Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Welcome to the month of hell, bitches - December preview and Leafs open thread

Anyone look at the Habs schedule for December? If not, look at it now. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I knew that the Olympics were going to fuck with the schedule this year but I hadn't really noticed much difference. Well I notice it now. Let's hit the bullets to really emphasize the hell the Habs are about to endure:
  • We play 17 games overall. To put that in persepctive, if every month was like that you would finish the season in 4.8 months, not the 6+ months it takes normally;
  • 4 games in 6 nights twice;
  • 3 games in 4 nights four different times;
  • The only time there are two days off in a row is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Won't someone think of the Jew?
  • Annual holiday disaster trip to Florida thrown in;
  • Oh, did I mention that the Florida trip was part of the last 7 that are all on the road?
  • Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Ottawa, New Jersey, and Atlanta are all featured prominently. Theoretically we get breaks with Leafs and Canes. Theoretically.
So far, the Habs season has been all about surviving injuries and keeping our head (barely) above water with some grit. December is going to stretch that shit to the limit.

Ok now that you should be sweating, let's hit another set of bullets to set up the Habs-Leafs affair. Fuck me, I'm lazy today:
  • Game is at the Centre of Bell, and there are conflicting reports whether it starts at 7 or 7:30. You can bet a Leafs-Habs Tuesday game is on TSN. Do you think TSN got the memo that the Habs are Canada's team?
  • Habs have only won 1 of their last 4. Leafs lost last night, but are playing much better, having won the previous 2. Seriously!
  • Habs have won both meetings between the teams this year;
  • If you only know eyebleaf from his witticims in our comments, you're missing something special over at his Sports and the City. It's not only Leafs, but everything he writes is worth reading;
  • Your hot Habs are Squid and Pleks, duh. Hot Leafs (really, there are some!) are Ponikarovsky and Hagman;
  • TFS (who's starting again - maybe Jaro will get a start in the crazy December?) is listed as cold in Faceoff's Tale of the Tape, but that's total bullshit imho;
  • Toronto Franchise Saviour Gustavsson is 2-3-2, 4.07, .871 in his last 7. Goaltending issues solved!
  • Lines at practice yesterday were PatCHEs-Gomez-Moen, Squid-Pleks-Little Tits, White-Laps-Pyatt and CHips-Metro-Dagger. Hey look, we got some people back, though Gomez is technically listed as questionable, but HI/O says he's playing. And in case you didn't know, Dou$harek is back from injury for the Leaves;
  • Your post-game adult entertainment is to peruse the making of the Toronto Sun Sunshine Girls 2010 Calendar.
K, let's do this.

93 comments:

Boob Gainey said...

This is one game I'd like BGL to be playing in.

Anonymous said...

I found this quote on eyebleaf's blog:

"When did Toronto fans become the epitome of douchebaggery?"

Shall I tell him or does someone else want to answer that one?

Habsfan10 said...

Also hot: Noted Hab killer Phil "One Ball" Kessel. Bastard. Thank God Burke sold the farm to get a pure goal scorer but neglected to find him a centreman to make him truly deadly. Dude is basically scoring goals playing 1 on 5.

kevincrumbs said...

Can't we move the circus to Verdun or something instead of condemning this team to a horrible December road trip year after year?

eyebleaf said...

@ Anon: I blame the last, well, 10 years. Other than one fucking jaunt to the Final Four, it's been a fucking nightmare for all of our sports teams. I'll be writing a post entitled "TORONTO'S LOST DECADE" in the coming weeks. We're sorry for our douchebaggery. We miss the playoffs. Even if, like you, we make it there only to get swept in four straight and question the future of our ace goalie.

And thanks for the link, gents. You guys are some classy motherfuckers, for real.

Toronto Franchise Saviour Gustavsson is 2-3-2, 4.07, .871 in his last 7. Goaltending issues solved!

Actually, you guys are fucking pricks.

Go Leafs Go!!!1

Anonymous said...

Just asking, have you heard about a possible trade about to take place in Mtl?

PS. Leaves girls in that calendar are nothing compared to our Mtl women

iwishiweremingus said...

apparently leach just got traded to san jose. details are scarce but it seems like a draft pick coming back. not a bad deal for gainey, something for nothing (we got him on waivers remember). but more important than the draft pick is that it frees up a contract space (we were at the league maximum 50 contracts) so it might be a sign of something bigger in the works or just some breathing room. jay, we hardly knew ye. leafs, blow me.

Ronan said...

Man, if that's true then San Jose is even worse at holding onto draft picks than the Leafs...

habsss said...

Ovechkin got two games. Whatever.

HabsFan29 said...

Molsons officially own the team. Whatever.

two-fours for everyone!

gillis said...

i vote august

Number31 said...

AHL schedule. Maybe that's why the kids are doing alright?

moeman said...

Danse Tronna Dance





We can laugh at you if we want to


In the standings you're still behind


'Cause you are leaf fans and since you're leaf fans


Well you're no friends of mine



I say, we can Olé when we want to


Up 4-2 and a shootout's fine


And Carey can act like he comes from out of this world


Leave Canada's 2nd favourite Team far behind


And Habs fans dance


Nous pouvons rire de vous si l'on veut


C'est vous autres les malheureux


'Car vous êtes des leaf fans et comme des leaf fans


Vous n'êtes que fucking blanc et bleu



Nous chantons Olé durant le matCH


Ménant 4-2 et tout semblait être beau


Avec Carey, nous sommes bénit et on rit aussi de votre Komo


Même au Canada nous sommes numéro uno


Les maudits Habs fans dansent


Dansent!

FHFers can Go Habs Go when we want to

The night is young, we're drunk and high

And we dress real neat from our bras to our briefs

Sexy Friday is our victory cry


Say, leaf fan act that way if you want to

Cuz lemminglike other leaf nation's fan will

And you act real rude cuz you're Cup removed

As expected you act like imbeciles



I say, Habs fans dance, we can dance

Even when RDS is out of control

Habs fans dance, some can dance

Now go vote for this fucking blog!


Habs fans dance, some with lamps

HF29 look at your hands

Habs fans dance, Plek's in a trance

Everybody takin' the CHa-a-a-ance



Habs fans dance

Final seconds dance
At the clock we take a glance

Is it safe to dance?

5-4-3-2-1-PANTS!

Its Safe To Dance!

Habs fans can dance if we want to

Fucking Centennial's almost left behind

Its like we abused it, but we're never gonna lose it

Everything'll work out right


I say, Habs fans dance when we want to

We have left Dou$harek's +/- behind

And leaf fans can't dance, just full of truculance

HNIC's no friends of mine




Is it safe to dance, oh is it safe to dance [42x]

It is safe to dance!

HabsFan29 said...

moeman if i wasn't in class i'd be up and dancing, i swear.

+1 hat

Chenny13 said...

That was pretty epic, Moeman. Quality as usual.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Love it!

Nicolas said...

Doesn't december 5th and 6th plus 24th-25th make two 2 days breaks, instead of just one?

HabsFan29 said...

@Nicolas - nice catch, im an idiot

+2 day break for you

kevincrumbs said...

@moeman: Any song where you work in a "pants" bit is gold to me.

HabsFan29 said...

still in class, has the game started or is it only 730 start?

eyebleaf said...

@ Ronan: I resent that. Nobody is worse than holding onto draft picks than Toronto. Let us have our glory.

@ moeman: Even I have to admit that that was epic. You bastard.

Chenny13 said...

@HF29: 7:30 start, TSN is doing an homage of sorts to the Habs history. Actually nice to watch them cover something other than Toronto losing. Some good memories being discussed along with a little montage of historical Habs.

kevincrumbs said...

7:30 start

Also, can't find anything on a Leach trade. Spector states that Leach was claimed off waivers by San Jose.

HabsFan29 said...

dammit i love a good montage homage

Moey said...

They showed the most memorable Habs players over the years and it ended with Saku. *wail* /pours wine

Chenny13 said...

It has to be said, Le Gros Bill has to be one of the classiest men to grace the game. What a gent.

Moey said...

McSplooge and Leafs..eewww, get out the level 5 biohazard gear.

HabsFan29 said...

FUCKING PROF WON'T LET US OUT. GAH.

at least i am spared some McSplooge time

see ya after 1 kids

Ronan said...

Did the Alouettes PLAYERS just start an Olé Olé Olé?! God, I love this city.

Chenny13 said...

Nice ovation for the Als. You can tell the Leafs are just like "Good God, let's start the game already..."

moeman said...

Did you read matt stajan's lips? The wad mouths, "this Olé shit is gonna throw me off my game".

Chenny13 said...

A good hearty first Booo for Douchearek.

kevincrumbs said...

McSplooge antisplooging Grabovski.

(Yes, I decided I had to watch this game after all)

Chenny13 said...

Hah, antisplooge. So he cold-showered on him then?

Decent PP.

moeman said...

ack

kevincrumbs said...

FUUUUUCKK

Was just going to say that the Monster looks very solid tonight.

Chenny13 said...

Speaking of cold showers, that puts a damper on my mood. WTF was he doing alone in front of the net? Ugh.

kevincrumbs said...

McSplooge with his anti-Max rant again.

moeman said...

eek

kevincrumbs said...

Fuck me. Are you kidding? JM. Timeout. NOW.

Chenny13 said...

For fuck's sake, these neutral zone turnovers are going to be the end of us.

Moey said...

Orr and Finger? WTF?

lehab said...

I like the fact the molsons have come out with a brew taunting the leafs last cup

kevincrumbs said...

This reminds me of the Ottawa game a couple of months ago. Dominated at the start but couldn't score and eventually the away team got their shit together and ended up winning.

Chenny13 said...

+1 lehab. I've been thinking it too. Hilarious.

HabsFan29 said...

good thing i rushed home to see a 2 goal deficit

kevincrumbs said...

Hey hey! Maybe some Forum ghosts are here... the Monster is not to be seen.

HabsFan29 said...

Forum ghosts can only be found in the Future Shop in the AMC Forum. They're going through DVD's looking for deals on Season 1 of 24

Moey said...

There's only one thing worse than listening to McSplooge and that's losing to Toronto and listening to McSplooge. Unfuckingbearable.

kevincrumbs said...

Pathetic first five minutes of the 2nd. Habs have come out really flat.

HabsFan29 said...

so, anyone want to share some good recipes?

HabsFan29 said...

kill me

kevincrumbs said...

Pathetic. Fuck the Centennial.

moeman said...

Caipirinha

5.0 cl (1⅔ fl oz) cachaça

½ lemon cut into 4 wedges (or tahiti lime, but not key lime)

4 teaspoons crystal or refined sugar

HabsFan29 said...

ooh id like to make one now moeman!

im substituting 4 teaspoons of "crystal" for 4 teaspoons of "crystal meth" tho

kevincrumbs said...

Why do the Leafs look like they're on a PP when they're not?

Moey said...

Why do the Habs make the leafs look like a powerhouse? Fuck.this.shit.

kevincrumbs said...

Seven minutes until the team is booed off the ice.

Baroque said...

Did Pierre just compare Phil Kessel to both Pat Lafontaine AND Brett Hull?

Or did my ears deceive me.

HabsFan29 said...

anyone want to buy a (semi-)successful hockey blog? cheap!

lehab said...

and to think i spent good money to watch the centennial shit on friday. maybe i could trade the ticket for a blog

kevincrumbs said...

Goddamn, just get the fucking shots on the fucking net.

HabsFan29 said...

i expect serious booing when the period ends

SHUT UP SPLOOGE

lawyergirl77 said...

Thank CHRIST I sold my tix to this game... Never been so grateful to Mr. LG77's crazy job as I am right now.

He's asleep beside me - snoring away. More interesting than the game. Sigh.

To answer your question from the other thread GG11 - it's not a church choir. A semi-professional thing- infinitely more interesting. Plus, I fit right in with my potty mouth! Heh.

Generalized booing to end the period. Sigh.

They should have started Jaro tonight. Price was looking tired on Saturday. 9 games in a row is ridiculous unless your name is Martin F. Brodeur.

Speaking of potty mouths - fuck you fucking Phil Kessel Fuck.

kevincrumbs said...

Jaro better start against Buffalo but due to the Fucking Centennial, Carey will start on Friday.

cottoneye said...

I smell a comeback!!!!!!1

Ha. Kidding. I smell fresh baked cookies. I like to drown my sorrows with chocolate chips cookies. The cheap stuff from Pillsbury. Delicious.

moeman said...

Where's my pill box?

Ronan said...

[conveniently ignoring the Habs game]

Did you guys see that shortie by Versteeg tonight? Absolutely beautiful... and to think that they'll have to get rid of him just because of the Campbell and Huet.

Ronan said...

contracts

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
So you and MrLG sing in a choir together and share a love of the Habs. That's so nice. DrGG and I enjoy cycling together and have that vagina thing in common. I have one and he sees about 75 a day.

Baroque said...

What about Patrick Sharp? They might have to get rid of him instead.

I would think that an awful lot of teams would love to have a player like that.

Moey said...

McSplooge's homo line of the night:

How important is Komisarek's package to the Leafs?

lawyergirl77 said...

Moey- ditto. Fucking Habs are making me fat!!

GG11- dying laughing. Only Mr. LG77 isn't in the choir anymore - he dropped out because of his work sked and because it wasn't his cuppa.

He just woke up briefly. Saw the score, mumbled "fuckers" and went back to sleep. Am tempted to follow him to the land of Nod - comeback doesn't seem likely... Wake me up when December ends.

Oh and moe - I'm still humming along to the parody. Outstanding as always!!

Baroque said...

ewwwwww ....

dwgs said...

Who the fuck is Joey Fucking MacDonald and why the fuck are we making him look like a fucking candidate for the fucking Vezina?

kevincrumbs said...

God, we suck on faceoffs, among other things.

Moey said...

The good news is all this bad karma centennial curse shit will end on Dec. 4. Poor Saku has dragged same said curse to Anaheim. I assured a Ducks blogger that their luck will turn after Dec. 4th. He liked that idea, a lot.

Keep the faith folks, I'm off to to watch Days of our Lives.

kevincrumbs said...

For the sake of the people who spent $$$$ to attend this game, at least put one goal in.

lawyergirl77 said...

Why we make opposing goalies look so good - our pucks keep hitting the logos on their jersey. Fuck, I could stop that shit and I was a craptastic goalie. Gentlemen, it's NOT a target.

Christ, boys, get at least ONE!!! PLEASE!!!

kevincrumbs said...

Gomer with a dumb shot high and wide, with the puck wrapping around and leaving the zone. You know, instead of trying to make a play for one of the two guys trailing you or shooting low and hard and hoping for a rebound.

ARGH.

moeman said...

Can Calvillo skate?

lawyergirl77 said...

I echo Boone's disgust at the prospect of a shutout in our own fucking building by the fucking Leafs. Grrrrrrr...

lawyergirl77 said...

Embarassing.

Fucktards.

HabsFan29 said...

ugh

moeman said...

Horrible non effort. Bury this ugly game and move on.

fezworth said...

Presumably at this point the fans will start singing the 'Ole' song.

Fucking Rider's Dozen.

kevincrumbs said...

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. Geoff Molson is probably wondering if he can get a refund from George Gillett.

I'm scheduled to head out of town on Friday but was starting to hem and haw as to whether I should stay and watch the Centennial. I thank tonight's effort for making my mind up for me.

Ronan said...

Excuse me while I go throw up.

WV: "tiness". Short for shittiness.

CivilizedWorm said...

color me fucking depressed.

holy FACK I HATE LOSING TO TRONNA!

Can someone please tell PJ stock to go FUCK HIMSELF. Jesus, does he ever have anything positive to say about the habs?

FUCK HIM.

kevincrumbs said...

Leafs deservedly swept the three stars selection. Just glad to see that the Habs aren't one of those idiotic home teams who won't allow a visiting team to sweep the three stars. I think Dallas is one of those that always has to have a Dallas player as one of the three stars, regardless of how poorly they played.

boob gainey said...

Two shit teams. One managed to score.

No skill. No hitting. Nothing.

Get used to it Toronto and Montreal fans. This is Bettman's NHL.

eyebleaf said...

Well now, that was enjoyable, wasn't it? Good times, guys. Until we meet again...

Jaredoflondon said...

I agree, solid hockey match, well played!