Tony: So Doc, way back when, I told some people that I was a big Habs fan. And that almost got me whacked.
Dr. Ruth: That's terreeble Tony.
Tony: I know. Everybody in Jersey goes gaga for the Devils. They're also going gaga for Gaga, but I don't undertsand what the fuck that's about. I don't get that broad's style. I mean what that fuck, she looks like the freakin statue of liberty at the Grammys. Then she looks like a credit card. And she's singing with Elton John like she's Tony freaking Bennet.
Dr. Ruth: She bozers you zis much Tony?
Tony: Look Doc. a few years ago I woulda banged fucking Gaga, but my last shrink and I we kinda worked on some stuff. She called it a sex addiction, I called it a freaking gift from Jesus Christ himself personnally gift wrapped to me.
Dr. Ruth: So you would not, ahem... how do you call it - bang Gaga today?
Tony: Oh boy I want to so bad Doc. But I can't. That's why I'm here. These freaking Habs. I'm hooked. I'm doing flapjacks Doc. We win game 1. I mean that's freaking unbelievable and the like and such. Now I'm so gaga about the Habs, I can't get gaga about banging Gaga!
Dr. Ruth: But what makes you think Gaga wants to make love to you?
Tony: Please Doc, don't show me no disrespect.
Dr. Ruth: I'm not sure about ze grammar there.
Tony: Looky what we got here, I'm being mentored by Lady freaking Volkswagen over here.
Dr. Ruth: Talk to me about your sexual problems Tony. You are not aroused by women anymore?
Tony: Doc, don't get me wrong. I'm as hard as a freaking slab of pastrami when my Habs are winning. But after that? Nuthin. I don't wanna bang nobady. Not my wife, not her sister, nobady.
Dr. Ruth: This is extremely serious Tony. It seems your addiction to ze Montreal Canadiens is taking over your sex addiction.
Tony: Doc I want to be addicted to both. Can you fix this?
Dr. Ruth: No Tony. Sex is so much more involving than hockey. You watch hockey, think of it like masturbating. All alone, you and your hockey. Sex however Tony is far more inclusive. Much more challenging. Pleasuring your partner, finding her clitoris..
Tony: Ooooh!!!!! Doc!!!! Do you know who you're talking to here? Finding the clitoris? Doc I INVENTED the clitoris. It never escapes me. That's all I see. Clitoris, clitoris, clitoris. Last week I'm banging this girl and her clitoris is like in hiding from me, like, in a safe house. And I'm like, are you freaking joking? You can't hide from me you clitoris! Don't you go anywhere, I see you!
Dr. Ruth: So how will you feel when your addiction to ze Habs makes it impossible to find the clitoris again, or even WANT to find it. What happens if zis unhealthy obsession with ze Habs gives you ED?
Tony: Oooohhh! Oooh!!! Whadaya mean ED. Like ED phone home? Like what the fuck ED?
Dr. Ruth: If you don't quit zis obsession Tony you may not be able to have an erection.
Tony: I'm fuckin done with you Doc. This stuff comin outta your mouth is horseshit. And if you keep it up they're gonna find every little dwarf piece of you buried in a small hole in Reno, you got that?
Dr. Ruth: Zis hostility is very unhealthy.
Tony: So's the fifth artery that feeds my heart that just clogged up. So what, I'll live. I'd say you're too small to know what you're talking about Doc, but because of my Habs I know that little people.....I'm gonna fuckin cry......little people can do big things.
Dr. Ruth: So what will you do?
I'm gonna do this Doc. I'm gonna do this. This is all I know.
Time: 7 p.m.
Place: Verizon Centre, Washington D. fuckin C.
What if I wanna watch the game in French?: RDS with my favourite fanuch, Benny B. But it's gonna be on TSN with that chatterbox McGuire.
Who's hot: Everything in blue white and red.
Who's not: I'm afraid I'm gonna jinx it if I say his name.
Best thing that starts with the letter J since Jersey: Jaro. I'm gonna get him made one day.
Adult entertainment: Ohhhh!!! Are you fuckin kiddin me? Badabing. I'll smash your fuckin head if I see you someplace else.
So, you guys banging much? Let me know in the comments. Go freakin Habs go, and such.
326 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 326 of 326Well, it's open season on Halak.
If only Jaro weight more than 175lb he could anchor himself better.
FIGHT OVIE VS GIO!
Seriously, if the Habs take a penalty on this shit...
What the fuck!
fuck your integrity of the scoring area mcsplooge
not quite a heavyweight tilt
penalty?
or is the game fixed a s we all expect
tsn is way too happy.
How in the holy cock were there no other penalties?
about fucking time
cmon CASH IT
TSN is surely hoping the Habs win, or at least their accountants are.
Yeah, boo an obvious call. Not like Habs fans do it. Oh, wait...
Come on, gotta cash in on the PP.
Powerplay bitches!!!
How many times are they going to push off their own net and get away with it?????? FUCK!!!!
Is that Andy Moog in net? Glue that thing down, ref.
Darche on the PP? Is Carbo coaching now?
Ms. Fezworth upon having been told about JM's nickname:
"Every time I see him now, I expect little bat wings to sprout out of his back!"
Apparently our D forgot how to take a pass.
Bad PP.
I guess we've had our one PP goal of the game.
We missed the ice cream!
What if ... Roy commercial is eery.
go back to space you stupid astronaut
FUCK
Ai-yai-yai...
quadruple FUCK.
but I HATE that siren
I'm gonna have some ice cream now...
Sizzling cauldron of hockey passion? Sure McSplooge.
Once again Knuble runs into Halak.
No rules in the playoffs.
In any case, series over.
whats with all this winding and dithering Marky?
baaaaaddddd
JM, call a timeout and calm your team down.
OH CMON
ive really had enough of this officiating. i hate complaining about it but FUCK
Well that was a fun series...
I think this is going to go to OT, which I think everyone here would take at this point.
Where's Kerry Fraser when you need him?
ive switched to RDS. hoping it helps
It's hard enough to beat the Caps, but the league too?
Kill this you fuckers. Please?
Maybe we're just all really biased, right? That's what explains how upset we are, right?
Good kill. Build on this shit, Habs.
FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH
SuperPleXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXE!!!!!!!!!!
Pleks!!!!!!!!
PLEKY!!!! CAMMY!!!!
YYYEEEEEESSSSSS
Squid!!!
Nice puck battle by Hamr.
Also, Tomas WHO?!?
Chicken... taking a penalty...
YYYAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!
I just screamed alone in my apartment at 1025am on Sunday morning.
... and the subsequent penalty ...
Jagr!!!......err, I mean, Pleks!!!
I'm farklempt
this team does not make it easy
FREE PLAYOFF WINGS!
Can you believe cbc/hnic turned down this series?
If the Caps score here, I'm going to murder Chicken myself. Sorry, rage blackout.
Kill this off and you'll go a long way towards escaping with a win tonight.
Go Habs Go.
Has tsn mentioned the Habs are the #2 PP?
Unreal. Mr. Moey is a jinx. When he was upstairs, we went up 4-1. He came back down to watch and it was 4-4. He left three minutes ago....I just screamed at him to stay away. .
WV: I need some >motin> to take the edge off
make that a lot
Another run at Halak.
epic kill
Great kill.
We are totally out coaching them in clothing, btw. WTF is BB wearing?
CHECK YOUR PHONE REF! YOU JUST HAD TWO MISSED CALLS!!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE
I'm missing the season premiere of Dr. Who for this.
they better fucking hold-on
and as I type this, caps score to the joy of the tSN announcer
WTF? No call on the high-stick on Markov?!? Fuck you refs you fucking fuckers.
C'mon Jaro you gotta glove that!!! x_x
Weak, Halak. Weak.
Okay, okay. Let's regroup and do this shit in OT... provided we don't give up the 6th goal in the 3rd.
Kill me.
tsn is way to happy about this.
I can't take overtime. Really. I'm emotionally spent.
Good thing the NHL doesn't have a complaints department.
Playoff hero?
O fucking T. Meh, I'll take it.
going out for more meth. back soon.
Everyone still alive? Or have heads asploded?
good luck in overtime, regardless.
Jesus, this team is just allergic to holding leads.
I love seeing Hal Gill tell the ref he's a douche for missing everything.
Also when he was in the box on his penalty he was standing.
And a Hab just tossed a puck to a Habs fan on the way to the room :) Love that!
tsn harps on Caps' big powerful offensive machine. Um, check the score fuckers.
I think we need a Smashing Pumpkins parody of "1979", except
"1993" instead.
I can't belive that the panel can only wax lyrical over a 20yr old Cap player.
biased much
(or are we paranoid?)
Terrible officiating. It's okay for Ovechkin to hit first and get the puck later, but Gill closes the door on forward who dumps and no one has touched the puck and Gill goes to the box. I really wonder about the conversation with Toronto on that goal. The caps 2d goal should have been disqualified for goal tender interference. Where was Toronto on that one. Then there was a Washington player piling on Halak, without any push and no call. Gomez should pick on somebody his own size !!! Like Ovechkin.
tsn panel i aWASahed in Caps love. Fuckers. Its 5-5, going to OT, #1 vs. #16 (according to you fuckers). Fuckers.
Hope the Habs are as pissed off as we are. Hopefully vets like Gio, Gomer and Gill will deliver over guys like Backstrom and Green.
@moeman
Can you believe cbc/hnic showed curling over this series?
fixed!
Promis eto FHFers, if I run into duthie in Ottawa this summer, I will punCH him in the face (I might need a lawyer and for someone to delete this pre-meditated evidence).
This reminds me of the game earlier in the season when we snapped their 16 game win streak. Blew open a huge lead, only to lose it late... but only to win it in OT.
You know, whatever happens in OT the Habs have proved alot AND at worst they'll be tied going home for 2. If the Caps do (god forbid) pull it off I know the headlines will say they're back on track and dominated the Habs, while if it's the other way around it'll be another 'lucky' win for the boys. They'll use Theo's goaltending as an excuse, like he's not part of the Caps' team.
I think the TSN turning point was that unnecessarily ridiculous 'review' after the 4th goal. Not only did it kill Montreal's momentum, but somehow everything started going Washington's way after that phone call.
Boudreau can't tie his tie properly.
Btw, do they intentionally make those 'History will be made' videos look old? Because I remember most of those things and I hope my skin isn't that yellow.
Fuckers.
what a nightmare
VOMIT.
Well, we can't comment about crappy officiating... Just (wv)saying.
Argh. Deflating. Jaro didn't play his best game out there but seriously, when will this team learn to not blow leads.
GLOVE HAND JARO, FIX IT!
Whatevs.
Two hat trick in one playoff game, you missed all the fun CBC.
Time to watch the Daleks.
We all would've taken the split prior to the series starting and at least the boys know they can play with these overrated pig fuckers.
McSplooge "Stick it!"
Go Fuck yourself tsn.
Kill me. Again.
I wish the Habs could hold on to a lead to save their lives at the same time the officiating was total shit. I just want someone to randomly crosscheck ovechkin in the back of the head because that's what he's been doing all night. Congrats refs, you've saved yourselves and the league the embarrassment of having the caps lose again.
VS guys sound like they just lost their virginity to Swedish twins.
Oh well, 1-1 going to Montreal. I know everyone (cough cough TSN cough) will say this was a HUGE dominating win my the Caps, but we know the truth. I'm satisfied with the effort. Not to harp on it, but it's hard to protect a lead when you're not allowed to play physical defence while the other team can run your goalie and knock their net off every time you get into their zone.
Ugh. I was hoping for a PleXXXe OT winner.
I had my "Jagr-meister shots all around" quote ready and everything.
Me = majorly bummed :(
there's not enough tequila is this world to forget the 3rd.
what the fuck happened ot the gameplan whatever it was?
I'm just disgusted with everything about the league. I have been the number one opponent to the horrid officiating in the NHL for years.
Halak could have made some fucking saves though. He shattered, went from Roy to Racicot.
Ok, those green fans for Nucks a la It's Always Sunny Philedalphia are pretty funny. I needed that.
C'mon! 1-1 going home. It's a 5 game series and the Habs have home advantage now!
/sniffs more glue
So does Jaro bounce back or does the Big Phat Whale come out of hiding?
Jaro should (and will) start the next one. Give him a chance to redeem himself.
Is Therrien not coaching anywhere?
I told you. This is that Carolina series all over again, except that Halak is Huet.
Say what you will about the refs, about our supposed collapse, this loss is 100% Halak's. The killing of that late pen, Pleks coming back to score after the heartbreak of their 4th goal. The team in front of Jaro played great from start to finish.
I'm not sure who will start the next game but I am sure Price will play in this series at some point.
you guys are hilarious, seriously. it's helping with the this loss. Can't wait to go to work tomorrow. My work is Caps Fan Central, *vomits*
Maybe this is Halak's loss, but last game was his win. So I guess he's even. Like the team.
They had a four to fucking one lead. CRAZY.
WTF? Hartley is delusional. He's pleading desperately for fans everywhere to put their flag on their car. As if that's gonna score goals or make saves. Idiot.
Habs need their own green spandex men...only bleu blanc rouge spandex men. SOMEONE NEEDS TO DO THIS! (Not me, though, I won't be by the penalty box 'cause I gotta eat/pay mortgage/etc).
I wouldn't be shocked if Price came in Game 4ish. I'm sure he'll play in this series but only because Jaro will be so bloody tired from all the traffic he's getting. He tires easily anyway so there's that to worry about. Hey, he's a little guy! All the chocolate milk won't save him from that.
Anyway, ice cream, free wings, series tied at 1 and Doctor Who.
And oh ouch WV: siever. YOU SO MEAN!
RiRi, this whole panel is delusional. It's why I watch them. They're hilarious.
Demers says he'd come back with Price.
I'd say no Price yet for this reason: if the first period of game 3 sees two weak goals let in by a Habs goalie, them being scored on Halak means bad period, while them being scored on Price means end of series, morale-wise.
Anybody know where/how I could get a screen shot of Poti's big ass in Halak's face???
@Panger: The NHL has demanded that that footage be removed from the archives, so that it can never be used to prove that the league screwed up the officiating tonight.
Also, no, sorry.
Oh lol. Big Tits needs more engrish.
Big Tits' interview kill me. It goes a little something like this:
Reporter: "Do you think that scoring 3 goals will give you more confidence going further into the series?"
AK46: "you know just make good play, score goals"
*blank stare*
I think the Habs need a Russian-speaking beatwriter. Please?
Therrien: "C'est avec des gars de talent que tu gagne des parties"
Is that what you were doing in with Crosby/Malkin in Pittsburgh?
Why am I still watching this? Oh yeah, trainwreck.
First time poster, long time reader. All I got to say is, Ovechkin Laichs Semin!
Now, let's go you fucking pants!
Anyine know where/how I can get a screen shot of Poti's ass in Halak's face?
@33 - I'm not techie but... the highlight is up on nhl.com so u can probably "print screen" it.
no*
Here it is
Post a Comment