Thursday, December 17, 2009

Return of the Beautiful People: Wild Preview and Open Thread

Somewhere Bertrand Raymond is, indeed, screaming.

Apparently we're already hitting the panic button here at FHF it seems, so I guess I'll do my part to ratchet up the fearmongering:
  • 4 losses in a row and no signs of improvement - especially in the discipline department;
  • Up against a team that has won 8 of 10 - mostly on the road. Apparently, Marian Gaborik and all his points can take MSG and his ridiculous contract and shove them up his ass;
  • Our two best defencemen are now sidelined (Markov and Hamr) - and the blueline wasn't that good to begin with;
  • Our biggest offseason splash, Scott Gomez, officially sucks donkey balls, getting booed every time he touched the puck down in the swamp - for no good reason!! (They should be cheering that someone else has to pay this guy);
  • Stupid, stupid penalties galore and another last minute loss;
  • Our franchise tender can't stop a knuckleball so high and outside that even Vladimir Guerrero wouldn't swing at it;
  • Meanwhile, our backup goalie - and current most beautiful player - wants out. He's likely not the only one;
  • Last home game of the year for MTL; and
  • Did I mention all the stupid penalties yet? Yes? Okay, just making sure.
And to top it all of, tonight marks the beginning of the Second John LeClair era. Maybe letting Higgins, Kovy, Tanguay, Bouillon and Greek Lightning go didn't burn us too badly, but just you wait. Gui:( has 3 goals and 4 points in 10 games since leaving La Belle Province. While that pace still works out to only 25 a season, you can bet he'll explode tonight while the guy we traded for (could play potentially? maybe?? hopefully???) in the minors sometime this week. Remind me again why people want Gainey to trade Halak?

At least one segment of Montreal fans will be happy about Gui's return, besides Guy Bertrand: 12-16 year old Habs fan girls everywhere have their panties in a bunch. Trust us, HF4 checked. Personally, I think tonight's game will have as much beauty as this video:

Alright all you beautiful commentators, let's hear your version of the Habs collapse in the comments.


L Dude said...

+1 for a Vladdy reference I say!

I shall refrain about talking about the Habs. My dear ol' Ma used to say "If you can't say anything nice..." you know the rest.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Is the video supposed to make the game seem less painful? game, video, game, video... continue until last minute and then switch to video, poke out eyes with needles, video, needles...

Excellent plan.

WV: vominatr

moeman said...

heh@ GG's so à propos portrait. HF33 knows, put on your pure wool socks ce soir les enfants car nos orteilles vont avoir froid pendant que nos oreilles vont avoir chaud (à cause de les cris de benoit).

HabsFan29 said...

Trust us, HF4 checked

Panger FTW on that one! But it's true.

HabsFan29 said...

Just noticed L Dude has a new Bill D. Cat avatar. Good one.

Habsfan10 said...

"Our franchise tender can't stop a knuckleball so high and outside that even Vladimir Guerrero wouldn't swing at it"

Hey! That's enough of that unecessary abuse. Vlady TOTALLY would have swung at that. And hit a ground rule double.

Ronan said...

Aw, I miss the Expos...

Honestly, Price wasn't that bad last night... sure, the first goal was brutal, but the second goal was all on the D. And why the fuck is the other team's second goal the game winner? Why do we always play for overtime? We're not perfect in OT/SO anymore!

WV: waked. Hopefully the Habs are, while Gui:( stays in bed and misses the game.

Robbie said...

I wonder for how much longer this is going to go on for until the Beer Baron starts to make some moves? Unfortunately no move will fix this Dr.Gainey-
Mr. Whatthefuckdidyoudo experiment. I do however have some truly terrible fucking suggestions.

1. Get rid of Gainey (already over stated) and while were at it dump Boivin too!
2. Get rid of the Coach... ya i said it! I'm tired of the system that isn't a system..tired of him getting a pass. What did his past teams do in the playoffs again? Oh ya...doesn't really fucking matter that won't be an issue this year
3. Hold on to Halak cause Dollar $ign just is not TFS. Put the whale on the market...i think everyone might be suprised by his LACK of value. Being unbeatable one night and no more then a Junior ''A'' the next does not translate into high value.
4. Bend over and collectively kiss our own asses cause nothing will change the direction of the season. Not even the return of Markov.
5. Trade BGL and Youppi for some of those girls in BGL's web commercial.
6. Bring up the same young talent and leave them up..let them develop. This experiment combined with injuries has truned into a franchise rebuilding so we might as well just fucking live with it.
7. Set the fucking lines and keep them that way for longer then an orgy for fuck sakes! Ever been to an orgy? Its fun as fucking hell but there is no way to create any chemistry.

Its time to accept was is. Its gonna take a couple of years to fix this fucking mess and that is truly sad!

fezworth said...

Y'know, I seme to remember the Habs trying the "Fire everyone and bring up the AHLers to play" strategy before. It wasn't such a great plan then, what makes people think it will work so much better now?

Carré Pricecrispies said...

Trade me right fucking now...

Number31 said...

Firing everyone won't change anything. Just let it play out for the year and see what happens. Actually this was probably not the best year to do the wholesale change thing considering the Olympics put the season on fucking speed... And if Jaro thinks he's a number 1 then fine, trade him, but the market for a goalie right now is paper thin so he'll have to stick around anyway. Also no one wants to do any fucking trades right now. The Flyers would rather pick up that deadweight Leighton off waivers than move someone regardless of who slept with who's wife.

Jaro > Sanford. Sanford sucks.

And if Gui parks his ass in front of the net on a Wild powerplay, Perry Pearn will jump on the ice and punch him. "I was never given a chaaaance" my ass!

Moey said...

Well, look on the bright side. There are thirteen other teams just as shitty as we are. The "experts" predicted a Hawks-Flyers cup final.

Robbie, you seem to be suffering from hockey rage or something. Have a whiskey or two. Trading Price would be a big mistake and would bite us in our collective asses for years to come (think Roy). Don't forget this is Fleury's sixth year in the NHL, it's TFS's third.

Number31 said...

Moey knows! And Fleury puts more pucks in his own net (with his ass, in a Stanley Cup game) than the D ever kicked in ours. Plus Fleury has a juggernaut team in front of him to hide behind. Poor Carey has maybe a squid or two.

I'm alright with where they are, considering they're doing better than usual without Markov.

moeman said...

When Gu:( Comes To Town

He was a saviour, one day he'd wear the 'C'
Habs were under the Bell Centre waves
Before Gu:(Gu:(Gu:( rescued line three
He was a fighter, he was big and not quite afraid
Now he stands accused of the things he said

When Gu:( comes to town I'm not gonna jump his train
When Gu:( comes to town I'm not gonna catch his flame
Maybe he was wrong to ever let us down
But he did what he did and ce soir Gu:( comes to town

Pure woolers use to make love to Gu:( under a red sunset
Gu:( had the promise Bob would too soon forget
He was stale and fucking upset when he left town
Now we're left with a Gu:( smilie with a fucking frown

I ran into this joint then I saw GG's 'Scream'
Bertrand is turning blue, just like in my dream
As brunet says Gu:('s life's been turned around
That was the day after his lover Gu:( left town

When Gu:( comes to town I'm not gonna jump his train
When Gu:( comes to town I'm not gonna catch his flame
Maybe he was wrong to ever let us down
But he did what he did and to me Gu:('s a clown

La Presse was there when JM crucified The Gu:( Lord
RDS held the scabbard when Gu:( the soldier drew his sword
The Wild threw the dice when Bob pierced his side
Will the CH survive if Gu:( conquers the great divide

When Gu:( comes to town I'm not gonna catch his train
When Gu:( comes to town I'm not gonna catch his flame
Maybe he was wrong to ever let us down
But he did what he did, Cégep girls are now safe downtown

When Gu:( comes to town I'm not gonna catch his train
When Gu:( comes to town I'm not gonna catch his flame
Maybe he was wrong to ever let us down
But he did what he did, in this verse pants are a noun

Moey said...


Mitch Melnick made a good point this afternoon. The 1971 team (with rookie Dryden) centers were Beliveau, Henri Richard, Pete Mahovolich. 1993 team centers - Damphousse, Muller, Carbonneau. Look what Price has. Mitch directed it purposely to the Price bashers.

Boob Gainey said...

Keep the faith. We're not as bad as we seem. Better days ahead. Markov and Gionta are skating. Gui is not John Leclair Mk II. etc etc ...

moeman said...


GoldenGirl11 said...

A little farklempt seeing a Koivu on the ice.

Well, back to the Manson video.

moeman said...

Gros Seins!

GoldenGirl11 said...

LOVE the song, btw.

שתים עשרה אינץ ' said...

Holy mother of pearl!

moeman said...

Merci G:)G:)

gillis said...

BOOGARD!!! please beat the veggies out of laraque

Ronan said...

I hear refs used to call penalties against the Habs' opponents. Radical thought.

Anonymous said... this verse pants are a noun...nice.

HF4 checked,even better.

WV: velypor. How the game is going.

Ronan said...

RDS doesn't think Josef Balej for Alex Kovalev is one of the best trades the Habs have ever made?

moeman said...

Santa must think we Habs fans were all naughty.

Massive Tits said...

Pierre McGuire: "The first line is having success because they're aggressive and attacking down low on the forecheck."
I'm sure "A powerplay is better than being shorthanded" is coming soon.

moeman said...


lawyergirl77 said...

At the game. Sans Mr. LG77 who wisely stayed home.

I'm constantly amazed by the new ways in which we can both suck AND blow at the same time. Fuck.

Can't believe how we are failing to cash in on our decent chances. Argh.

But at least Guimauve is being booed.

gillis said...

well that fuckin sucked.

gillis said...

So, why are the fans booing them? Fans are supposed to cheer, and criticize, not boo, unless they are booing the other team, or Brisebois

Ronan said...

@ gillis
Agree, can't say they didn't play their hearts out tonight. We just lack guys who can score.

Anonymous said...


We outshot them.
We took less penalties than them.
We had so many chances.

What is it going to take for a win?

orangeman said...

-didn't lose because of selfish penalty in dying minutes.
-didn't lose in dying minutes.
-Actually outshot an opponent.
-Minny has a guy called 'Clutterbuck'. Teehee!

-Jesus this team is awful.

At least when the Habs sucked before it really was because they couldn't do any better. Now it just feels like their following a culture of losing. When was the last time this franchise iced a really competitive team? Yeah, they won the conference a couple of years ago but that was more out of default than due to their skill, which became evident in the playoffs. Even the Leafs had good teams in the 90s. Two decades of rebuilding is ridiculous. And, yeah, injuries. Boo-freakin-hoo. If 1 or 2 guys are really that important to the team, then this team isn't really that strong to begin with.

But who cares. Bob will ship off Halak soon for a 5th round pick, Price will collapse again and the media will blame the fans for being too hard on him and then remind us that, afterall, he's still young. One or two players will step up, but there'll be 5 others waiting to take their places on the cold list. Habs will scrape into the playoffs by 1 point on the final day, everyone will consider that a success, they'll lose in 5 to Washington and we'll say it was a good learning experience for Price. Then next October will start this dance all over again and nothing will change.

And that's my rant. I will always be a Habs fan, but something's gotta change here.

jackie said...

was @ the game. the boys r tired. very tired and looked really small playing beside guys like booooogard! ACK! the man is a beast.

Anonymous said...

The positive thing is the return of Markov and Gionta. They`re both making the trip.

I mean, the team certainly can`t be any worse with those two in the lineup.

Laraque needs to be scratched. That ship has sailed.

Also, I believe it is time to name a captain. Markov anyone?

Ronan said...

A captain and some hitting are what we need.