It's the playoffs, and it's Habs vs Bruins. While we reserve a special place in our hate-filled little hearts for the B's all through the year, the springtime is when we ratchet the hate to new, bile-filled levels. And even though we did this last year, there's plenty more to hate about our black and gold suited bastard Original Six foes. Thank God for Vermont, otherwise the Massholes would be right across the border.
Ten More Things I Hate About The Boston Bruins
10. Donald. S. Cherry. Sinden and the Bruins gave this xenophobic, loud mouth ignoramus his first shot at the big time, and ever since he blew the too-many-men-on-the-ice game he's been an annoying dick. Thanks, Boston.
9. Hey, speaking of moronic talking heads on the CBC who used to bleed black and gold, it's Mike Milbury! Look Milbury, we all know you hate the Habs. We all know you held a grudge against Lafleur for so long you refused to name him to the All-Star team until the NHL stepped in and made you. We just don't need to hear you rip the Habs every time you open your mouth, especially when they AREN'T EVEN FUCKING PLAYING.
8. Last time we hated on the Bruins, someone mentioned I missed hating one Ken "The Rat" Linesman. Consider that snivelling, dirty little fucker duly noted and hated on. Bonus hate points for the fact that Linesman was a Bruin, Leaf and a Flyer. You can't get much more hated than that around here.
7. Stan Jonathan. Butch Bouchard. Fuck. Every time the Bruins and Habs get into it, some idiot Bruins fan brings up the night Jonathan demolished Bouchard. I assume it's because it was the only thing the Bruins won vs the Habs in 45 years.
6. The Richard Riot happened after a brawl with the Bruins went off the rails. Coincidence? I like to think not. Rocket should have found Hal Laycoe in the parking lot and eaten his heart.
5. We're at number 5 and we still haven't mentioned this. Good God. The mustard yellow. The jagged edge. The lame fonts. The severed Yogi Bear head. You're a goddamn original six team, for the love of Guy. Have some dignity.
4. This whole Michael Ryder was disrespected crap is starting to piss me off. Robert L has the right take on it here. Ryder, his lousy plus minus and his one-dimensional game can bite me at this point.
3. The night the lights went out in the Garden during the Finals ... seriously? A pro sports franchise can't even keep the fucking power going? Oh, wait, the Garden was old, you say? That was the problem, you say? Listen, the lights in Fenway don't just randomly go out and it's older than the Garden was. The fucking Bruins were too damn cheap to renovate, that's the problem. That night made the entire NHL look fucking bush league.
2. Look at the roof of the Bell Centre. 24 Cup banners, 14 numbers retired for 15 players. The Bruins? 5 Cup banners. 10 retired numbers. Banners for President's trophies ... conference championships ... division titles ... the only things missing up there are the banners for the third place finish Esposito had in a hot-dog eating contest in 1969 and Tim Thomas's first runner-up ribbon from a Drew Carey look-a-like competition held in Cleveland in 1997.
1. It's the playoffs, Habs vs Bruins, and I haven't read anyone, anywhere, who thinks Montreal can win. I hate that most of all.