Monday, March 22, 2010

The Fight for Fifth Place! Sens preview and open thread

An epic clash! Fifth place is on the line!!! It's the single-most important sporting event in the history of the universe!!!11!!!

Until Wednesday.

Take five - 7:30 PM start at The Bell. It's listed as being on Sportsnet East, but I'm guessing it's one of those regional dealies that will be blacked out outside of Ottawa / Gatineau. Both teams sitting on 79 points. With the Phlyers' loss last night, winner moves into 5th place in case you hadn't heard. Habs coming off that Leafs ugliness Saturday night, Sens riding a five-game losing streak. Sens have dominated the Habs this year, winning four of five.

Our favourite five - FIVE for Smiting, duh. Sorry today's Photoshop isn't epic SLC, but after the weekend genius around here, our creative juices ran dry.

Hot like Albert Pujols - After mailing it in Saturday night, maybe I should put no one here, though Gio's two goals were a highlight. For the record, Vodkov has 7 points in his last 5 (though his point streak was snapped Saturday), Little Tits has 5 over his last 4, and Dominictrix 4 in 4. For the Sens, the lone bright spot lately was Spezza's hat trick Saturday against the Stars.

Cold like a goalie who just let in a 60-footer through the five-hole - Despite Saturday night, no individual player is really cold for the Habs, though Big Tits still isn't really doing much. Habs PP blows lately, a mere 5 for 32 since the Olympics. On the Sens side, a certain Alex is pointless in 9. And the Sens have goalie issues. Like that's news.

It's a five-hour wait in any Montreal ER - In case you hadn't heard, Mara will likely miss the rest of the season to have shoulder surgery. Despite rumours, neither Squid nor the Urologist will play tonight according to Stubbs' Twitter. Jaro gets the start. Sens are pretty healthy, though Milan Michalek is day to day.

A nickel for this thought - Remember the off-season when we all screamed bloody murder at the non-signing of Kovalev? Now who would you rather have as your first line wingers - Kovy & Tanguay or Squid & Gio? Exactly.

Post-game adult entertainment - A five-way video on RedTube. Is hardcore porn NSFW? I guess, but I don't know where you work.

How would you celebrate an ascension to fifth place? Let's hear it in the comments.

83 comments:

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Holy shit! So that's where Kovy went. Thanks, guys. I'll call off the search party.

And just ONCE I'd like to get through one of these games without HF29 bringing up his juices...

matt - Fear the Collapse said...

This will be the second of a 3 game losing streak. They should be able to win against the Panthers.

Every time you start to feel optimistic about this team they have a game like Saturday night. As always, "Fear the Collapse".

jtmakesmevomit said...

Jack Todd daily spit;

"When a fan refers to the Canadiens and he uses the word "we," as in "we're going to make the playoffs this year," well - he loses me right there. "We" applies to the guys on the roster. If your claim to fame is that you watch a whole lot of hockey on TV, you're not part of that "we." If you're still in doubt, check your pay slip. If you're making less than a half-million a year and the cheque does not come from the Montreal Canadiens, you're not a "we." Thank you.

Jack Todd a habs fan?

GoldenGirl11 said...

That Dave Brubeck song is one of my favorites.

In the math world the number 5 is a Bell number. I think that's a good sign.

HabsFan29 said...

Jack Todd still writes?

L Dude said...

I feel dirty. I posted a few comments on HIO (under a different alias - didn't want to sully the LDude name). Well, turns out they didn't like my avatar over there so censored it right out. Just curious - does this offend anybody here: Avatar

Anyway, watched the dvr'd Habs/Leafs game whilst in a drunken stupor, so don't have any bad memories from it. Just remember the 6 games prior to it. GO HABS YOU FUCKERS - KEEP IT UP!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LD
Isn't that Hunter Bishop before he was ordained... I mean drafted?

Boob Gainey said...

I liked Jack Todd's point later in that article:

"When a fan refers to me and he uses the word "turd" as in "Jack Todd is a turd" well - he loses me right there. "Turd" applies to feces. If you're in doubt, check my Gazette pay slip. It says Check Payable to Jack Todd. No mention of a turd. Thank you."

L Dude said...

GG: Yep. This guy should be available in the 4th round. The Habs should grab him to start forming a set.

Habsfan10 said...

It's an old school GG11 photoshop! Brings me back to the simpler times, like September 2009. Before we went all James Cameron Avatar crazy with our requests of our photoshop wizard.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LD
Is that real? Jared Knight plays for the Knights? and was born in Battlecreek Mich? That's priceless. A world of Photoshop in that.

b said...

It would be worth a draft pick just to hear the HNIC guys say "Knight to Bishop" My fear is that Les Boys have become Les Robots and that having drunk the Jacques Martin kool aid they will know lack the creativity to succeed in the playoffs. Remember those Sens teams- all hot and no cup to paraphrase a Texas expression. Too many loose pucks in the slot with no shooter Saturday night- Les Boys need some Phil Esposito video, or John LeClair for that matter. Puck support is great, but you don't get points for minutes spent cycling in the corner, if you did Saku would be the Finnish Gretzky, instead of an almost finished Duck.

L Dude said...

Some other random thoughts. Knight is a cool surname. "This is my girlfriend, Emma. You can just call her Knightrider."

And if you're a rich hockey player, you could probably hire that guy from St. Elsewhere to sit in the passenger seat, and every time you get in the car, he could say "Hello Michael." That'd be sweet.

I was thinking about how the shootout attempts generally sucked the other night - I awoke just in time. Got to thinking about past shootouts. Anybody remember Souray barrelling in, faking a slapshot from the hashmarks and deking the hell out of the goalie (Miller maybe?). Not sure it really happened or not.

kazmmmooooo!!!!!! said...

@L dude, you should get drunk more often. You're on fire today! Love the avatar, and yes, I do remember Souray faking the slapshot. Not sure what happened afterwards, cuz I was too busy ducking for cover.

@HF29, I'll admit to being one of the whiners who wanted Tanguay and Kovy back. But I still hold on to hope that Captain K will be back. Maybe not as captain, as I have a suspicion that BG only let him go so that he wouldn't break Le Gros Bill's record.

Howard said...

@GG11 Wonderful work! Is that you in the photograph? I know those Kovalevian Habs could be real heartbreakers! There's a new sherrif in town (we not quite sure who he is, just a bunch of deputies!) He could be a Vodka swilling defenceman or a vertically challenged forward (take your pick!) One things for sure, no more broken hearts in Habland. We've learned to manage our expectations (yeah right)!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Howard
Thanks. It's from before Bubby took me to the doctor herself to have that tattoo removed. I haven't been the same ever since.

Howard said...

@GG Yeahhh those lasers you never know what they can do!!! Your bubby done good!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Howard
It was you look like a tramp this and you can't be buried in Jewish cemetery that... Can't a girl laser a permanent tweet onto her body and then wear a sideless dress in a magazine photo shoot without getting an opinion from everyone? I mean where's the privacy, Tiger... I mean Howard?

moeman said...

Gotta love Gio grin. Great work 29 and GG.

Go you fucking Habs!

Moey said...

@L Dude,

That avatar would look much better reversed, the animal holding the gun and showing off the dead hunters. Just a suggestion.

habsss said...

@ L Dude

The only time I ever posted there my avatar was a picture of Jesus dressed as a ref with the words What Would Jesus Call written on top.

I got a bunch of comments telling me how offense it was. I haven't gone back since

GoldenGirl11 said...

@habsss
Go check out the grief I got for Hunter Bishop. It's like I named him or something.

moeman said...

ReaCH the Highest Ground

TFS™
Keep on learnin'

Gio
Keep on scorin'

Vodkov,
Keep on shootin'

Cause 5th won't be too long.

Goat
Keep on GMin',

While your team
Keeps on winnin'

Jaro,
Keep on savin',

Cause 5th won't be too long.

CHorus:

I'm so darn glad GG babe pic'd again,
'Cause the last time that leaf game felt like a fucking sin.

I'm so glad that JM's system is fittin' in.
Habs keep on playin' till you reach the highest ground.


SLC,
Keep on smitin'

Pants!,
Keep fucking Pants!in',

Sens, keep on floppin',
'Cause 8th won't be too long.

Oh, no
Kovy Lovers,
Stop that Kovylovin'

FHF believers
Keep on believin'.

Obama,
Don't stop CHangein'

'Cause good health is never wrong.
Oh, no!


CHorus

(Spoken) An' Stevie knows that, uh, no-body's gonna bring us down.
Till we (um, the Habs) reach the highest ground.

(Spoken) 'cause 29 'n', Flea see, are gonna be a wailin' on the funky sound
Till we reach the anti-CHambre.

(Spoken) Tits bustin' out, break em out, 'cause I'm bangin' on.
Till I reach the pleasure found

(Spoken) Just, uh, singin' and Olé'in when the score is sound
Till the Habs reach the highest ground

HabsFan29 said...

Funkalicious moe!

HabsFan29 said...

+1 to boob on his Jack Turd piece btw

lawyergirl77 said...

God, now I've got Stevie stuck in my head... again. Thanks Moe - brilliant as always!

Oh and GG11 - Habitant and I got into it big time one year. He's also 4's close personal friend. He takes shit way too seriously. Strikes me as a bitter old jerk with nothing better to do than to project his bitterness onto others. In other words, he's the perfect Catholic! *cough*

Howard said...

The drive for 5 is alive! I should be shot by a Hunter Bishop for such bad poetry!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
He writes to me in Yiddish and I'm fairly certain that it's not meant as a form of flattery.

Howard said...

Just noticed that Jeff Carter is out for 3 weeks with a broken foot. Major schadenfreude (yes, I learnt that from Boone!) Let the others have some injuries for a change!

RiRi said...

Carter's injury combined with Boucher's less than stellar goaltending skills is good news for our quest for 5th!
Schadenfreude indeed!

Go Habs Go!!!

moeman said...

Back-up Avatar for 29.

lawyergirl77 said...

GG - totally meant as a form of out-and-out, babelfish-assisted bigotry. Probably very much in-keeping with his view about women and lawyers (generally).

Topic? I'm really REALLY bummed that I'm not going to the game tonight. :( <----- Me, bummed out.

HabsFan29 said...

thx moe! screw the backup, that avatar is starting!

HabsFan29 said...

LG that's good news for us if we get your company, sorry. did Mr LG sell your ticket for scotch money?

moeman said...

lg, turn that frown upside down. ♥

RiRi said...

I need to get me one of those avatar thingies...

moeman said...

@ReeRee, find a pic and post it here .

Howard said...

I love when they show the ambience in the background, makes me feel I'm almost there!

moeman said...

For fuck sakes drop the fucking puck!

Howard said...

Looks like Joel is seeing JM's tailor!

HabsFan29 said...

Joel's tie needs to be shot

HabsFan29 said...

i must apologize for an error in my review, this game does seem to be on Sportsnet in Montreal. who are these announcers?

HabsFan29 said...

*review = preview

GET IN YOUR NET JARO

HabsFan29 said...

no penalty for tackling there?

moeman said...

29, Gord Wilson and/or Dean Brown (aka as an Ottawa/local nickname for breasts, as in nice Gord and Deans) plus Gary Galley (ex-Bruin, horrible, horrible brown suits).

HabsFan29 said...

no penalty for napping on the puck?

yet another PP down the drain

Howard said...

They should institute a shot clock for the Habs PP. Plekanec is becoming the enfant terrible of the league!

ezzeloharr said...

Sens are flying tonight. I don't know if they'll run out of gas first, or if we'll fold first.

moeman said...

heh, Corey is gonna have one of his little post-game penalties-hurt-us tantrums.

Score you fucking Habs!

WV = kingoo

HabsFan29 said...

yay! another PP to waste!

chris nilan said...

PP = poo poo

HabsFan29 said...

Uh, the puck guys? might want to pick that up before skating out of the zone

GoldenGirl11 said...

That's a lot of bad PP. Maybe they have a collective bladder infection.

HabsFan29 said...

was only a matter of time

RiRi said...

FUCK...

GoldenGirl11 said...

When does Gill leave for the Navy? I can't stand the way he flops like an oversized seal.

moeman said...

:(

RiRi said...

AK46 is slowing killing me... Will he ever start scoring again?

ezzeloharr said...

Maybe I should stop talking.

wv: sauder, as in I can't think of anything funny, but I'm sure there would have been potential.

HabsFan29 said...

there was something to review?

meanwhile, kovy will score eventually. i can feel it

ezzeloharr said...

I think that the Sens got the message that the Habs don't play well when faced with excessive, fast, hard-hitting forecheck. Sens are really taking it to the Habs tonight...

wv: another good one, fuggiess

HabsFan29 said...

SKATE YOU FUCKERS

Ronan said...

This is the hottest team in the Northeast?!

WV: "lasuba". "La subanator" would look very good right now.

HabsFan29 said...

well the period ended. that's something i guess

remind me who the hot team and cold team are again?

moeman said...

Is it me or does doug maclean look/sound like a total slimeball?

Moey said...

If they can't beat the Leafs and Sens, how are they getting by Buffalo? Hello? Fuckstrating bunch of fuckers.

Howard said...

Was last week all a dream? This is not the same team we've been seeing the last two games. The passes are hurried and errant and the general outlook reminds me of the Keystone Cops!

Moey said...

@Howard,

In typical Habs fashion isn't it much more fun to claw and hack your way into 8th place than actually end up in a good solid playoff position?

WV - charpr, they better come out a lot charpr in the second.

ezzeloharr said...

wv: I hope whatever is alings Moen isn't too horrible... God forbid he should have lost an eye.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Maybe they don't want to play NJ so they're PRETENDING to be on the ice tonight when really they're still in the hot tub.

Oleg Petrov said...

I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I just watched Moen lose an eye and have his career end right there. It made me really sad and want to cry and I had to turn off the game.

But then a minute later, I thought, poor guy, yes, but it could have been worse...it wasn't a Zednik, he'll retire healthy and wealthy...if he'd stayed in the league for another five years, he would have retired with nightmarish post-concussion symptoms...that's how I'm holding it together right now. Best wishes to Moen.

Number31 said...

Nooooo Travis Touchdown noooooooooooo

ezzeloharr said...

Luc Gélinas (he looks like such a goofy person) just said that Moen didn't have to be rushed to the hospital, so presumably no eye has been lost.

Ronan said...

Is there another team in the league that gets shut out at home so regularly?

HabsFan29 said...

ahh, the stench of suck is back

dwgs said...

What. The. Fuck.
Apparently the pre-Olympics Habs have returned. Can't score, can't hit, can't complete a motherlovin pass fer Christ's sake.

Howard said...

I think it's time to turn to The Franchise Saviour who having gained 30 lbs should take up the whole net!

dwgs said...

No offense Howard (and I really really don't want to get into a Halak / Price debate) but when you lose in a shutout and the other team scores less than 3 goals, goaltending isn't your problem.

Number31 said...

OK. I was totally sure Kovy would slump bust into 10 points. Which means he's REALLY sulking bad. Sorry SLC, you're stuck with him. Take him for a walk by the canal or something.

Senators Lost Cojones said...

@31: If that's a euphemism for "run him over repeatedly with my father's Buick", then I'm way ahead of you.

If it isn't...can I borrow your car?

gillis said...

what the fuck was that all about? that was the shittiest hockey i have ever seen.

I know you guys have posted this before but after tonights game, i can't help but think of this

GoldenGirl11 said...

@gillis
What a great movie. What a bad hockey game.

orangeman said...

I know I'm way behind here and I didn't actually get to watch the game. However from what happened on Saturday and reading the reviews/stats for tonight I have to say the Habs seem to be a 'just enough' team. In most of their games they seem to work just enough to maybe get a goal, then they sit back like their jobs are done. It's no accident this team has played the (by very far) most OT games in the league. When you have a lead and sit back, you end up in OT. When you realize you're playing a hockey game with 10 minutes left and tie it up, you end up in OT.

And their season is the same. They obviously realized they had to do something right after the Olympics and then after a few wins they collectively thought, "That'll do 'er. We're in. Mission accomplished". I know it's easy to jump off the bandwagon now, but I'd love this team even if they sucked (see also: 1995-2005). It's the total lack of leadership, effort and heart that ends up killing me as a fan. You win some, you lose some, but a shut-out at home in a very important late season game against a rival that has only beaten the worst team in the league in the last 3 weeks? Come on.