- Yes, God? Is that you?
- THOU SHALL NOT EVER TRY A HASEK MOVE AT THE END OF THE THIRD PERIOD AND ATTEMPT TO STOP THE GAME WINNING GOAL WITH HIS BACK TO THE PLAY.
- THOU SHALL NOT ALLOW THE OPPONENT TO SCORE ON YOU AT WILL WHEN YOUR TEAM'S OFFENCE HAS SUDDENLY COME OUT OF IT'S FUNK AND PROVIDED YOU WITH ALL THE GOALS NEEDED TO ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND.
- THOU SHALL NOT DROP A PUCK IN FRONT OF THE CREASE AS IF ONE WERE FEEDING A FUCKING DOLPHIN.
- THOU SHALL REMEMBER THAT SINCE THOU ALREADY RUINED THE PASSOVER SEDER, A BIT OF OVERTIME WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING KILLED US.
- THOU SHALL NOT OPEN UP THE FIVE HOLE AS IF IT WERE AN EGYPTIAN VAGINA.
- THOU SHALL NOT SHAVE HIS HEAD LIKE A STUPID CHILD IN THE MIDDLE OF A PLAYOFF SERIES AND THOU SHALL NOT ALLOW OTHER TEAMMATES TO INDULGE IN SAME. YEAH SO WHAT IF THERE ARE 2 RULES HERE, THESE ARE MY FUCKING COMMANDMENTS.
- THOU SHALL NOT EAT ANY BREAD DURING THE PLAYOFFS. IF THOU ISN'T MAKING ANY BREAD DURING THE PLAYOFFS, THEN THOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO EAT ANY.
- THOU SHALL NOT DISPLAY PICTURES OF GARTH BROOKS ON HIS FACE MASK AND LOOK LIKE A PHILISTINE HICK.
- THOU SHALL NOT ALLOW COMPARISONS TO OTHER ROOKIE GOALTENDERS GET TO HIS HEAD.
- THOU SHALL NOT LOSE A SEVENTH GAME. CAUSE IF YOU DO, OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
....NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
Carey began his descent, visibly moved by the experience. He trekked back to the shores where his deflated teammates had been resting after the night's collapse.
The Captain lifted himself off the ground when he saw Carey appear out in the distance. The whole team rose to their feet and watched him approach. He stopped and stood before them. "Guys, I think I have the solution".
Then the Captain spoke: "Dude, what's with the grey mohawk."