Tuesday, February 26, 2008

BREAKING NEWS - Toronto Fire Chief Shuts Down TSN TradeCentre Set Due To Overcrowding

Toronto Fire Chief Bill Stewart today announced the TSN set of TradeCentre '08 has been shut down, citing a 2003 ordinance that restricted cable TV sets to a maximum of four blowhards at any given time. The TSN set was featuring every NHL announcer and analyst on their payroll, including a newly-signed JFJr.

Chief Stewart acknowledged this would have an adverse effect on the hockey-mad country, yet insisted it was necessary as death and destruction was imminent. "Especially with Bob McKenzie's waistline, Pierre McGuire's ego, and Holly Horton's tits, there was just no room," Stewart said. "Luckily, these were balanced out by the presence of Darren Pang, so all TSN announcers were able to exit safely."

Jay Onrait, already forced to blog from his living room due to the crowds at TSN, was optimisitc. "Maybe Darren Dreger will get crushed in the rush to leave the building. Punk."

TSN, desperate to fill 15 hours of programming, immediately switched to a replay of the 7th and 8th draws of last week's Scottie's (formerly Scott's) Tournament of Hearts. A desperate nation switched to Sportsnet, and immediately switched back when faced with the prospect of watching 10 hours of Nick Kypreos.


panger76 said...

Hey - no Darren Pang jokes here!

HabsFan29 said...

I know, I felt bad when I wrote it, but I couldn't resist.

Anonymous said...

brilliant post, guys