-game broadcast for one of the CBC broadcasters (probably McLean or Cherry) to do this because of the Leafs.

Flying Toaster said...

"Shot to the heart! And you're to blame, you give Jaro, a bad name!" - Buahaha! So fany!

South Shore Habs Fan said...

*slow clap*

That last line... wow.

Baroque said...

Double the Jaro is double the brilliance. :)

wv = "unded." How apropros for Halloween!

HabsFan29 said...

while i agree with you that the last line was a winner, it was totally set up by "and in time you will smell less and less of dirty cabbage"

/ continues golf clap

moeman said...

Double da Jaro, double da fun!

Robbie said...

Could we fucking please, please please, not lose to the ''Fuck A Leafs''. I can handle the fact that this team will do no better then 500 hockey this year (at best) and we won't see the playoffs, but please for all things holy and not, do not fucking lose tonight... Greet Jaro post

kevincrumbs said...

Word on the street (well, HIO, not literally the street) is that Jaro gets the start tonight. The only way I can justify this is that it's the back end of two games in two nights.

Olivier said...

To top it all, Mean Jaro gets the start.

Eat rotten cabbage, Jaro 2.0 end fat caree wale

kevincrumbs said...

Go pants! Go Habs! Go banana! Go Ducks! Go fuck yourself Leafs!

HabsFan29 said...

if we lose tonight it's hari kari for me

i have seen the preview and it is sexy. should be up sometime in the 3rd period im sure. panger's west coast sched is messy

moeman said...

Sympathy For The Dou¢Harek

Please allow me to re-introduce myself
I'm now a man of wealth but no taste
I was around for long, long years
Stole many a Habs fan's soul and faith

And I was 'round when Jesus Price

Had his moments of doubt and pain

Made damn sure that my agent

Watched my back and sealed my fate

Not so pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my fucking name

But what's puzzling you

Is the nature of my lousy game

I stuck around Rue Ste. Catherine

Then I saw it was a time for a CHange

Killed the Czarbo and his administers

Anti-CHambre screamed in vain

Markov is the CH's tank
Me, 
I held a coaCH's rank

When the opposition raged

And our defense stank

Not so pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my fucking name

But what's puzzling you

Is the nature of my lousy game

I now watch with glee

While your Tits and Gui!

Play for only ten minutes

For the goofs they made

The leaf media shouts out

"Who killed the real Komi?"

When after all

I'm what you really see

Let me re-introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and no taste
I lay a crap for the ACC visitors
Who kill when they reach our blue line

Not so pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my fucking name

But what's freaking you

Is the nature of my lousy game

Not so pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my fucking name

But what's confusing you

Is the nature of my lousy game

Just as every traitor is a criminal

And all you FHF sinners think you're saints

As my head flies off it's handle

Just call me, Lucic's bitCH


'Cause now as a leaf, I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me

Have some FHF courtesy

Have some fucking sympathy, and some fucking taste

Use all your well-learned fucking politesse

Fuck it, just lay my $oul to waste, um yeah

Not so pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my fucking name

But what's confusing you

Is the nature of my lousy game

Woo, who

Oh yeah, get on down

Oh yeah

Oh yeah!

Tell me lg, what's his name

Tell me GG, baby guess his name

Tell me Moey, what's his name


I'll tell you this time, Burkie's to blame

Ooo, who

Ooo, who

Ooo, who

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who


Oh, yeah

What's my name

Tell me, Cherry, what's my name

Tell me, PeeAir, what's my name

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who

Ooo, who, who

Oh, yeah

(hnic studio chatter)

Ronan said...

@ moeman
A-mazing (and that's a long-ass song, too!)


@ The CBC
Under the guise of praising Tomas Plekanec, Marc Crawford makes snide comments about Pleky partying too hard and frequenting mobster-run businesses.

Fucking CBC can't even get their unfounded rumours right. The Tits and Hamr were rollin' dirty, you fucktards - Pleky was just depressed (or Zombiefied).

Our tax dollars at fucking work.

(btw, SSHF here)

HabsFan29 said...

oh god moeman that's fanstastic. im totally rocking out

now go put it in the open thread which just went up

moeman said...

@Ronan, it wasn't Crawford, it was glen healey

Robbie said...

oh my fucking God..its the key stone cop uniforms..i know its Halloween but were fucking doomed...can we burn those fucking pyjams please..for fuck sakes

HabsFan29 said...

note to everyone - in case you didn't see it, there's an open thread higher up. im up there doing meth, come join me!