Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Players Are Getting Soft Poo Again

Hey Virus guy, leave my team alone! You did your thing two years ago. It's okay, we got it, you make people throw up everything they have inside, bring food violently out of every orifice, and cause havoc in the eastern conference standings. If you're the same weird 12-legged guy who threw his shit around the room a couple of years back, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Virus, you're a prick. You're an arrogant prick. You think you impress me when you try to go by Influenza? Ooohhhh! Influenza! I'm sooo scared! You're a prick flu guy. Call yourself what you want to make yourself feel more important, we all know who you really are. You're flu. Three letters. You're basic. Get out of the players flu guy, leave them alone, they have enough to deal with, with their innate laziness and regular eagerness to not play.

Get out flu. The power of Advil flu and sinus compels you.


lawyergirl77 said...

The problem with Advil flu and sinus (miraculous shit, by the way) is that it's tough to keep down when it's a stomach bug... which is unfortunately what the players have. Kovy says he lost 10 lbs because he couldn't eat anything solid for days - he kept puking.

Personally, I think that the symptoms relate to the fact that he was watching his teammates' shitty performance on Saturday night, but WTF do I know? I'm not a doctor - I only play one in Court.

Boob Gainey said...

What the Habs need is to find a player who is infectious but not yet too symptomatic.

Make sure he plays a couple of shifts against every Ranger line.

Instruct him to get involved in every post-whistle melée, and to swear a lot at the other players' faces.

And no visor for this game.

Jaybird said...

Can we stop with that "We'll lose" garbage attitude.

I love how everyone just rags on the habs when we actually have a better record in our last ten games than Boston, Washington, Philadelphia, NYR and Carolina. I love going in the playoffs as underdogs-be prepared for some good hockey and serious puck stoppage with Price and Vampire Halak back on track!!!

"Make my words"
-Ricky from TPB

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Is it weird that I read this, it was in Jaro's voice?

South Shore Habs Fan said...

when I read this*

Limerick Dude said...

Halak on the Trailer Park Boys would be awesome! But I think the Tits and Hamr are better candidates.

And to fit into the category:

"I'm not a pessmist, I'm an optometrist." - Ricky

We should all try to be optometrists for this week boys and girls.

moeman said...

Dirty Old Habs ( The Moegues )

I met my Habs at the Bell Centre
Dreamed a dream of the Stanley Cup
I kissed the Silver mug back in '79
Dirty old Habs
Dirty old Habs

Clouds are drifting above the 4HFans
Opponents are prowling in the East
Spring's a comin' now without playoffs
Dirty old Habs
Dirty old Habs

( Solo vers by notZombiePlexe )

I heard a siren when the goal was scored
Saw an Olé! set the night on fire
I smelled the Spring in Kovy's hair
Dirty old Habs
Dirty old Habs

I'm gonna make me a big sharp axe
Shining steel tempered in the fire
I'll chop them down like an old dead tree
Dirty old Habs
Dirty old Habs

I meth my Habs, I say UFA them all
Dreamed a dream of 10 overtime wins
I miss those Habs 24th Cup and all
Dirty old Habs
Dirty old Habs
Dirty old Habs
Dirty old Habs

lawyergirl77 said...

**** caution: long rant ahead ****

I'm an "optometrist" in that I sincerely think that there is something wrong with my vision when I see the crap product on the ice for the past few games. Are these the same cataracts Leafs/Sens fans have been sporting all season??

My pessimism doesn't stem from a "garbage attitude" or a knee-jerk (emphasis on the jerk) 110% perspective. I was hoping BG was going to help our play on the ice by ditching Carbo's shitty defensive system, and the lack of hitting.

It hasn't happened.

We can't win games until we start executing the X's and O's properly.

I'm hopeful that it will happen by the time the playoffs come around, but the prognosis ain't good.

I'm aware that other top teams are having difficulties now. To be blunt, while that statistic does bring about a bit of relief (both personally and in the standings), I really don't give a shit about what other teams are doing. Their difficulties don't stem from the same problematic sources as the Habs' and that's what makes me worried. They can turn it around. I'm worried that, at this point, it's too late for us.

As ridiculous as it is, the way that the Habs have been playing lately has frankly taken a toll on my mental health. It may be pathetic to admit it, but it's true. And no, IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF THEIR W/L RECORD. I would be able to take this shit if we were losing when putting up a decent fight. We fucking look like the ice capades out there. We aren't hitting, we're playing passive zone defence and offence (ask me about how much I hate the shitty 1-2-2 zone we used against the Devils). That's what is getting under my skin.

Before saying that garbage is being spouted, perhaps it's important to stop and take a whiff and wonder why people are saying "yo, it smells like a landfill around here."

lawyergirl77 said...

Hey Moe - I put up devil horns and headbanged to that. Nice!

*mumbling* dirty old habs... dirty old habs...

silverskies said...

I hope we win. That's all :D

Ian Vitro said...

I'm with LG (and god help anyone against her). It's not so much the win-loss as it is the sucking. They're not playing sixty minutes. They aren't hitting. They can't string two passes together.

If they lost to the Rangers tonight after playing 60 minutes of good and just got outplayed, I will go to bed happy. If they win with a 20-minute effort I'm going to weep like little boy into my pillow. I may even drown in my tears.

Word verif = bilsingi. It was close, but it was actually Moesingi.

SYF said...

If that stomach flu is still going around at game time, no one's going to want to take a hit at a Habs' player for fear of the sick getting on their sweaters.


Moey said...

What really gets me is why did they have to play so well last year and get our hopes up? They're a bunch of effen puck teasers.