See that Rabbit, Habs? Time's ticking. 17 games to go and you need to win a whole bunch of them, or it's down the also-ran hole. Let's set up tonight's visit to Wonder-LA-LA-Land.
I'm Late ... I'm late ... for a very important ... Game time is 10:00 pm Eastern standard time on the CBC and RDS, LIVE! from LA's Staples Center. Habs lost the first game of the West Coast swing to the Sharks, Kings got dropped 4-2 in Nashville on Thursday.
We're all mad here: You gotta be kinda crazy to follow hockey teams in California, but Battle of California and Jewels From the Crown are excellent at making sense of the whole looking-glass that is LA.
Why is a raven like a writing desk? Seriously, if you can figure out this Habs team or the answer to that riddle, clue me the fuck in. Are they the team that went toe-to-toe with the juggernaut Sharks, or the team that gets its doors blown off by somebody like Florida? Is Price the TFS that nearly steals a game on Thursday, or the screwball weak-gloved dude we make fun of? Is Martin gonna go with convention and play Price after two good starts or mess with us all and go to Jaro? Can anyone explain the continued use of Hal Gill and Paul Mara?
A grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life! Is there a hot Hab? Well, Metro scored last game. Price has looked good despite the loss to San Jose. Gomez and Gionta are actually a point a game for their last 9 and 7 games, respectively. Ben Maxwell gets the call after Mad Max gets the collar for Thursday's silliness. For the Kings, Anze Kopitar has cooled off from his sizzling start to the season, but is still on pace for almost 40 goals and 85 points. Johnathan Quick leads the NHL with 35 wins. 35 fucking wins? Jon Bernier cries himself to sleep each night. Reported Habs target Alex Frolov has 4 points in his last two. Drew Doughty is fresh off his coming-out party at the Olympics and is the new Jabberwocky of NHL defencemen. No word of a lie, I'd trade anyone on the Habs plus the unborn children of PK Subban to have Doughty patrol the Habs blueline for the next decade.
'Tis the voice of the Lobster: I don't know what the hell that means, but it can't be good. Sort of like Jaro 2.0, Mara, Hal Gill, most of the bottom six forwards, and the coaching decisions of the Habs. What a goddamn frustrating team this is. Kings are making a playoff push and traded for Jeff Halpern and Freddie Modin, but could use some more help from Captain Dustin Brown and uber-prospect Wayne Simmonds, who are both ice cold.
Off with their heads!!! Mad Max got four games suspension, joining long-term injured Habs Squid and the Urologist on the sidelines. Mara might be a game time decision. Justin Williams and someone named Andrei Loktionov are out for the Kings.
I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneezes: Uh oh. Getzlaf, Perry and the rest of the rock 'em, sock 'em Ducks are waiting on Sunday. Saku too, in case you forgot.