Sunday, March 07, 2010

Attack of the Mighty Giant Mexican Chicken Ducks: Saku's Revenge Game Preview and Open Thread

Terror on the Pond! It's a horde of bloodthirsty Ducks vs GMC! Can Coach Bombay direct Saku to delicious revenge, or will it be fiesta time for the Habs? Coming soon to a tv near you!

Programming note:
This won't be as full of Oscar talk as you think, since I've boycotted the Academy since they stole Best Supporting Actor from the fat kid who plays Jewish goalie Goldberg in the Mighty Ducks franchise. Ordinary People over Raging Bull looks like complete common sense next to that travesty.

Opening credits:
8:00 pm in Anaheim at the Honda Centre (aka the Pond). Live on RDS as always. Habs had the big win in LA last night, Ducks got whitewashed by the Coyotes 4-0. Oh, perfect. Now they're pissed.

Names above the title on the marquee:
You know, the stars. Habs have two hot goalies? Seems so. Ducks have strongest Swiss fortifications this side of Konigstein Fortress in Jonas Hillier. Low scoring? Not if GMC, Pleks, or Gold Medal Ducks Ryan Getzlaf, Corey Perry and Scott Niedermayer and silver medalliet Bobby Ryan have anything to say about it.

Guys hanging around the catering truck, hoping not to get fired:
Let's see ... I don't think Andrei looks fully back yet. Habs defence still a patchwork quilt of hanging on for dear life. Our old friend Chips is still minus 12 and pointless in 3. Did the trade rumours get to James Wisniewski? He's pointless in 4. Actually, when you get shut out in your last game, hot is kind of in the eye of the beholder.

Off the project due to creative differences:
Squid and the Urologist keep this space warm. Mad Max still sitting in the corner for a few more games. Ducks major loss is Joffrey Lupul, out after back surgery.

Straight to video things you might not care about:
Ducks are in a scrap for a playoff birth in the West and have been busy trading. They have former Leaf malcontent Jason Blake, Lubomir Vishnovsky and Joey MacDonald in the flock now, and Coach Bombay figuring out the district lines changed to get Adam Banks up front was a stroke of genius. Watch out for the triple deke after the flying V attack, because that's a game-changer.

127 comments:

RiRi said...

I literally just LOL`ed at those "reviews"!

moeman said...

RiRi knows great reviews as part of a great 10 production. brunet and bertrand speak da endgleesh (or are those sous-TITres?

Howard said...

OMG! I haven't seen anything so outrageous since Jill Masterson in Goldfinger! I have to admit I like her curves better than GMCH but I have to admit that after terrorizing LA they may score an oscar tonight!

Number31 said...

Put the Fat Whale in net!

GoldenGirl11 said...

And the Golden Giant Mexican Chicken goes to...... THE NET!! And scores!!! A lot!!!! OMG!!! I WAS SO UNPREPARED!!! I MEAN OMG!!! I WANT TO THANK JESUS CHRIST AND THE COL. THAT RAISED ME FROM A PUP. YOU LIKE ME!! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!!!!

Habs 5, Saku 4 (because our love was the real thing and I still want the best for him even though he's with that whore of a duck now)

HabsFan29 said...

those poster blurbs are the funniest thing ive read on this site in months. five stars!

moeman said...

Habvatar
- blues tits, you need more?


The Blind Side
- starring fucking Chris Lee


District 9th
- stay in 8th bitCHes


An Education (for Pure Woolers)
- The English Patience


The CHurt Locker
- heal thyne Squid, quickly



Inglourieux Basterds
- I like you, am one too


Preciou$
- 2 great, young, PHAT, #1 goalies


A Serious Man in a Serious Suit
- featuring Jacques Martin and his suit (but not his ties, they suck)


Up!
- WV = as in looking (not to be confused with knocked Up! wood)


McUp in the Air
- original 'R' rated Title suggestion, 'McSplooge cumin' at you!'

HabsFan4 said...

Couldn't resist.

http://fourhabsfans.blogspot.com/2008/10/coach-estevez-too-much-for-habs-ducks.html

moeman said...

Hooray for KnockingWood

Hooray for KnockingWood
That screwy, ballsy-hooey KnockingWood
Where any legal boy or young meh!CHanic
Can be a panic, with a good looking (wo)man (NTTIAWWT)
Where any danse-à-10 maid can be a star made
If she dances with or without a FHFan

Hooray for KnockingWood
Where you're terrific, if you're even good
Where anyone at all from TV lassies
To Megan's chassis is equally understood
Go out and pry your luck
You might become a youtube schmuck
Hooray for KnockingWood

Hooray for KnockingWood
That fun and super horny KnockingWood
It comes from CHicks and Pal00kas
With their bazOOkas to get their Pants! Up! in lights
All armed with photos from local Blogoes
With their mitts in ovens and tits in sight

Hooray for KnockingWood
No one is homely in our neighbourhood
But if you think that you can an blogger
See Monsieurs. FHFer, they make money just looking good
With all that power, maybe take a shower

Hooray
for
Knocking
Wood

Go
you
FUCKING
Habs!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Ooooh. Now I want to put on my best Ethel Merman evening gown and watch the oscars. What to do, what to do.

moeman said...

@ GorgeousGal11, re: "What to do, what to do."

CHampagne!

moeman said...

TFS™ starts.

Anonymous said...

What does that place in Germany have to do with Hiller? Or is he particularly "Bohemian"?

kevincrumbs said...

I'd skip this game if only they weren't playing Saku. Roommate is hosting a all-girls Oscar party, which means I'll be in bed watching the RDS feed. Too tired/hungover to bother walking down to the sports bar.

Number31 said...

Drama!

@MAGodin: Koivu doesn't know how he'll react tonight. "It looks like a new team, plenty of new faces, but the CH logo remains the same"

*cries*

HabsFan4 said...

Important stat:

Thrashers, 3 games in hand on the Habs in 9th with 66 points, 2 behind Montreal.

Third period in Atlanta - Carolina game: 4-0 Carolina.

Go you fucking Canes.

moeman said...

Nice update HF4.

Go Canes but don't get too close to our Habs, you fuckers!

Fucking Bs lost (surprised = fucking not).

Hope the fucking PHI loses too ( likely = fucking not, as they are playing the fucking last place leaf, man is it fun to type that!)

moeman said...

Also.

HabsFan4 said...

Is that a beer mug or is it the greatest nipple ever.

HabsFan29 said...

all of a sudden i want to be a beer stein

START YOU FUCKING GAME. i can only take so much Barbara Wawa

moeman said...

Beer and tits, there's no life like it.

Yes, I am happily lube'd ...

Half way there bitCHes, WhereTF are my oven mitts!?!

HabsFan29 said...

i gotta try this 10w30 all the kids are drinking

so anyone see the Cooke on Savard hit? it's at Puck Daddy (sort of, no real good angle). been breaking it down like the Zapruder film but can't decide how dirty it was

moeman said...

/rant

Do not let these pure wool media fuckers off the hook when it comes to slagging Saku (especially the horrid michel bergeron and his slimy snake tongue). The majority of these heartless CHaters ripped Koivu for being who he was, a humble, dedicated, honest, human homme and Hab.

/end rant

moeman said...

@10w29, "i gotta try this 10w30"

Yes, you must, you kid.

moeman said...

I <3 Saku

always have,

always will.

habsss said...

Some commenter on Habs Inside Out last night was saying how McSplooge is a great hockey analyst and he should be the GM of the Habs.

The sad part is I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic.

moeman said...

Cooke's hit on Savard = at least 4 games and if collie campbell can find his balls, 8 games.

Sonia said...

GO MY SAKU!!!

Strangely, cheering against the Habs doen't bother me nearly as much as cheering for a team called the "Ducks".

But I want Saku to win. Mostly because there are those in the Montreal media who would love to see him fail. I would call them miserable pieces of shit, but manure has value.

RiRi said...

They just showed footage of Saku with the Habs... This is gonna be harder than I thought. :(

HabsFan29 said...

@habsss - im doubtful the average HIO commentor is capable of sarcasm. or understanding it (just ask 4)

Joel: "if the Habs can contain the Ducks best line, they have a chance to win." that's quality analysis

moeman said...

@RiRi and Sonia, be like Saku and appreciate life and what she offers. We are lucky to have had him as our Captain(e).

~~~

Kudos to CoaCH Martin for starting TFS™.

moeman said...

@29, at least Joel didn't drop any 'je suis convaicul' ou 'j'en ai pas d'problèmes' ...

kevincrumbs said...

Has the puck dropped yet? For some reason the usual RDS online feed through Justin.tv is not streaming.

HabsFan29 said...

7 minutes in kc

kevincrumbs said...

@HF29: Oops.

Thankfully I found a different feed.

HabsFan29 said...

at least we're shooting

Number31 said...

I HATE REVERSE GOALIES!

All those "short side" goals become easy glove hand saves...

HabsFan29 said...

crap crap

moeman said...

ack!

Number31 said...

Corey Perry will score like that. Especially when he can pick corners without looking and has Rhino and Markov lined up for a glorious screen.

HabsFan29 said...

i feel this game slipping away. in the first period

NICE GLOVE Carey

moeman said...

2-0 fucking duck.

Speaking of fat .

HabsFan29 said...

keep backing up D. keep backing up

meh

kevincrumbs said...

Oh man...

orangeman said...

One thing I hate about having to listen to CJAD is that they have to explain that Carey is unbelievably good every 2 minutes. If you have to say it....

Number31 said...

And the Habs are back to their back up back up until all your goalie sees is your ass and don't challenge the shooter. Joy~

Number31 said...

Orangeman, CJAD is horrid.

HabsFan29 said...

bad to worse

orangeman said...

This is going to get ugly.

kevincrumbs said...

Well, this one is over.

moeman said...

The Oscars better be fun (with Alec & Steve I am sure they will be).

orangeman said...

@31: I have to depend on how they're talking about Carey Price to tell what's going on on the ice.

"Carey is trying his best, what a goalie. No help from the D."

=

"Ducks score"

GoldenGirl11 said...

And for the best imitation of Mr. Potato Head.... the Oscar goes to....... Randy Carlisle!!!

Oh and we suck.

Number31 said...

Well Orangeman, that's pretty much what's happening. Benoit Brunet just said the same thing. It's the absolute opposite from yesterday's game: no aggressive 2-man forecheck, Gomez can't keep the puck on his stick, can't clear the zone (well that's normal), backing up D, standing around, watching, probably thinking about what they're going to read on the flight home (hope it's Larry Robinson's book on DEFENSE).

Man this team just looks BAD tonight. And I don't know what the hell they were doing on the powerplay. They keep going to what would be stick side on more goalies, forgetting Hiller has his glove there. And Gionta standing in front is not a screen...

Howard said...

The GiantMexicanCHicken must have been carousing all night with the Phat Whale in tow. Beaten by the burritos and tequila!

Number31 said...

Cammy's tweet "5pm start for the guys tonight on the west coast...it throws off pre game routines...always a challenge to prepare those ones...sleep, nutrition...Go Habs Go" So we got the excuse early eh? That means they should be good to go by the 3rd period.

orangeman said...

Halak in net now?

DRAMA!

orangeman said...

31: That's quite the excuse considering 5pm on the West coast is normal starting time East coast.

Number31 said...

Let's see if the switch wakes these fuckers up. Demers and Joel: "The urgency and fight they played with yesterday didn't join them today."

And to start, Gorges passes right into someone's skates right in front of his net. Bravo.

Number31 said...

Two times now the Ducks have nearly killed their teammates by shooting at them. Maybe they can knock themselves out of the game...

Number31 said...

FINALLY

orangeman said...

Pleks! Here we come!

hahahahahaha....haha..ha...ha....sigh.

ezzeloharr said...

I'm still kinda shocked that "freud was a COMPULSIVE MASTURBATOR" was important enough to become a tag. Even at FHF, that's impressive, IMHO.

Number31 said...

So who yelled at them in the room to wake up? My money is on Kirk having a Herb Brooks moment.

Jekyll and Hyde team.

At least they won't get shutout. I'm sick of seeing them get shutout.

HabsFan29 said...

well, we're losing by less

Number31 said...

That Ducks uniform is rather ugly...

Number31 said...

Pleks is pretty terrible at shootouts, yet seems to do OK on breakaways. Curiouser and curiouser...

Number31 said...

I miss Chipper :(

Number31 said...

WTF Jaro just killed Jaro 2.0

I mean, I know Jaro hates breakaways and isn't very good at making the save on them but eeks x_x We have enough injuries!

HabsFan29 said...

im not optimistic. we can barely complete a pass

HabsFan29 said...

oh sergei that was almost magical

Number31 said...

That flip should get a point.

HabsFan29 said...

we've had PP chances in this game. just cant finish. i guess that's a problem.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Mighty Ducks vs. Bad News Bears?

HabsFan29 said...

this game is in slow motion now

Number31 said...

If the Ducks gave them this much trouble, Steve Fucking Downie and Stamkos are going to eat them alive on Tuesday. (I hate the Lightning).

Number31 said...

Stick on the ice, Markov, and that's a goal... But whatever.

RiRi said...

Isn`t Sergei`s talent wasted on a line with Moen and Moore?

And RDS just loves to remind us that "Vinny et sa bande" are coming to town...

Also, what did AK46 ever do to BB?

RiRi said...

Sure they tie it up with 2 minutes left...

Number31 said...

Ok a minute and a half left to tie it up. Yea.

RiRi said...

YOU`RE FUCKING KIDDING ME, RIGHT??

RiRi said...

Who`s the asshole who punched Markov?

orangeman said...

What the hell? I don't know this team.

RiRi said...

Fucking Perry. Suck it, k?

kevincrumbs said...

Stick your fucking gold medal up your ass, Corey Perry.

orangeman said...

I didn't see the video but judging by the radio Perry slashed Markov and then hit him after he scored and yet there's coincidental minors?

fezworth said...

missed that. what happened?

RiRi said...

Who punches an opposing player straight in the mouth after they score?!?? I mean, push and shove, fine but c`mon...

Number31 said...

And where was this all game? Sometimes I hate this team.

kevincrumbs said...

@RiRi: Douchebag Perry took offense to Markov celebrating in his face. Markov celebrated in Perry's face after Perry slashed him earlier.

Man, that missed EN was huge.

RiRi said...

The Giant Mexican Chicken + Markov just saved our asses in the last two minutes... I`m still in shock...

GoldenGirl11 said...

4th goal? Really?

We're still mediocre!!! We're average!!! .500!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!

Baroque said...

I refer to him consistently as "That Little Bitch, Corey Perry" like it's his full name.

RiRi said...

@kc- Thx, I hadn`t seen that part.

I hope Markov throws his hands in the air right in front Perry if they win this thing in OT.

Man, AK46 really needs the shake off the rust...

Number31 said...

Corey Perry or Doogie Howser?

RiRi said...

Why do they keep falling into each other???

RiRi said...

Heart attack central right here!

Number31 said...

If Markov wins the shootout he should blow Perry a kiss.

RiRi said...

@31 - LOL!

RiRi said...

Suck it, Perry.

Number31 said...

HAHAHA you call that a shootout attempt Perry?

RiRi said...

WTF?

orangeman said...

You think watching the shootout is stressful, try listening to it. Is it in? It's trickling? What the hell does that mean! TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?!!!

RiRi said...

FUCK YEAH!

Number31 said...

Why is Saku not going? C'mon Ducks we wanna see Saku.

Haha he lost the puck. And the other guy lost the puck too. This is the stupidest shootout ever.

HOLY CRAP PLEKS ACTUALLY SCORED IN A SHOOTOUT!

RiRi said...

Kirk Muller is such a cheerleader!!

orangeman said...

Pleks!!! Did this really happen? Did the Habs just tie it up from 2 behind with 2 mins left and then win in the SO? Pinch me! Ok, Olympic hangover is tapering off.

moeman said...

P L E K S !

hfotwc said...

i fuckn can't fuckn beleive it!

way to go.

GO PANTS!!!!

orangeman said...

And after all that CJAD is talking about how great Price is.

Number31 said...

Twilight Zone.

I don't know this team anymore.

kevincrumbs said...

Great, great win tonight. Not great as in the hockey was spectacular but great because we came back to win this fucking thing so late.

In hindsight, I wonder if the Ducks third goal late in the first was not such a bad thing. Going into the second, they probably thought they had this motherfucker wrapped up and started to ease up a bit.

I declare this to be a successful Western swing of the road trip.

orangeman said...

2 wins and one close one in California in 2010? Yeah, I'll take that. Especially after beating up Boston.

This is the type of game where you leave to beat the traffic, hear the crowd roar when you're walking away and assume it's a fight and then pull over to cry after turning on the radio and finding out what happened.

Howard said...

I awoke from my stupor with two minutes to go...unbelievable!

ezzeloharr said...

@orangeman:

Lol, that's freakin' hilarious. XD

I love Murray Wilson and Rick Moffat.

Number31 said...

I wish we had the Bulldogs guy doing the Habs game on the radio :(

hfotwc said...

sorry 31 but aren't you happy Jaro pulled a shutout?

hfotwc said...

is this what they call pulling one out of your pants?

RiRi said...

Can`t we just play Jaro to the end?

I don`t know why but he seems to always get the wins...

Price is not to blame but the team just plays like shit in front of him for some weird reason...

ezzeloharr said...

I'd say that the Ducks snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, but I realize the shark references were SO three days ago.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I think we just won best original screenplay for a dramatic thriller or comedy of errors. Who the hell could've ever dreamed that one up.

Mazel tov.

hfotwc said...

I wonder if there's still a goalie controversy on HIO

Number31 said...

hfotwc - You mean when the team actually woke up and started playing defence and didn't put their ass in his face or let people cruise in from behind and actually contain people like Perry, Getzlaf, whoever to the outside? Yea I'm cool with that. He didn't have much to do most of the game.

Leapfrogged the Bruins to 7th by ONE measly little point and they play the Leafs next x_x Go Roof Go?

hfotwc said...

yup, i mean Jaro's the shit right?

Don't get me wrong, I'm the biggest (as big as a whale) Carey's fan. But when Jaro keeps winning, he sure fuckin wear a jersey proud.

hfotwc said...

wears

Baruch said...

I turned off the game after the 2nd goal on TFS. If Bob Gainey had been behind the bench, he would have left the Big Blubber out there for experience. I don't want to dare to hope, but... you think it's possible JM really wants to win games?

Number31 said...

Had ZERO to do with goaltending. The Ducks had a 9-2 scoring chance in the first. After the first? Zero scoring chances. Even the shootout was rediculous as everyone screwed up except for Getzlaf (uh where was Saku? Did he politely decline?). Maybe go read the All-Habs write up on it 'cause that's exactly what happened instead of the Alan Walsh write up on it...