Saturday, March 06, 2010

Kings and Queens and Guillotines: Los Angeles Preview and Open Thread

See that Rabbit, Habs? Time's ticking. 17 games to go and you need to win a whole bunch of them, or it's down the also-ran hole. Let's set up tonight's visit to Wonder-LA-LA-Land.

I'm Late ... I'm late ... for a very important ...
Game time is 10:00 pm Eastern standard time on the CBC and RDS, LIVE! from LA's Staples Center. Habs lost the first game of the West Coast swing to the Sharks, Kings got dropped 4-2 in Nashville on Thursday.

We're all mad here: You gotta be kinda crazy to follow hockey teams in California, but Battle of California and Jewels From the Crown are excellent at making sense of the whole looking-glass that is LA.

Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Seriously, if you can figure out this Habs team or the answer to that riddle, clue me the fuck in. Are they the team that went toe-to-toe with the juggernaut Sharks, or the team that gets its doors blown off by somebody like Florida? Is Price the TFS that nearly steals a game on Thursday, or the screwball weak-gloved dude we make fun of? Is Martin gonna go with convention and play Price after two good starts or mess with us all and go to Jaro? Can anyone explain the continued use of Hal Gill and Paul Mara?

A grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!
Is there a hot Hab? Well, Metro scored last game. Price has looked good despite the loss to San Jose. Gomez and Gionta are actually a point a game for their last 9 and 7 games, respectively. Ben Maxwell gets the call after Mad Max gets the collar for Thursday's silliness. For the Kings, Anze Kopitar has cooled off from his sizzling start to the season, but is still on pace for almost 40 goals and 85 points. Johnathan Quick leads the NHL with 35 wins. 35 fucking wins? Jon Bernier cries himself to sleep each night. Reported Habs target Alex Frolov has 4 points in his last two. Drew Doughty is fresh off his coming-out party at the Olympics and is the new Jabberwocky of NHL defencemen. No word of a lie, I'd trade anyone on the Habs plus the unborn children of PK Subban to have Doughty patrol the Habs blueline for the next decade.

'Tis the voice of the Lobster: I don't know what the hell that means, but it can't be good. Sort of like Jaro 2.0, Mara, Hal Gill, most of the bottom six forwards, and the coaching decisions of the Habs. What a goddamn frustrating team this is. Kings are making a playoff push and traded for Jeff Halpern and Freddie Modin, but could use some more help from Captain Dustin Brown and uber-prospect Wayne Simmonds, who are both ice cold.

Off with their heads!!! Mad Max got four games suspension, joining long-term injured Habs Squid and the Urologist on the sidelines. Mara might be a game time decision. Justin Williams and someone named Andrei Loktionov are out for the Kings.

I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneezes
: Uh oh. Getzlaf, Perry and the rest of the rock 'em, sock 'em Ducks are waiting on Sunday. Saku too, in case you forgot.

50 comments:

kevincrumbs said...

Doesn't matter if Carey plays tonight or tomorrow, as he'd have to rest for one part of the back to back. However, if JM plays Jaro tomorrow then that's even more evidence that the guy is a complete douchenozzle.

RiRi said...

JM is messing with us and playing Jaro...

Also, that pic is genius!!!

fezworth said...

What if Jaro stops 60 shots in a 1-0 Habs win tonight and JM plays Price?

GoldenGirl11 said...

The different branches of Habs arithmetic -- Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision...

Time to pay attention to where you are boys and wake the fuck up! Keep up the mediocrity and you'll have plenty of tee time with the Mad Hatter.

Howard said...

This whole season has been like falling down a rabbit hole. Our best defenceman gets sliced and diced, the vertically challenged giant breaks his foot, squid twists his tentacle, on defence we have a gentle giant who would never hurt anyone, Mad Max gets the boot for that cheshire grin of his, up front we're led by little people, and behind the bench the rodentian JM and his sidekick Perry Pale. I couldn't make this up even if I was Lewis Carroll!

moeman said...

Burton-ish GDT 10 and GG, WOW!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Thanks. Fun. Felt like I dropped acid by the end.

GoldenGirl11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
L Dude said...

Considering we're in Hollywood, I'm looking for big things from Big Tits tonight. And perhaps while there, Little Tits could get some augmentation done so that the Pearl Necklace is a more well balanced line.

Seems nobody is really upset about Lapierre being suspended for 4 games, other than wishing it had been longer. He's such a fucking embarrassment to the CH anyway. Fuck him. Ben Maxwell though? I'd have preferred Brock Trotter - such an awesome name. Could have walked right onto a daytime soap set in LA and started working without needing a screen name.

Cheers all. Be sure to take your uppers (and I don't mean the little blue pill - unless you need one, and then go for it), and stay up late 2nite.

LD

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LD
I could be wrong but I heard 32A is on the 4th and Pyatt is on the first. Of course the whole acid dropping thing could be responsible for my dreaming that up.

Number31 said...

I believe in Latin, Jacques, we say "bullshitus maximus". Wow, what a jerk. Unless he's saving Price for tomorrow against the big, bad Quacks...? Just hope it doesn't fuck any momentum he had.

I'm getting a deja vu of the last Western swing this team went through. You know, the loss to Calgary 'cause Jaro was too rusty to see the puck, the loss to Vancouver 'cause the team just abandoned and embarrased Price in front of his friends and family, and then the loss to the Oilers before they started sucking from massive injuries because the team spent all their energy on a bag skate and didn't recover until the mid-second period.

b said...

I just looked at RDS Integral clip on the Lapierre-Nichol hit frame by frame. Nichol was reaching for the rebound when Lapierre initiated the hit ... at the top of the crease. Max got screwed. He needed a better lawyer. Nichol got hurt because he was out of control. Nichol got the pass because he was out of control fast. It's not like he got ridden into the post or something. He didn't get ridden at all. Don Cherry suggested that in the days before helmets wrapping an arm around somebody in that situation was good citizenship. He might be right- as Max was playing by the rules. The play was an example of the really shitty defensive system play that we fans have suffered watching all year. Pinch at the blue line, pressure at the red line, and get beat half the time. Whose going to want to take Gill or Mara after this year? Gill might have some merit- but he is nothing to fear in the hits or agility department. cf Francis Bouillon for a comparison. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPRWIXTdQLs

b said...

This from Wikipedia on Scott Nichol:

<>

Where is the justice Clarence Campbell?

Number31 said...

Anyone see PK's amazing rush up the ice to assist on Wyman's goal? We need more of this please.

HabsFan29 said...

no internet or cable for the last 5 hours. i'm like a luddite here. managed to connect to some dude's "linksys" unsecured wireless network (classic) just to say "whoa dude". that pic is totally trippy. worth a click, to see the Cheshire cat's eyes. nice GG

Number31 said...

Way to pick a wonderful time to suck, Carolina. So much for their amazerful win streak. They just gotta come in a blow chunks against the fucking Florida Panthers eh?

Tom said...

One thing I liked about the Sharks game was the emergence of Price's glove. Too many times he got beat high glove side, and now that may not be the case.

Hopefully he keeps the confidence up.

Number31 said...

Jonathan NotSoQuick. He may have a cool mask but that's just weak. I was wondering why his save percentage was so low considering their win column.

Number31 said...

The Kings look kind of off... Is this really that team that's sitting pretty in 5th with 80 points in a playoff spot?

Number31 said...

Damn you, Raccoon Boy...

Baroque said...

Those Kings jerseys are freaking hideous. Barf.

Number31 said...

@Baroque - Needs more yellow and purple. Like this.

RiRi said...

Why does Pleks irritate opposing teams so much lately?

RiRi said...

SH goal for us?!?

Number31 said...

Because I said the Kings look so out of it, of course the Habs will go in their lackadaisical piss poor ladida play and allow them to get back into it. After all, where's the fun if there's no challenge eh?

Wow, nice shot by Moore. A shortie is always nice.

Number31 said...

Kings look very beatable tonight. I will be really cranky if the Habs find a way to lose this one...

RiRi said...

Pleks always seems to be waiting for someone to join him in the O-zone... WANTED: finishers.

Number31 said...

Now we have to worry about them injuring each other? WTF Hamr!

RiRi said...

Hamr, how about you not almost kill Pouliot?

Number31 said...

I don't even know if the Kings got a shot on goal this period...

Number31 said...

Heh. Looks like Price was playing hockey in the hallway, ducked out of sight from the camera.

RiRi said...

That`s it for me. This better not end up like Thursday night.

*hopes to wake up to a win tomorrow* Sigh.

Go Habs Go!!!

Number31 said...

What? Is everyone else asleep? It's Saturday!

Howard said...

Habs will be going head-to-head with the Academy Awards tommorow. Hope they bring their Avatar or Hurt Locker against the Ducks! Not much beach time!

hfotwc said...

chee kan!

Howard said...

Way to go you sombrero wearing giant chicken!

Number31 said...

Markov taking Ryan Smyth down does not compute.

Number31 said...

Well. Yea. That looked the same as Raccoon Boy's goal, only without the highlight reel rush.

hfotwc said...

ok this is deja vu

hfotwc said...

what's with the fucking line change during o-zone pressure?

Number31 said...

And Gorges almost kicks it in his own net. Joy~

Number31 said...

THANK FUCKING GOD Pleks got the empty net.

hfotwc said...

fuck, finally an empty netter with a one goal lead. Almost blew it, but this feel good for a change. way to go Plek!

hfotwc said...

Didn't blow up the lead!!! fuckin eh!

I bet you cb fucking c will find a way to talk about the leaf on afterhours

Howard said...

Back in 8th place! Don't get lost on the freeway to Anaheim!

Howard said...

Am not going to be able to sleep with that cheshire cat grinning at me!

kevincrumbs said...

Anyone else think that Rhino's fight with Parse was really pathetic? PS, I am incredibly drunk.

Go you Motherfucking Habs Go! Halte la, halte la, halte la, les Canadiens, les Canadiens! Halte la, halte la, halte la, les Canadiens, les Canadiens sont la!

Michael said...

The fight was with Clune. But yes, it was pathetic.

b said...

As I watched that fight last night, I could only think- "Is he going to give him a nuggy?" Is rubbing your nuckles into somebody's head in a fight allowed?

Number31 said...

I thought the name "Richard Clune" was familiar... In one game the Bulldogs faced the Monarchs, he faught both Stewart and Chipchura. And it wasn't a noogie fest either.

Stewart's fight
Chipchura's fight

...Was Clune really that short?