Sunday, April 10, 2011

Blazzin' BitCHes! ~ WaCHo kids, Sheriff Subban and DepuTFS™ saddled up to save the season for us locals ~ Habs 4 - leaf 1 ~ Willkommen. Bienvenue. Welcome. C'mon in to the rock ridged for your pleasure Game Review thread


The Canadiens came riding into Hogtown, not looking for twouble, just a stopover, maybe get a dwink or two, see some dancing girls and have some vittles. Only thing 'standing' in their way were those pesky Toronto varmints and dem hnic twits. Captain Gio was locked, stocked with two smoking' barrels, leading the CHarge into the playoffs against bears dressed up as mongorillas). So throw up your hands, stick out your tush, hands on your hips and give 'em a playoff push.

~ Gunslinger Gio! ~ Polishing that playoff pistol with two silver mug CHasing bullets.
~ Sharp Shootin' ~ Ten-gallon hat DuBois whips it out straight through the Miracle Kidd.

~ Down Goes Brown ~ Howe sweet was BAMF (Blanche Ass Mother Fucker! credit goes to N31)? Bring on round 1 tout suite! Nice bump kid.
~ Sleepy ACC ~ Rename this dust bowl of an arena Deadwood. MLSE, your sports town is turning into shit. Cactushead got a goal and one disallowed.

~ Get Von sCHtupped! ~ Another sad season for the piss-ant cbc twats. Who can satisfy their lustful leaf habits? Up yours!

~ No lollygaggin' around ~ PleXXXe picks up his shorthand shovel and scores a beauty shorty.

~ Leaf of faith ~ Ride off into the sunset leaf fans, enjoy the greener pastures, of the fucking golf course. Fucking losers, face it, evewything below 8th ... is kaput! You're finished. Fertig! Verfallen! Verlumpt! Verblunget! Verkackt!
~ New Sheriffs in town ~ It's twue! TFS™+PFK give the townspeople some hope that things will be defended well, weally well.

~ Fool's Gold ~ What in the wide world of sports is going on here? cbc/hnic leaf love doesn't pan out, again, go figure.


~ Stinkin' badges ~ Gave em out already.

~ Puppets pwan your fwiggin pensions ~ Redfaced and raging town drunk donald (S)aloon cherry has been drinking heavily, just string him up with another leaf losing season and watch him rant into retirement, bonus is keeping an eye where mclame's head and hands are.
The Ol' Hot Stove ~ What a fucking façade of futile flatulence, rest your sphincters and STFU! you teutonic farts!

600 Johnsons ~ Congwats CHowula, now win a Stanwey Cup pwayoff seewies or four.

200 ~ 29 sends this, just add your favourite whiskey.
Next town, Boston ~ Habs, go do that voodoo that you do so well! We want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, streakers, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, Anons, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and of course, fucking METHodists. GYFHG!


Let's play CHest with the new Sheriff ~
~ Sing with the Church CHoir and CHongregation ~ Gold You Fools, Habs Gold ! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! What the hell is that shit? I meant a song. A real song. Something like The Stone Woses.

The gold road's sure a long road
Wind on through the CHills for 16 games
The pack on Max's back is aCHing
The stanchions seem to cut him like a knife

Bruins are clowns, Habs won't back down
I don't need hnic to tell me who's going down
Down down down...

leaf standing alone, I'm watching them fall
I'm seeing them sinking
leaf standing alone, you're faking their gold
I'm watching cbc stinking
Fool's gold

These Habs were made for winning
The Marquis de Sade never wore no Pants! like these
Gold's just around the CHorner
Bs breakdown's coming up round the bend
Sometimes you have to Anon to get along here
I know the truth and I know that we're winning!

Bs are going down down down...

Bs standing alone, I'm watching them fall
I'm seeing them sinking
Bs will be home, in their black and gold
I'm watching their playoffs stinking
Fools of black & gold

52 comments:

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Psyched. GO BRUINS!

Mr. natural said...

WTF! First in are you Cornelius, well in business when yoy manage inventory the rule is FIFO: first in first out, goodbye Broons,we are in your head, always have been always will be... BOOO!Psyched out more like it.

GYMFBBHG!

WV: BB = (Broon Beating)

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

I dunno, last time went pretty well.

ti-cul said...

@ cornelius, I agree, last time you were in the playoff, it went really well, leading 3-0 and all. Does your barbarian team has any plan to kill someone before they choke again?

Orangeman said...

Oh we're going on history now? I think we'll take that proposition. Only hand-picked history? I see. You and your coach might want to practice counting to 5 this time. But try counting to 4 first seeing as you guys had such a problem with it last playoffs. Luckily Philly was there to show you how.

BOOM. This shit is ON.

Mr. natural said...

@corney: The 7-0 game,regular season means zip at this time of year.

Broons are big and bad with great goaltending, no cakewalk, but historically we have that added edge against Broons, we are in the back of their minds, sure pretend it isn't there, suppress it, but a bounce here and a goal there and it's back and making you squeeze your stick too hard, getting you off the game plan.

24 of 31 series won by Habs.

Yes 2009 we got beat by a better team, but hey we can't win every single time!

Habs twice beat what was arguably one of the 3 - 5 (take your pick) greatest hockey teams ever assembled, the Bobby Orr Bruins of the early 70's, that team should have won at least 4 cups in a row.

Anyway, Broons are more talented, have more ways to kill us, have excellent goaltending, but we are faster and kill this Broon team every time they are in the penalty box. Like I said a few little things will get to them and we will prevail.

I believe.

GYFHG!

Mr. natural said...

@orangie, I was being nice, didn't want to be too psychotic right out of the gate, doctor's orders, new meds etc.

Bringing up possibly the greatest playoff collapse in sports history immediately well that's just unkind.

But hey PHuck 'em.

Orangeman said...

Cornelius, don't get us wrong, we're just playing around with you (like the Phlyers did last year, but I digress). The fact that you not only can apparently read and write but also operate such complicated machinery as a PC puts you miles ahead of most broon fans. You're like a black guy at the Republican Convention. Completely out of place, secretely hated by your peers and delusional about what you think you support, but well meaning and generally more educated than anyone else there. I have no doubt you'll one day learn the errors of your ways because unlike your fellow broon fans you can probably understand statistics and get through a book or two.

Orangeman said...

What's the difference between the broons and my two year old niece? My niece can count to 5.

What's another difference between the broons and my two year old niece? I've seen my niece lift a Cup.

What's yet another difference between the broons and my two year old niece? My niece isn't one of only 3 NHL teams to give up a 3-0 series lead, nor did she give up a 3-0 game 7 lead to lose said series to produce the most spetacular collapses in sports history.

Orangeman said...

How are the broons and Cornelius' mom the same? They're both full of dicks.

Now, I have to apologize for that last one because I don't know him that well. But I think we can all agree that all's fair in love and FUCK YOU BROONS.

Orangeman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. natural said...

Jesus CHrist orangie, I'm coming over right now with some of my new meds!

ti-cul said...

holy oman, how much booze did you consume last night?

the Maritimer said...

@moeman, love the Blazing Saddles motif. Yes, poor old Don nearly blew an artery last night ranting about the laffs using college kids instead of trusted AHL journeymen. The entire hnic broadcast was a giant leaf love-in but, what the hey it was the last time they could legitimately talk about them.

I was hoping for Hughson/Simpson combo for the Habs/B's but we get stuck with Bob Cold. Looks like RDS fo me.

Looking forward to a good hard fought series. Shouldn't be any goonery on the Bruins part unless they are on the verge of elimination. Too close to call it will come down to goaltending as usual, we'll see who cracks first.

So, what's going to be happening around here for the next 4 days?

Steve said...

Hi Cornelius, dont be offended by O man, he does not appreciate your a solid hockey fan with only a slight attachment problem, wrong team attachment.

So what are you predicting, or whats on the street in Boston (man I am being well behaved not to specutlate on that point)

Rough tough series, or ref filled power play extravaganza?

I am worried, its possible to win, but I would not bet the farm on it.

Steve said...

@moeman, well roumded up review, and GG going to blow that up and put it in my Home Theatre, I was laughing thinking about a Starsky and Hutch shop.

HabsFan29 said...

that's HEDLEY

great work GG and moe

i need a day off or two to work up some anger. im impressed you people are at it already

Melanie said...

Orangeman,
That's funny....see we Bostonians have always thought that ALL you Habs fans know is hockey. Come on down to Hahvid - we'll see how you do.

Orangeman said...

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't get the memo that we're all rational, calm broon appreciators now. I guess I'll congratulate the Bruins on a solid season over fuity drinks and Enya. Just point me in the direction of the castrator y'all apparently visited over the weekend.

This is the broons we're talking about. This is the shaved ape attempted murders. This is hiding behind the skirt of your daddy, the league's farce of a disciplinarian. This is the using your elbow pad to cut up our guy's face thugs. This is the trying to score and shooting it into the net after the final whistle in a 7-0 game assholes.

If you don't have a raging hate-on going right now you might want to talk to your doctor.

Mr. natural said...

someone send Melanie a link to "Talking to Americans" with Rick Mercer, the episode where he goes to Harvard, both students and professors helping to maintain the world opinion of the American education system.

Orangeman said...

@Melanie: I went to a proper school, McGill. But thanks. I don't hate your city at all or even you as fans (you and Cornelius seem downright literate). Until halfway through this season I didn't even hate your team that much, I kind of appreciated all the points and easy playoff victories your broons provided the Habs with over the years. But now I have no respect for the organization or the players. I'm just ribbin' you guys here in preparation for the series. It might not last long either way, so I have to get them in early. There is just so much to mock, I have to pace myself. For example, do you remember how the broons blew a 3-0 series lead and then a 3-0 game 7 lead in last year's playoffs. I do. And that provides me with infinite material. So, again, thanks broons! And thanks Melanie for being so good-natured about it.

Number31 said...

Well it's official. This BUSH LEAGUE has its lips firmly around the Bruins. If it goes to seven games, Game 6 and 7 are scheduled to be back-to-back. Asshats. Go fuck yourself, NHL.

Not Geoff Molson said...

"Let's play CHest with the new Sheriff"

Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.

As for the Leafs, you'd think that they'd eventually tell Don that they're not from Havana.

HabsFan29 said...

29 only pawn... in game of life

Not Geoff Molson said...

Jacques Martin: I'd like you to meet the new sheriff of our blue line.
Toronto Media: We'd be delighted.
[extends his hand, then yanks it away on seeing Subban]
Toronto Media: Wow!
[whistles, then drops their voices]
Toronto Media: We gotta talk to you. Come here.
[grabs Subban and pulls him aside]
Toronto Media: Have you gone berserk? Can't you see that man is a ni...
[turns and sees Subban]
Toronto Media: Ha ha... wrong person. Forgive us. No offense intended.
[walks Subban back, then pulls Jacques aside]
Toronto Media: Have you gone berserk? Can't you see that man is a ni?

MaxPac is Wolverine said...

Fuckin' right, Orangeman.

I don't need a few more days to muster the Bruins hate. It's ever-ready. Fuck them. All the shit from this season only adds more fuel to the permanent smoldering hate in my hockey soul for the Bruins. No Bruins fan, not even a decent one like Cornelius, is ever gonna convince me Chara didn't know exactly where the fuck he was when he rode Pacioretty into the stanchion.

So, fuck you, Chara. Fuck you too, Mark Recchi, MD. Fuck you, Greg Campbell and the fact that this league allows your dad to oversee the "justice" system. And fuck you, whomever in the Bruins organization thought [a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_O53ew12as-E/R_5R5bYER2I/AAAAAAAAAho/eEOSSaUOWoM/s1600-h/bruins_3rd_375.jpg"]this piece of shit[/a] was an appropriate jersey for an Original 6 team to wear. Shameful.

MaxPac is Wolverine said...

(and maybe fuck me a little bit for not getting that link right.)
You all know I meant this piece of shit jersey.

moeman said...

Nicely done Not Geoff Molson.

Not Geoff Molson said...

"Candygram for Chara. Candygram for Chara."

Gio: Look at my hand.
[raises hand and holds it level]
PFK: Steady as a rock.
Gio: [raises his other hand, which is violently trembling] Yeah, but I shoot with this one.


TFS: [consoling PFK] What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple Bruin fans. These are people of the land. The common clay of Massachusetts. You know... morons.

------
The real question is - do we lose Cherry right after the bunker scene?

moeman said...

Stop it Not Geoff Molson, you're killing me!

Not Geoff Molson said...

[PFK, disguised as a Leaf player, describes his qualifications as a villain]
PFK: Parading with the Stanley Cup.
Bettman: That's not much of a crime.
PFK: Through the ACC?
Bettman: [smiling] Kinkyyyy. Sign here.


Don Cherry: Unfortunately there is one thing standing between the Leafs and the Stanley Cup: the playoffs.


Gary Bettman: Qualifications?
Chara: Headshots, murder, arson, and headshots.
Hedley Lamarr: You said headshots twice.
Applicant: I like headshots.


PFK: Just give me 24 hours to come up with a brilliant idea to save our team. Just 24 hours, that's all I ask.
Canadiens: NO!
PFK: You'd do it for Patches.
Canadiens: [Reverently:] Patches...
Canadiens: [singing in the fashion of a church choir:] PATCHES!

-----
moeman...I bow to the master - besides I didn't get my homework in on Friday...

Anonymous said...

good to see the CBC has its priorities straight:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/habs-v-election-debate-french-language-debate-moved-to-wednesday/article1979036/

moeman said...

More good stuff NGM ... and I am in no way a master, just a fool who likes to have FHFun.

Number31 said...

Blackhawks have to rely on Jose ThreeOrMore to get into the playoffs...

Steve said...

Great stuff Not Geoff Molson

Steve said...

I cant think of an opening round I have faced wit less confidence.

Can the Hason brothers still skate? We dont need foil we need lead foil.

The refs are going to be as helpful as Health Canada is getting people a Medical Pot permit.

Goon Collie will be have a tweeter installed in his stick, so he does not have to go to the bench to get Buttman to call.

And now some bullshit game 6 and 7 in Beantown, would that not be 5 6 and 7, first two in Beantown, next in two in Bell, game 5 in Boston, game 6 in Boston. I know its game six in Montreal but I like to complain.

I wish PFK would come right out and say why do Don and Steve hate black people.

moeman said...

@PMOSteve, "I cant (sic) think of an opening round I have faced wit (sic) less confidence."

Although, date-CHanged, there is still the FrenCH debate.

Steve said...

@Moeman I cant believe all the people around Montreal dont believe all my bullshit, last week alone I pulled over $20 Billion right out of my ass, and still I am dropping in the polls, it sucks being me.

moeman said...

tsn posted the Masters (are they really still using this name for a 21st century tournament?) results/winner within minutes. They frontpaged/posted (text only) the Habs (a Canadian team) beating their team hours late. Bias?

moeman said...

@PMOSteve, spend $20,000,000,009 of that on useful social programs and the remainder on a hair cut.

Steve said...

@Moeman I have no fear going into either debate, I have the best toupee money can buy, and I have got a degree in Economics from Liberty University, then I worked for National Fuck the people of Canada, and finally I have been an evangelical politician for the rest of my life. Iggy is just a world class intellectual professor from Harvard, Oxford, and the London School of Economics, he has only been in politics two years,Canadians will not accept that kind of elite brainpower running this country. I create reality, Iggy trys to understand it, got it.

moeman said...

Yup.

Steve said...

@Moeman when I have a majority we will have the best caucus, joining John and Jason is a hunky new Christoper Alexander, you probably saw him today on CTV QP, dreamy.

moeman said...

meh, I'll take wona amwose.

Number31 said...

The Blackhawks are in the playoffs! Luongo just pooped in his pants.

Steve said...

@Moeman I go right to the source when I want to be screwed. For A fuck over you will never forget, you gotta go with the originals, Republicans.

ti-cul said...

31. Big Buff was Luongo pain in the ars. Without him Hawks aren't half as dangerous.

and fuck the broons.

Not Geoff Molson said...

@moeman

"tsn posted the Masters (are they really still using this name for a 21st century tournament?)"

Well organizers took Tiger into consideration (along with other players who let golf groupies be their personal ball washer) and were going to call it "The Masters (and their mistresses) Tournament".

It didn't pass the Bible Belt focus groups. So until next year it's back to the drawing board and subsequent Masters debates.

(There's also a Johnson joke in there somewhere given the Blazing Saddles theme)

Steve said...

Its going to be awful boring until Thursday, good thing we have an election, or I would have to up my Ritalin

Mr. natural said...

So the perennial FHF PHavorite, The little PHuckity PHuck is out, better the Hawks than Stars!

kevincrumbs said...

Hey, at least Hawaii, Wyoming and Kentucky all believe in the Habs!

Number31 said...

@ti-cul
Yea I know. Getting rid of Big Buff was the stupidest thing they ever did. Still have Kane, Toews and Sharp though (even if he's playing on one leg).