Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Seriously,

We weren't kidding. The Habs and their fans are coming to your town, and you cuddly, overrated, soon-to-be-exposed teddy bears are in for a right good ass-whupping, pundits be damned. Your black and gold wearing asses are getting fucking kicked all up and down the Causeway come Thursday, and not even your sainted Red Sox or Celtics will ease the pain. Book it, fuckers.

30 comments:

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Bring it.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Boston.com is recapping every Bruins/Habs game this year. Here's one line for today:

"He was outstanding tonight," said Claude Julien, who saw Chara shut down Max Pacioretty, Tomas Plekanec, and Alex Kovalev. "Can't say enough about his performance."

http://www.boston.com/sports/hockey/bruins/extras/bruins_blog/2009/04/recap_bruins_31_1.html

L Dude said...

Question du jour:

Lucic or Chara. Which is higher on the evolutionary scale?

I guess it's Lucic. Cro-magnon man is slightly above Shaved Gorilla. The way Lucic tried to rape Komisarek from behind reminded me of a scene from Quest for Fire and from a certain angle, Chara wailing on Komi looked a lot like the gorillas at the zoo which are frequently whacking off.

So, in conclusion Lucic>Chara on the Evolutionary Scale...but just barely. I wonder what Darwin would say.

Habsfan10 said...

Shut down a wet behind the ears rookie, the ZombiePleks, and Kovalev the lazy enigma? Man, that Chara is good.

I like you, Cornelius. Other thab the fact that you're an evil, black-hearted Bruins fan, you're good people.

lawyergirl77 said...

L Dude - Darwin would throw up his hands and say: "Fuck this, I give up."

Further proof that Chara isn't very high up on the evolutionary scale - the fucking TREE TRUNK he calls a stick. Seriously, I'm begining to think that he might be compensating for something...

lawyergirl77 said...

Yeah, Cornelius - stop coming in here and being all reasonable, and funny and shit. You're making me think that this whole Bruins fan thing is just a temporary delusion that can be cured via meds...

But, yeah, what HF10 said. Chara fought off a Zombie and a rookie. Impressive. Count Chocula is the MAN. *golf clap*

Jaybird said...

YEAH YEAH I like it...

It's fuckin' rage time.

Let's....fucking....rage.

Note to Bob: If Laracque gets one game it needs to be game 1 to set the tone.

gillis said...

Man i wish Kovy, plek and patches actually needed somebody to shut them down.

Van Hab said...

*rrrriiiiinnggggg*
Tim T: Hello?
Satan: Tim. It's Satan.
Tim T: wha... already?
Satan: Yup. Time flies, huh?
Tim T: but the playoffs are just starting, you can't...
Satan: TIMMY! remember, I only guaranteed you'd have talent to get you that big contract. That was the deal, remember. I'm going to have to take back what's mine.
Tim: But... it's the HABS! They're your enemies... I mean, Bob Gainey... *whimpers*
Satan: Fuck, Timmy. be a man. I'd let this ride through the first round at least, but Bob cleaned me out at our weekly poker game last night. He took Bettman, too...little fucker had it coming though.
Tim: but what am I gonna do?
Satan: Talk to Kessel. He and I made a deal last year. He'll give you the details.
Tim: but...
*click*

*rrriiiing

Phil K: Hello?
Tim: Phil, It's Timmy. Look, I'm in deep. I just spoke to Satan and he's taking away my skills before the playoffs!
Phil: What? I thought he said five seasons!
Tim: Yeah, well, I guess that didn't include playoffs. Look, he said he helped you last year...
Phil: I don't know what you're talking about...
Tim: DAMMIT PHIL! WE don't have much time. Those Fucking Habs come to town on Thursday!
Phil: (silence)
Tim: PHIL!!!! fuck!
Phil: OK Tim. I'll be over in half an hour. I need you to get a sharp knife, some red wine, and an orange wig.
Tim: What the fu...
Phil: Tim, I need to give you a Youppi!

les_glorieux said...

I don't understand how much I hate the Bruins. There's just so much rage. Probably unhealthy. I'm actually at the point where I can only read RDS and this site (not the comments) because I can't deal with Boston fans'/commentators bullshit.

COME ON HABS!

Shutdown said...

Van Hab.
Amazing.

But I thought you were going to go in a different direction with the Kessel bit. "Timmy... you need to give Satan your left nut."

gillis said...

@Van Hab: Very nice, i like

Moey said...

@ Shutdown,

Correct me if I'm wrong but from what I've seen Youppi appears to be a eunich. Hence the sharp knife and red wine.

lawyergirl77 said...

Well done VanHab. I knew that there was a secret story behind all that flopping bullshit.

Pension Plan Puppets said...

Shut down a wet behind the ears rookie, the ZombiePleks, and Kovalev the lazy enigma? Man, that Chara is good.That's not what you guys were calling them in the salad days ;)

And there's got to be some irony in calling the Bruins overrated as a Habs fan during the 'centennial' season right?

God, this is going to be an awesome series.

Shutdown said...

moey-

i thought he tucked it back, à la Buffalo Bill.

Sonia said...

@L Dude - The only flaw in your analysis is the fact that Lucic still hasn't learned to walk upright. This may put him slightly behind Chara..


...And Darwin just turned Creationist in his grave.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

I'd say Chara is more evolved. I actually liked him when he was with Ottawa (ahh, don't throw stuff at me!). Besides, by playing well in Ottawa he made Mike Milbury look like the biggest fucking moron since Don Cherry forgot how to count and lost a playoff series.

Lucic is Sean Avery with less wit and fashion sense.


And fuck the fuckers who are predicting "Bruins sweep" or "Bruins in 5". This series is going to 7, you fuckers. We're losing games 2-4 on purpose so that
a) Laraque gets to assrape you for 3 extra games
b) The 2002 playoffs haunt your simple ape-dreams
c) We get to show you fuckers up in your hometown. What are you going to do - start a riot?

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

@HF10, Lawyergirl77: Yeah, most habs fans share some things in common with bruins fans like: hot chicks (or dudes lawyergirl77, whatever's your fancy), booze, good hockey, and hating those fucking guys over the border.

Being a Bruins fan cannot be cured by meds. Only Red Sox, Celtics, and Patriots championships. (Boston is so full of bandwagon fans, I love it)

@Jaybird, I hope he does too because the habs definitely need a guy to fight thornton instead of, you know, a player.

@Les Glorieux, that's a pretty bad condition. You may want to get it checked out.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Correction: so that the 2004 playoffs haunt your dreams.

Though we fucked the Broons in 2002, too, so s'all good.

Moey said...

@ Shutdown,

Maybe Kessel wants to eat Timsbits a la Hannibal.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

@SSHF

Keep living in the past. This series will be played in the present.

gillis said...

what's happenned to the good ol days when a game against the bruins meant a fo sho win. I sure miss that.

The bruins are a bunch of Youppi's

gillis said...

@Cornelius: I hate ppl who say that. Its so true but when people say that, the only thing that i can ever think of as a comeback has to do with the past.

Habsfan10 said...

@PPP:

I'm the one who has always called out Kovalev as a lazy no-goodnik, and I once compared ZombiePleks to Sebastien Bordeleau. And that was before they both sucked rocks this year. And one would hope for Julien's sake that Chara could shut down a rookie six months removed from college. Pacioretty might be good one day, but he isn't exactly Ovie.

lawyergirl77 said...

Patches was already pretty frickin' good - at least he *gasp* HIT people when he was on the ice. I almost wish he was up with the Habs right now so that he could get some NHL playoff experience.

I say "almost" because I know he's going to get some good experience with the Dogs and WAY more ice time. But still- he belongs with the big team.

And Cornelius - I'd start ragging on the Pats and Celtics, but I don't like to kick a guy when he's down. There will be no ragging on the Sox, though. I think that's a commandment, or something.

Boob Gainey said...

Cornelius - serious question (you seem like a good guy and I don't want to appear mean or anything) but ...

when the Habs knock you out of the playoffs how bad do you think it's going to hurt?

Worse than 2004? Or more like last year.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ Cornelius
And the series will be played with Milan Lucic on your roster, no matter how hard you wish that he were Cam Neely.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Lawyergirl, I've drank away the pain that the Pats hurt me with.

If the Habs/Bruins series breaks my heart there will be much depression followed by denial

@Gillis, good point. However, it's the recent past. I'm not even bringing up this past season's 5-0-1 record.

@Boob, I wasn't even into sports much pre-lockout. What a fool I was. (I know, I know, now I'm a terrible person. Whatever)

@SSHF
You are correct. Can you imagine? That would be awesome. Oh well, I guess we'll have to make do.

Holy Flannel said...

Wow, I'm impressed, Cornelius. You must be a one in a million Bruins fan. All open-minded and comprehensive, taking every hit and just responding back. You're a good guy...

Still hope you suffer painfully along with your precious team, though.

I wish the fucking puck would just drop already. Urge to kill, rising... rising...