Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I Was Incredible! Feeledelfia 3, Mentreal 2

You kent alweys get wat you want, you kent always get wat you want, but if you try sometime….lalala. I lav thet song, reely fentestic museec.

Game at Bell Centre waz so baad for teem, but was joke for big clown Cari. Put your stupide red nose on your nose clown Cari! You pley like litel clown and kids laf at you and you are clown! Hole teem say to me, its ok the stupide clown pley better next time.

So we take aroplane to Feeladelfia. Stupide teem sing baxing song wen we land. You no baxers Mentreal Cenediens! You hackey guys! Hackey guys and clown guy, this is reel name of teem. Hello, I am Jaro. I pley for hackey guys and clown guy.

Now game stori. Big clown go to net. So crazy things heppen. I pley hapskatch in halls and when I cam back to bench I see only 3 filadelfia guys on ice. We are 5! I no wat heppen. Same thing in league in Parkesh when one pleyer pleying and he fall becase he skate no tied! Ha! He fall all the time. Wen he go beck to bench to tie skate, he make mistake and tie he skate to player next to him skate! Wen coach tell them to go pley they fall together on ice! So fanny!!! I think filadepihia pleyers do same thing on bench in 3 game. Stuck on bench on no cant move. Hahaha.

Mentreal so sad for filadelfia we tell feelaphia pleyers, its ok we no score on you, we pass pack until they come beck. So we pley with pack on all the ice for 2 minoutes. Pheeladelfeea pleyers untie skate laces and go beck on ice.

Then Mentreal tell golie Biron, its ok golie Biron, we have open net and you not in your position becase you fall, we wait for you to go beack in net and we shoot pack in your belly, its no fare to shoot pack if you not in your net golie Biron. If we can we also hit post for you to give you the time to bo beck to your best pasition. I hear Kepten Saku tell Biron this. Biron give him big hag. It look very man gay, like Tchecoslovaka Sunday opera.

In second period, I watch beeeautifoul blond woman behind coach Carboner all period. She make my penis go to my pads. I tell her I like her and leek the glass so mach. We probably get married soon. Then Cari soooo jelos of Jaro, he cry in net like baby clown and say “I want marry her, I want marri her!”. I laf so hard. You think beutifooul girl like this want fat guy like you? Cari you cat your hair you look like peecack. I call you Chanel 5 Cari always now! And you want girl? No way Channel 5, she is for me.

So Cari pley 20 meenutes of so crep hackey. Filadelphia have 1 shat in second period and score 3 gols! So in break, coch tell me Jaro, you pley period 3. I tell coch “ no, I have date with Virginia, blond girl behind the bench!” Cocah no understand and I have to pley. But she watch me so I pley good. I make so many saves! Two! Two saves!!!! Marri me Virginia!!!!!!

Teem try to fix Cari crep clown hackey but also no want to hurt Biron feelings so only make 2 gols. Mentreal want to be nice becase every fieldephia fan have oroange ts-hirt say “Cenediens”. Papa call me after geme and say “That was most incrredibel golie performance alltime in history of Chekoslovakia. Everbady is celebrating with big parade outside. You make two saves and give all children hope. They change name of street from Havel Street to Havel Boulevard . women hagging each other crying saying ‘did you see Jaro saves?’ Tomoarrow no work here, netional haliday”. Coach tell me that becase my 2 saves I probably ween Conn Smythe trophy. I think so too. Cari ween Clown Smythe trophy!!!

OK bye!


Grégoire said...

Only the return of Jaro could have made this a better day. Thanks!

HabsFan29 said...

She make my penis go to my pads.

I may not stop laughing all day

Geoff said...

Jaro, Jaro, Jaro!

I'd toast with some Slovak beer, but then I remembered I drank the Golden Pheasant on the weekend.

So does Jaro get the start on Wednesday?

fezworth said...


And yet.. I can't help but notice... The two games that Breezer has been out... we've lost.

Jaybird said...

That was great....good stuff. I really believe Price just needs to watch one from the bench to regain perspective. Halak is good though....sigh. We just have to win game four and get our home ice advantage back.

Habsfan10 said...

Can Jaro run the powerplay?

Sonia said...

Ah. Nothing takes the edge off a loss like a Jaro blog!

"And yet.. I can't help but notice... The two games that Breezer has been out... we've lost."

Careful, Fez. That kind of talk can get you locked in a trunk around here.

Montréaliste1 said...

That is his old mask.

Geoff said...

Careful, Fez. That kind of talk can get you locked in a trunk around here.

Complete with a complementary trip to Saint-Leonard?

Moose said...

Jaro blogs always improve the post-loss mood.

[i]It look very man gay, like Tchecoslovaka Sunday opera.[/i]

I laff too

panger76 said...

@Fezwoth: that talk can get a guy kicked off this blog

Jaro's game review almost makes it worth the loss. Almost. Phucking Phlyers.

fezworth said...

@sonia, panger. Hey, hey.. I don't want to get stuffed in the trunk too. I was just sayin'.

I'll keep it to myself.

HabsFan29 said...

everyone stop ganging up on fezworth. he made a very valid point. it's a factual observation that we have the lost the last 2 games with Breezer out of the lineup. It's a FACT, dammit. he's right, dammit!!! It's obvious Breezer is the rock of our defense!!!

/ducks lightning bolt
/comes out of meth-induced hallucinations

Habsfan10 said...

I'll say this about Breezer ... the coaches have enough confidence in him to play him a regular shift. Our boy Rhino spends a lot of time watching from the bench. That leads to more shifts from a tiring Hamr, Frankie B, Doom or Markov, or Streit moving back and someone up front double shifting. Neither is ideal.

fezworth said...

Jebus, we really are moving into some sort of twighlight zone here. It's amazing what two losses in a row can do to the average Habs fan.

Breezer for Prime Minister!

Free4Life said...

A few random comments:

- It's too soon for the lucky tie. If down 3-1, then put on the lucky tie and leave on the lucky tie. Blow your nose and wipe your arse with your lucky tie.

- I think part of the problem is that the gameday stripper pics have been uninspired the last 2 games.
A girl in a bikini?
Kat Von Dee the tattoo artist?
Sure, I'd do them both, but they're not "sexy police" quality...

- Play Ryder dammit! At the very least, I'm convinced he won't miss WIDE OPEN NETS!


neveradullmoment said...

@free4life. Here! Here! Excellent observations, on all accounts.

HabsFan29 said...

free4life is out of prison less than two weeks already he's complaining about the stripper pix. nice.

but ryder, fuck, seriously, damn he should play

HabsFan29 said...

CJAD reports that Breezer will be back in the lineup tomorrow in place of Rhino. We are saved!!!!

HabsFan29 said...

CORRECTION - CJAD now reports that Carbo is "hoping" Breezer can play. Let's all pray for Breezer's health!

Matt D said...

I think Ryder must have hit on Mrs. Carbo during training camp. (OK, maybe not just 'hit on.') Honestly, what has this guy done that Mathieu fucking Dandenault gets in the lineup ahead of him?

Anonymous said...

Nice! Jaro make happy to me!


DC said...

Jaro, just tell them "Trade me right fucking now!" and then hang up the phone.