Wednesday, March 31, 2010

It's Game 77 and it's the Hurricanes. Our creative juices have run dry.

As written in TMS this morning, Carolina - feel the excitement! ZZZZZZ. I'm not sure if it's because we're in, like, month six of the season, or the fact that I have eaten about half a cow over the last two nights of passover seders, but I've got a pretty blah feeling today. Actually, maybe it's the two pounds of matzoh that's blocking the exit of said half-cow that has me so blah. Juices! Bodily functions! This is quality blogging, people. So without a theme or any creativity whatsoever, allow me to ramble on a bit about this evening's hockey contest. Don't run away, Anonymous! I promise there will be some moderately entertaining jokes. Well, at least one anyway.

So the game is at 7 PM at the Bell Centre. Hot McSplooge action will come exploding out of your TV. Habs are allegedly a decent 6-2-2 in their last 10, but we suck much worse than that, if you phrase it as "we've lost 4 of our last 5 games." Carolina, 5-4-1 over their last 10, claims to be in the playoff chase only being 7 points out of a spot, but srsly, gimme a break. They're toast. Well, until they beat us tonight. Habs have won both games against the Canes this year, including one of those games back in December when Jaro was routinely stopping 50 shots a game. Good times.

Hey, did you know there is a Brazilian Canes blog? It sure looks like it, though my Portugese is a bit rusty. For a Brazilian Canes blog though, there is a real lack of Brazilian girls (tastefully NSFW). Big missed opportunity there.

I guess maybe we have some hot players. Big Tits has 4 points over his last 3 games, and Pleks has points in 3 straight games. The Mexican continues to make us forget that he makes EIGHT FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS. Whoops, I guess he hasn't really succeeded there yet. Your hot Cane is Jussi Jokinen, who needs one goal to reach 30 for the first time.

Plenty of crappiness (boy I wish I could crappiness) to complain about. Little Tits pointless in 5. The CHicken is a shadow of his former self. As a related aside, did you know people are talking about sending Gui! to the World Championships? As like a top 6 forward? I'm bitter like maror (look it up). Your cold Canes are Brind'Amour, Staal, and Samsonov. For some reason I miss Sergei Samsonov. I don't know why; he was fucking terrible for us.

Ahh, Team Clinic. Métro is out 6-8 weeks, but he swears he'll try anything to get back sooner. Mara still out for the season. I really can't give a crap about who's injured for the Canes. I'm delighted to announce TFS gets the start. I still feel bad about how he got screwed in his last one.

To help you get the thought of my matzoh-blocked bowels out of your head, enjoy this pic the hottest ice girls in the league, the Canes' Storm Squad. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to invest in some bleach stock.

140 comments:

GoldenGirl11 said...

@29
High fibre spelt matzah. Same great taste as regular cardboard but with benefits.

CanuckleHead said...

Wanna know something crazy I actually went to high school in Raleigh North Carolina with the girl second from the left... Courtney James and btw the entire group couldn't be any nicer or good looking. That is all.

Boob Gainey said...

Bare feet on ice. That's hot.

Howard said...

Matzoh eh? Might as well just eat concrete! I think that's what they used to make the pyramids with.
Those Carolina girls are a lot hotter than our bleach boys. Good luck with the Metamucil! Whatever drops around 7pm!

wv CHostsne : a skin condition caused by playoff anxiety!

Howard said...

@Boob GMTA!

wv crucu the mating call of the Thrasher. Good luck with that!

Anonymous said...

@boob thats not ice its the concrete underneath nice try though

bea.habs.fan said...

coffee and chocolate are nature's laxative 29.
I'd suggest yeast but I guess you're not allowed that.

waht's with guys and blonds (no seriously)?

WV why not 'reven'-haired girls? or is it an American thing

kevincrumbs said...

Jesus, why the fuck do all the girls look the same?

Boob Gainey said...

@Anon - it was ice before those hotties melted it.

Anonymous said...

@boob, haha very good sir very good indeed

dwgs said...

Boob +1

L Dude said...

Storm Squad is a stupid name. Should call them Sugar Canes.

kevin: Hitler would be McSplooging on his MacBook looking at that pic. Is the 'H' word OK on here?

Think I'll take a pass on tonight's game. Might take in Hot Tub Time Machine instead.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LD
I like to think of Hitler as more of a PC kind of guy. I aplogize for using the "P" word.

Habsfan10 said...

Those girls clear the front of the net worse than Hamrlik.

Sugar Canes. Heh. +5, L Dude.

moeman said...

Game 77, in honour our own 77? Despite the B&W nice pic of lg in GG's pic.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
She does photograph well doesn't she.

MrBigTime said...

I actually contacted the Hurricanes head of this group a few years back with an even better name change (and go figure it was some overweight black dude, BIG MIKE who ran the entire group (the one on his left is OOBER HOT!)

I still like my name I offered him the best:

"The Candy Canes"

But Big Mike only listen to Big Mike

moeman said...

@GG, she sure does. Love the gaze she is sending us.

Howard said...

I'm taking over/under on how long it takes for Mcsplooge to splooge all over Branden Sutter.
When I saw that photo I thought I died and went to blond shiksa heaven! As James Taylor once sung: "Yes I'm going to Carolina in my mind..."

Howard said...

I suggest we call our ice crew the Bleach Bums!

wv chearaw Don't forget to chearaw n the Habs tonight!

moeman said...

Not bad Howard. I suggest our FHFemmes crew be called The Sexy Fridays.

moeman said...

Montreal Canadiens defenseman, PK Subban, has been named one of the two defensemen on the AHL's ALL ROOKIE ALL-STAR team.

Bill 101 said...

Remarkable lack of buzz here about tonight's game. Anybody seen the standings? planning the parade? real jobs/kids getting in the way? looking for a bandwagon? C'mon team.

Go Habs Go!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Bill
tough to get all hyped up when sitting with 10 pounds of brisket and matzah farfel internally.

Go habs oy go

moeman said...

Everyday JM Suits Up A New Look

Loosely based on.

Don't tell me you don't know what Habs love is
When we're all too old or too young to know better
When we find strange hands in our red, white and blue sweater
Then rds' Gu:(dreamboat turns out to be a WHC footnote
JM's a man with a mission in two or three line editions

And he's giving CHicken a longing look
Everyday, everyday, everyday JM finds a hook

CHapter One - Gu:( didn't really get along

CHapter Two - I think 'we' fell in love with Poule
He said he'd stand by Carey in the middle of CHapter Three

But Jaro was up to his new tricks in CHapters Four, Five and Six

And I'm giving lg's pic a longing look
Everyday, everyday, everyday GG finds a hook

The way JM's suits and ties rock

The way he talks, the refs skate away and laugh

I could write four or five fucking paragraphs
About Fraser's hair compliments and Lee's smirking remarks

All captured with very few of JM's less than energetic sparks

And McSplooge's giving young teenage men a longing look
Everyday, everyday, everyday Pierre's such a fucking schnook

Don't tell me you FHFers don't know the difference

Between a Bleached looker and a Candy Caned hooker

With my iPen and my eclectic parodywriter

Even in Bettman's world, where every team is equal (except the leaf, they suck)

I still own the Pants! rights and next game I'll be working on a fucking sequel

I'm giving the Habs a long playoff look
Everyday, everyday, everyday JM finds a hook

Enjoy Elvis.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
I love Elvis 2.0 and this one of my favorite songs of all time. Well done!

RiRi said...

w00t! Go PK! Go PK! Go PK! Can`t wait to see him with the team next year!

Also, Go Habs Go!!! Go Carey! Go Squid! Go GiantMexicanChicken! Go Tits! Go SuperPleks!

Did I miss anyone?

lehab said...

tonight's 3 stars... Chicken, Whale, Turtlepleks.
tonight's #'s...4-10-29-33-lg77-32

RiRi said...

Olympians in the house!

Howard said...

@RiRi Go Dominictrix, Go Vodkov, Go Jaro2, Go Urologist, Go Habs Go!!!

wv nousse like the nousse around the Canes!

HabsFan29 said...

Just walked in. Go Pants!

HabsFan29 said...

just reading upthread. killer job as always moe. the mcsplogge couplet is killing me

BTW just came from mom of HF29. she couldnt talk to me because she was busy gossiping on the phone with mom of GG11

HabsFan29 said...

Kosto crashing the net. old times!

HabsFan29 said...

please god score on the 5 on 3. is that too much to ask god on Passover?

moeman said...

Uro!

HabsFan29 said...

Urologist!!

RiRi said...

Urologist!!!

lehab said...

i got to go PP

RiRi said...

with some giant mexican passes!

lehab said...

Got back just in time from the JOHN LU

moeman said...

McSTFU says Juro hasn't scored since Dec. 31st 2009.

Let's see, 3 weeks of Olympian hockey (CANADA GOLD!). Check.

Almost 2 months off due to injury. Check.

I get it Pierre, find another line of excuses whilst you knock wood.

Also, stephen harper (aka, not my Prime Minister) will receive a sweaty Kerry '1993!' Fraser jersey. Um, OK.

moeman said...

Nice one lehab.

GoldenGirl11 said...

11th plague, bladder infection. Thankfully we have a urologist in the house.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@29
I'm sure they were talking about the blog.

HabsFan29 said...

@GG - they were indeed. and something about your centrepiece

RiRi said...

Geez Gorges... scary flashback

lehab said...

I didn't have time to pick up any of the special drinks that have been recommended here in the past. Tonight it is Vodkov and Tim Hortons lemon iced tea.


wv blyst Thankfully that was not as hard a blyst as the last one georges stopped with his head

moeman said...

@29, via the Mom's, "and something about your centrepiece" this maybe TMI but tell us more!

moeman said...

gord 'phlegm' miller, "and there's no rebound". WTF?! does that mean gord?

moeman said...

We have McSplooge (aka McSTFU!).

I may have fallen upon a new gamed name;

Gord Phlegmiller.

Send cards, donations, ca$h and centrepieces to the P.O. Box.

lehab said...

Ha ha ...leafs eliminated and habs on TSN 3 times in a week... what a coincidence!

moeman said...

Is this thing on? Is everyone trying the veal? When the fuck is Lent over?

lehab said...

@ moe.. he doesn't like it when there is no rebound, he can't use the term "Pinballed out in front"

moeman said...

@ lehab, trudat and it'll be fun to see what the Blue Priders have to say on the cbc/hnic Saturday. I'm thinkin' they'll be forecasting next season's CotU amazing belligerent and truculent team.

HabsFan29 said...

heh @ phlegmiller

moe im sworn to centrepiece secrecy

moeman said...

I loved this first period.

HabsFan29 said...

we could / should be up 2-0 or 3-0. that scares me

RiRi said...

@moe - I would love it a little more if we had scored a little more...

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Passover Seder table full of plagues. A giant cow (cattle disease) as the centrepiece. Styrofoam haill, sunglasses for darkness, rubber frogs and locusts in every wine glass. Yum.

moeman said...

29, at the end of the evening/event, the centrepiece(s) are usually raffled or given. I know GG is an artistic genius/beauty and likely has many, many, many hidden secrets but for the good of all FHFers ('WE' are a team BTW) divulge! If only a little ...

HabsFan29 said...

moe now that GG has spilled, i can say i saw pictures of the creative seder table and it was awesome

HabsFan29 said...

shut up BobBY clarke

Howard said...

How many times has The Mexican had a goal on his stick and fanned! Gotta lay off that tequila!

wv fohnonc That Gomez he's a real fohnonc!

Howard said...

couldn't resist this one:

wv helord Could you please deliver my people to the Stanley land!

moeman said...

@GG, what you describe is a leaf season.

Wondering if ray ferraro is still so ticked off that he will still bash in Max Laps head in if he ever meets him. Kinda weird not a single fucking CotU media fucktard took ferraroar! to task.

moeman said...

29, do you think we could see a GG centrepiece pic on Sexy Good Friday (Good Sexy Friday?)?

Apologies to non-lapsed Catholic FHFers.

Michael said...

GG's seder totally rocked! I was the designated Métis.

lehab said...

all this Judaism, Catholisism talk... I respect your beliefs, but mine is Habism.

HabsFan29 said...

Michael i hope you managed to avoid injury from the Styrofoam hail. that shit is dangerous.

moeman said...

12-2 SOGs, TFS™ must be rippin' da CH boys in da dessin' room.

Ooh, lookie, phlegmiller looking for ways to diss the Habs. Aah, if only da leaf could, somehow, make, the, fucking, playoffs.

HabsFan29 said...

OH GOD NOT PLEKS

RiRi said...

Pleks down :(

HabsFan29 said...

great. they'll score on the PP and we'll fall apart.

that should almost be a goal.ugh

RiRi said...

that was weak on Hamr`s part...

moeman said...

McSTFU! is losing it.

lehab said...

FuCK! definately a goal

HabsFan29 said...

crap

RiRi said...

Let me get this straight: Canes don`t have a shot yet this period and that`s a goal? Carey just can`t catch a break...

FUCK.

HabsFan29 said...

we're so losing this game. the crowd feels it.

moeman said...

Hey, at least the Canes haven't carved out an eye, yet.

RiRi said...

well that was deflating, to say the least

HabsFan29 said...

Phone Booth sounds like a morgue. or, uh, a phone both

HabsFan29 said...

we've had chances. that's sort of something

HabsFan29 said...

well at least Fraser didn't call it. thx Phlegmiller for the info

i don't like the direction this game is going. should have gone out to dinner or something

moeman said...

WatCH your eyes Habs!

~~~

STFU! Phlegmiller.

HabsFan29 said...

nice pile-up. Cari just chilling at the bottom of it

lehab said...

Carey in the mosh pit... throw him a reefer!

lehab said...

Team Russia ???? STFU

GoldenGirl11 said...

If they plan on winning the cup this year shouldn't they score a few against the lowly Canes? Just asking.

Howard said...

Boone homoerotic typo of the night:

Spatch blkock gets glove tap from Price.

moeman said...

@GG, speakin' of just askin'. A little inside scoop (made ya think of ice cream!) about the centrepiece would be nice.

Bill 101 said...

cjad has Sergio Momesso as "celebrity" on the air...

how far we have fallen...

sigh

moeman said...

Whilst here, does anyone know if the ugly ray ferraroar! will find some way to, still, beat the shit out of Max Laps (who BTW, is fucking, still, invisible)?

moeman said...

McSplooge is McSplooooooooooooogin'.

Le Douze said...

Nice first period, especially for Ward, but I didn't like the second quite so much. But the FY Brazilian Girls kept me entertained in the slow patches.

Now Squid is in the box. Fuck.

moeman said...

Sigh.

Le Douze said...

Double fuck.

fezworth said...

I'm about as pro-fat whales as they come. I can quote Eyes On The Prize chapter and verse. But seriously. You have to out-duel your opposite goalie. Certainly, Ward always plays well against the Habs. But still. When the WhalerCanes shoot, I get nervous. This is not a good feeling.

lehab said...

looks like they all smoked some Brazilian weed during the intermission

HabsFan29 said...

game saver hopefully

and another

SO much booing

b said...

Are the Habs a better team with Cammaleri, or is a he selfish puck hog who expresses his frustration with himself by taking stupid penalties? And even though I can't fault the Whale on the goal, somehow I have seen Halak stop those.

chris nilan said...

fez... you not blaming price for this crap are you?

fezworth said...

@chris: I don't *want* to. I really don't, I love Carey. And after watching that power play, shit. I can't blame him. Having said that; sometimes you have to win a 1-0 game.

b said...

Did the 'Canes have more shots on that power play than the Habs?

chris nilan said...

this entire d needs an overhaul.

just terrible.

how muc longer are we stuck with hammer and 2.0?

moeman said...

This is a Bizarro world game.

b said...

I wasn't blaming Price. I am amazed a lot at what Halak can do. He has truly amazing lateral movement in the butterfly. Price is just your standard very good goalie, with a barely adequate set of defenseman in front of him- immobile and incapable because of their lack of mobility of using the body. Price will finish this game with very respectable stats. BTW Big Tits stick is illegal.

HabsFan29 said...

we're in need of a Passover miracle

moeman said...

Habs need a centre piece.

RiRi said...

@b - "Big Tits stick is illegal"

and yet he still can't score...


This is EXACTLY why they should have been up by a few goals by the end of the 1st...

Don`t even bother pulling Price...

HabsFan29 said...

we're not making the playoffs

moeman said...

WV = brick

gillis said...

meh

chris nilan said...

LETS GO BLUE JAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hfotwc said...

getting McSplooged for two hours for NOTHING.

FUCKIN' HABS. BOOOOOOOO.

RiRi said...

Time for a peanut butter and nutella sandwich :)

Oh look, Price got a star... I`m sure he's real happy about that.

hfotwc said...

meh. must. consume. massive. amount. of. alcohol. mehhhh.

moeman said...

Stay positive kidz. You too TFS™.

5 more games.

No carved eyes.

Make the playoffs.

1993.

b said...

Price finishes with a .926 save percentage and he gave up 2 goals.
Cammaleri is -2.
17 shots on Price in the 3d period.

The urologist has a goal and ends up even on plus-minus.

The really scary thing is how badly they fell apart when the kool aid stopped working. Booing in Montreal on the last day of March? Incroyable. Can't chalk this sequence of games up to injuries, unless you recognize how important Metro is.

moeman said...

RiRi, dat sammiCH better be toasted.

fezworth said...

@29: in fact, since yesterday morning, sportsclubstats says that our chances of making the playoffs have dropped 10%.

verif: fecheal. I don't know what it means, but it certainly sounds good as a curse.

Number31 said...

Fuck you Hamr.

Fuck you Cam Ward.

Fuck this team is allergic to the front of the net to pick up some rebounds or take 10 years to decide to tip it so Ward makes a pretty easy save off a supposed good scoring chance.

Go away Whalercanes and your havn't lost more than 5 games in your last 20 yet are still down at the bottom of the league. GO AWAY.

And wtf is wrong with you (b, fez) guys blaming Price and saying Jaro would save those? Unfuckingbelievable you guys are...

Let's go 8th place. If we get bounced in the playoffs, assuming they make the playoffs, at least we can be entertained by the fucking Caps.

orangeman said...

They pretty much have to run the table the rest of the way to have a real shot at making the playoffs. At least 4/5 and then hope Atlanta and the Rangers screw up.

We can talk about poor Price all day long, at the end of the day I don't remember the last time he won a game. Whatever the reason, the Habs win with Halak and they lose with Price. We can feel sorry for him and lose the rest of the way or we can just do what works and forget about making a grown man feel 'good'. I fear, like the last 2 seasons, the Habs will go for the latter.

Howard said...

@fezworth wv the Habs played like fecheal matter?

RiRi said...

How can you win a game if your team only scores one measly goal? Goaltending is not the problem... scoring is.

@moe- at this rate, I think I'll fry it, Monte CHristo style!

moeman said...

Price blamers need to up the meth or I'm gonna want a Habs vs. Caps series where 'we' go down 3-0 and TFS™ wins 4 straight to get our team to Round 2 against Brodeur.

WV = babses, as in babses thoroughbred ain't to blame for this loss.

Lostinleafland said...

is it April Fools already? fuck,,this is a joke right? We can't buy a win. Please Easter Bunny,,bring us 8th place, nothing more,,just 8th,, and 4 games in the playoffs just to prove we made it to the post-season. someone run over McSplooge on the way home. loser.

moeman said...

@RiRi, Mount-Cristo style sammiCH is a nice croque madame touCH.

dwgs said...

Fuck all the fucking Phat Whale vs. Jaro shit, that's a fucking bullshit diversion. In what was pretty close to a must win game we were outshot 17 - 4 by the goddamned whalercanes in the 3rd period. Down by a goal at a crucial juncture in the season and they come out and play like that? Fuck me. We could have Patrick Roy and Ken Dryden's bastard love child in nets and it wouldn't make a goddamned bit of difference.
I'm back to hoping we don't make the playoffs at all, I've been on this ride for the last several years and it's getting pretty fucking boring. We are becoming what we despise about the leafs, middle of the pack at best, trading on past glory and still selling out every goddamned overpriced seat in the house year in and year out.

RiRi said...

@dwgs - you tell 'em!

orangeman said...

I'm not a Price hater, I'm not trying to play into the controversy. I'm saying that for some reason the Habs tend to win more with Halak between the pipes than with Price. It has nothing to do with who is better or whatever, I didn't even see the game. Think of it as the roulette table, statistically black and red should hit an even number of times. But sometimes it just runs red all night. You can tell red to fuck off all you want, that's not going to win your money back. At this point in the season you have to stick with what works. It's those that say it's some sort of personal attack against one of them that are clouding the issue. I care about the Habs, I don't care so much about individual players (unless they're named Saku).

dwgs said...

Agreed Orangeman, I wasn't ripping you for your comment, I was just pissed off. Or maybe it was the Black Bush talking.
I'll admit to being a bit hard on Price but he has played very very well in his last two games and deserved better results. The crowd booing his 3rd star selection should all take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. I'm beginning to think the guy should get traded for his own sake, not the team's.

gillis said...

meh

hfotwc said...

if you're hand around here, you should majorly pissed.

Fuckin suck shit ass fuckin habs

hfotwc said...

majorly be pissed...

orangeman said...

For what it's worth, I think Price is a fine goalie and I do sincerely also get frustrated that he can't catch a break. I like that he's on the team I root for and would hate to see him go elsewhere (though at this point it might be best for him personally). I just wanted to clarify all that.

In other news, I wouldn't mind a first round match-up with the Caps (if they make it at all at this point). Habs have played well against them all year, better than vs Buf, NJ or the Pens. Besides, Ovie hasn't proven to be a big game guy yet. Hey, remember when we were talking about a possible move on 1st in the division. That seems so long ago (I believe it was about 10 days ago).

WV: "undism". The ideology behind the Montreal Canadiens, where you do very well for a set amount of time to get everyone's hopes up and then go ahead and 'undo' it in a matter of days, usually through total suckage.

orangeman said...

I know I rant about TSN all the time here, and this time will be no different. Headline over there, "Hurricanes put a dent in Canadiens' playoff hopes".

I'm sorry, but the Habs are still up by 2 on Atlanta and 4 on the Rangers, with several more wins. They're still in the playoffs, it's up to the other teams to win all their games to have a chance to get in. Oh, and they're tied with 2 other teams who are also just 2pts ahead of Atlanta.

But anything to harp on the Habs, TSN. Twats.

hfotwc said...

yeah but at this rate, Carolina is in and we're out. We're on our way to T.O.. This really bites. Not looking good at all.

Who cares who's in goal, this fuckin team couldn't win in front of Jacques Plante.


wv monse. pee air da monse teur

kevincrumbs said...

Does this just come down to an adjustment period of having Squid and the Urologist back? I have to admit that I've missed the past few games but when the Habs were winning six in a row, I wasn't entirely convinced.

hfotwc said...

last time I checked, hockey was a team game. not 1 or 2 guys. bla bla bla.

wv stness. i'm really stness right now