Sunday, March 01, 2009

What a Shitty Time to Empathize With Sharks: Habs 3 - Endangered Sharks 2

Isn't he adorable?

I have found a place and it is good, and it is beautiful and it is heavenly. It's called Chez Serge. It's a tavern on the Main in Montreal. They have tons of HD screens, far more than necessary, but you can never have too many HD screens. They have scores of die-hard fans in Habs jerseys. The single ones will be happy to know that one can try one's pick-up lines there and have some success. You just better be cheering for the right team. 

The place is awesome and I'm never going to watch another game away from home anywhere else. I'll watch cricket there for god's sake. I'll watch a Mira dart tournament.

What a place to see the Habs explode circa 2008 in the first period against league leading San Jose. Cross-ice passes, gorgeous exchanges between forwards, intuition and anticipation between the players. It was a sight to see and the Chez Serge was roaring. 

I spent the entire first intermission wondering how quickly the Sharks would tie the score. You can circa 2008 all you want, this is 2009 and these are not the same Habs. I'll give credence to that circa stuff in a month after the team will have solidified a hold on 4th place, not traded Kovalev, acquired a legitimate centre, revived Maxim Lapierre, welcomed Gui! back from Hayden diaper changing, and resurrected Carey's career. Check that last one, if Jaro plays like this throughout March, forget about seeing Price in the playoffs. This becomes Jaro's team and management suddenly has a brand new formula to chew on.

So the Habs withstand a San Jose comeback thanks to Jaro's heroics and an incredible paddle save in the third. People are all "Lets's kill the Sharks!" and stampeding down St-Laurent back to their cars. Sharks suck! Drown the Sharks ! Can you actually drown a Shark?

So I go back home with a couple of friends and we stumble across this documentary I taped a while back called Sharkwater. I'm thinking, this could be cool for a Saturday night (I'm obviously not 21 anymore)  and we start watching this movie on what I thought would be the life of sharks and migration, gestation, shark sex, premature shark ejaculation, shark orgasms, shark affairs, shark divorces, shark custody battles, shark alimony payments, you know, the usual.

But it turns out that it's this story about the vital role Sharks play in the ecosystem, and how they maintain a balance in the waters that allow for carbon dioxide to be released in the atmosphere and LET US BREATHE AIR TO STAY ALIVE. They aren't this killing machine, only 5 people succumbing to shark attacks a year. They're actually quite shy. And they're dying. Shark finning has become a multi million dollar mafia trade. 90% of the shark population has disappeared. We've all bought in to the popular depiction of the vicious shark because of glorified images and representations of what sharks are supposed to mean and do to people. When Steven Speilberg filmed Jaws, he sealed the shark's fate. He tapped into our psyches with terrifying images and unforgettable scenes of carnage. In the process, he desensitized en masse our consideration for their plight. Can you believe it? Speilberg may have started a shark holocaust.

So now I feel all guilty that we've beaten the Sharks and that I cheered for their demise. It's as if I had cheered against a team called the San Jose Ozones, or the San Jose Jews, or the San Jose Unicefs. What a dick I was.

Pray for me, for I have sinned and am wrapped in heavy shame. We are all sinners this morning Habs fans.  Shark wins are good for us all. The better the Shark fares, the easier we can breathe. Go Sharks. Go Oxygen! And Boooooo shark fin Mafia!


Anonymous said...

(Clears throat).... To all Sharks everywhere.

I'm sorry.

lawyergirl77 said...

4, you are one fucked up dude.

Never expected to see a post about the disgusting practice of shark finning on FHF, but there you go...

Anonymous said...

"...they just cut the find off the sharks and throw them back in the water."


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

HF4 - I'm extremely glad that you understand how important sharks are to the ecosystem, and how human beings are more dangerous to sharks than the other way around.


Please note that true sharks have gills and do not wear teal.

Any sharks with lungs and with teal uniforms are FALSE SHARKS. You can cheer for the demise of false sharks all you want with a completely clear conscience.

I have a BS in Biology, summa cum laude, so you can believe me on this.

Yay, REAL sharks!

Boo, San Jose "Sharks"!


Anonymous said...

Well, I never thought I'd be thanking the Habs but...nice job boys! Thanks for leveling the competition!

Anonymous said...

Sharks are indeed awesome.

That being said, San Jose named their team with the obvious intent of conveying a terrifying, vicious image - thus perpetuating the negative stereotype of sharks. So by beating the San Jose Sharks, we're actually fighting racism! Er, sharkism! Go us!

Jaybird said...

That sharkwater movie says it all...haunting.

Take it easy on our boys! Wins are wins. I blame Carbonneau from flipping the switch from awesome-o offense mode to protect the lead (meaning give up 50 shots, how does that protect a lead) mode.

But the reason for my post is that I watched one of our last reg season game (I think Buffalo 5-2 Habs win?!?) at CHEZ SERGE last year and the place was the tits! Great night! Highly recommend that joint...


Rédaction said...

One of the best post ever. Good job 4 !!!!