Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Back to work boys - Bruins Preview and Open Thread

Two weeks of fun and games are over. Time to get back to the factory floor gentlemen. Pleks, Little Tits, and Jaro, we relished your performances in Vancouver. Vodkov, not so much. But the lights are out on that party. Time to start earning a real paycheque again. Grab your lunch pail and get to work. Had enough of these ridiculous metaphors yet? Me too.

Waiting in line to vote for a shop steward details - 7 PM start in Boston. Who gives a shit about the last ten or any streaks? It's basically a whole new season. Habs have won 3 of 4 so far this year against the B's, though the last one was the Boston win when they broke their epic ten-game losing streak.

The mean, evil bosses - at least we come back to have some good-natured ribbing with Cornelius.

Hot like the oppressive heat of those evil machines brought on by the industrial revolution - as already mentioned, it's a new season. No one is hot. Well maybe Little Tits, who had an outstanding Olympics.

Cold like the factory floor - as already mentioned, it's a new season. No one is cold. Well maybe Patrice Bergeron, who had a very forgettable Olympics. He should give his gold medal back, useless fucker.

Shit! That machine just chopped my thumb off! The glory of the break was that we have some players return. Giant Mexican CHicken will be back together. Pleks will play with two pairs of Tits. Markov plays too, but don't tell me he was 100% during the Olympics. No way. And he still isn't, despite what JM says. TFS gets the start instead of an undoubtedly tired Jaro. Squid and The Urologist are still out and neither has even started skating.

In the Executive Suite - let's have a little discussion about the playoff clusterfuck, shall we? It currently looks like this:

6. Philadelphia 60 GP, 67 points
7. Boston 60, 65
8. Montreal 63, 64
9. Tampa Bay 61, 63
10. NY Rangers 62, 63
11. Atlanta 60, 62

I don't like the look of it. Discussion over.

Post-8 hour shift adult entertainment - American Olympic hotties in the SI Swimsuit Issue. With all our focus on Canadian Olympic Hotties around here, we neglected the rest of the world. That's very un-Canadian. I'm happy to remedy it.

Remove the shackles of the evil corporate overlords in the comments

167 comments:

GoldenGirl11 (the artist formerly known as Nussbaum) said...

Shit! That machine just chopped my thumb off!
Reminds me of that commercial that they show during family hour that you think is going to have a comedic end but the guy actually loses a hand in a machine and then your kids scream and you can't get the image out of your head all night.... never mind.

RiRi said...

Does the Lil` Tits-Pleks-Big Tits line have a nickname?

Also, Patrice Bergeron is out with a groin injury...

Moey said...

I don't like the look of it either, we're fucked. Unless we can win the next 18 games *snort*. Yeah, right.

fezworth said...

Lil Tits - Pleks - Big Tits..

The Czech Necklace?

fezworth said...

I guess if you say that SuperPlek is a pearl lately, it could be:

The Pearl Necklace

which would be more in keeping with FHF standards.

Moey said...

Turtle tits?

fezworth said...

@Moey - Then it's modifiable as Pleks' play waxes and wanes.

Turtle Tits -> Zombie Tits -> Super Tits!

moeman said...

Me likey pearl necklace...and if the pearls are still affixed whilst on the upcoming sunny West Coast trip, they might become California potato chips (look it up kidz)

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Blah blah habs suck blah blah...

...sigh...

My heart's barely in it. Habs suck, you're all jerks, anybody got any good trade rumors?

Word verification: rilisoar, as in the US ratings for hockey rili did soar on Sunday...and will return to earth today.

Jaybird said...

Does anybody know if Subban is in tonight? I can't get a good read on his status for the rest of the season...

Thanks.

Chester said...

Hey Cornelius,

Too bad you Amerikinskies lost .. but I guess that was as far as Mr. Miller could carry the team, oh ya .. you can have Bergeron back ... eh? Oh wait a sec ... how many gold medals was that ... oh sorry.

lawyergirl77 said...

I think that we can resurrect the "Danse à Dix" moniker for the Tits-Pleks-Tits line, but that's just me.

Maybe call it the "Ménage à Trois" line instead?

Habsfan10 said...

@ LG:

Is this the good Danse a Dix line from two years ago, or the shitastic Danse a Dix line from last year? Cause if it's the first, I'm all for it.

Robbie said...

Here is a preview of tomorrows trade deadline.

* Sunrises; trading begins.
* During the day; teams all around us points wise, wheel and deal trying to make their teams better and make it to the top 8.
* Sunsets; Trading ends.

Cue Press Conference with Gauthier saying the following, ''we like the make-up of our team and were confident going forward''.

The end!

Note to Gauthier: WHAT THE FUCK!

lawyergirl77 said...

HF10 - ask me after tonight's game. Depends on whether the Tits on display tonight are firm or saggy.

Jaybird said...

No Subban info?

The Sens just picked up Andy Sutton. Someone give me odds he concusses at least 1 Hab before the end of the season. I hate that dirty prick.

RiRi said...

@Jaybird - I`m pretty sure Subban is in Hamilton and has not been called up. Mara an D`Ags are scratches tonight.

RiRi said...

Come on Pierre! Do something!!
Trade D`Ags for a bag of pucks! Trade Laps for some Gatorade! Unload Hamr`s salary for a Zamboni battery! Something!

I`m having Olympics withdrawals and need something to get my mind off of it!

kevincrumbs said...

Go Habs Go!

Man, I missed saying that.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

@Chester

Did any hab get a medal?

Habsfan10 said...

@ Cornelius:

Koivu.

Signed,

Still in Denial

GoldenGirl11 (the artist formerly known as Nussbaum) said...

@Moe
Never falling for that again. I'm sure I'd rather not know.

Bought some of Galen's Pesident's Choice Blue Menu meals today. Now I realize why he couldn't take full credit for Canadian athletes' success. The portion size probably gave them enough energy to get into their tight fitting uniforms before they had to lie down. So congrats Galen on getting the athletes dressed.

Kmaxx said...

In the spirit of "(re)-start as you intend to go on" I'll give it a big "Go Habs Go. Come On You Fuckin' Pants!" ...but I fear deep down it ain't gonna happen...

Jaybird said...

@ RiRi

Thanks! I figured they wouldnt want to push him over the rookie limit of ten games or whatever they should save him for the last few if we have a shot.

Moey said...

GG11,

I bought the blue choice mac & cheese and tried it last night. Couldn't hold a candle to KD. I'll have to try some other ones.

moeman said...

@GG11, come on now, you know you wanna know.

WV = paertes, after Sunday's Gold Medal paertes, hopin' to have some playoff ones too ...

Blue CHoice pineapple+carrot muffin mix is quite good.

moeman said...

Dave loves Canada.

lawyergirl77 said...

Is it just me, or does all of the President's Choice stuff taste the same?

Correction there are two flavours: exotic-ish spice and sweet.

I always try their new stuff and inevitably wind up being disappointed when the product doesn't live up to the pretty packaging.

Remind anyone of anything else?

GoldenGirl11 (the artist formerly known as Nussbaum) said...

Poulet Szechwan went into the garbage. Hopefully Pouliot Mexicali won't end up in the same place.

@Moe
Still dealing with the whole scat PTSD. One trauma at a time.

Moey said...

@LG77,

Ummmm....Team Russia?

moeman said...

@ lg77, are we renaming TFS™, BCS™ (Blue CHoice Special)?

@ GG11, no probs, it ain't that bad and bonus, no scat in tonight's parody.

Avoid the blue food, make your own or order out authentic and add an extra Km to the walk and a couple extra 100 hundred ab crunCHes. I said 'extra'.

moeman said...

Bonus whilst making homemade meals = using the ovenmitt!

moeman said...

Ack!, McFTMG (Ferme Ta Maudite Geule) Brunet is making my easr bleed.

hfotwc said...

Unfortunately, Brenny Buny didn't get a brain transplant or speech training during the break. And we thought CTV was bad

kevincrumbs said...

Where is Alexander Frolov?

moeman said...

Trade bad

Too bad that you had to get bought,

Hope it's not like Goat to lose trades.

So sad if he's not as smart,

As we thought he was in the first place.



Babs, we could use some of your persuasion,

(no Babs .. no persuasion .. no Babs .. no persuasion)

To wipe away (wipe, wipe, a-wipe, a-wipe a-wipe Blue Carey)

The taste of Goat's maCHinations.

(too bad .. maCHinations .. maybe bad .. maCHinations)



It's over,

Kaput for the Bs tail spin.

(so glad .. for the Bs tail spin .. so glad .. for the Bs tail spin)

Save the dialogue (baby trade deadline dialogue)

for the old men in the tsn room.

(so bad .. not a cool room .. in the rds room .. such a wool room)



Goat it once, well I'm not so sure,

Goat it twice and you'll be our whore.



Habs money, no more than insulation.

(CHicken wants .. insulation ... give Pleks .. insulation)

Jaro getaway, (get get a-get a-get a-get Jaroway)


I watCH with FHFascination.

(fuck .. FHFascination .. Pants! are .. FHFascination)


The trade away, Woooo! such imagination.

(Goat has .. 'magination ? .. better have .. 'magination)


Ah .. the playoffs! Goodbye?

Use 2nd rounder with no hesitation

(too bad .. no hesitation .. too bad .. no hesitation)

lehab said...

czech sausage tits

kevincrumbs said...

Too bad Jack Edwards didn't die during the Olympic break. I'd imagine that if you were a Bruins fan, you'd feel sad that Daniel Paille is on your top line.

RiRi said...

How boring is this game?

kevincrumbs said...

@RiRi: I'll take it. Habs looks decent tonight or maybe it's just that the Bruins look shittier.

kevincrumbs said...

Fucking Christ. Two Habs there, not including Cari the Fat Wale and Sturm scores?

moeman said...

Fack, ack.

Moey said...

Awwwww c'mon what a CRAP goal.

RiRi said...

@kc - I guess I`m just used to the Olympic hockey... I mean I keep expecting to hear an automatic whistle after an icing!

FWIW, Go Habs Go!!

Nice save on the 2-on-1, TFS!!!

kevincrumbs said...

Fucking shoot the fucking puck instead of always going for the wraparound, assholes!

kevincrumbs said...

Uh, what penalty was just called? NESN's great coverage just cut to a commercial right when the whistle blew.

kevincrumbs said...

Ugh. Frustrating first.

RiRi said...

Big Tits needs to shake off the rust!

Number31 said...

I'll miss that crease violation rule from the Olympics...

HabsFan29 said...

just got in from dinner and we're losing. Fuck the out for dinner curse, woohoo!

how bad do we look?

HabsFan29 said...

misc comments from upthread:

@Robbie - nice recap of the trade deadline. our work is done!

@moe - killer as usual

@everyone - i enjoy blue menu crackers especially. also an excellent minestrone soup

orangeman said...

Forgot there was a game this morning/tonight. Probably because I don't know what day it is and I picked up some sort of H1N1/SARS/Bubonic Plague mutant virus on the plane and have been on the run from quarantine since I arrived.

Oh, they're losing. At least I know some things never change. This game feels so inconsequencial. My life feels so inconsequencial.

I need poutine.

RiRi said...

Mmmm, poutine!

HabsFan29 said...

we need a Blue Menu poutine

RiRi said...

At least Markov`s pretty good tonight

GoldenGirl11 (the artist formerly known as Nussbaum) said...

Blue Menu poutine has two fries, one piece of cheese and diet gravy. Delish.

HabsFan29 said...

this is not Olympic-quality hockey

moeman said...

@GG11, low sodium CHeese?

kevincrumbs said...

Sturm should get a penalty for wrestling Max down to the ice. Jack Edwards needs to die soon. If I ever murder someone, it'll probably be after a Bruins-Canadiens game because I had to sit through Jack Edwards' mouth diarrhea for two and a half hours.

moeman said...

@29, Its Blue CHoice hockey.

Slightly off-topic, I miss the original Bleu Nuit.

kevincrumbs said...

Yeah, big bad Bruins pushing around Habs players after a whistle.

HabsFan29 said...

@moe - i agree about Bleu Nuit. Saturday nights aren't the same without Emmanuelle 8: We're Doing it for the Money

Moey said...

I'm still shaking my head over that ridiculous goal. Why can't these fuckers score?

kevincrumbs said...

Much improved from the Habs these past five minutes.

Moey said...

I mean it's not Ryan Fucking Miller in goal.

moeman said...

So many Emmanuelles, its like they all blended into one happy orgy.

WV = toold <-- I kid you not kidz

fezworth said...

Wow.. this hockey is... crap.

I mean seriously. Nobody's got any hockey sense, passes are going all over the place (on both sides), and they've got all the finish of Biff Tannen's truck after he chases Marty McFly.

GoldenGirl11 (the artist formerly known as Nussbaum) said...

@Moe
actually it's low sodium, low fat, low taste, athlete approved cheese-like product. They make the blue menu wings out of the same stuff.... I mean " wing".

orangeman said...

Don't the Olympics prove the point that there are entirely too many teams in the league. They should cut them down to 20-24 so instead of half the teams having a competent goalies and one scoring line with three lines of checkers we might actually see excitement.

Oh Olympic hangover. You feel oddly like mono.

Number31 said...

Rask goes for a walk and the guys still can't score.

HabsFan29 said...

should have been a penalty shot

im falling asleep here

Moey said...

Why don't they just trade the whole team tomorrow for Miller and Toews, then put a want ad in the paper to fill the holes. I'm good with that, and the scary part is they'd probably be better.

HabsFan29 said...

nice save Hal!

kevincrumbs said...

Al Gill!

kevincrumbs said...

Tuukka Rask... Jesus. Fuck the Leafs for trading him for Raycroft.

Number31 said...

How many Habs does it take to get the puck out of the zone? One, two, three tries, four!

GoldenGirl11 (the artist formerly known as Nussbaum) said...

@Orange
What you are in fact referring to are the olden days. The days before HE came along and ruined everything.

kevincrumbs said...

Well, only down one. Looked a lot better during the second.

Number31 said...

Andrei... I'll forgive him 'cause he was gone for 2 months but really...just headbutt it in or something?

orangeman said...

@GG11: 'HE'? You mean 29?

kevincrumbs said...

Watching NHL on the Fly during the intermission and the BJs have a player named Clitsome.

Number31 said...

Huet isn't helping his cause tonight before the deadline...(Not like he's going anywhere, considering his salary).

moeman said...

CHuet may become the highest paid AHLer or a leaf, meh, same diff.

GoldenGirl11 (the artist formerly known as Nussbaum) said...

@Orange
29 may have the power of edit but I was referring to Bettman. 6 teams added since '93.

kevincrumbs said...

Habs for the comeback win.

HabsFan29 said...

PLEASE GOD JUST SCORE ONE GOAL IN THIS PERIOD

HabsFan29 said...

God answered me!

kevincrumbs said...

Metro!

orangeman said...

Yay?

kevincrumbs said...

HF29: Pray more

Number31 said...

METRO!

moeman said...

PseudOlympian goal!

kevincrumbs said...

Jesus, you score and then let the Bruins stay in your zone for over a minute?

Moey said...

@29,

God likes you. Ask for a second and a third just to be safe.

orangeman said...

@GG11: I refuse to recognize the existance of this Bettman. This the only way Ovie and I are alike.

kevincrumbs said...

Thanks, Ryder!

HabsFan29 said...

did we have a PP or did i miss it?

kevincrumbs said...

NESN salivating over Don Cherry being with them on Thursday.

RiRi said...

Lapierre!!

kevincrumbs said...

Max from Moen's hard work!

Number31 said...

I'm in shock. Lapierre is alive!

HabsFan29 said...

i forgot to pray for that one, but i'll take it

kevincrumbs said...

Bruins trying to goon it up now.

les_glorieux said...

WHAT. A. GOAL.

orangeman said...

Hoorah?

moeman said...

@kc, its MOEmaN. Just sayin'.

WV = FTMG, I kid you not kidz

Kmaxx said...

Up until now I have resisted all those who critized Gionta - but after watching him tonight - I'm fuckin fed up! He is a fucking waste of space! Skates a mile to avoid getting hit and shoots 2 feet wide of the net. I don't suppose he'll get moved with that anchor contract he has. Goddamm!

Go Habs Go!

And what a goal!! Hoooo Hoooo!!!

orangeman said...

Are they chanting U-S-A? So you're chanting for a team that lost two days after the tourney is over to inspire a team that is losing? No one will ever claim Boston has the smartest fans.

moeman said...

PIT picks up the leaf Poni

Moey said...

Poor Jaro, he looks like something the cat dragged in or threw up.

moeman said...

Moey talkin' about cats, whodathunkit?

Also,

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k69/watertiger/tumblr_ku9yqhv7TT1qztrv0o1_500.jpg

Number31 said...

I dunno why they're chanting "USA"...half their players are Canadian anyway.

RiRi said...

In other Leafs news, they`re getting hammered 5-0... by Carolina.

Wait... that`s not news.

HabsFan29 said...

RDS poll respondents are idiots. should have been way more for Little Tits

moeman said...

Boston - there's an app for that.

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2010/03/02/boston___we_have_an_app_for_that/

Anonymous said...

"Does the Lil` Tits-Pleks-Big Tits line have a nickname?"

I vote that any line featuring both Tits brothers should be automatically labelled, "The Double Ds"

HabsFan29 said...

uh oh. defensive shell is making me nervous

moeman said...

@29, only really bad if it turns into a foetal collapse.

kevincrumbs said...

Pyatt-Max-Metro look great tonight.

HabsFan29 said...

so Pyatt-DarCHe-Metro is our best line now?

Number31 said...

RDS poll clickers just click the name. Plekanec was great, Sergei was a force for his weak team. Honestly Jaro wasn't so great against Norway and very lucky most of the time...

moeman said...

@kc and 29, its Métro. I know, Olympics hangover.

boob gainey said...

Hey Chara. What kind of medal did you bring back from the Olympics?

None you say?

kevincrumbs said...

AK46 looks useless tonight but it's understandable.

kevincrumbs said...

Darche Vader!

moeman said...

3-1 bitches!

RiRi said...

Darche!!

ezzeloharr said...

Can somebody tell me why we have two first lines?

boob gainey said...

Who was saying they would have trouble cheering for Metro after the Olympics?

HabsFan29 said...

OH YEAH!!!!!

HF4 is gonna have to eat some words about Metro

quick, this line needs a name

RiRi said...

I hope D`Ags packed his luggages...

Number31 said...

McGill Power!

I gotta say, I really like Moore with Lapierre and Moen too.

moeman said...

Bread and Butter line is awesome tonight.

lehab said...

Jaro looked a hell of a lot better than # 31 as he has for most of the year

moeman said...

4-1!

RiRi said...

Chicken!!!

Suck it, Bruins!

les_glorieux said...

Oh my god this is too funny. Metropolit easily the first star of the game, with goals from Darche and Lapierre.


Amazing. I've missed you Habs.

Empty net from Pouliot! Loving it.

Jaybird said...

Have to say I was disappointed with HF4's Glen Metro diss the other day. I love the guy he brings it every night!

kevincrumbs said...

Chicken to put the game away.

Na na na, na na na, hey, hey, hey, GOODBYE!

boob gainey said...

HA HA. Bruins suck.

orangeman said...

Ok, ok. I'm starting to get back into this.

HabsFan29 said...

i seriously cant remember the last empty-netter we had

RiRi said...

@moe- Bread and Butter? Do explain!

kevincrumbs said...

@Jaybird: I agree. There are plenty of Habs who both suck and never try that we can rip on.

moeman said...

les_glo!!!!!!!!!

hfotwc said...

let's all pay a visit to Cornelius

lehab said...

last empty netter was Rhino!

moeman said...

@RiRi, just thinkin' about Métro groceries, throwin' the basics into the cart, two thick slices of sustenance and some creamery fat in betwixt.

HabsFan29 said...

good job, 3rd and 4th lines.

RiRi said...

Man, Price was happy after this win!

Chest-bumping with Gill!

boob gainey said...

Post-Olympic hockey is turning out not too bad.

HabsFan29 said...

er, lunch bucket and bread and butter lines

Moey said...

Well, I have to agree on the Metro diss, not fair. He ain't paid millions, but he does his best every night. We've gotten our moneys' worth and then some.

moeman said...

29 knows, as opposed to the Bs crapbukkit

Kmaxx said...

Nice effort boys! I love Metro and Morris and metro and Gomez. Price played well and Gill didn't look too bad either. Don't trade Hamrlik but take Gionta out back and shoot him please!

Number31 said...

Awww cute victory scrum!

boob gainey said...

L'Antichambre now has Denis Gauthier as a frequent guest. The man is an idiot.

In other news JS Giguere gave up 5 goals on 30 shots. And he's their $6M man next year too.

Number31 said...

DENIS GAUTHIER NEEDS TO FUCKING DIE. Or what would I give for Jacques Demers to elbow him in the head to see how he likes it. It's an insult to Josh Gorges that they give that useless entity a spot on TV. Oh who am I kidding, it's L'Antichambre...

moeman said...

boob and Esther know, denis fucking gauthier is the best they can find? The slimy goatied ckac mouthpiece is no better.

Number31 said...

To think, this guy tried to coax his way onto the Habs and Bert Raymond got his panties in a bunch when Bob laughed at the proposition.

Know what's more interesting than L'Antichambre? Antiques Roadshow.

moeman said...

What's even funnier are the anti-CH members all enamoured with gauthier's prose. Buncha jock sniffers. Too bad for them denis' jock hasn't been sweaty in quite a while.

Jaybird said...

And how about Price tonight? Some solidity for our chain smoking, Corona drinking Dude.

Michael said...

Spectacular bad hair night on L'Attaque à 5 (which makes L'Antichambre look like 60 Minutes): Richard Labbé AND Gabriel Gregoire. Then again, the dishy Eveline Audet

Number31 said...

Dagger's gone to the Blues for a 2nd round prospect named Aaron Palushaj. If you can't trade for a 2nd round pick then trade for a 2nd round picked right?

Flying Toaster said...

"We took it to them in the third period," said Metropolit, who joked about the uncertainty of Wednesday's trading deadline. "My stock rose, I guess. Maybe they can get a seventh-rounder for me now. A bag of pucks and a seventh-rounder. Are there still seven rounds?"

Can we keep him? Pleeeaaaase! I'll pet him and feed him and take him for walks and call him George! Or maybe not >.> Glen is fine

kevincrumbs said...

I'd be sad if they traded Metro. However, judging my all the jizz dumped on him by the NESN crew, we could probably get Lucic, Savard, Blake Wheeler and Toronto's first round pick for him.

Baroque said...

Aaron Palushaj and Max Paccioretty were linemates in college at Michigan.