The second half of the season starts tonight at 7 PM in Tampa. Tampa is alive again and into the 8th seed clusterfuck, TFS gets his first start in forever, and Hamr's back. That preview may be short, because before the second 41 begin, we need to have Danielle Lloyd help us hand out some grades for the first 41. We're only handing out grades to players who have played at least half of the first half games (goalies excepted), so this will be a quicker read than Ms. Lloyd's acting resume. And of course, remember that Panger's hockey opinion is much more valuable than mine.
SuperPleks (A+++) - when was the last time the Habs had a top 10 scorer who had more than a point per game? Exactly. May you lead the Czech Republic to a silver medal.
Squid (A-) - Bob's best off-season move by far. Doesn't get a straight A for his apparent inability to score on the road, but otherwise he's been full value.
Jaro (B+) - a .924 save % and thieving meny game from big fat wale Cari overcomes his agent's dickishness.
The Urologist (B+) - look, we didn't pick him off the scrap heap for his defense, we got him for the PP. Mission accomplished; Habs have the best PP in the league.
Hamr (B+) - was our most important D before he got injured, putting in huge minutes and doing everything asked of him.
Big Tits (B) - remember, we're grading the whole first half here. If it was just the last ten games, he'd be up there with his linemates.
Métro (B) - continues to be a decent 3rd liner with PP time.
Gomez (B-) - look, if he didn't make $8 million per year, you'd be thrilled with him as your 2nd line center.
TFS (B-) - a rough patch or two or three, but still a 2.75 GAA and .912 save %. That's not necessarily Franchise-saving material, but still pretty good.
Mara (B-) - I was (probably rightly) criticized for my undervaluing Mara in the quarter-season review, but I don't think he's played any better since.
MOEmaN (B-) - has he slowed down lately? Maybe? Maybe a C+? What do I know, I'm on vacation (read: drunk at 11 AM).
Gorges (B-) - gets extra credit for being the only D with a perfect attendance record.
[Ed. note: man that's a lot of players with some form of a B. Here's an inside joke for Panger, 10, and LG77 - they must have paid their fees.]
Gill (C+) - not as bad as we thought he'd be. Some nights. Some nights he's worse.
Jaro 2.0 (C+) - he's a healthy body who is a defenseman.
Rhino (C) - the only player with enough games (barely) to qualify for a grade who has zero points. Zero! That's pretty cool. He's not bad or anything, he just seems sort of, I don't know, there.
Mad Max (D) - showed flashes of brilliance in a game or two after Gui! left, but may soon be in even Bertrand Raymond's doghouse for his suckitude.
Dagger (D) - he just sucks.
BGL (F) - beyond sucks. Enough of him already.
Incompletes (played 20 games or less) - Vodkov, Gionta, Poule, Little Tits, Pyatt, White, and a bunch of other Hamilton bus riders.
Incomplete (author stupidity / drunkenness) - PatCHes. I fucking can't decide on a grade after thinking about him for 20 minutes. I have him him everywhere from a B to a D. Help me, commentors. Then go ahead and disagree with my grades. But remember, you'll also be disagreeing with Ms. Lloyd. She may punish you.