Friday, December 25, 2009

It's the waiting in line for fantastic savings early Leafs vs Habs preview

I knew I should have kept that receipt ...

Hello, shoppers! HF10 here, live from the parking lot of Future Shop, waiting in line for the HEE-YOOOGE savings to start. Nothin' says birth of the saviour like 37" plasmas for $499. If your like me, you just got finished seeing everyone else off to bed as the turkey and egg nog worked their triptyphanerific magic, so it's time to evaluate your recent Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa bounty. Get anything good? Got a trip to Old Navy in your future to return some flannel pyjama pants? Somehow end up with Red Wing socks? Tis the season for ...

Waiting in line at the returns desk: Saturday night, the CBC and RDS, 7:00 pm from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto. Bleu, blanc, rouge and blue and white all over. Goodwill towards men fucking ends TODAY, you truculent little bastards.

Hot like an Iphone with 5000 apps: The Super Amazing Story of Wonderpleks, Squid and the Big Tits continues. Mr. Andrei Markov is back and scroing at will. Metro bagged a pair last game after a big drought. The Urologist keeps scoring. Jaro is starting another goalie controversy. Even Scott Gomez escapes my wrath for now with some solid play and a three assist night. For the Leafs, Tomas Kaberle leads them in scoring and has three points in his last three, and don't look now but Mike "Traitorous Douchebag" Komisarek is rounding into hardhitting, make life miserable form.

Cold like the gravy sitting in that pot at the bottom of the dirty dishes: BGL hasn't made a useful contribution since he was a Penguin. Mad Max is more like Max & Ruby at this point. Matt D'Agostini is fucking terrible. For the Leafs, 3 is the magic number: It's the total points scored by Phil Kessel, Matt Stajan, Alexei Ponikarovsky, Nick Hagman and our old friend Grabs in the last six games.

Broken like the $100 toy you gave your shit-disturbing nephew less than 20 effing minutes ago: Habs still missing Gionta, also Mara, possibly Hamr. Leafs Victor Stralberg is questionable, The Monster always seems one cheeseburger from more heart trouble, and here's hoping the massive hole in Toskala's catching hand is still there.

Annoying like your crazy Uncle Milt, but it's the holidays so you've got to talk to them: We get periodic visits from PPP, Chemmy, eyebeleaf and jaredoflondon around here. If you like, you can visit all of them (bring rumballs or fruitcake!) over at Pension Plan Puppets. Be nice, for gawdsakes. It`s the fucking holidays.

Post-game entertainment: Put on the fire-log dvd, grab your third turkey sandwich of the day and your fifth rum-based beverage and relax. You and your family have earned it.


If you got anything good, brag about it in the comments.

21 comments:

eyebleaf said...

4-2 Leafs final. Grabovski will score all four of them, with Komisarek assisting all of them.

Merry Christmas Habs faithful.

boob gainey said...

As usual my best presents were the ones I got for myself.

GoldenGirl11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Moey said...

My sister sent me my first NHL jersey ever and it's a Duck's # 11 woo hoo! I plan to wear it to work one day to piss off the separatists.

moeman said...

heh@Moey, I do the same when I wear my Team Canada jersey (Patrick Roy version).

~~~

WV = baish, as in its a nice fucking freezing ice boxing day to baish the fucking leaf

L Dude said...

Happy St. Stephen's Day everybody! I don't know what it is, just heard it on CBC. So have a good one. I think St. Stephen is the patron saint of leftovers.

I got a sweater. And underwear - Mrs. LD ALWAYS trying to get me to wear underwear!

Warning: used video games not always the best idea. Little Ms. LD not impressed to open up her XBOX 360 game to find a PS3 game inside. Better get to Future Shop to buy a PS3...or I could exchange the game...decisions!

I'll be watching via 'tape delay' after a social engagement. Which is good so I can FF through any Leaf Love-in commentary on CBC. So should be a quick game for me.

lehab said...

love that picture. it's good to start the day with a great laugh.

gillis said...

I would have no boxers, if it weren't for christmas.

moeman said...

Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me

(Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me)
(Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me)

We don't need a lot of reasons
To make our CHristmas bright
We just need WonderPlek's magic
Wrapped around The Monster tonight
Uh-ho, Canada's Santa hear my plea
Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me

(Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me)

Post-CHristmas blog is ready
In her jersey Moey's all aglow
But with our GG far away
What good is mistletoe
Uh-ho, Canada's Santa hear my plea
Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me

(Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me)

Please make the leaf fan scurry
With game time drawing near
It sure won't seem like PPP
Unless eyebeleaf is here

Won't fill my night with hnic
No bob cole fuckups for me
You wanna make me barely happy
RDS' BB will fill my teevee
Oh Canada's Santa, hear my fucking plea
Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me

(Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me)

Please make my Xmas pants
Full of exciting FHFans CHeer
Before we re-gift him back to PETA
Make BGL show Kessposito some fear

Don't listen to don cherry
Now hear me every girl and boy
You wanna make your Mom happy
Become a Hab fan filled with joy
Eh-Oh Canada's Santa, hear my plea
Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me

(Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me)


Mon Canada's Santa, hear my plea
Santa, don't bring Dou$harek back to me

soperman said...

I bought my grandson his first set of hockey gear (he is three and starts playing hockey on January 11). He promised me that he would quit hockey if the Leafs draft him.

They should call him the "Diffibrillator" not the "Monster".

GoldenGirl11 said...

I got the sun and I'm not giving it back!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
like the early surprise. Excellent as usual.

Number31 said...

Excuse me while I go bubblewrap Markov....

Anonymous said...

When deciding whether to watch the Carolina game, I checked the PP/PK stats for Carolina.

They were pretty badly ranked for both stats and so I decided to watch.

Toronto has the worst PK in the league.

Meanwhile, the Habs have the number one PP in the league!

Need I say more?

Go Habs Go!

eyebleaf said...

@ moeman: How did you get that picture of me? That's some weird shit, man.

@ soperman: I hope your grandson is drafted by the Leafs, and I hope the draft is in Montreal that year. That would be sweet.

soperman said...

@ eyebleaf

If they do draft him, he knows what to do...

Baroque said...

If they do draft him, he knows what to do...

Start scoring goals like a madman into his own net and "accidentally" running into his most talented teammates?

Subversion!

boob gainey said...

Halak steals a point.

This might have been our worse performance in ... a week. We really suck.

Baroque said...

Two points.

Despite 49 shots by Toronto.

boob gainey said...

HA HA.

One-ball should have won that game for the Leafs.

soperman said...

@ Baroque

Cool, the Habs still get a helping hand and Grandpa still gets a new speedboat for the cottage, curtosy of the Leafs.

Thanks.
Good Thinking