Monday, December 07, 2009

OK, Now that We're Done Celebrating and Crying, Viggo Fucking Mortensen?? Are You Shitting Me???

Ok, it’s all over now. We’ve packed up the emotion and dismantled the stage. It’s not about “Oh, Happy Birthday Montreal Canadiens, we love you, you look so young for 100!” anymore. And poo-pooing on the ceremony a mere 24 hours later wouldn’t have struck the right chord with anyone. But it’s been 3 days now and we’re over it. And now that we are, one question begs to be answered.

VIGGO MORTENSEN ???!!!!!

That’s so left field that if measured in actual baseball geography, you would have to build a whole other stadium to the left of the current stadium and have your left fielder play there all by himself on a giant and separate fucking left field.

By choosing freaking Aragorn, the Habs just blew the doors open on the strangest, nonsensical, non-affiliated what the fucks one could think of to speak at the Habs’ centennial party.

I mean, at this point if you’re gonna go with Aragorn, you might as well go with the entire cast of nutjobs on the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

But why stop at Tolkien?

I mean if you’re going Viggan, you can venture even further and ask, I don’t know, Dolly Parton to introduce Patrick Roy! Wooooooweeeee!!!

Forget that, I mean, if Viggo’s in the house, why not just ask Harry and Sally to come on down and introduce Jean Béliveau!? That makes a ton of sense. Sally could have that famous deli orgasm right there at centre ice!

Hell, why stop there? I mean Viggo’s role in the ceremony was such a natural choice, to emulate that logic you would need to ask Freddy Kruger to introduce Ken Dryden.

And while we’re at it, maybe E.T. could have introduced some of the players. Get him to point at them with that glowing finger. Put him behind the goal and get his finger to light up every time the Habs score. Hell he should have been there.

Good job, Habs marketing brass, what a spectacular choice, asking Viggo Mortensen to walk down the red carpet on one of the most important days in this storied franchise's history. I mean what happened? Was Homer not available for the evening?

Or maybe you just could have asked fucking Benji to do the honors.

If you were going to make a splash in the surprise guest effect market, you could have asked Willy who would have been just ELATED to be there.

Viggo “Aragorn” Mortensen as the best choice to introduce Guy Lafleur? What you talkin’ bout Habs marketing brass?

33 comments:

Chenny13 said...

Gold, FHF's, Gold.

I thought the exact same thing when they announced his name. I mean, if they were going for a celeb, could they not have picked Sam Roberts? He's at least from Montreal and might not have drawn so many WTF looks. The biggest unintentional funny was having Viggo and Mr. Hockey standing together for the rest of the ceremony. What did they talk about?

HabsFan29 said...

Dolly parton in a low-cut Habs jersey. My dreams have come true, thanks GG!

I actually liked Viggo. Thought he did great, spoke quality French.

Mike said...

You can't have Willy at a Habs game! The Canucks would sue the pants off the team.

Robbie said...

@ GG another masterpiece of photo shop haven't seen beards like that since 1993. Harry and fucking Sally to fucking hilarious. I bet Lafleur used to see a dog like that after finishing partying downtown. All thats missing is a, ''what's you talking about Patrick'' from the dwarf. Brilliant fucking post!

Ben Dugas said...

Viggo rules and we should be proud he's a Habs fan.

lawyergirl77 said...

*cracking up*

That... was....

*still laughing*

Can't. Breathe.... laughing....

*passes out*

*comes to*

FWIW, Viggo had the cojones to wear a Habs jersey at every press junket during the Toronto Film Fest... so I give him mad props for that.

Ronan said...

I was okay with Viggo being there. Hell, the Leafs get Stephen Harper and Mike Myers and we get George Strombolopoulos and freakin' Aragorn? Fine by me. What irked me is that they felt the need to promote his latest movie... though it's kinda apropos, considering the whole Centennial "celebration" was just a big marketing gimmick.

What also annoyed me is that the CBC felt the need to hire the most apathetic, bumbling moron to translate the speeches.
a) Why does it need to be translated? RDS doesn't dub over their between-period interviews with the Habs, because tone and rhythm mean as much as the clichés that can be summarised later.
b) Why hire the shittiest translator possible? I think people would rather listen to Guy or Saint Patrick even if they don't understand a word than some poor fuck on his first day on the job.

Ronan said...

Just realized I used "felt the need" twice in that post. I'm sure that doesn't mean anything.

WV: "discr", like in "discreet and professional service". Heh.

GoldenGirl11 said...

That’s so left field that if measured in actual baseball geography, you would have to build a whole other stadium to the left of the current stadium and have your left fielder play there all by himself on a giant and separate fucking left field.
I just love how your brain works

Habsfan10 said...

If it was going to be anyone, I'm glad they chose a legit fan, one who is literate, smart, an actor,recording artist,writer, poet, owns his own publishing company, is active in human rights and politics, speaks several languages fluently, and loves the Habs enough that he wore a Canadiens t-shirt under his armour while filming LOTR. Who should it have been, Ron Maclean? Justin Trudeau? Ben Fucking Mulroney? Jean-Guy from Chibougamu? Viggo is an unabashed and unapologetic Habs fan, an accomplished artist in a half dozen different mediums and a citizen of the world at large. He's an ideal representation of who the Habs can attract as a fan. Great choice.

Moey said...

It makes perfect sense to me. He's the most high profile celebrity that is also a die hard Habs fan. I liked it. So there. *she sticks out tongue*

cottoneye said...

I know I bring nothing to the conversation/debate, but again, I have to give props for the tags.

'Viggo crazy for Viggo' is AWESOME! WORD PLAY!!

GoldenGirl11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GoldenGirl11 said...

I know who would have been an awesome choice... Saku. There, I said it. 13 years and he isn't even invited to the party. If Knuckles, post 'chader' stay, was there then Saku shoula been there too.

J.T. said...

I dunno...I maybe would have kept it to hockey and had a great rival from Guy's era introduce him. Like maybe Bobby Clarke. Or someone from the Bs. Orr maybe? Or Espo?

Anonymous said...

Um, Viggo is a big-time long-time well-known Habs fan. Just sayin' in case ya'll were ... you know, *completely* missing the point.

lawyergirl77 said...

GG11 - Saku's absence was pretty conspicuous. I had heard that he had recorded a "happy birthday" message to be played on the jumbotron. What happened to that?

re: Viggo - I would have tried to include him in the ceremony somehow, but I'm not sure I would have had him introduce Guy. That being said, his joy at being able to do so was contagious... Cool to see a Big Hollywood Star get all giddy like that!!

lisa said...

Would you have preferred CELINE!??! ARGHHHHHHHHH!

VIGGO was a great choice IMO. He's a well known HABS fan and handsome! YAY!

Tom said...

When I saw the guitar, I was hoping the Honkey Tonk Man was going to be making an appearance by smashing the guitar over Chara's head.

moeman said...

Loved the Viggo and love HF10's à propos description of him.

Also, I hope you guys didn't overwork our GG. Awesome once again with her mad skillz.

~~~

Cracking the bottle of CaCHAça I received as a gift. Got me some pure cane sugar and some juicy limes. Gonna smash some ice into bits and shake. (Maybe add a splash of Amaretto) ...

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
No overwork here. All a great distraction from 4 kids killing each other while watching about 10 hours of football yesterday. Sure beats paying a therapist.

Charles C said...

He's a huge Habs fan. What's the problem with that?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@everyone
Because it's stupid! Cuba Gooding Jr. loves hockey but when he hosted the All Star game with that Full House yutz I wanted to show him the back of my hand. It takes away from the 'hockiness' of the night. Adding Hollywood to the Habs took something away. He may be smart and good looking and prolific and a HUGE habs fan but a flash in the crowd woulda been good enough for me. Gordie Howe introducing Beliveau was pure class. Viggo introducing Lafleur? Come on. Stupid. Goldie and Kirk in the audience at an LA game? Cool. But they don't get up and put on a jumbotron show between periods. Viggo as a part of the show once again brought us down to the level of stupid Americans that need a red tail on the puck to follow the play. Way to go 4.

moeman said...

Let's just be glad the CH didn't lower itself and have the evening sCHripted by a pure wool racist like rejean tremblay who was just on the radio ripping the production values and suggesting the only true worth of the celebration was the 70% of FrenCH in the speeCHes and how that alone 'gave the Habs back to its appropriate society'.

~~~

I, like most, truly enjoyed 4's post and wrapped up in GG sarcasspics makes it an instant classic.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Oh and Celine, in my opinion is no different than Lord of the Rings. Personally I'm thrilled that she wasn't there so I can actually watch the evening over and over again without vomiting but technically it's the same. Just a different person to spin the same Hollywood crap. THAT was the point of the post. Happily that was their only blip and they didn't have that woman playing violin and hanging from the ceiling again.

moeman said...

C'mon Habs Shake!
Hommage To My Local High School Rock Band


Flower Give Me That Opener, Knuckles Pass Me That Beer
Viggo Move Your Ass, On Out Of Here

Well I Guess You Know, Carcillo's Out Some Money
And Traitor Brière Is, Short, Fat And Ugly

C'mon Habs Shake
Ohh Habs Shake
C'mon Habs Shake
Yeah! Baby Habs Shake

Well Josh Can Dance, Can Block And Beat
Well That's Because, He's Got Size 12 Feet

Cammi'll Make Them Run. He'll Make Them Blush
He's Now Our Guy, He's Got Squid TouCH

C'mon Habs Shake
Ohh Habs Shake
C'mon Habs Shake
Yeah! Baby Habs Shake
Well Habs Shake!

( Bop! - We Do The Bop - Go! Push Down - Woo! -Yeppy, Yeppy, Yeah - .. Bleu, Blaaaaaaaaaa, Rouge !!! )

Every Time I Saw Price Save
In That Fucking Cool Mask
And Those Great Big Pants
Bs Shoulda Played Rask

Now Year 101, 100's Gone By
With a 25th Cup, Like Messier I'll Cry

So Habs Shake
Ahh Habs Shake
C'mon Habs Shake
Yeah! Baby Habs Shake

( Bop! - We Do The Bop - No Early Olé's - Just Act Fucking Proud )

So Habs Shake!
Ahh Habs Shake!!
C'mon Habs Shake!!!
Yeah! Baby Habs Shake!!!!
Well Habs Shake!!!!!

HabsFan29 said...

@everyone (but especially moe) - this is not the open thread, which is now up top

that said moe, i am doing the Habs shake right now

Thinkpadder21 said...

They wanted a Hollywood presence. Viggo was a good choice. One he's well known. Two, he can act. Three, he can speak english and french. Four, he's a die-hard fan of the Montreal Canadiens.

Who else could fit that bill? Sam Roberts? Give me a break - he doesn't even know how to hold a hockey stick!!! Probably went to his first game ever on Friday cuz George Stromb. invited him. Actually, George should've been an option to introduce someone...

HabsFan4 said...

Relax kids. I'm a bigger lotr fan than you think. If anything GG is right. It was un-hockey. But I love how crazy Viggo is about the team. Always loved how he wore our logo for two years in middle earth. His tribute in French was a tribute to his own class.

You can't take a post that features ET in a Habs jersey seriously.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@4
but you can take a post with free Willie upside down over pocket rocket's head seriously?

Harry and Sally are my favorite.

lawyergirl77 said...

GG11 - the picture of the orca looked like fine investigative journalism to me... I believe everything I read on the interwebs because my sarcasm detector isn't working.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
I have an extra sarcasm detector. You can have it.

Number31 said...

PK Subban would have loved to have been there, but he was too busy scoring two goals on the Marlies. Good boy!