Thursday, April 16, 2009

Ten More Things I Hate About ... The Boston Bruins

Photo courtesy of fellow Bruin hater and valued commenter LG77

It's the playoffs, and it's Habs vs Bruins. While we reserve a special place in our hate-filled little hearts for the B's all through the year, the springtime is when we ratchet the hate to new, bile-filled levels. And even though we did this last year, there's plenty more to hate about our black and gold suited bastard Original Six foes. Thank God for Vermont, otherwise the Massholes would be right across the border.

Ten More Things I Hate About The Boston Bruins

10. Donald. S. Cherry. Sinden and the Bruins gave this xenophobic, loud mouth ignoramus his first shot at the big time, and ever since he blew the too-many-men-on-the-ice game he's been an annoying dick. Thanks, Boston.

9. Hey, speaking of moronic talking heads on the CBC who used to bleed black and gold, it's Mike Milbury! Look Milbury, we all know you hate the Habs. We all know you held a grudge against Lafleur for so long you refused to name him to the All-Star team until the NHL stepped in and made you. We just don't need to hear you rip the Habs every time you open your mouth, especially when they AREN'T EVEN FUCKING PLAYING.

8. Last time we hated on the Bruins, someone mentioned I missed hating one Ken "The Rat" Linesman. Consider that snivelling, dirty little fucker duly noted and hated on. Bonus hate points for the fact that Linesman was a Bruin, Leaf and a Flyer. You can't get much more hated than that around here.

7. Stan Jonathan. Butch Bouchard. Fuck. Every time the Bruins and Habs get into it, some idiot Bruins fan brings up the night Jonathan demolished Bouchard. I assume it's because it was the only thing the Bruins won vs the Habs in 45 years.

6. The Richard Riot happened after a brawl with the Bruins went off the rails. Coincidence? I like to think not. Rocket should have found Hal Laycoe in the parking lot and eaten his heart.

5. We're at number 5 and we still haven't mentioned this. Good God. The mustard yellow. The jagged edge. The lame fonts. The severed Yogi Bear head. You're a goddamn original six team, for the love of Guy. Have some dignity.

4. This whole Michael Ryder was disrespected crap is starting to piss me off. Robert L has the right take on it here. Ryder, his lousy plus minus and his one-dimensional game can bite me at this point.

3. The night the lights went out in the Garden during the Finals ... seriously? A pro sports franchise can't even keep the fucking power going? Oh, wait, the Garden was old, you say? That was the problem, you say? Listen, the lights in Fenway don't just randomly go out and it's older than the Garden was. The fucking Bruins were too damn cheap to renovate, that's the problem. That night made the entire NHL look fucking bush league.

2. Look at the roof of the Bell Centre. 24 Cup banners, 14 numbers retired for 15 players. The Bruins? 5 Cup banners. 10 retired numbers. Banners for President's trophies ... conference championships ... division titles ... the only things missing up there are the banners for the third place finish Esposito had in a hot-dog eating contest in 1969 and Tim Thomas's first runner-up ribbon from a Drew Carey look-a-like competition held in Cleveland in 1997.

1. It's the playoffs, Habs vs Bruins, and I haven't read anyone, anywhere, who thinks Montreal can win. I hate that most of all.


HabsFan29 said...

FUCK YEAH the bile is building!!!

Espo still claims he was robbed in the hot dog eating contest

Damion said...

one more reason to hate the bruins: they run away from a fight with the rangers, hop the glass, and start beating one fan with his own shoe. video here

Damion said...

and yes, the shoe beating man was Milbury.

HabsFan29 said...


L Dude said...

@10: I honestly think the Habs can win!
And I, unlike the umpteen television 'analysts' who picked the Habs to run away with the East and contend for the cup, never thought or said such a thing. All the same dickheads who picked the Habs to win and Bruins to not even make the playoffs are now picking the Bruins. Big shocker. They finished first in the east, so they will win. FUCK OFF YOU STUPID PLETHORA OF PROGNASTICATING PRICKS!

Now, I do sincerely think the Habs will beat the Bruins. I think they will make it to the East final. I don't think they'll make it to the finals, but if they do and prove me wrong, I'll be one happy Dude.

And can we give honourable mentions to PJ fucking Stock. I know he's from Quebec, but FUCK. He's the mostest bad hockey analyst ever.

HoustonHab said...

What is it with all the shiting on Ryder. Fuck.

Go Habs Go!

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Even the monkey picked Boston.

As a Boston fan, all of this hype makes me somewhat uneasy. It's proving time.

Mike Milbury is an idiot, and nobody is buying his bobblehead.

I also hate the "pooh bear" jersey. That was before Cam Neely became VP of the team. Look at our thirds now.

Ryder isn't one-dimensional.

Laraque runs his mouth a lot for a guy whose PIMs are going be at or over his TOI.

Why are there still 5 hours until the puck drops?

moeman said...

Got bruin ass in pocket
Got meth I'm gonna use it
Intention I feel positively inventive
Gonna make you, make you, bruins our bitch

Got Koivu's restrained emotion
Been scoring top line leaning
No reason just seems so pleasing
Gonna make you, make you, bruins our bitch

BGL's gonna use his arms
Tang's gonna use his legs
Kovy's gonna use his style
Laps' gonna use his sidestep
Refs gonna use their fingers
Habs gonna use some, some imagination

'Cause their gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like TFS™
Habs are special, so special
They've gotta have some proud CHeerin' given to them

Got the Semitic Saviour, he can't miss a beat
(Still) Got us a few skank it's still so reet
Got Breezer I'm winking at you
Gonna make you, make you, bruins our bitch

'Cause their gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like Gainey
Habs are special, so special
They've gotta have some loud Olé'in given to them

HabsFan29 said...

Pretenders oh yeah!!! good one moe

i swear the clock just went backwards

gillis said...

I THINK THE HABS CAN WIN!!!!! (well, i wish i could think that)

Its hard to think that when your read the posts on this site recently.

anywawys, I don't get why TV stations hire Mad Mike. He is arguably the worst GM in NHL history and the TV stations expect us to respect his opinion? Fuck no

Hadulf said...

Seriously, catch up on your french and [a href=""]read this[/a]

lawyergirl77 said...

I knew that busted up teddy bear looked familiar!


(Even though I won't be able to watch it until 9:30)


Shutdown said...

gillis. I think the same fucking thing every time he opens his dumb mouth.
"To NYI: Trevor Linden
To Van: Todd Bertuzzi, Bryan McCabe, Pick (Jarkko
To NYI: Alexi Yashin
To Ott: Zdeno Chara, Bill Muckalt, Pick (Jason
To NYI: Oleg Kvasha, Mark Parrish
To Florida: Roberto Luongo, Olli Jokinen
To NYI: Roman Hamrlik
To Edm: Eric Brewer, Josh Green, Pick (?)
To NYI: Olli Jokinen, Josh Green, Mathieu Biron,
Pick(Taylor Pyatt)
To LA: Zigmund Palffy, Bryan Smolinski, Marcel
To NYI: Janne Niinimaa, 2nd round pick (?)
To Edm: Brad Isbister, Raffi Torres"

Habsfan10 said...

Fuck me, this day is too long.

@Shutdown: Love the rundown of Milbury's idiocy. Don't forget he could have kept Luongo and drafted Heatley or Gaborik instead of DiPietro ... it makes it that much worse.

Word verification: worses. As in "it will get worses for the Bruins before it gets better."

Hadulf said...

Sorry for not reading the instructions...

Here's the link

L Dude said...

So, whaddya think? Fire Gainey if we lose to Boston and hire Risebrough?

4 hours!!!

word: millypan - Mike Milbury's bedpan.

Shutdown said...

fire boivin and bring in riseborough. gainey and riseborough could both be co-pres/co-gms. they can hold hands and take long strolls around old montreal.

moeman said...

@Hadulf, obviously you fucking missed this too;

"comments MUST include either profane language, links to pornography, or a reference to a francophone member of the Habs defence corps being incarcerated in an unusual and uncomfortable manner"(insert smiley guy thingie here)

kevincrumbs said...

Four hours... gonna go stock up on some beer now.

I should also mention that I dreamt last night that at some point the Bruins were leading us 2-1. My dream didn't provide an outcome or anything but hey, at least we scored!

Here's to Lucic and Chara going nuts and doing something fucking stupid to fuck their team over.

ALSO! The best part of the playoffs is that we have no one to play down to anymore. So no more playing worse than the Lightning or Thrashers bullshit. GO HABS GO.

Word verification: Subblans. As in, PK Subblans will be awesome whenever he gets here.

Hadulf said...


Let me make it up.

Fuck these fucking broons! I take Lucic's eye out and have Laraque skull fuck him to death with his big black......

We friends now?

moeman said...

@Hadulf, great comeback. We are now BFFs

Word Verif = turrotte, as in sometimes I have turrotte syndrome and I confuse Best Friends Forever with Bruins Fan Fuckers

Shutdown said...

i think my dream was the sequel to yours because the Habs won 4-3 in mine. And Chara and Laraque fought.

Fahk the Broons.

Raquel said...

your hatred sustains me

WV: "allimpe", as in "Carey Price has allimpe dick."

Melly said...

Motherfuck!! The refs are Kevin Pollock and Dennis LaRue tonight. We all remember our good friend Dennis? Failed to notice Saku's fucking EYEBALL hanging off Justin Williams' stick a few years back, the fucking dipshit.

Habsfan10 said...


My word verification is "boosc", as in "if Price has allimpe dick it's only because he does too many drugs and drinks too much boosc."

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Don't worry, most refs seem to fuck the Bruins in the Gahden.

Fucking blind refs.

I hope the habs 4th line gets a ton of minutes.

@HF10 I though it was going to be "if the Gahden crowd boosc him."

Laraque is going to try to "klebener" Lucic but Lucic has been too smart for that so far.

Hadulf said...


Fucking AMEN brotha!

Holy Flannel said...

LOL no. 2 is the best of the whole list: "Tim Thomas's first runner-up ribbon from a Drew Carey look-a-like competition held in Cleveland in 1997"

< the proof/a href="" >

Holy Flannel said...

sorry i suck at tags

Holy Flannel said...

the proof

HabsFan29 said...

@Holy - bwahahaha! outstanding!

3 hours (-ish)!!!! getting close

Tom said...

For the record, I think the Habs can win this series. Last year, the Habs dominated the regular season, and it went to a game 7.

I think the Habs come out strong tonight, and shake Thomas' confidence for the rest of the series.

Shutdown said...

3 hours + 15/20 minutes for anthems and player intros. Let's do this!

Tom said...

For the record about Ryder:

His brother quit hockey at the beginning of last season. Rumour had the brother involved in a lot of bad stuff. Maybe it took a toll on Ryder.

Ryder had seasons of 25, 30 and 30 goals in three years under Julien. Carbonneau comes in, and his numbers go down. Ryder goes to Boston, under Julien again, and numbers go back up.

Ryder would show up every game. Sure, maybe he wasn't the hitting type, but he put pucks on the net. He showed up for the Toronto game a couple of years ago when the Habs had to win the final game. It was Ryder and his line that got the greatest comeback in NHL history started against the Rangers.

It always drove me nuts people were so down on Ryder, but so high on Higgins. I'd take the newfie anytime.

Habsfan10 said...


Here's the thing about Ryder for me. I liked that he always worked hard, scored some important goals, and all last year when he got jerked around by Carbo he never once complained, demanded a trade, or caused trouble.

But he also never changed what he was doing, never went in for extra work, never improved his skating, never really made much progress on the defensive end, and now, a year later, he throws Carbo under the bus from the safety of another city. That bugs me.

Ryder is what he is; he'll get 25-30 goals, never make his teammates better, be below average defensively and not much of a checker. He's a luxury item a really good team like Detroit, San Jose or Boston can always use effectively. In Montreal, he was expected to be the man early in his career and then couldn't adapt when the team improved and roles changed. That's fine, but don't leave and start yapping.

Ian Vitro said...

#2 on this list is gold. My office-mates gave me a glare for laughing so hard and then not getting the joke. Fuck them.

I liked Ryder. I took him in a pool over Kovalev once. Tom's right about the numbers - 25+ goals every season except last one under Carbo. I reckon he was fucking Carbo's niece or some shit. I don't think there was any other reason to sit him for basically the entire season, one-dimensional or not. You're saying the Kostitsyn brothers are responsible defensively and decent checkers? Or that we couldn't have used a 30-goal scorer this season?

We throw Carbo under the bus in this city, and frankly I think he was a shit coach, so I don't disagree with Ryder on that account. It's somewhat unprofessional, but these guys get payed to play hockey, not engage in diplomacy.

Ian Vitro said...

*paid* to play hockey.

Funny how dogs are spayed but cheques are paid. Or maybe not.

I beat Phil Esposito in that hot-dog eating contest. He cried like a little girl.

Go Habs Go.

moeman said...

The opponent.Word Verif = choukea, as in the Habs better not choukea tonight

lawyergirl77 said...

Is this the game thread? If so, it's really not up to the numbers it should have at 5:02 on playoff game day!!

HabsFan4 said...

You're a beauty, 10.

From FHF faithful PG:

The Habs Prayer!

Our Father Who Art in Rink,
Hockey Be Thy Name
Thy Will Be Done, the Cup Be Won
On Ice, As Well As In the Stands
Give Us This Day, Our Hockey Sticks
And Forgive Us Our Penalties
As We Forgive Those Who Cross-Check against Us
Lead Us Not Into Elimination
But Deliver Us to Victory
In The Name Of the Fans
And Thy Holy Sport

Anonymous said...

You have the noots to say something about ANY other team's jersey (third or otherwise) after that nasty-ass Australian's nightmare jail cell uniform the Habs donned earlier this year? In the name of retinas please let that heritage die.

HabsFan29 said...

touché anon, touché

there is an open thread just posted. let's do it!!!

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ Anon
We wore the jailhouse jerseys for one game this season. Boston wore the decapitated-teddies jerseys for whole fucking seasons!

So. Fucking. Pumped. I haven't done any studying today, at all.

re: Ryder
I think the blame can be divided pretty equally between Carbs and Ryder. Carbo tried to take a purely offensive player and make him his clone, while Ryder didn't do much to get out of his slump. Difference is, Carbs hasn't taken any pot-shots at Ryder.

@ Ian
The Kostitsyns can definitely bring the physical game when they want to. Plus Sergei is good defensively (Andrei not so much. I really feel that Sergei will turn out the better player of the two, he's got a much better all-around game).

re: Refs for tonight
Refs for the Rangers-Caps game were Mike Leggo and Tim Peel. Total PIM: 22, in a game with Sean fucking Avery in it. Refs for the 'nucks-Blues game: Chris Lee and Dan O'Halloran. Total PIM: 50.
Why is Chris Lee reffing playoff games? I swear, he's going to decide at least one series...


Word verif: "hessing".

Jaro weel be booing end hessing Teem Tomas, hessing like goose!

LesBoys said...

Mike Millbury is a great addition to CBC. His venomous hate towards Al Strachan makes the hotstove the most dramatic real time television since Jon Stewart was on Crossfire.

Doogie2K said...

@Shutdown: The two picks you're missing are, respectively, Brad Winchester and Evgeni Tunik.

ddawwidd said...

Ummm guys, Jonathan beat Pierre Bouchard, not Butch Bouchard. Pierre was Butch's son.