Monday, December 07, 2009

Phlyers' heads exploding just in time to meet the Habs

So you thought the situation with the Habs (prior to Friday) was bad? You ain't seen nothing. Flyers were fresh off losing 6 of 7 when they fired coach John Stevens and his head exploded, all Scanners-style. TSN analyst Peter Laviolette takes over, and they promptly lose 8-2. Dan Carcillo gets like, 1000 minutes in penalties that night and gets suspended for 4 games. The death spiral mantle maybe seems to have been passed from the Habs to the Flyers (knock wood). Let's set this baby up with some help from a few choice quotes from the greatest head-exploding film of all time.

Welcome to our little psychic gymnasium - 19h30 au Centre Bell. Habs on a one-game winning streak! Phlyers on a 4-game losing streak. This is our first meeting this year.

I'm going to suck your brain dry - our good friend Kristin at eager to go psycho can suck our brains dry any time.

And yet an assassin managed to infiltrate this group - Squid's Friday night hat trick gives him 15 goals, way ahead of anyone else on this team. TFS has the eyes of a cold-blooded assassin these days, and we like it.

Why are you such a derelict? Such a piece of human junk? - We'll just say after Friday night there are no cold Habs. Enjoy that while you can.

You and your brothers and sisters can bring a glory and a brilliance to our society that has never been seen before - there is no one bringing glory to the Flyers right now.

They're all pathetic social misfits. Unstable. Unreliable. - All the following Flyers are listed as 0 points in their last _ games: Carter, Richards, Giroux, Pronger, Timonen. Ray Emery is in his own stratosphere of patheticness, instability, and unreliability.

Bring the world of normals to their knees - Speaking of knees, or lower-bodies, or ankles or whatever, Little Tits is a go for tonight. TFS gets the start. Pouliot might be ready to go for the weekend. Ryan White is back to Hamilton. For the Flyers, Simon Gagne is still out.

I drilled a hole in my head. Where? Kind of obvious, isn't it? - Your post-game adult entertainment is educational. Learn the drill sex position with handy computerized graphics (sorta NSFW).

Let's see if we can scan each other in the comments

98 comments:

GoldenGirl11 said...

The death spiral mantle maybe seems to have been passed from the Habs to the Flyers (knock wood)
I'll see your 'knock wood' and raise you a 'poo poo poo'.

@29
also NSIYHASKAT (not suitable if you have a sick kid at home).

kristin said...

If a Flyers loss would result in a Jaro post, I'd be a happy girl.

K-Mart said...

I think Montreal is a perfect opponent for the Flyers to turn things around against... it's gotta happen sometime right?

Kristin shouldn't you be bargaining FOR Flyers wins instead of against them? :(

kristin said...

But kmart, have you ever read a Jaro post? It'd be well worth a Flyers loss!

K-Mart said...

I read it... I dunno who Jaro is otherwise I'm sure it'd be much funnier. And right now, I would trade anything for a Flyers win...

Matt said...

Whats up guys?! Its Matt from the Orange Army. First time checking out your blog....GREAT stuff! Hot women & hockey, you cant beat it. I dispise everything about the Canadiens, except your blog. Very funny & insightful. Keep up the good work, & I hope we beat you guys down tonight!!

HabsFan29 said...

K-Mart, would you trade... YOUR SOUL??? MOUHAHAHAHAHA

oh right, you're a Flyers fan, you don't have a soul.

welcome back to FHF! please stay for the game. we'll have pie!

K-Mart said...

I'll check in around period 2. I have class til 7:45 and it's hard as shit to post from an iPhone.

Also yes, I sold my soul to Ed Snyder years ago. Hasn't quite worked out :(

lawyergirl77 said...

I call Bullshit on the pie, 29. You've been promising me ice cream for almost a fucking year now...

Topic? I thought I had rehearsal tonight so I sold my tix last week.
Now they just cancelled it. Watchin' da game from my couch. siiiigh.

HabsFan29 said...

thx Matt. please be aware the comment about Flyers fans having no soul applies to you as well :)

good luck tonight! well, not really

K-Mart said...

Where does Kristin fall on the soul scale?

HabsFan29 said...

LG that's only good news for me, because I get the pleasure of your company throughout the game, instead of just your intermission updates

what's for dinner?

HabsFan29 said...

@K-Mart - the part of her that's a Habs fan (the smart part) is loaded with soul.

though my anti-sports bigamy stance is severely tested with Kristin. I like her so much, but grrrrrrr PICK A FUCKING TEAM

K-Mart said...

Her not picking a team has been a point of consternation amongst some of her readers... I just say a little prayer for her every time she makes a Habs comment. To the devil, obviously.

lawyergirl77 said...

29 - dindin is leftovers seeing as the fridge, she needs to be cleaned out.

But it's homemade butter chicken, palak paneer, and vegetable biryani. I'll pick up some Naan on my way home... yum!

kristin said...

"anti-sports bigamy stance"? There's gotta be an easier way to say that...

HabsFan29 said...

@Kristin - how about TRAITOR!!!!!!

to which team, I dont know

HabsFan29 said...

@LG - that's some kind of leftovers. yum

kristin said...

Yeah, traitor would work. or douchebag.

HabsFan29 said...

@krisitn - can women be douchebags? i never know, always for some reason think it's a term for asshole guys only. as is found in one of my favourite sites on the interwebs

moeman said...

C'mon Habs Shake!
Hommage To My Local High School Rock Band


Flower Give Me That Opener, Knuckles Pass Me That Beer
Viggo Move Your Ass, On Out Of Here

Well I Guess You Know, Carcillo's Out Some Money
And Traitor Brière Is, Short, Fat And Ugly

C'mon Habs Shake
Ohh Habs Shake
C'mon Habs Shake
Yeah! Baby Habs Shake

Well Josh Can Dance, Can Block And Beat
Well That's Because, He's Got Size 12 Feet

Cammi'll Make Them Run. He'll Make Them Blush
He's Now Our Guy, He's Got Squid TouCH

C'mon Habs Shake
Ohh Habs Shake
C'mon Habs Shake
Yeah! Baby Habs Shake
Well Habs Shake!

( Bop! - We Do The Bop - Go! Push Down - Woo! -Yeppy, Yeppy, Yeah - .. Bleu, Blaaaaaaaaaa, Rouge !!! )

Every Time I Saw Price Save
In That Fucking Cool Mask
And Those Great Big Pants
Bs Shoulda Played Rask

Now Year 101, 100's Gone By
With a 25th Cup, Like Messier I'll Cry

So Habs Shake
Ahh Habs Shake
C'mon Habs Shake
Yeah! Baby Habs Shake

( Bop! - We Do The Bop - No Early Olé's - Just Act Fucking Proud )

So Habs Shake!
Ahh Habs Shake!!
C'mon Habs Shake!!!
Yeah! Baby Habs Shake!!!!
Well Habs Shake!!!!!


~~~

Thnx for the tip HF29, now Shake!

HabsFan29 said...

im shaking it TWICE as hard now moe

"like Messier I'll cry"

+1994 tears for that one

lawyergirl77 said...

Basmati rice on stove? Check!

leftovers heating up? Check!

Mr. LG77 playing Call of Duty 2 on the PS3 until the last possible fucking minute before game starts? Sadly, check as well...

Chenny13 said...

I was just about to say that I don't feel right watching the game without Moeman's song. I refreshed, and Voila!

Great as usual. Game on!

WV: Swanch. I'm not sure what the fuck it would be, but it sure as hell sounds dirty, doesn't it?

moeman said...

@CH13, SwanCH, probably the sound of lg77's wiffing her Naan by Mr. Lg77's PS3'd ears.

kristin said...

@HF29 I tend to use the term douchebag rather liberally, and I'm sure I've used it to refer to women. Nice site by the way. Those are some douchebags of the highest order!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
Aaaaah, life before kids.... All in place here as well. DrGG reading newspaper on the sofa, 15, 13 and 10 cleaning
kitchen or will be locked in their rooms, 3 writing on furniture, walls, body parts and generally turning my hair grey.

HabsFan29 said...

RDS - "Hal Gill à surveiller" because he played so well Friday. why does that sound wrong?

HabsFan29 said...

wait, the Flyers have a Laperierre? shouldn't he be playing for us?

HabsFan29 said...

for a heavyweight tilt, that was pretty lame

moeman said...

A staged dance. (Not what my song suggested BGL, you punk).

moeman said...

Caps may have busted 8 in the Flyers ass but its now being reported that Tiger is up to 9.

HabsFan29 said...

@moeman - heh. but Deadspin has it up to 10

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK FUCK BRIERE

HabsFan29 said...

on their first shot no less. jebus

moeman said...

brunet gets all moist, fans boo, I'll take the fans thank you.

HabsFan29 said...

we have 100th anniversary party hangover

moeman said...

Blame VigGoHabsGo?

Chenny13 said...

Lame start by both teams. Hopefully the powerplay can punch one in. And if Rhino was going to jump all over Briere on that play, why not take him out completely to make sure he doesn't shoot?

HabsFan29 said...

this game's going nowhere fast

moeman said...

So are the refs.

K-Mart said...

Woah the Flyers are winning! This is great news to come home to.

HabsFan29 said...

nice PK

@K-mart - no one should be winning this crapfest

Chenny13 said...

This might have been the dullest period of the season. Shots are 4-1? Really?! Well, hopefully the second is a little more interesting.

HabsFan29 said...

4-1 SOG after 1

I, uh, have no words

chris nilan said...

aside from brieres goal with the entire habs organization hanging off of him.... pretty much a stinker all around.

K-Mart said...

When you've lost 6 of 7, I don't care how ugly it is if we win.

Anonymous said...

1. ONE FUCKING SHOT ON GOAL!???!!!

2. SCOTT HARTNELL HAS TO BE THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG IVE EVER SEEN.

TIS` ALL.

lawyergirl77 said...

I realize it's stupid and Homerriffic to shit on the refs and claim they're biased.

But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A CRACKER, PEOPLE!! How was Rhino's call justified, meanwhile the gang bang on Patches down low in behind the Flyers' net was clean? Oh, my bad, the ref was kind of twitching towards his whistle (had it up at his mouth) but never blew it. So he was thinking of blowing it.

Right.

He blew it all right.

*Sigh*

K-Mart said...

@anon- I'm gonna go with Colby Armstrong.

lawyergirl77 said...

Scott Hartnell looks like his family tree don't fork. I heard banjos in the background when they showed his mullet-mug on my teevee.

K-Mart said...

Scott Hartnell is an ugly ugly man. However, he's been one of the most consistent Flyers this year.

Anonymous said...

@K-Mart

*does a quick google image search*

meh... lol

On the plus side, Plekanec is 88% on his faceoffs. Baby steps.

Ronan said...

As ugly as Hartnell is... Briere still gets the brunt of my hatred. Overpaid, whiny, dirty little fuck.

K-Mart said...

I actually need Plek and Cammelleri (there are far too many consonants in that name)to have good nights... I have a big fantasy matchup this week :)

Anonymous said...

@LG77

lol @ the banjos

God, score already. Please don`t tell me Boucher is going to shut us out tonight.

K-Mart said...

@Ronan- Briere is definitely not a typical Flyer... but when he's scoring, I love him lol.

lawyergirl77 said...

Mr. LG77 hasn't switched the TV back over to the game...

"Relax, we're taping it... I'll switch it over as soon as this round is done"

*silent scream of frustration*

Ronan said...

Tomas Gretzky?

chris nilan said...

TITS!!!!!!!! *crickets*

vw= nower.

as in we better get that go ahead goal nower.

K-Mart said...

I don't like this whole "Montreal taking shots thing" stop it!

L Dude said...

SQUID!!!!!!!!!!!

moeman said...

Squid shakes it up!

Chenny13 said...

What. A. Goal.

moeman said...

Beer me LDude.

Also, WV = cruse, as in I'm glad Viggo is a Hasb fan and not tom cruse.

L Dude said...

Beauty play by Max too!

I was about to ask whether anybody else feels like.......this......game......is
.........being.........played......
in.......slow........motion?

moeman said...

Hasb = Habs

K-Mart said...

There's those Flyers I'm used to seeing.

Chenny13 said...

BGL gets his 100th NHL assist. Congrats. Now GTFO.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I think the flyers coach looks like Al Pacino in the court scene in And Justice For All.

moeman said...

Crank up the PhotoCHop GG.

Michael said...

@GG More Eddie Munster, no?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Michael
I swear I was going to write Joel Bouchard's anglo twin (a while back I called Joel a grown Eddie Munster) but I went with Al instead. I think he also has a Boris of Boris and Natasha thing happening only he's taller. Hey new coach guy who's name I don't know, it takes a lot more effort to frown than it does to smile.

HabsFan29 said...

k cmon boys i'll take a "hold on for dear life 11 shot win", thank you

moeman said...

Habs will get a cheapass penalty soon.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Al

moeman said...

Lovin' Pax's game tonight.

GoldenGirl11 said...

PL

HabsFan29 said...

FINALLY

HabsFan29 said...

aw fuck me

HabsFan29 said...

jebus

HabsFan29 said...

have we hit double digits in shots yet, btw?

moeman said...

Uro!

HabsFan29 said...

and there we go! Urology!

moeman said...

Juro has a funny accent when he speaks in English.

HabsFan29 said...

Price is happy to have something to do

HabsFan29 said...

gotta make it interesting

HabsFan29 said...

well, it wasn't what you might call "entertaining", but it got us to .500

/small victories

lawyergirl77 said...

I'll take .500, thank you very much!!

Patches played one heckuva game tonight. He was the only one hitting and *gasp* shooting until several minutes into the 2nd...

Anonymous said...

First thing I see on L`Antichambre: trade Gomez for Briere!

I`m not exactly a fan of Gomez but c`mon...

*changes channel*

GO HABS GO!!!
Pleks and Squid are on fire!!!

orangeman said...

Just checking the score, shots 15-13? I think I fell asleep just looking at the stats. I'll take the win, however. Go Hab......zzzzzz.

Sonia said...

A regulation win! A regulation win! The second in a row! Woo-hooo!

Still unbeaten in the second century!!!

lawyergirl77 said...

@Sonia - I like your "Glass is half full" mentality... please tell me more.

The mouthbreathers on L'Antichambre make me almost as embarrassed to be a Quebecker as the Bouchard-Taylor Commission did a few years ago.

Almost.

Riddle me this: Brière didn't want to come play here because of the pressure he would have because he would be playing at home.
So why are his best games at the Bell Centre? Hmmmm...

Sonia said...

Sorry, LG77, that was actually "Glass full of Sarcasm".

Want more? Here you go:

A record night! Fewest shots in a Canadiens game - 28 - beating the old record of 31 set in 1993!! Hey - wasn't that the last year we won the Cup?!? Yeah, baby!!

lawyergirl77 said...

@Sonia - Heh. It wasn't sarcasm... I prefer to think of it as senseless, er, constructive boosterism. Much like the not-sarcastic-at-all-no-sirree cheering that took place after the Habs' second shot tonight.

Yeah, i can't keep that up, either. We played a hella boring defensive game, but, hey, 2 regulation points are two regulation points.

Even better - everyone has been talking about that 1993 stat... too bad it's from DECEMBER 1993 (the 31st to be exact) vs. Calgary.

You know, the year after we won the Cup.

Crap.

Chenny13 said...

Just got back in to see the shots total, 28. For both teams.

Well, I'm glad that we won at least!

Massive Tits said...

Why has no one mentioned Andrei Markov will be back in about a month? He skated at the optional skate on Friday, full contact in a couple of weeks. How's the for optimism? I saw it all, I'm the oldest Kostitsyn!

Baroque said...

Jaro post?