Thursday, March 19, 2009

All the Facts are Bad: Senators Game Preview and Open Thread

Hopefully the Senators' girls have worn them all out, giving the Habs a chance that their utter disinterest in anything resembling a hard night's work will be matched by the tired, yet I'm sure satisfied, home town boys tonight.

We're too depressed to be creative or funny as we witness this centennial season circulate clockwise and sink down the toilet, so it's just the FACTS today, and why those facts are BAD for Montreal. Because everything is BAD for Montreal right about now.

FACT: 7:30pm at the ATM in Ottawa.
BAD: Besides a crappy nickname (I hope there is a better one out there), Montreal's even worse on the road than at home, now 3 games under .500.

FACT: Ottawa is 4-1 in it's last 5 games.
BAD: Montreal has lost 5 of 7.

FACT: 1-1-2 record under Gainey.
BAD: Aren't teams supposed to get a boost after firing their coach? Like, say, in Ottawa??

FACT: Heater, Spez and Alfie have 27 combined points in the last 7 games
BAD: even when the Sens sucked early on, these guys ripped up Montreal, and pretty mach always have. Watch for an EVEN WORSE moment when Spezza turns a Habs defencemen into a pretzel. I'm betting it's Hamr's turn tonight.

FACT: Gainey juggles lines again, resulting in the return of Dance a Dix and a reunited Tender-Mad Max-Greek Lightening line.
BAD: Everybody has played with everybody else since January 20, and the result is the worst record in the East during that time. JUGGLING IS FOR CLOWNS, BOB.

FACT: Tanguay returns to the lineup.
BAD: We're going to lose him as a free agent, but Kovy and Saks will be back. Which is when I stick that rusty, oil-streaked needle in my eye.

FACT: Rhino's out.
BAD: Breezer's in.

FACT: TFS (tm) gets the start in net.
BAD: if they lose, somehow it will be his fault and further proof he is overrated/a bust/not worth the gum underneath your shoes. Of course, he's no Brian Elliott - who will now earn a shutout and the first star of the game. My BAD.

Tell us your FACTS and why they are BAD in the comments.

119 comments:

HabsFan29 said...

the Habs are ass-tacular. like that ass. i don't know if that fact made sense

moeman said...

Gaineygan's Island

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,

A tale of a fateful team 

That started from this season's hope
Aboard the Olé ship. 



The mate was a mighty Finnish man,

The skipper signed for three.
Twenty-Five passengers set sail this year

For a 25th Cup tour, a 25th Cup tour. 



The season started getting rough,

The destined team was Lost,

If not for the courage of the fearless fans 

The Stanley would be lost, the Stanley would be lost.



The team skated on the ice of this uncharted 100th year 

With Gaineygan 

CarboSkipper too,

The multi-millionaires and their wives,

The Russian star 

The Tenderness and The Franchise,

Here on Gaineygan's Isle. 




So this is the tale of our CHastways, 

They're not here for a long, long time,

They'll have to make the best of things, 

It's an uphill UFA climb. 



The Finnish mate and new BabsSkipper too, 

Will do their very best, 

To make the others accountable,

In this Canadiens's hornets nest.



No goals, no wins, no real AllStars,

Not a single luxury,

Like the Ottawa Senators, 

As primitive as can be. 



So join us here each game my 4HFriends,

You're sure to get a smile, 

From many stranded CHastways,

Here on "Gaineygan's Isle."

Bonus for Gilligan and Lost fans alike;

'Lost on Gilligan's Island'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X13riysl9ng

Boob Gainey said...

I don't mind those lines except it might be interesting to see MaxPac with Lapy and Tender.

Moey said...

@moeman,

Brilliant!

HabsFan29 said...

@moeman - you've outdone yourself with that one

and that Lost on Gilligan's island thing killed me. and fuck Ginger was hot

Van Hab said...

What team is my favorite again? The one currently wiping their bleeding assholes down the 417 or the one going for their 11th straight home win tonight?

Dearest,

I'm at risk of cheating, going astray. I'm tired of trying so hard to make this work, babe... I mean we've been at it over ten years now and the bad times outnumber the good, at least in my mind. You must agree, no? I mean, even if I left you right now you wouldn't be lonely. There are plenty of stupider guys who will stick by you despite your abuse.
Maybe you just need some time to figure your shit out?

I know I've been faithful but I've got the itch. If I come back next year, will you feel the same as if I never left?

I know, the smell of Canuck will remain on my skin forever.

but what if we only play "just the tip?" that's not cheating, is it?

I won't be able to look you in the eye, I know. I KNOW! you don't need to remind me.

I don't know why I do this to myself when there are 29 other teams who'd be happy to have me. Plus, the local one is doing so well.

*sigh*

What's the use.

I JUST CAN'T QUIT YOU.

Now where's my bottle of rye? 'bout the only thing that makes you bearable you fuckin' whore.

Sincerely,

Van Hab

HabsFan29 said...

alright you stupid team i havent seen you in a few games. i had a really pleasant week. what are you gonna do now?

@van hab - she is a bitch. and you (and me) just keep crawling back

Tenderness!

moeman said...

Tenderness rubs two coconuts and scores!

Word Verif - Lovey.

moeman said...

: (

HabsFan29 said...

i can't enjoy myself for 30 fucking seconds. fucking team

moeman said...

@hf29, think Tina Louise.

HabsFan29 said...

@moeman - much fucking better thx. tall curvy redheads make me woody

and TFS' save on that breakaway did too

Tom said...

Higgins is brutal. What did he do on that PK? Maxim won the faceoff, chased the puck all the way over while Higgins held back. Then, it was Higgins' guy who scored.

Then, he was on the ice right away, when they gave up that breakaway.

I hope he's gone in the summer.

moeman said...

Lucky for hf29 that Carrot Top isn't tall. NTTIAWWT.

Tom said...

Oops, I should have done that differently.

Fact: Higgins is brutal.
Bad: He'll get resigned for three years at $3-million plus.

moeman said...

@Tom, Higgs'll look weird in a leaf jersey.

Van Hab said...

Now, you fuckin bitch listen here...
Just 'cause I stayed...and may I remind you I stayed as a FAVOUR, 'cause I honestly don't think you can take care of yourself...well just 'cause I stayed doesn't give you the right to take my money.

Fucking whore

moeman said...

... and Jethro makes it 2-1.

HabsFan29 said...

seriously bitch im done with you

moeman said...

Yikes.

moeman said...

... and Jethro makes it 3-1.

kevincrumbs said...

If this goal stands, this game is over. Also, our playoff hopes might be over too.

kevincrumbs said...

Okay, time to watch college basketball now. I think those guys have as many faceoff wins as the Canadiens do tonight.

The sad thing is that comparatively speaking, we don't look THAT bad tonight.

Anonymous said...

Poor Montreal looks quite discombobulated. :(

HabsFan29 said...

so much for playing 60 minutes

J.T. said...

FACT: Carey Price is The Franchise.
BAD: The Franchise is sucking hard.

Rips it, scores! said...

LG77 has been mentioned on CJAD! 100% agree with her points re: Komo & Hamr's play & the Habs lack of heart.

Word verif = cares, as in who cares anymore?

Rips it, scores! said...

FACT: The Habs will miss the playoffs/get swept in the first round

BAD: This is year 5 of the 5 year plan.

HabsFan29 said...

@Rips it - LG77? what? cjad? was she on? was she quoted? either way, she rulz!

Rips it, scores! said...

She sent in an e-mail to Rick & Murray with a couple of points. I assume it was her, the username read out was 'lawyergirl'. Her name was read out too but I don't know whether I should say it here or not *(it begins with an L).


* I'm way too careful.

J.T. said...

FACT: The Habs chip it off the boards to clear the zone as part of their game plan.
BAD: Weakass backhanders directly into opponents' D mean the puck never actually clears the zone.

moeman said...

Gongrats to OV for bagging his 50th.

Word Verif = finesh

kevincrumbs said...

FACT: We've been a little unlucky tonight (the bullshit Komi call) and the borderline third goal
BAD: We still suck.

kevincrumbs said...

Hey hey Habs!

Sadly, all this will do is give us false hope and keep us glued to the television longer than necessary.

HabsFan29 said...

@Rips it - you can never be too careful. just ask CBC Daybreak

kevincrumbs said...

Fucking Ruutu!? REALLY!?

Goddammit, fuck this team to hell

moeman said...

Very weak goal, weak D and weak defensive forwards or not.

Word Verif = makingl as in making loss

Rips it, scores! said...

My reaction to the fourth Ottawa goal.

melly said...

JARO!!

Fact: Jaro rulz
BAD: He's only in 'cause Scarey got chased.

HabsFan29 said...

i thought our goalie issues had been settled. i may have been wrong. we'll see what Panger says

Anonymous said...

Halak! Halak! Halak!

The Ottawa announcers (on the atdhe feed) are very sympathetic toward the Canadiens, having just regrouped, come back to within a goal, and then Price gives up a goal like that.

Bob Gainey said...

Fact: Halak is in.
Good: Maybe this is finally it for Price.

J.T. said...

FACT: Price allowed four lousy goals.
BAD: He's usually good for five.

Anonymous said...

Fun factoid: Halak and Elliot are both ninth round picks? Seriously?

moeman said...

FACT: We are losing to the Senators.
BAD: We are losing to the Senators.

kevincrumbs said...

Seriously, just fucking name Allah the starter for the rest of the year.

Anonymous said...

What. A. Save.

And coming in cold, too.

chris nilan said...

in Bob we bust

kevincrumbs said...

@Chris Nilan: +1

Rips it, scores! said...

Thanks for giving the boys on the ice a chance, Jaro. And cheers for the goal, Lats.

Anonymous said...

At least SOMEONE on Montreal decided to show up for the game.

Nice backhand goal. :)

moeman said...

Come on tie this fucking game!

moeman said...

Come on tie this fucking game now!

Rips it, scores! said...

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Boob Gainey said...

How many goals is that from point shots?

Anonymous said...

Bloody freaking hell. :(

J.T. said...

Just out of curiosity, I wonder if there's a stat on how many goals have been scored against the Habs while the goalie is looking at Josh Gorges' ass?

HabsFan29 said...

something's got up Gui's ass at least

Anonymous said...

Poor Halak. Now even his own guys are trying to score on his net!

HabsFan29 said...

oh bitch, why do you tease me so

Rips it, scores! said...

The Habs season in a nutshell

kevincrumbs said...

Please get out of this period only down one.

Rips it, scores! said...

Goal! I can practically taste the OT loss!

moeman said...

Word Verif = fecce

chris nilan said...

it's like having your ex girlfriend over... you want her to leave but you let her stick around cause you might get some head.

Anonymous said...

Well, at least Montreal isn't giving up. Halak is giving them a chance at least.

J.T. said...

Man, if Gainey hadn't insisted on starting Jim Carey Price tonight, the Habs'd win this one. Ottawa's possibly the only D in the league softer than theirs.

Q said...

I'm sorry but I've hit my limit.

From the sundin saga over the whole summer,

Actually watching pre-season hockey,

Enjoying all those undeserved wins before Christmas,

To now watching 10 weeks of uninspired higgins-esque invisible '08 ryder-like floating, laraque no-fight code, defensive give aways, won't-chase-the-puck millionaires, can't clear the fraking zone shit.

I give up.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

It's a pity we couldn't have grabbed Tanguay during Saku's peak years... it would have been a sight to behold.

FACT: The Lapierre line and the Metropolit line look dangerous every time they're out there.
BAD: They're the 3rd and 4th lines, respectively.

FACT: The refs are out to get Higgins (he gets his stick slashed in half, in full view of the officials - no call. He gets hauled down in the slot, in full view - no call).
BAD: He wouldn't have scored anyway.

lawyergirl77 said...

HOLY SHIT THEY READ OUT MY EMAIL AT CJAD!!!

And I'm not listening to the game!! Gah! (I'm stuck at work)

What did they say????? I'm ridiculously excited now...

lawyergirl77 said...

Thanks for the compliments Rips + 29! Warms the very cockles of my blackened little heart...

... that will be stuck at work until 3 AM. I have to go visit Mom AND sister-in-law at the hospital tomorrow. ONe is in Brockville, the other is in Valleyfield. Oy.

Rips it, scores! said...

@LG77: They pretty much agreed with your points. Also, yours was the one the focussed on most in the first intermission (discussed it over a couple of minutes). I didn't hear it all clearly because the cat decided to create havoc at that point (the friggin' asshole).

Tom said...

Fact: For those that missed it, this fact was shown during the game on Sportsnet. Montreal has something like seven or eight games left against teams not in the playoffs.

Bad: We only have a winning record against only one of those teams (Ottawa).

lawyergirl77 said...

Rips - I'm seriously freaking out here. a) I can't believe they agreed with me, b) I can't believe that they spent as much time on my email (eeeee!) and c) I can't believe I fucking missed it!!!!!!!!!

And my cats are cuddly-yet-annoying little fuckers, so I totally understand the cat havoc.

Rips it, scores! said...

@LG77: Hope that your relatives are OK in hospital.

lawyergirl77 said...

Rips - Mom should be okay soon, but the sister-in-law is touch and go. I'm going to go there tomorrow and raise a little hell.

Tom said...

Fact: Montreal hasn't thrown one bodycheck tonight where a Sens player ends up on his ass.

Bad: That's about it.

Rips it, scores! said...

@LG77: I did a double-take at my laptop when I heard an e-mail from "lawyergirl" being read out. It certainly gave them something to talk about during the intermission, 1 of 2 e-mails read out during the first int. if I recall correctly.


Fun fact: Our cat is named Theo (after Jose). We got him in October '05, as for the real Theo, we all know what happened there...... FYI, I don't have a pet called Carey, Price or any other TFS link, so I dunno what's up with him.

Rips it, scores! said...

All I can do from here is wish them a full recovery. :) I hope it all works out for the better.

HabsFan29 said...

wait, Kovy is playing tonight?

LG i can't believe i missed it too. but then again i never listen to cjad, so it's really not surprising.

lawyergirl77 said...

Rips - I just found the email I sent, and I'm surprised that they read it out. It was from the Devils game... But I was mostly pissed that I didn't win caller of the game (I have a shitty old Koho jersey and, dammit, I want a new one!) and that Rick refused to believe that people were chanting for Carbo. I had other points about how soft our D was, so I guess that's what they were talking about. Hmm..

Anonymous said...

Add to the good wishes to your hospitalized relatives, Lawyergirl.

Rips it, scores! said...

LG77: Hmmm indeed. Must be a slow day in the booth for the CJAD guys so. They didn't read out any messages at the second intermission.

Tom said...

The end of this game will tell me if I believe Gainey is a good enough coach to get this team into the playoffs.

If we're still down by one, and he puts Kovalev out for the extra attacker with Higgins, Tanguay and Koivu (instead of some combination that includes Latendresse and Kostopolous - you know, the guys who showed up for the game), I'm going to scream.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Same here - we're thinking of you, LG.


(is it just me, or is AK46 taking some pointers from MaxPac? More forecheck, bigger hits)

Anonymous said...

Fact: Boston lost to the Los Angeles Kings in overtime after blowing a 2-0 lead in the third period.

Bad: I got nuttin'. ;)

J.T. said...

Chris Higgins sucks so bad, he leaves hickeys on the game of hockey. He plays ice hickey.

Anonymous said...

@ J.T.

lol :D

Rips it, scores! said...

Ice hickey. I love it.


Oh yay, a PP.......we're boned.

lawyergirl77 said...

29 - I only ever listen to CJAD when I'm on my way home from a game. I promise myself I'm not going to call, and then someone says something idiotic and my fingers start dialing of their own volition...

That being said, I'm listening now and argh.

HabsFan29 said...

decline, decline!

Anonymous said...

Well, that was stunningly ineffective.

HabsFan29 said...

quick, list the positives.

Laps, Gui, Kosto

...

...

...

Rips it, scores! said...

I'm speechless. This is a nightmare.

kevincrumbs said...

God, we suck. I can't even think of a witty way to express my frustration with this shitty team.

With each passing period, I lose more and more faith in Bob Gainey.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Fuck this team.

Word verification: "plestopt".
Plestopt, you're hurting me.

Anonymous said...

quick, list the positives.

Laps, Gui, Kosto


Um ... Halak?

:)

Rips it, scores! said...

Positives?


The season will be over in less than a month.


PS: This must be like porn to Carbo.

Tom said...

Fact: The Habs are now 1-2-2 since Gainey took over as coach.

Bad: This entire mess is Gainey's fault. The lineup, the ineffectiveness, not having an impact player, rushing a young goalie into the NHL, etc.

J.T. said...

The Habs are living proof that it is indeed possible to suck and blow simultaneously. I wonder if scientists have figured out how to do a balls transplant yet?

lawyergirl77 said...

Thanks for the well-wishes, guys... Means a lot.

lawyergirl77 said...

J.T. - +1. So true.

I can't believe we're out of the playoffs now. argh.

Is it wrong that I'm starting to think like *shudder* Don Cherry and thinking that the Peppers on the team are the only ones for whom the CH means anything??

Tom said...

The second collapse in three years.

Are we the New York Mets of hockey, or are the Mets the Montreal Canadiens of baseball?

HabsFan29 said...

LG we're hanging on to a spot by a point. it's not that bad! we only have to play the Bruins in the first round. or the devils maybe. who am i kidding by saturday we'll be in 10th

Anonymous said...

Peppers?

Word verif = boozessa.

Sounds like a nice place to live.

lawyergirl77 said...

29 - and it's the fucking LEAFS that will put us there. It's killing me.

Word verification - trasheor. As in, are these Canadiens even trasheor than the versions from the Houle/Tremblay era?

lawyergirl77 said...

Anon - pejorative term for French Canadiens. Been called it many times... almost as much as "tête carrée" (pejorative term for an Anglo).

It's a confusing life I lead...

Rips it, scores! said...

Martin Brodeur reacts to news of a potential Devils vs Habs first round matchup.

lawyergirl77 said...

Rips - you owe me a new keyboard. Awesome!!

Anonymous said...

@ LG:

Thanks, that was a slur with which I was unfamiliar.

I don't know. It's easy to say things like that, but Detroit is full of non-North-Americans who take very seriously what it means to represent the Red Wings. Maybe Montreal just had bad luck in some of the players.

lawyergirl77 said...

Anon - I agree that it's easy to say things like that, which is why I'm not thrilled with thinking that thought. I consider Koivu to be a Montrealer, to be honest - his wife is a francophone and his kids speak French.

come to think of it, it was a BS reaction from me. Patches has been playing his ass off.

HabsFan29 said...

LG it's ok. Brisebois balances things out the other way. though maybe he cares, but just plain sucks

i am SO excited to work on my golf game this spring. no distractions!

lawyergirl77 said...

29 - I'm excited that I will have a lot less $$ to pay in August for my seasons tickets!!

Rips it, scores! said...

LG77: I see you.

Well.....hear you. :-)


Finally got a chance to use that pic. Some good came from this night.

lawyergirl77 said...

Rips - LOL! These are the things I do when I'm stuck late at work...

I meant it, though - I'm worried that BG has been both too patient and not patient enough. Was 5 years really enough to be able to rebuild this team??

Rips it, scores! said...

"Was 5 years really enough to be able to rebuild this team??"

With the right coaching, yes IMO. The coaches have a lot to answer for regarding this slump. I agree with an earlier caller that said Rollie Melanson has to go. Don't stop at him if there are better alternatives out there, I say.

Agreed that his one moment of impatience since the lockout may well have ruined TFS. Whereas he has been waaaaaay too patient with the current crop, especially when it comes to the D (how many mid/late 30's players does a supposedly cup challenging defence need?).

As you said, Gainey shouldn't be sent packing right now. That would be calamitous for the club's future. He needs time to rectify his mistakes, the Habs are still in somewhat better shape than they were before Gainey's arrival.

lawyergirl77 said...

Rips - I've been calling for Rollie to get Das Boot since frickin' Theo/Yann Danis.

But Gainey's departure would be a baaad idea right now. The Habs need stability - they don't have it on the ice, and not having it in the offices is just going to make things worse.

orangeman said...

I think it's time to realize that last season was an abberation, and their near collapse with Boston and then ineffectiveness vs Philly was more to form. This team actually isn't that good, they don't have a proven G, the D is either 40 or 20, and Kovy would be an afterthought on any other team, not the go to scorer.

These guys need heart and determination to do well and they have neither. You can see it in their faces and post game interviews. Very few of them really give a damn. I don't know where that attitude came from, but BG needs to break it up and bring some fresh blood in.

I'd rather see half the team from the Bulldogs giving it their all and finishing last than see these dopes "fight" (I use that term very loosely) for a playoff spot.

In closing, GO OIL! At least I don't feel stupid for watching those guys.

Olivier said...

Orangeman: Don't see them lacking heart and determination. I think it's more a lack of talent and leadership among the players who are in their prime. Some of them are there (say, Markov and Tanguay), but then what? Can't help but think about Ribeiro for Niinima.