Sunday, April 19, 2009

Somebody Wake Me When The Playoffs Begin: Bruins 5- Habs 1

Indifference: The Habs, dead. Us: Not giving a shit

Well, what happened last night was exactly what I feared for Game 1. It's worse now to have this occur in Game 2.

Picture this series like what you tell yourself when you go to the dentist: "It'll be over soon".

I hate everything about the Canadiens right now. I hate the way they've been coached. I hate the total lack of giving a shit espoused by the entire second line. Ship the two Kostitsyns out of this city pronto, far, far from our nightclubs and our women. Carey Price is so unstable I want to check him into the Douglas. The young D is scrambling its way into one lapse after the other. The Penalty Kill looks like a geometry class,  a Bruin mission to carve out every single possible hypothenuse in the offensive zone.

I hate how the team can start out strong only to collapse into a numb shell after a single goal against. I hate how soft the Canadiens have become. I hate that the Lapierre line only has thuggery to show for after two games, and that Latendresse has not had a single interesting offensive incursion since this all began.


Where is Saku Koivu? Quote me folks, we are watching his last days in a Canadiens uniform and as much as it may pain me to say, it's time. For him, for us, for everyone. Bob Gainey? It's time. For him, for us, for everyone. How many rounds has this team won under Gainey? How many moral victories are we to absorb as redeeming realities?

No more. Let this series die as quickly as it began. Two more games of this almost hockey and we're done and can turn our attention towards something that is worth our while, and that may just include watching a mighty Bruins team throw its weight around for a couple more months.


gillis said...

wow, thats harsh

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, we'll take the next two.

Beeg said...

Saku Koivu has two points and three hits (I think all of them against Chara, who is double his size), despite playing on a line with Georges Laraque. Not that he couldn't be doing more, but he's having an acceptable playoffs. Considering the softness of some of the Habs' younger and bigger players (Lapierre, Latendresse), Koivu looks like a downright star.

More importantly: who'll replace him (you know, once Plekanec is banished)?

lawyergirl77 said...

4 - I agree with almost everything in there, except for your parts about Saku. He gives a shit and is playing like it. Unfortunately, as he gets older, his small size is starting to catch up to him and impede his effectiveness.

Add me to the list of people who are BITTERLY disappointed by the non-issue that is the Maxime Lapierre line.

gillis said...

We're fucked

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

so, how long does it take to rebuild a failed rebuild?

olivier said...

So now we are down to blaming the Lapierre line?

Christ, are we fucked or what? These guys were our fourth line at the start of the year... Kyle fucking Chipchura was suppose to force Lapierre to RW. For this year, I'm cutting them some slack.

We are making an "issue" out of the lck of production of a line made of two guys scoring 12-15 goals a year and one guy scoring 5-10 goals a year?

I need a drink.

Robbie said...

Open Letter to Mr. Gainey,

Dear sir,

While i truly fucking appreciate (oopppsss sorry i thought for a minute there i was commenting on the Four Habs Fans blog) that at a time (around the Jurassic period) you were considered the best offensive and defensive player in the world. However that notwithstanding you fucking suck as a coach and GM. Due to this fact i would like to make the following recommendations in the spirit of not simply being one of those critics but by offering some sound advice.

1. I have accumulated about 1, 285,490 air mile points and i am more then willing to lend them to the team (I know boy George is short on cash) so you can fly the two tit brothers, kovi, and all the other Russians back to UKHTA (which no one cares where that is but I'm sure given the Canadiens performance Air Canada would be more then willing to fly them too.

2. Take H4's advice and commit Price to the Douglas, its not even that far away and you can call over one of the Russian mafia guys to drive him there.

3. Immediately begin the process of emptying out your desk and packing your bags. We loved you Bob but we just can't do this fixer upper relationship anymore.

4. Please in the good name of God if you have any more pull before leaving do not let Savard get anywhere near the direction of the team.

5. Hire the Russian mafia to get rid of all those FUCK ASS, TALKING FACE ASSHOLES over at RDS

6. Please advise Koivu that Lap Land is looking for some sheepherders and the position is open right after the series ends with Boston.

7. Oh Bob, again i know your leaving but could you tell whoever it is that the Canadiens actually need a quality Coach and some quality players regardless of if they can speak French or not.

Anyways Bob, have a good summer, hope you get some time to relax. Look at it this way its almost over.

Your fucking friend,


lawyergirl77 said...

Oliver - I for one am not blaming them for the situation. I'm simply disappointed that they aren't contributing, after they proved time and time again that they COULD make an effective contribution in tough games.

It's not the only issue. It is simply one of many.

Comparing their production to the expectations at the beginning of the year is a moot point. If we started doing that for everyone on the Habs roster, I would need a lot more than beer and meth to get me through the day.

lawyergirl77 said...

Robbie - I have no problem with 2, 4, 5 and 7.

I take exception with 1 because Kovy is NOT the issue on this team (although the brothers K absolutely need to be shipped home so that their momma can smack some sense into them).

As for BG getting fired, I think it became inevitable the moment Carbo got fired. His five-year plan could have worked, but a perfect storm of injuries and other intangibles blew it all to hell. Unfortunately, all of the moves he made to fix it only contributed to disaster. Someone needs to come in and start over.

Which sucks. I'm still mourning the "could have been" of a glorious Gainey/Carbo era.

Word verification: C'set plate que l'équipe est TOUTE fuckée.

gillis said...

Im still dreaming for another 2004. (minus the sweep in the second round)

Robbie said...

77 I'm with you on your comments, however the 5 year plan was flawed from the get go. It was originally based on your famous 1-2-2 trap style hockey supported by supposed iron clad Goaltending, when that didn't work they went to the high flying, speed and shuffle hockey, that didn't work either. All of it seemed like fucking emergency management of a cluster fuck in Iraq.

I know Gainey is not the only management asshole responsible for all of this but my medicine cabinet is running out of Valium and i just want to kill anyone who has anything to do with this teams performance.

P.S. I'll be at games 3 and 4 also, I'll be the guy swearing at any mother fucker who decides if we have the lead that its time to sing Ole, Ole..OK time for more Valium

lawyergirl77 said...

Robbie, and everyone around here:

Normally, I think that the fuckers over at La Presse are the problem, and not the solution.

So colour me shocked that this column by Patrick Lagacé perfectly sums up how I feel about the entire season.

I can't quit this team. Even when they suck. Even when I think that they deserve to suck.

I'm still hoping for a crazy comeback. Even if the realistic part of me knows that we have no chance and that there will be no 1993-esque miracles with these guys.

But I'm still hoping and praying and wishing...

And that's the part that sucks the most.

lawyergirl77 said...

Robbie - I hate the Olé Olé during the season at any time before the 3rd period.

During the playoffs, however, it's more of a rallying cry in the stands, and so it doesn't piss me off that much.

Hey Hey Goodbye is still classless unless it's a 5-1 blowout with 2 minutes left in the game.

L Dude said...

Robbie, if you're Gainey's fuck buddy, can't you whisper some ideas in his ear next post-coital, like end the fucking Laraque experiment!

Oh, oh "your fucking friend"...I see what you mean.

I keed, I keed.

Seriously, Laraque's gotta sit next game. Put Stewie in on the 4th line and leave the AFT line alone for fuck's sake!

Sit the Tits with Zombie. Bring back MaxPac and put a line of him, Dags and Dandy together. Can't hurt.

And pray to the Ghosts of the Forum that Markie Mark is back for game 3.

No word on Lucic yet??

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Not only the PK, but the powerplay looks like an exercise in geometry. I don't think the Bruins have scored the same way twice on the PP, yet the Canadiens just set up their stupid equilateral pentagon and stand there. Ugh.

Saku looks finished, and it pains me to say it. I love the guy, I love his heart, and I love him for sticking with us... but he simply doesn't have the stamina or the size to be anything more than a 3rd line centre here. Maybe it's time to do a Mike Modano with him, assuming he wants to stay here.

Gah, I don't even have the heart to write out everything I want to say about this fucking team.

You know what? Halak will be amazing. Habs win the series in 7, with game 7 being a 2-1 OT win with Halak making 50 saves.

We get swept the next round by the Devils or Penguins.

And then we fucking blow this team up over the summer.

Joe said...

I don't think Gainey gets enough credit for the moves he's made.

Metropolit for free - eating pucks on the PK, sportin' the handlebars all the while.
Adding Tangy, BGL, Schnieder, and Lang - all solid players. It's too bad he has a hate on for Andrei Kostitsyn, as he should definitely see more time on the PP.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

The worst part is that Bob chose the fucking worst possible year to have all the players go UFA.

You know who the available centers this year are? There's Mike Cammalleri, who'll get ridiculous money from some Western team. There's Nik Antropov, who'll get ridiculous money from the Rags. And then there's fucking nothing but a bunch of old farts.

The Bulldogs better be ready, 'cuz half the team is coming up next year.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ Joe
The Metro move was a no-brainer, he didn't have to do anything to get him. Tangy seemed like a good move, but he hasn't exactly been overwhelming so far. Schneider was a desperation move to repair a problem he should've foreseen as soon as Streit left. BGL, solid addition?

I will give him credit for the Lang move, though. That was a stroke of genius.

I don't think it's all his fault, he did the best with what he had. He's done a bang-up job of making us respectable again (on paper, anyway), and he's done it with the media breathing down his neck. I'm just unsure of his ability to get us over the hump.

Then again, I doubt anyone could get us over the hump in the next 5 years, barring a freak draft-pick deal or a blockbuster trade for some superstar, neither of which will happen/

Joe said...

I just don't understand how some folks can give Gainey the business like they do. He's been level-headed at the trade deadlines, in that he hasn't traded our prospects for someone foolish like Jokinen - note Calgary is down 2-0 - and can't be faulted for injuries to the collective groin of the team.

Sitting Kovy a while back, finally scratching Plecks and Brisebois, these are all things that needed to be done and he's done them.

BGL - does good work on the boards. He should have been a presence last night, instead of watching Josh Georges fight Bergeron (wtf) it should have been him and... fuck, take your pick, anyone...

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ Joe
It's been an off year for him, I don't think there's any denying that. Of course, it's been an off year for pretty much everyone in the Habs organization, but he's the most exposed figure, so he'll get most of the blame. I hope he doesn't get fired for this travesty of a season, though, as good marketing and bad luck have had way more to do with the collapse than Gainey's moves.

If he quits, though, I wouldn't blame him in the slightest.

Sheriff25 said...

I'm a B's fan and wear my Lucic shirt every game. However, his crosscheck last night was toooooo much. If he doesn't get some time off, I'd be shocked.
What is Gainey going to do with the goalie situation? Price was the definition of ate the fuck up last night. I don't envy his position at all.

This blog, though about a team I fucking hate, is fucking outstanding.

Go B's!

lawyergirl77 said...

SSHF - I heard that he was going to step down voluntarily at the end of the season too. It would also be the way that he would respect his promise to Carbo...

I wouldn't hold it against him at all.

Jaybird said...

How is anyone even trying to blame Koivu and Kovalev? I can't even begin to voice my displeasure with our "fans". We haven't even played a fucking home game yet. Look at Philly today. You guys just like to shit on top of shit and call it shit. What else would you call it?

I finally have lost some respect for Gainey as the Laracque experiment is a complete disaster. How do you split up that AKA line when they were all we had and booming for weeks? Brutal. They will skate together next game. Halak will start and be a miracle.

As for the tits brothers they are young men who were playing pretty awesome until the city they claim to be homes' journalists found the first opportunity to stab them in the face and shit in the wounds it could. I think that is exactly when Andrei stopped scoring.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ lg77
I hope he takes a very long holiday before he gets back into hockey, 'cuz he's certainly earned it. And I hope he and Carbo don't fall out completely over this season.

Great, so does that mean we're getting new ownership (maybe), a new GM, a new coach, and half a new roster all in one summer? Jesus Christ.

Well, one more thing to speculate about this summer.

Jaybird said...

@ lawyergirl - don't let any pessimistic people take your hope away. Were not done yet. We need more fans like you!

@ Joe - Solid points, I loved Gainey's every move until seeing how much losing Huet hurt our young star permanently and these Laracque-line experiments.

@ Sheriff - No one cares that you wear a Lucic shirt every game. I wouoldn't be bragging about even owning the T-Shirt of a coward bully who skates with his tail between his legs anytime a bigger black man chases him.

Anonymous said...

Jesus. This shit makes me want to cry.

Last night was awful and everyone's comments are completely justified. That said, if we hit the net a few fucking times with the score 2-0 or 2-1, this is a completely different game. There, enough for the optimism.

More importantly, there has never been a clearer group of mental midgets in professional sports. I really have no idea how this has happened. As such, the "blow it up" comments all make sense.

Sure, the Habs have a ton of talent, but this group will never go far simply because it doesn't have the backbone required to do so. Gainey has failed, Koivu (whom I will always consider to be great) is no longer the best choice as captain and, as such, needs to leave Montreal, and too many of the younger guys seem to accept their fate far too easily.

In today's NHL, especially as the economy tanks and teams start trimming their budgets (its coming), rebuilding can happen much more quickly than in the past.

Lets just hope the Habs don't retreat behind some franco-wall with new ownership and management. At that point, I just may start cheering for the Oil.

Actually, I kid nobody. I'm like a domestic abuse victim at this point - just going back for more.

/drunken Sunday afternoon rant, apologies for incoherentness

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ Jaybird
Saku is always great in the playoffs, but he needs some help, because he can't do it on his own anymore. And I dunno how anyone can shit on Kovy, the guy is out-performing Malkin and Crosby right now, with a far inferior team.

re: Tits
Combination of retarded media being retarded, headshots (seriously, head injuries to both brothers in one season? wtf), and being stuck with a zombie for most of the season. You'd think Andrei had 9 goals à la Sergei Samsonov this season, but he had 23. Second-highest on the team, highest up til Kovy went super-saiyan in the last 2 weeks. The guy carried us through January, so I don't buy this "he'd rather play in Russia" bullshit. I'd take a 23-goal off-year any day, and he'll be back and better than ever next year.

Even though this season isn't over, I'm optimistic for next year, because maybe, just maybe, there won't be a shitstorm every week, and les boys will be able to playing some fucking hockey.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Hm. Olaf Kolzig is under contract to the Leafs next season, but they have like a bajillion old farts signed, plus that Justin Pogge guy is supposed to be good. I wonder if we can send a spare part their way to get Price's former mentor in the organization? Maybe as goalie coach?

fezworth said...

You know... the quality of trolling in the FHF comments is really disappointing. It's hard to get a real hate on for the opposition when all the opposition fans are so bloody pleasant! (I'm lookin at you, Sherrif25)

"This blog... is fucking outstanding"...

"I may hate the habs, but I love FHF"

"Lucic's crosscheck was toooo much"

Sherrif, Cornelius, PPP, eyebleaf... FUCK. It drives me insane. This is the intertubes people! Then again, you may have a point. Since I expect you to come and gloat, the fact that you're being quite reasonable is what's actually driving me crazy. Ahh, I see your plan now. Evil Genius.


Fuck Hockey.

I love Mats Sundin.

Jaybird said...

@ anon - Wicked drunk post. I'd be there drowning them with you if I didn't play later.

@ south - I completely agree about Saku. He has always been alone and finally when Gainey found him some linemates it was like it was just a dream for Saku as they are snatched away right when it counts.

When oh when is the season Emelin gets on the goddamn plane over here and Subban getting the call to save our franchise.

I truly believe that just one measly goal from either Plekanec or Big Tits can turn everything around in a millisecond. from either could be the swing. Praise be Halak, praise be Halak.

Word verif: proamed

As in Kovalev proamed the ice with a complete lack of respect for the opposing defenders' ability to take the puck from him.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ Jay
Apparently Emelin "hopes to sign a new contract with Ak Bars Kazan".
Fuck my life. I was counting on this guy for an injection of balls into this team.

Agree that a goal by Pleks or Tits would turn this thing around. Cheer up our bench, and the Bruins would be like "they have more than one line? fuckfuckfuck okay Chara, we need you to play 45 minutes a game now".

@ fez
I knew it was too good to be true! The sneaky bastards...

I think both the RDS crew and the CBC commentators provide insightful, objective coverage of the games. You can't go wrong with either of them.

gillis said...

I love Bob.

The first time I doubted him was the Huet trade. I assumed it was going to lead up to something bigger. Now people are hasseling him for not landing Hossa. Well, take a look at the pens, they lost Armstrong, Christensen and Esposito and a draft pick for Hossa and Dupuis. Good thing Bob didnt pull the trigger on a deal like that or this team would be destroyed. The pens were fucked. Once the season went to waste after they got eliminated, they had basically traded away three solid, young players, for Pascal fuckin dupuis.

Landing Lang was great. I was so happy when he pulled it off. Too bad he's fuckin injured. The thing about BGL is that he can do some damage, but nobody knows how to use him. And let me tell you, putting him on the first line is not the way to use him, especially when you split up the best trio of the season. I think BGL should be getting 15 minutes a game but with players like Kostopolous and Stewart, not Kovalev and Koivu. Losing streit must be Bob's second biggest mistake after the huet trade. Too bad he only realized that Streit was king after more then half the season was done. He and I included beleived that it was a team effort on the powerplay, and not simply because of one player, just like what we saw when Souray left. Now we have Schneider who is doing a decent job. Metropolit is great. He must have the best hands on the team (after kovy, obviously, but kovy only likes to use his skills half of the time). Every time Subway gets the puck its like "OOOOHHH, AHHH, silky smooth". Now for the tits bros, I blame the media. From the get-go they didnt like them because they are russian brothers that they assume plot against the team (because thats what russians do in there pare time, apparently). Then theres the fucking gangster thing, involving nothing but booze, women and cars. Plek... fuck you. I have nothin to say about you. Koivu on the other hand, I have something to say about. How can people not like this guy? He has been one of the most consistent players this year. His injury slowed him down quite a bit but he got back up and it seemed that every line he played on always had good chemistry. I love Saku. Rejean trenblay can suck my left nut. About the whole booing saku thing we talked about the other day, i didnt have time to write it but the booing wasnt because he cant speak french, obviously. I think the only person that gives a shit about the french thing, is the media because they think that people give a shit. Sure itwould be nice to see aun nice quebecois comme capitaine but no one would take it off his chest to put it on a french 23 year old, third liner, except for the media. Fuck you Rejean. They were booing because they dont beleive that there was enough leadership from him in the dressing room and that its because of him that Carbo got fired. I dont get how people know what happens in the dressing room. How do they know whos taking a leadership role. Fuck all you know it alls. You dont know shit. As for Carbo, I'm glad he got fired, in fact, it should have happenned alot earlier. He hated the most skilled player on the team. I'm saying this as a know it all because i can somewhat prove it:

-Carbo hates Kovy
-Carbo ask Bob to bench kovy because he thinks that its his fault that the team isnt playing well.
-Bob benches Kovy and team continues to not play well.
-Kovy goes back in.
-Carbo gets fired because it's not Kovy's fault.

And he also got fired for scaring away players like Perezhogin, Grabovski, Rivet and eventually the tits bros and plek. In perez and grabs case, he took these young talented players and brought them into a line-up that was already filled with good players. Carbo figures that since they're so good he'll squish them onto the fourth line. Now perezhogin is playing on the fourth line with some no name shithole that cant receive a pass. He gets 7 minutes a game playing along players that can't play at his level. Since he doesnt produce, he benches him. Those players should have stayed in Hamilton longer. Carbo did the same with plek this season. He had a couple of bad games so he puts him on a line with fuckin greek lightning who can't get his passes and fuckin BGL or Dandy. How is he supposed to get out of his slump while playing with those players, its ridiculous. The only reason Tom plays well with Mad Max and Gui the Tender Bear is because they dont pass, they cycle along the boards then crash the net. I've never seen Kostopolous catch a pass cleanly. And as for Carbo spreading fourth liners through out the line-up, he must have lost his mind. Its the most ridiculous strategy i have ever heard of. The worst was when the habs were playing poorly defensively and werent winning games, so he took gorges and put him on the fourth mine. Now someone please explain to me how taking a solid third defenseman and putting him on a foward line to have 7 minutes of playing time help your defense. What a fuckin idiot. Anyway, back to Bob, this season was filled with injuries, way more then last year, and that was the biggest problem. I dont expect Bob to be able to predict injuries.

thats all for now

gillis said...

this is related to the perezhogin thing: The same thing was happening in Tampa. Melrose was giving stamkos 7 minutes a game on a fourth line and expected him to produce. When he didnt he benched him. Soon after, Melrose got rightfully fired

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Lucic suspended for game 3, Ference traveling with the team, Hunwick done for 3 months










Feel better? Should tide you over until the next Bruins win.

I'm pretty sure you're taking game 3, and I'm sorta happy because I want to look up the habs on Wikipedia for better taunting.

fezworth said...

@Cornelius: Ahh, there we go. All is right with the world again. Thank you. The multiple "YOU'RE GAY" comments were a nice touch!

The sad thing is, I *DO* wish that Lucic was on my team. [sigh]

@gillis: Damn, dude... that was one hell of an analysis.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

The "You're gay" thing is supposed to be to the tune of "Ole."

lawyergirl77 said...

CH - yeah. I figured that. I've heard it before. Ottawa and Toronto do it too.

But +1 for the Broons rant. Made me laugh!!

orangeman said...

I know I sound like a broken record, but if Gainey would have left Halak in net for the last few games of the season I believe we'd be playing Theo and the Caps rather than the Bs, which would have been a much better fit. I don't want to kick a guy when he's down, but Price obviously hasn't worked in the playoffs. The team just looks more shakey and scared in front of him. I blame Gainey for thrusting him into the spotlight too early. Now the damage has been done, and either he needs to be the backup next year or we'll have another loooooong season and short playoffs (if they make it that far). I think Price could have been what everyone wants him to be, but the Habs screwed up his development by being overeager.

Other than that, this would have been a tough series even with Markov in the line up and maybe they would have had a legit shot if Lang was there. Think about it, we lost our leading scorers twice this season, along with out rop defenceman, not to mention that our PP QB is playing injured. I still think this team could do better, but let's be realistic.

The good news is that all this has inflated an already inflated Broons ego as a team. I'm sure they'll get by the Habs, but then they'll be put out in round 2 by the Pens or even Rangers. The Bs are not the class of the East in my opinion, not right now anyway. The Pens are going to the Cup. Write it down!

Daniel Plainview said...

We are turning into the Leafs.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ DP
I'd say the Sens... but the Sens actually made it to the final one year.

Could be worse. At least Price isn't missing practice and speeding around in his white Hummer and getting into fights with teammates.

orangeman said...

Naw, if we were the Leafs we'd be here making every excuse humanly (and sometimes not-so-humanly) possible rather than harping on the team itself.

The league is against us!

The refs are against us!

The ice is against us!

The zamboni is against us!

This leprechaun that only I can see who tells me to burn things is against us!

Burke for PM!

Daniel Plainview said...

when I started following the Habs as a little kid, the Leafs drought stood at 22 years. I thought that was hilarious. we're at 16, soon it will be 20. Thats fucking depressing.

Sheriff25 said...


You don't care if I wear my Lucic shirt? Well fuck you. I'm not going to come over and rub your back as you cry yourself to sleep when the Habs lose like you asked me to.

Not trying to rub it in. I'm a fan of HOCKEY and can acknowledge skill and a good player when I see it. Being pleasant is a hell of a weapon though, isn't it? haha

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Well, if there's one thing to take comfort in, it's that we'll never choke as terribly as the Sharks do. The President's Trophy winners are looking like they might get swept! So much for getting proven playoff performers - were they expecting Claude Lemieux to notch a hat-trick every game?

That's what you get for making Joe Thornton your captain, douchebags!

Word verif: "reiveur". Any person who thinks the Habs might win the Cup this year (I'm gonna say either NJ or Detroit, with Chicago and Vancouver having a chance as long as the tough opponents are taken out for them)

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Jonas Hiller is a beast.

79 shots against, two goals. That's freakin 1.00 GAA, 0.975 save pct.

I want THAT Swiss Mister.