Thursday, April 21, 2011
Panic! At the Disco: Dance kicks off at 7:00 pm tonight at the Centre Bell, on all the usual suspects. Take your gag inducing pick of the Canadian Bruinscasting Corporation featuring the xenophobic caveman stylings of former Boston Bruins Don Cherry, Mike Milbury and PJ Stock with senile Bob Cole two minutes behind the play-by-play, NESN and Versus with the homerific idiocy of Jack Edwards, or the xenophobic on the French side of the ledger wackiness of RDS (the D stands for Desharnais!). Or, sound off. Whatever works. Hey, when is CBC bringing back that Punjabi channel? Questions abound: Do the Bruins continue to dance with the fat girl that brought them, Tim Thomas? Will Chara forget to hydrate at another all night rave and dance back into the hospital? Will Ryan White dance with Milan "I'll fight you when I'm good and ready, as long as you're not really a fighter and I can get the jump on you when you're tied up with another player" Lucic? Will strippers dance for HF29 and Passover his lap?
Panic Attacks: Habs are having some success by peppering Fatso Tim Thomas with shots and waiting for him to give up rebounds bigger than his own ginormous arse. If Thomas starts getting hot, someone is going to have to drive the net and get something ugly. Cammy looks to be heating up again, the Captain is doing the job, Big Tits was a welcome addition to last game's lineup. Bruins top line of Lucic, Horton and Krejci is getting eaten alive by SuperPlexxe, but Patrice Bergeron and Brad Marchand are starting to make the Habs very nervous.
Panic Switch: All signs point to Claude Julien not being a fan of Silversun Pickups, because he doesn't look likely to go to the Panic Switch and put in Tuukka Rask this evening despite some struggles by Thomas. Check out some of the conversations over at Eyes on the Prize, where Chris notes that Thomas's virtual lack of any technique leaves him vulnerable to guessing when he's off ... and he looks off. On the other hand, if Chocula has to hit the Panic Switch and go to Alex Auld, SERIES OVER. Just saying.
Don't Panic: Carey Price, Roman Hamrlik, PK Subban and Hal Gill are the Ford Prefect to our Arthur Dent keeping things calm at the back end even when Jaro 2.0 gets a little fidgety. Bruins without Chara on the ice have no such safety towel and run around like they just heard the Vogons announce they are fragging the planet for a new intergalactic space highway.
Panic Room: Which dressing room goes full meltdown if they are trailing after two? After the Habs spirited but still unsuccessful comeback on Monday and Julien's propensity to lose his shit and look like an exasperated idiot on the bench if even the slightest thing goes awry, bet on the Bruins.
Panic Yerreault: Oh, if only the Habs could sneak a faceoff expert like former skating in quicksand but never lost a draw Hab Yanic Perreault (actually, I'd prefer to sneak in Gilbert Perreault, but whatever) to tilt the possession time a little. Maybe the possible return of Jeff Halpern might help.
Banking Panic: If high priced Mexican American, Squid and SuperPlexxe go cold, the Molsons will have a financial panic on their hands knowing extra playoff dates aren't going to put money in their pockets to pay these guys. Bruins banking panic is coming soon, what with big money tied up in Thomas, Lucic, Chara, and Horton already and decisions to make on Kaberle and Ryder and Savard in a "window is quickly closing" kind of money crunch.
Panique au village: RDS might resemble this 2009 Belgian-Luxembourg-France stop-motion film if rumours are true and Benoit Pouliot sits for some bloody English dude like Halepern. But they'll be the only ones because chicken looks like chicken shit right now. Word on the HIO is Chicken might be getting a reprieve because of other injuries. Oh shit. PANIC!!
Got any panicky thoughts for tonight? Keep them to yourself, Chicken Little. We're trying to stay positive in here.