Thursday, March 25, 2010

Welcome Back, Kammi Review and Cats Open Thread


Last night, on a very special episode of WELCOME BACK KAMMI

Welcome back, Kammi. We missed you - and so did your buddy, "Big Tits" Epstein. Look how happy he was to see Kammi, twice beating Vice-Principle Mr. Millerwood, including on an exam 40 seconds into the school day. Marc-Andre Horshack was pretty excited to get back into the class room too, helping out his buddy 'Big Tits' Epstein on the second exam. Vinnie Markarino may be well into his comeback, but we're still excited he' back. Boom-Boom Subban wasn't in class last night, but we miss him and hope he's back in the big classroom soon.

And just when everything was all fun and games, Vice-Principle Millerman shuts the classroom door and all hell breaks loose in the 3 minutes before the bell. In the last scene, Kammi and the Sweathogs are bested by Mr. Millerman in detention.

Must be a two-part episode, sit-coms always have a happy ending for the good guys. Let's see what's on tonight.


And now, on a very special Golden Girls preview with Tomasina, Stephanie, Nathannette and Davina (wait, shouldn't they be the Cougars instead of the Panthers?)"

"What time is dinner? Of course I mean the early bird special."
  • 7:30pm Bell Centre, RDS HD
"Hotter than one of Blanche's hot flashes. And that's hot."
  • Big Tits potted 2 after scoring one in the shootout against T.O.
  • Squid and the Urologist both got points in their first game back in months
  • Halak has saved 94% of shots over the last three games
  • Scott Clemmenson is better - 96% in the last 2 games
  • Davina Booth and Stephanie Weiss both have 4 points in their last 4

"It's cool out Dorothy, put on a sweater why don't you?"

  • Moore, Little Tits and Metro haven't scored in three games. So much for scoring depth
  • Where did CHicken go?
  • Micheal Frolik is looking forward to a career in Europe with one point in 7 outings
  • Tomas Vokoun is playing like a Tomasina, giving up almost 3 1/2 goals per the last couple of games

"At my age, everything hurts and I'm lucky if I wake up in the morning."

  • Travis Moen, his 50 stitches and half an eye are back in the lineup tonight
  • Paul Mara is done. Wonder where he'll be playing next year
  • Colin's kid Gregory is a maybe for the Cats
  • TFS' ass has been re-nailed to the bench
  • Yes, really, that is all the injury/lineup news. Until Gomez and Hamr go down tonight, of course.

"That reminds me of a story from back in St. Olaf..."

  • Cats are 7 points back from Boston with 10 games to play. Good luck with that.
  • They have won 2 in a row, though
  • Habs magic number is now 13
  • 2-1 MTL in the season series

Do you think JM cares about beating the Cats or are you unsure he has any emotions at all? Tired of hockey talk? Let's hear your favorite classic TV sitcom moments. Mine all involve Alyssa Milano and Who's the Boss.

137 comments:

HabsFan29 said...

Big Tits will be unable to score any more goals this week as he has filled up his quota and is not feeling well.

Signed,
Epstein's mother

bea.habs.fan said...

OMG beautiful GG
I'm in stiches

lawyergirl77 said...

O.M.G.

GG, your best work yet! Am floored, I tell you... Floored!!!

x-ine said...

Best photoshopping ever.

RiRi said...

DEAD. Those pics are just too much!

And the preview will have me randomly bursting into laughter throughout the day. Thanks!

lawyergirl77 said...

(Finally read the post after stopping the laughter over the pics)

(Took me forever, because I kept laughing about the post)

STANDING OVATION all around peeps. Stellar work!! Fictitious ice cream courtesy of HF29 all around!

Habsfan10 said...

"That's okay, Mr. Bettman. I gotta note."

Betty White could have done a better job clearing Price's crease on the second goal last night.

L Dude said...

I think a coach that shows a little emotion (i.e. Ruff) is exactly what this team needs. Martin, Gainey, Carbo, Gainey - not exactly Mr.'s Excitement. Are those ice cubes laced with Valium? Fuck. Show some emotion. Show your players you care. Show them you're upset with their lacidasical (sp?) play. Show them you're not a Terminator sent from the year 2029 (fuck, that's not far off) to destroy the Habs' morale and crush all efforts to do anything more than squeak into the playoffs. You don't have to be batshit Bobby Knight crazy, just let the fucking anger out once in a while.

moeman said...

Incredible pic and hilarious game day thread!

~~~

Anyone else here have the hots for Mrs. Kotter?

~~~

Poor TFS™, he must be so confused.

moeman said...

Italian Stuffed Artichokes.

Having these with a Boussac Coteaux du Languedoc 2008.

Howard said...

DarCHeVader and Metro to sit tonight, MadMax and Moenstein into the lineup. Great photoshop GG!

kazmmmooooo!!!!!! said...

Jackie Childs in Seinfeld: "Whotoldyoutoputthebalmon? DidItellyoutoputthebalmon?"

Chester said...

Best TV sitcom moment was on WKRP when Les finds out that turkeys can't fly.

moeman said...

Free Wizards for everyone.

gillis said...

holy shit. I had to cover the hair to figure out who the peopple were. Great work GG

kevincrumbs said...

LOLZ, especially at Markov.

My fearless prediction for the evening: We're going to curbstomp the Panthers. By that, I mean that FHFers are going to go to some jungle and step on some panthers. Yeah.

wv: ponticat. Is that like a pontiff mixed with a cat?

Anonymous said...

best pic ever!!! i think things are on the up and up for the site and the team

Moey said...

Superb work GG!

moe, you're killing me with that food and wine, I'm having leftover BBQ chicken from Metro.

Moen was one lucky SOB, there's a pic of him on HIO.

moeman said...

Moey, that leftover chicken makes for good broth/soup (with some Thai noodles).

Moey said...

moe,

I still have a fair amount of homemade turkey soup in the freezer. True confession time; along with my KD cravings, my still all time favorite chicken soup is Liptons.

moeman said...

True confession, my cookie jar is always filled, with Peak Freans. Do, NOT, touCH my Bourbon Crèmes!

GoldenGirl11 said...

In this weeks episode of Habby Days Fonzie takes over as the new coach and outwits the Panthers by putting both Carey AND Jaro in nets at the same time, both wearing white pads with a hypnotic circular pattern which causes the other team to fall into a trance and makes them forfeit the game! Joanie and Chacci sing the national anthem and land themselves a recording contracting because unbenownst to them Al is old friends with Niel Diamond who happens to call Al just as Joanie is hitting the high C which makes him call his agent on their behalf!!!! And if that isn't enough, Fonzie attempts to jump the standings over 73 motorcycles into 5th.

moeman said...

Has JM jumped the shark?

Moey said...

moeman,

That cracked me up, I used to pick out all the bourbon cremes from the packet and leave the rest. I think we're foodie soulmates.

moeman said...

@Moey, impossible to open an assorted PF pack and not attack the Bourbon Crèmes. The Digestives are good but only with peanut butter or Nutella or both.

Moey said...

WTF? Metro and Vader sit, Max??? and Moen in.

Kmaxx said...

WKRP in Cincinnati...the home of more music and Les Nesman! I think the Habs need a huge dose of Dr. Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap getting all Subbannatorial on the Panthers asses! For good effect, bring in the quietly hot Bailey to distract the opposition then hit them over the head with Loni Anderson's (sorry forgot her screen name)big Guns!

Come on you fuckin' Habs.


wv - ungxjwar...?! ...I got nothin' - wtf kind of wv is that?

Kmaxx said...

btw...I would like to lay claim to the soon to be commonplace phrase "Subbannatorial on their asses"...maybe not this season...but soon!

moeman said...

Bailey Quarters was a Bourbon Crème cookie (and she looked a bit like Mrs. Kotter).

Habsfan10 said...

I miss the Facts of Life Girls. Natalie and Tooty would be a killer shutdown pair. Tooty is already faster than Hal Gill on her rollerskates.

moeman said...

10 knows. Is it me or does (did?) Jo kinda look like Max Lap?

Also, Adrienne Barbeau is the original Tits.

ezzeloharr said...

Sadly, I think I'm too young for this - Peak Freans, Bourbon Crème and Happy days? Still, that's some amazing photoshopping, and I've seen quite a few 'shops in my day.

Also, the NHL has released the video of legal/illegal hits. Phlyers have three illegal hits. Truculent laffs have one. All is right in the world of hockey.

wv: baredani - I suspect there will be some bare dani tomorrow?

Le Douze said...

Brilliant work once again, GG11. It took me several seconds before I realized that it was even PhotoCHopped, and then it was lots of fun figuring the guys out under that hair. Bonus points for the Golden Goils.

@Moey, I agree, WTF MadMax is IN???? I was starting to put him that special category with BGL and Mara, but unfortunately it looks like that was premature.

I'm so "consfush" (wv).

moeman said...

R.I.P. Robert Culp.

moeman said...

Seeing as we are going back in time, "Hot Tub Time Machine" goes back to, wait for it, 1986.

dwgs said...

Okay Moeman now I know for sure you're a boingboinger. I watched that trailer today too. I am so in line to see that next week.
Obligatory off colour post content - The Leafs suck golf balls through garden hoses.

moeman said...

@dwgs, yup I Boing Boing. (I was gonna provide a 'how I got to this song parody linkage of links for lg77 and it started with boing) ...

moeman said...

... and a slight alteration of dwgs' hose bit, up your leaf noses with rubber hoses.

And people wonder why we love this place?

VTHABSFAN said...

I believe that there are two kinds of men in the world, well straight men anyways . Either WKRP Bailey Quarters men or WKRP Lonnie Anderson men. Bailey still makes me swoon. TAXI still had the best theme of those shows. href=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kzhwx8aOO0A

Hope that link works.

moeman said...

For VT, link fix.

... and Bailey does/did more than make a young man swoon. She's a woodknocker.

ezzeloharr said...

@VT: Bailey > Lonnie, but neither really do that much for me...

GoldenGirl11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GoldenGirl11 said...

@10
I can totally see JM and Mrs. Garrett together.

What about Cliff Huxtable behind the bench...
[The team let the Sabres tie it up in the last two minutes of the game and are explaining why they should not be punished]
Squid to JM: You're a coach and Kirk's a Stanley cup winning assistant coach, and you're both successful in everything and that's great! But maybe we were born to be regular people and have regular lives. If you never won a cup, we wouldn't think less of you.... oh, well you know what I mean... because you're our coach. So rather than feeling disappointed because we're not like you, maybe you should accept who we are and love us anyway, because we are your team.

Cliff: Cammi... that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you're only 7 games over .500! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your coach. I brought you onto this team, and I'll take you out!

Moey said...

Favorite classic sitcom moment,
Taxi - Reverand Jim's driving test

Orangeman said...

Put this one in the Hall of Fame kids. Absolutely fantastic on all accounts. Now to catch Golden Girls episode on youtube to get me pumped for the game. Wait, what?

dwgs said...

Moey - Whaaaatt dooooeeeesss aaaa yeeelllloooowwww llliiiggghhhtttt mmmmmeeeeaaaaaannn?

Moey said...

dwgs,

When he's filling out the application form in the eyes column he puts two instead of the color. Hilarious.

dwgs said...

jim's driving test

moeman said...

Game in a Southern Town

An RDSalvation Armée band played
As the pure laine CHildren drank limonade
And the morning blogs lasted all day,
All, fucking, day
And through an open CHance Jaro came
Like Patrick in a younger day,
Pushing the TFS™ away
Ah -

(CHant)

Ah hey Ja Ja Ro
You get the game in a southern town.

Habs needed to gain ground
As they took Brian Hayward out
And everyone else came down
To see, to be, St. Patrick.
He said "In spring 1986"
It felt like the world would freeze
With Bobby Smith
And Le P'tit Viking.

(CHant)

Ah hey Go Habs Go!
Hockey is Life in our northern town.

Ah hey Go fucking Habs Go.
Tonight win in a southern town.

Last evening had turned to pain
Watch the 2-0 lead roll down the drain,
As we followed Carey down
To frustation
And though he never would beat the tie,
You could see it written in his eyes
As the loss rolled out of sight
JM said Bye-bye.

(Pants!)

Ah hey 33 and GG
Life in 1980s TV town.

Ah hey Mr. Bettman
Up your nose with a rubber hose.

Based on.

ezzeloharr said...

Such quality. Moeman, you're stuck in a Catch22 - if you keep doing this, we're going to keep expecting it. Then you'll have to keep performing...

Orangeman said...

I ate something terrible for dinner and have been up all night dealing with the...unpleasantness. The up side is that I get to stay home today and watch the hockey game. If I don't choke on my own vomit or expire from dehydration, that is.

Yay?

Hopefully their play doesn't make me more nauseous. I'd like to leave this world with a smile on my face.

moeman said...

Thnx ezzel, I'll keep parodying until the FHF owners seek royaltie$.

Until then,

Go you fucking playoff-bound Habs Go!

GoldenGirl11 said...

I'm on the lanai, wearing my favorite slacks ready for the game.

moeman said...

GG is in Hawaii?

RiRi said...

moe - i`ve made stuffed artichokes before and they`re to die for! Bon Appetit.

@moey - i was hoping they would give Lapierre a few games but I guess the "backlash" on AC got to them... Sigh.

Go Habs Go!!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
the golden girls were always sitting on the lanai in Boca Raton.

RiRi said...

Subbanator on RDS!

RiRi said...

Four people Subban would to have dinner with:

Martin Luther King
Bobby Orr
Beyonce
Tiger Woods, then he smiles and changes his mind, picks Barack Obama

I love this kid!

moeman said...

Thnx GG.

BTW, did Adrienne Barbeau ever appear on Golden Girls?

moeman said...

RiRi knows.

I get a weird feeling that PK! will soon be the new Olé!

Number31 said...

I'm still pissed off from yesterday (though part of that has to do with migraines) so they better light up Vokoun for 5-6 goals and some delicious free wings to make it all better. RDS started with the spotlight on PK. Hearts~!

RiRi said...

I'd also like them to kick ass for once and beat a team by a huge margin. Please?

moeman said...

RDS is now letting 'bergu:(' rip on how Gu:9 is due for his 30th goal. Methinks Pauline Marois should be looking over her shoulder cuz Gu:! could be the next PQ leader.

GoldenGirl11 said...

French aside.... 30 goals? Isn't that like a huge accomplishment in a season let alone half a season? Ok never mind.

RiRi said...

wake up you fuckers

Ronan said...

CHicken has avian flu, methinks

RiRi said...

CHicken has been quarantined!

moeman said...

CHickenesse!

Number31 said...

That was hilarious.

moeman said...

Sounds like the game is being played in a northern town.

Moey said...

Ha! I'm munching on a CHicken wing.

RiRi said...

Keep eating them wings, Moey!

moeman said...

The weird thing is Moey is munCHing on a Métro CHicken wing!

RiRi said...

Gionta!!!

moeman said...

Gio!

Moey said...

Think I'll have squid on Saturday night.

Number31 said...

Weaaaaaaaaaak Vokoun. Three more please.

RiRi said...

I`m thinking quesadillas to jumpstart Gomez!

moeman said...

Moey, you may prefer your squid battered and fried but, this, is, wonderful.

Also, permit me to rename my parody to 'Game vs. a southern team' (for some reason methought the Habs flew to flamingo land).

moeman said...

Hilarious.

HabsFan29 said...

just walked in

we're winning? i dont like that 2-0 score. it's bad luck

RiRi said...

Yikes! The hit looked fine but sad for that to happen to Booth after what he`s been through earlier in the season...

Moey said...

moeman,

I can't mix seafood with any type of tomatoe sauce. Bad memories of spending the whole night in the oval office, but I'm sure it's yummy.

moeman said...

29, put the mitts down, have a beer, or 2 and maybe post this tomorrow.

Moey, maybe keep the 'toe' out of your tomato, that kinda jam ain't for all tastes.

Jaybird said...

Feel so bad for Booth. Kid's career is in jeopardy. When a very average hit knocks you out before you hit the ice you have brain trauma.

I had a subdural hematoma (spelling is way off) and the slightest shot I take now when I play gives me a headache and thats non-contact...

Prayin for him.

HabsFan29 said...

moe just had 6 beers, and that pic is aaaawright

Moey said...

moe or should I say mo,

that could do the trick.

moeman said...

Moey, moe is a goe as I like the toe.

29, 6! +2,4

HabsFan29 said...

just read the whole thread. so upset i missed out on Bailey Quarters discussion. i have a vivid memory of the ep where people thought she was sleeping with Johnny, and she came to work in his black death t-shirt and tight jeans. SO hot. but i did also enjoy Loni in her prime. what does that make me VTHF?

RiRi said...

Lil' Tits looks real good tonight

lehab said...

Mcsplooge would call him a MOENster tonight!

Number31 said...

Heh. HMCS Hall Gill joins the 3-on-1 breakaway. I think I heard a boat horn.

moeman said...

Enjoy your intermissionary positions.

RiRi said...

Columbus leads Chicago 8-1... and people think we have a goaltending dilemma

moeman said...

Why does rds call MOEmaN, Treyvez?

HabsFan29 said...

so a nice, relaxing 2-0 lead into the 3rd period. nothing can go wrong, right?

huzz09 said...

a great hip hop version using the taxi theme song. great post and photoshopping as always. brought me back to my youth. can't figure out how to make a clickable link, but it's a pretty good song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfRWA_FukXg

kevincrumbs said...

Ugh... starting to feel dejavu. Up 2-0 and taking endless penalties, along with not being able to put in a fucking third goal.

RiRi said...

great... this is becoming an exact replica of last night.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@huzz
very cool.

kevincrumbs said...

Well, a 4-on-4 is similar to a PP for the Habs.

RiRi said...

Where is Lapierre? Can`t wait to see how the puppets on l`AC defend him...

moeman said...

RiRi those are pure wool puppets. They might be itCHy and sweaty but they keep the AC members warm.

huzz09 said...

no prob, i figured it'd be up some of your guys' alleys. @kevin don't worry, they'll get the third goal tonight, and it's going to be someone unlikely like moen. he's played well tonight, like he needed a good saskatchewan farm boy face.

kevincrumbs said...

@huzz: Hope you're right. Being a Habs fan since 94 has drained all optimism out of my soul.

huzz09 said...

@kevin, since '94? that's gotta suck. i'm since '78 when i was 3 and the old man would stick me in front of the tv with a little habs sweater for good luck.

Moey said...

@kc,

And what pray tell attracted you in '94? Good God, I'm a frustrated seventies glory years the best team on ice fan era.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@kev
Now it all makes sense. It's all your fault.

GoldenGirl11 said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

moeman said...

3, 2, 1 ...

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK. now im having flashbacks

it's the acid, right?

RiRi said...

Holy shit!
It really is happening again!

kevincrumbs said...

Maybe I'm a masochist?

Amazingly, the crowd is not booing. Must not have watched last night's game.

Moey said...

And here we go, fasten your seatbelts.

huzz09 said...

here we go again. fuck.

kevincrumbs said...

Whether we win or not, is anyone else also increasingly worried about the PP? Reminds me of how it was at the beginning of the year.

Number31 said...

Meh.

RiRi said...

Ouf!!! 100 career goals for Pleky!

HabsFan29 said...

i feel other teams are mocking us with this early goalie pulling

and the empty netter!!! thank god

moeman said...

Wipes sweat bead from brow.

kevincrumbs said...

Hooray. Pleks probably saved at least twenty Habs fans from committing suicide tonight.

Moey said...

Collective sighs of relief. Why do they do this to us? Price must be raging.

huzz09 said...

well, maybe not somebody so unlikely to get the third.

Number31 said...

100th for TurtlePleks

GoldenGirl11 said...

That Fonzie is the best coach ever. Pinky Tuscadero you're one lucky girl.

Why was Plek sucking on his stinky glove during the goal announce?

HabsFan29 said...

Gio!

he deserves that

RiRi said...

DeBoer tried to pull a Ruff with that early goalie-pulling...

FUCK YEAH BITCHES!!! GIO AGAIN!

Moey said...

Gio wasn't taking any chances. Ha!

Number31 said...

Owned.

huzz09 said...

or the fourth, fuck yeah giant.

moeman said...

Speaking of lucky girls.

moeman said...

Why isn't gastoned therrien coaching in the NHL? or the AHL? or the QMJHL?

RiRi said...

BerGu): (thx moe) doesn't know what O'Byrne is doing playing with Markov... I actually like the pairing.

Michel, just say it, you want that spot for MAB.

RiRi said...

Nevermind, Therrien just made that suggestion...

ezzeloharr said...

RiRi, these guys are on stuff that's better than what HF29 gets.

Gaston Therrien is absolutely crazy. Crazy.

gillis said...

I hate 2-0 leads...

RiRi said...

@ezzeloharr - I can`t pull my eyes away! Here they go again with the Spacek out, MAB back D psycho talk...